Ring of Detect Invincibility- Illuminates for the caster any enemies who are invincible.
Gauntlets of Minor Spell Defection - Causes all spells level 3 or under cast by the mage to provide positive bonuses to the users enemies, and any negative consequences to the caster and his/her party. (Ex. Casting slow would result in your party slowed, casting haste would mean only enemies are hasted)
Noun of Adjectives. When this strange device is pointed at a magical object, it fires a randomly determined description which sticks to it, imbuing the target with a special power loosely related to the newly attached adjective.
Ring of heat resistance - When you put on the ring and activate the special power, the ring becomes impervious to heat. The same cannot be said of the ring wearer.
Ring of undetectable sneaking - When the wearer activates the ring, 30 feet area around the wearer becomes pitch black and no one is able to see anything, not even through magic, not even the ring wearer.
I think it would be nice if there were some items that sounded just as ridiculous as the ones people have mentioned so far, but that were actually really useful in some very restricted context in a distant corner of the game that most players would be unlikely to notice.
Noober's Digit: Legend has it that this macabre spear was once leaned on by the young godling Bhaalspawn of which popular tales currently speak. Unlike normal spears the shaft does not end in a blade but a grubby, severed hand which has been tightly bound to the end, all the digits curled save the index finger so that when the weapon is used to thrust at an enemy the finger pokes irritatingly. Though causing no damage it is accompanied by a disembodied voice of questionable intelligence which intones, "how about now?"
Highly sought after by thieves it is said that, when used from concealment it may drive its target mad with unstoppable rage, causing him/her to slay their fellows.
"Bigby's Staff Hand of Poke and Grab"- Allows you to cast any Bigby's Hand spell, but it can only pinch your opponent's ass, poke their body or goose them, even through armor.
Armor of the Ecdysiast- This armor seems fine until worn into combat. Then the wearer will throw it off in favor of running about in the altogether and "letting it all hang out".
Whip of the Flagellant- This whip, when inflicted on oneself or others, allows the user to heal either himself or the target. If the target, all damage done by the whip is transferred to the user, or vice versa. Additionally, use of the whip feels good despite the damage being done, and the target will want to keep on using it long after the damage is healed.
Bandeau armor- This armor appears to be nothing more than stretchy pieces of fabric, but when worn, protect as well as Plate Mail for next to no weight.
Demonskin armor- This leather armor is bright red and includes a headpiece (complete with horns), a tail and hooved boots. Anyone wearing the armor takes on the appearance of either a succubus or an Incubus/Cambion.
Rebellious Headband- Anyone wearing this headband is able to act as a thief of a level equal to whatever level they are, but turns their alignment to the chaotic while it is worn.
Bracers of Mortification- Does 10 damage to wielder when worn. Adds +5 hit points to all healing spells cast by a priest, and causes the priest to cast as if he was actually two levels higher for determining spell effects and duration. Damage taken from donning the bracers cannot be healed while they are being worn.
Wand of Spoilering: Has limited Charges. Whenever the wand is used, it reveals the user a piece of information about the game story, occationally yelling "You are a bhaalspawn", such as "Aerie will get pregnant!"
Ring of Protection R18+: Go figure...
Ring of Protection R21+: Now also protects americans from getting arrested when buying alcohol.
Wand of Shamoning: The caster bursts into random spastical movements, occasionally doing the moonwalk. HYY-HYY!
Scroll of disappointed expectations: Does nothing. No, really, it does absolutely nothing!
Bag of Feng-Shui: Randomly re-arranges your inventory, because the chi is flowing better that way.
Not every facepalm is warranted, and this ring occurred during one such instance. A Wizard who's name was lost to the ages was in a heated debate, when his opponent facepalmed at a believed stupid argument with no facts. The arrogant Wizard, feeling slighted, proved his argument and then hastily enchanted this ring to give to his adversary as a "truce".
This ring increases the wearers intellect when worn, but causes the users hand to always be applied in a facepalm motion, thus limiting them to only 1 hand.
Stats:
Cursed
Sets the wearers Intellect to 18 when equipped (or increases the wearers intellect by 2 can't decide).
While equipped, the hand on which this ring is worn is locked in a permanent state of facepalm. The wearer may not dual-wield, or use a shield while this ring is worn. Furthermore, the wearer may not use any two handed weapon except for a Crossbow, which is capped at 1 attack per round no matter what due to having to load and fire with the same hand.
Additionally any spellcasting which requires your hands to cast has an additional 2 casting time added to it, to make up for the loss of one hand.
Comments
Gauntlets of Minor Spell Defection - Causes all spells level 3 or under cast by the mage to provide positive bonuses to the users enemies, and any negative consequences to the caster and his/her party. (Ex. Casting slow would result in your party slowed, casting haste would mean only enemies are hasted)
Wand of Lighting - When used the wand will glow.
When this strange device is pointed at a magical object, it fires a randomly determined description which sticks to it, imbuing the target with a special power loosely related to the newly attached adjective.
Braces AC6 - protects the teeth of US players but holds up the pantaloons of those from the UK.
+10 to charisma
50% against feet fungus infection
10% to walk on water
* Aqua system support upgrade availability
* Recyclable
Ring of undetectable sneaking - When the wearer activates the ring, 30 feet area around the wearer becomes pitch black and no one is able to see anything, not even through magic, not even the ring wearer.
Slippers of Vecna - Incredible cosy, but also invokes envy in every barefooted undead on the map.
Short Sword of Backscratching - for when you've got an itch you can't reach
Dinner Plate Armour - protects you from damage and you can eat your tea off it
Band of the Ponytail- When worn in the hair, turns the user into a Centaur.
Cloth of Yoohoo- Attract the attention of anyone from any distance by waving this and saying "Yoo hoo!" User must be in line of sight for it to work.
Wand of the Cat House- Attracts every cat in town to the user for 48 hours.
Potion of (I need a) Heroism which transforms the user into Bonnie Tyler for 1 round per level.
When I think of Ska, I think of Bad Manners.
Ska? This is Ska!
Slightly off-topic, but fun when turned up loud.
Products of Madness:
Lute of Thread Hijacking - turns any thread into swinging your arms, skinhead stomping, one drop madness. Only usable by bards.
The most hideous of curses.
On hit: cast cure moderate wounds on target.
Unlike normal spears the shaft does not end in a blade but a grubby, severed hand which has been tightly bound to the end, all the digits curled save the index finger so that when the weapon is used to thrust at an enemy the finger pokes irritatingly. Though causing no damage it is accompanied by a disembodied voice of questionable intelligence which intones, "how about now?"
Highly sought after by thieves it is said that, when used from concealment it may drive its target mad with unstoppable rage, causing him/her to slay their fellows.
Armor of the Ecdysiast- This armor seems fine until worn into combat. Then the wearer will throw it off in favor of running about in the altogether and "letting it all hang out".
Whip of the Flagellant- This whip, when inflicted on oneself or others, allows the user to heal either himself or the target. If the target, all damage done by the whip is transferred to the user, or vice versa. Additionally, use of the whip feels good despite the damage being done, and the target will want to keep on using it long after the damage is healed.
Bandeau armor- This armor appears to be nothing more than stretchy pieces of fabric, but when worn, protect as well as Plate Mail for next to no weight.
Demonskin armor- This leather armor is bright red and includes a headpiece (complete with horns), a tail and hooved boots. Anyone wearing the armor takes on the appearance of either a succubus or an Incubus/Cambion.
Rebellious Headband- Anyone wearing this headband is able to act as a thief of a level equal to whatever level they are, but turns their alignment to the chaotic while it is worn.
Bracers of Mortification- Does 10 damage to wielder when worn. Adds +5 hit points to all healing spells cast by a priest, and causes the priest to cast as if he was actually two levels higher for determining spell effects and duration. Damage taken from donning the bracers cannot be healed while they are being worn.
Has limited Charges. Whenever the wand is used, it reveals the user a piece of information about the game story, occationally yelling "You are a bhaalspawn", such as "Aerie will get pregnant!"
Ring of Protection R18+:
Go figure...
Ring of Protection R21+:
Now also protects americans from getting arrested when buying alcohol.
Wand of Shamoning:
The caster bursts into random spastical movements, occasionally doing the moonwalk. HYY-HYY!
Scroll of disappointed expectations:
Does nothing. No, really, it does absolutely nothing!
Bag of Feng-Shui:
Randomly re-arranges your inventory, because the chi is flowing better that way.
Not every facepalm is warranted, and this ring occurred during one such instance. A Wizard who's name was lost to the ages was in a heated debate, when his opponent facepalmed at a believed stupid argument with no facts. The arrogant Wizard, feeling slighted, proved his argument and then hastily enchanted this ring to give to his adversary as a "truce".
This ring increases the wearers intellect when worn, but causes the users hand to always be applied in a facepalm motion, thus limiting them to only 1 hand.
Stats:
Cursed
Sets the wearers Intellect to 18 when equipped (or increases the wearers intellect by 2 can't decide).
While equipped, the hand on which this ring is worn is locked in a permanent state of facepalm. The wearer may not dual-wield, or use a shield while this ring is worn. Furthermore, the wearer may not use any two handed weapon except for a Crossbow, which is capped at 1 attack per round no matter what due to having to load and fire with the same hand.
Additionally any spellcasting which requires your hands to cast has an additional 2 casting time added to it, to make up for the loss of one hand.