@Son_of_Imoen You say you have mental problems but your posts seem logical to me. It makes sense to think of leaving this world. Who has the right to judge you? No one. Only the ones who love you will hurt but that's it. Your state only cares to have you as a taxpayer. Most of the people will sympathize you out of fear that the same thing may happen to them or just to feel better that they have done something "good". See, that's how brainwashed they are by religious views like "Do good to receive good."
But think about that. We don't know how we got here on this Earth. If things are bad for us and we don't try to change them, fix them, struggle with our hardships, then they won't get away. Since we are unfamiliar with the afterlife but know that taking a stand means something here in life, it probably means something 'beyond'. I cannot explain life, so I cannot deny afterlife as a possibility and that's a comforting thought.
P.S. Don't take me too serious although I am not joking.
Ok, I just gotta vent about the BSN, or rather, the Bioware Social Network... I left the place a while ago, but as I was sitting behind my desk today, my mind got carried away to the past few years of my life. Two of those years, I was a member of this site. I honestly can't believe I beared that site for so long. The community there is goddamn awful. Lots of scum there, no kidding. Serious, life-wrecking scum. From the top of my head: A boy who pretended to be a 40-something married Scot, seducing women and misleading people in general, very narrowminded gay people who get offened at the slightest thing you say to them (also VERY flamboyant people who think life revolves only about their gender and sex in general, no kidding), a couple consisting of a young girl and an older guy posting bondage pictures on the news activity feed, a crybaby and stalker with serious mental issues, the list goes on and on... I've had all of these people on my friendlist for a while, and seen the horror with my own eyes. The behaviour of some people on that site is just horrible and abysmal. More than once I had the urge to just punch something because it all got to me so much. I think those two years I was a member there have greatly influenced me. I've become more cynical and loathsome towards people. Oh, I almost forgot the serial seducer whom I'd almost married. Let me tell you, I'm glad I got rid of him. He made my life into a hell. I was so naive back then. I let other people's idiocy hurt me. It was foolish to have such an emotional investment in a place and people I didn't even know personally. I got misled and mentally abused. I'm glad I pushed that place out of my life. It's one of the reasons I don't have Facebook. I'm pretty much done with social networks, even though I ocassionally feel the need to rant someplace (that would be these forums, sorry for that, folks ). But then we all need to vent our frustration now and then, right? So, if I can ever advise you... Don't go there. You'll drown in countless topics about Mass Effect 3's ending, sex and the inclusion of more romances, oh, and let's not forget, MOAR VIRTUAL PIXEL SEX and groups obsessing over characters such as Mass Effect's Tali and Miranda, more specifically, their hips and ass. It's a disgusting place. Most recent thing I heard of that place is that there was a girl who seemed innocent (I had a few talks with her), but who actually was a thief comitting plagiarism over various sites such as DeviantArt and FanFiction.net, posting stolen artworks over multiple accounts with a similiar username. I'm telling you, people there are crazy, bigoted and narrow-minded like hell. Just...Don't go there. I don't want to see you all get tainted to the core, 'k. *flips a table* There, that's better.
I went there too, and my experience wasn't that bad? :P Sure, there are moronic people like you described, but there are also interesting discussions about games like Dragon Age and my love for no-reload-threads grew because of the cool Baldur's Gate-people there.
About your newsfeed or that guy who treated you horribly... I just kick people of my feed in Facebook if they annoy me. So that I won't be annoyed beyond a roll of the eyes. From what you talk about here I gather that you are a cool girl, but perhaps you shouldn't let things (read: assholes?) get to you so much. It only damages your own happy thoughts.
Try not to mind about other people. There are idiots all over the place - hell, chances are even you have acted like it towards another person without even knowing it. I probably have, at least.
I do know about myself that I can blurt out insensitive things or accidently hit you in the face with something on occasion too. :P The risks of being in contact with me, I guess.
@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud By the way, I advise using some spaces in your posts as it makes it easier for people to read and more likely to give you advice, like I said in another thread.
Personally, I have not experienced such drama on the BSN. But I don't visit the Mass Effect/Dragon Age forums at all.
I only check out the BG, NwN and NwN2 ones. Maybe the Jade Empire one too. There, people are much more mature, very nice and helpful. The more popular a game is, the more idiots it attracts. That's not new. See all the Call of Duty and WoW kids.
@vnavekul: Thanks, and you're right. As for your experience, I'm glad to hear you had a better time than I did. I guess I just had bad luck and encountered the worst of the worst. I should wear a good luck charm, heh. I'm actually more of an introvert. Hell, I believe even my family doesn't really know me. I'll be happy to be married and finally have a life of my own. Less idiots, less stress. Just focusing on my own personal happiness, y'know. I've had too little of that as off lately. I can't help things getting to me. I guess I'm easily provoked. On the other hand, it is sometimes hard to just mind my own business while seeing the world go bonkers because it's run by a bunch of inept amateurs. In any case, I won't go back to that site. I'm fed up with Mass Effect, I'm fed up with Dragon Age, and most of all I'm fed up with the fanbase. As much as I loved and supported the old Bioware, they are no more.
@Archaos: most of the time I use my smartphone to visit this site, and it's hard to edit text. My PC also recently crashed, which doesn't help things either. I'm afraid I can't do much to make my posts look prettier.
And here's a few words of wisdom for everyone: "The less you care, the happier you'll be."
Believe me, it's true. And happiness by definition is the absence of worries or troubles. But it's up to you whether you CHOOSE to worry about something or not.
If you want to stop caring about something that does you no good then say: "It means nothing/It doesn't matter/I don't care". If you keep repeating that in your mind when you start worrying about something against your will, then it will become a habit and it won't affect you.
And don't worry if you don't have a choice about the posts.
Speaking of caring, I find myself caring far too much about things I can't affect upon, and that ultimately do not even affect me any. Stuff like the state of the world, the pollution, the war on the other side of the world and general unhappiness, and so forth. It's kind of inconvenient.
@Chow: I can understand. I care and worry too much about people ruining their own life, which I can do nothing about. There was someone I was on friendly terms with, who then fell in love with a girl living miles away from him. He was 16, she 20 and already mother of a little girl. On top of that, she behaves totally irresponsible (she swears a lot, gets drunk often and attracts trouble in general). To me, I can only feel this isn't a healthy relationship. The family of the guy doesn't fully accept her (he wasn't allowed to go see her in the States) and the girl is having a court case right now. And then I think...What a waste. What an incredible waste to fall for such a troublesome person, to waste your youth on such a person and basically become a father of a child that isn't yours. Mind you, he's only around 16. As I had seen this scenario before, I warned him that this 'love' would lead nowhere. He of course didn't listen. Instead, he became very smug and arrogant. It broke our friendship. I honestly try to not care anymore, but it is hard to see a person throw his life away for hopeless idealism (last time I checked, he was rambling about how exclusivity ruins relationships, so basically how it's ok to desire another person from time to time, and I facepalmed so hard. Clearly he's got no clue what love is really about. He was talking about 'wants and needs', and how the other partner had to fulfill those. Why else would you love them, right? Yeah dude. I think love is more than just fulfilling 'wants and needs', but maybe I'm getting old and don't understand the newest trends concerning love amongst teenagers.
You know what I hate? What I absolutely HATE? Hypocrites. The kind of people that make you look bad while still appearing sweet and angelic to other people. You see, there's this girl on the BSN (Bioware Social Network) I talked about earlier. In one of our conversations, I dared call her a tomboy. She made a HUGE fuss about that, even though she met all characteristics of a typical tomboy (swearing, acting 'cool', etc). It went to the point that I received messages from other people asking me what the hell I had said to their dear poor friend. Now, months later after me having left the place, I check her profile for shits 'n giggles, and see she nicely describes herself as Jack from Mass Effect, a typical tomboy. She even uses the word tomboy herself as if it's a universal fact. The thing which almost drove me off the site is now apparently accepted as a universal fact without any problems. I was, like, 'you little *censored*' when I read that. I really, really can't stand people like her. Aside from the fact she's a 20-year old mom who gets drunk every. Friggin'. Evening. I sympathize with her daughter. Poor kid.
@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud I know the temptation of checking an online place where you left 'for shits and giggles', but imho it's a temptation you should resist. Like you just found out, it can lead to resurfacing of old frustrations why you left that place in the first place and making you unhappy. It's like scratching the crust of an old wound: it only starts the bleeding again and prevents the healing effect of time passing taking place. Focus on positive things instead. Seems you feel at home here, so stick to this place. Reliving frustrations of the past doesn't help you.
That's a bit of advice from me. @everyone_in_this_topic: An update on how I am doing: I've been taking vacation for one-and-a-half weeks, been on a mini-cruise to Newcastle for a day and two nights, spent a week at home, than went with a weekend with my family (both were already planned, but by taking time of in between instead of working I made it into a continous vacation period). Went to work too fast however, yesterday I felt 1. down, 2. sick, 3. tired and 4. anxious and scared when going outdoors.
My problem is (and my strength as well, your strength is usually your weak side as well), I'm too driven, I got too much desire to do something good, to step up for people's rights, and it makes me an enthuastic worker for the interest of people with mental illnesses as well as the poor in other countries, the environment etc., but at the same time that enthusiasm makes me bounce to the limits of what I can actually handle mentally. I think logically, like @Djimmy said, I'm not 'crazy', but alas I'm mentally not too healthy in another way. A metaphore I like to describe what's wrong with my brain is trying to run sophisticated graphical programs on a Pentium II computer: there's just too much info the computer is trying too push trough it circuits and it easily bogs down in hangups. A hangup for me meaning tiredness, depression, suicidal thoughts.
At the same time it's the same driven-ness that keeps me alive: I know I got lots of qualities, am very verbose, got a lot of relevant knowledge I share with politicians etc., am very driven and help organise or attend meetings were the input of a client of mental health case's perspective is much appreciated. On top of that, my family and friends love me very much and I don't feel like deserting them. But there's so much Elend in this world I would like to escape from. Like what I read yesterday on the msn-homepage, when logging out my hotmail, there was a train robbed, in France, by some 20 armed teenagers who took the passenger's money and phones. And I find myself imagining the anxiety of those people and feeling very scared myself because of that, just because of the empathy I experience.
A final metaphor: I often compare myself with a Porsche engine in a Volkswagon superstructure: the engine wants to roar and soar, but the superstructure quickly starts shaking and trembling for not being able to handle such drive and spirit. Still, I couldn't imagine being anybody else, but rationally, it's not very, well, rational, to not be happy until the whole world is without poverty, oppression etc. Yet that's how I feel.
@Son_of_Imoen News in the media is almost always by definition bad news. I was pretty pissed as well when i read about the numerous fistfights in dutch nightlife the past weeks.
Personally, what keeps me "sane" is realizing that I as an individual can do very little about it. I know it can be difficult but try to distance yourself from those events a bit.
There's a lot of injustice in this world that we as individuals really can't do much about. Wether it's robberies in Paris, Wars in Syria or US kindergarten shooting sprees. These are all events that obviously require to much cultural and political change for one individual to solve by himself.
I start the day by hating all creation and the horrors it has wraught, but then again, I'm not a morning person. By the time the sun sets, I'm usually quite chipper.
Personal whine; I've mentioned in posts past that I had a slattern of an ex girlfriend who spent three quarters of a year threatening and emotionally blackmailing me while draining my entire bank account. Now we're 2,5 years later and I've finally managed to index the damage done to my credit cards (She had my personal information changed so when I called to verify, my *real* information was incorrect). Even though I've been paying off 100,- a month for the last 2,5 years, apparently I still owe the card company 1700,-. I sold all of my stocks recently to have a a slightly better buffer for unexpected expenditures (or, well, *a* buffer) which is now sorely depleted.
I'm tired and pissed that after all this time, I'm still paying for her (and no, she carefully made sure she's not legally responsible for any of this so she wouldn't have to pay a dime). Thankfully, this should be the last thing I'm wrapping up. No vacation this year though. Now I'm going to do some Mass Effect 2, shoot some people in the face with a high powered sniper rifle.
@Drugar: You're just like my boyfriend then when it comes to mornings. He can also be quite grumpy at that time of the day, even though I haven't seen him like that myself yet, but he's told me about it. On another note, that sucks for you, man. As someone who has also been abused by someone whom you thought loved you, I can fully understand. Even now, one year later, I can only feel disgust and contempt when I think of my ex. Realising he was just toying with my feelings in the exact same way he had done with other girls has made me... cynical about humankind, to say the least. At least it opened up my eyes and made me grow stronger. Is there really nothing you can do to break from her financially as well?
The day the public traffic works properly and busses arrive/depart on time is the day I will start to effectively pay for bus tickets. Otherwise it's just a waste of money.
How far do you need to go? If it's not on the other side of the city or something, try bicycle: it's cheap, keeps you fit, and won't harm the enviroment.
I don't understand this phenomenon where two people love each other and then they become exes and there is nothing that they hate more than each other. Seems a bit odd to me. Of course I myself am rather odd compared to most people.
I have never been anything but single tough so I have no experience in this area.
Well, when you initially date someone, of course you only try to show them your better side, and they do the same thing to you. So you'll get this feeling that the other person is The One for you, and it's likely to be mutual. But then you get to know each other better, warts and all, which can come as a nasty surprise.
Sometimes it's legitimately a case where you and the other person aren't meant for each other, or one half turns out to be a manipulative douche. But other times it could be salvaged if you tried a little, and a lot of people seem to give up early. Relationships are all about trying and improving, too.
Hmm. When I think about myself being in a relationship I sometimes worry that I would be the kind of guy that has a ton of hidden flaws that would scare girls away. Of course I haven't even figured out how to get a girl to like me in the first place so I could be getting ahead of myself. As much as I like my condition it can be difficult to handle sometimes.
@Tresset: Trust me, not all girls fall for a pretty face and a ton of muscles. I would honestly admit that my boyfriend isn't the most handsome guy in the world, in fact, when I first saw his picture he sent me, I thought he totally didn't fit my tastes, hehe. Yet we kept in touch, and what eventually attracted me most in him was his personality and his heart of gold. When it comes to his personality, he is the perfect guy for me and I couldn't call myself happier to have found him. Most people lose their prettiness as old age comes around anyway and wrinkles take over. Of course I had crushes on pretty guys in the past, but it never was something serious and usually one-sided. I'm not saying that a handsome guy can't have a good personality, I'm just saying that for me, it isn't such a big deal. The only thing my boyfriend really needs to work on is his weight, and he's doing that right now, mostly because he wants to feel better himself too. As for why exes might end up hating each other... You see, love and hate lie close together. They're both very strong emotions, despite being each other's opposite. When I found out the truth about my ex, how could I not hate him? He had hurt my trust in him and undermined my selfconfidence. He had made me look like a fool, and it hurt my pride as a woman, as a human being. I don't like to be weak, afterall. It really was just a mental game. I think you have to experience this yourself to fully understand how it feels like. Not like I'm wishing you bad luck in a relationship, of course.
Also, when you're in a relationship you usually get much closer to another person than in a friendship. You see eachother's lowest points and worst qualities. When you're still happy together, you don't really care and support eachother through those times. When the relationship is not working out and turns sour, resentment begins to grow, both sides feel like they're pulling all the weight, they stop helping eachother in the low points (breeding more resentment) and eventually they start kicking eachother when they're down.
Wisdom is realising when the relationship is not going to work out and getting out before this happens. However, most people, due to either believing it still has a chance (as long as the other person changes their annoying habits) or because they're afraid of being alone, or because they've invested time/money/effort in the relationship and don't want it to go to waste, stay too long in a relationship and instead of a loving companionship it turns into a contest to see who can hurt the other person the most in reperations of previously being hurt. If you're really unlucky, you'll find out a bit into the relationship that the other person (or yourself) is still carrying resentment and anger from a previous relationship and you step right into a warzone. This is why it's usually best to have a waiting period between relationships, especially if they ended badly.
I guess I have been lucky (I'm getting off-topic a bit, as it's something I'm happy with - but it's on par with @Tilly's advice to me to see the bright things in life), I still see my first girlfriend from back when I was a young guy of 22. We've been in a relationship for only one-and-a-half years, but when I decided to split, as we didn't fit after all (she being too laid-back for me, with me being that Porsche-engine that wants to take on the whole world) and I got a bit bored with her, we still stayed friends. I do like her, it's just not someone with a personality that's engaged enough to want to spend everyday with. But we've been seeing eachother in friendship for 20 years now and she even asked me to be her best man at the wedding, which was a very cosy afair: just 4 of us: he had his mother as best woman (is that the proper english word, in Dutch we say 'witness': each partner needs someone for a second autograph), she had me and we went for lunch, the four of us. Most sober wedding I ever experienced, but it befitted her 'don't make a fuss about life' personality.
Have been trying to apply the advice of looking at bright things (by @Tilly) and the advice to not care about things I can't change by @KingGhidorah. I remember Sineàd O'Connor's wording of the Serenity Prayer on one of her albums: 'Got grant me te serenity to accept the things I can't change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to now the difference'. I do wish I had a higher WIS, than just being someone with high INT >_<
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But think about that. We don't know how we got here on this Earth. If things are bad for us and we don't try to change them, fix them, struggle with our hardships, then they won't get away. Since we are unfamiliar with the afterlife but know that taking a stand means something here in life, it probably means something 'beyond'. I cannot explain life, so I cannot deny afterlife as a possibility and that's a comforting thought.
P.S. Don't take me too serious although I am not joking.
About your newsfeed or that guy who treated you horribly... I just kick people of my feed in Facebook if they annoy me. So that I won't be annoyed beyond a roll of the eyes. From what you talk about here I gather that you are a cool girl, but perhaps you shouldn't let things (read: assholes?) get to you so much. It only damages your own happy thoughts.
By the way, I advise using some spaces in your posts as it makes it easier for people to read and more likely to give you advice, like I said in another thread.
Personally, I have not experienced such drama on the BSN. But I don't visit the Mass Effect/Dragon Age forums at all.
I only check out the BG, NwN and NwN2 ones. Maybe the Jade Empire one too. There, people are much more mature, very nice and helpful.
The more popular a game is, the more idiots it attracts. That's not new. See all the Call of Duty and WoW kids.
And here's a few words of wisdom for everyone: "The less you care, the happier you'll be."
Believe me, it's true. And happiness by definition is the absence of worries or troubles. But it's up to you whether you CHOOSE to worry about something or not.
If you want to stop caring about something that does you no good then say: "It means nothing/It doesn't matter/I don't care".
If you keep repeating that in your mind when you start worrying about something against your will, then it will become a habit and it won't affect you.
And don't worry if you don't have a choice about the posts.
That's a bit of advice from me. @everyone_in_this_topic: An update on how I am doing: I've been taking vacation for one-and-a-half weeks, been on a mini-cruise to Newcastle for a day and two nights, spent a week at home, than went with a weekend with my family (both were already planned, but by taking time of in between instead of working I made it into a continous vacation period). Went to work too fast however, yesterday I felt 1. down, 2. sick, 3. tired and 4. anxious and scared when going outdoors.
My problem is (and my strength as well, your strength is usually your weak side as well), I'm too driven, I got too much desire to do something good, to step up for people's rights, and it makes me an enthuastic worker for the interest of people with mental illnesses as well as the poor in other countries, the environment etc., but at the same time that enthusiasm makes me bounce to the limits of what I can actually handle mentally. I think logically, like @Djimmy said, I'm not 'crazy', but alas I'm mentally not too healthy in another way. A metaphore I like to describe what's wrong with my brain is trying to run sophisticated graphical programs on a Pentium II computer: there's just too much info the computer is trying too push trough it circuits and it easily bogs down in hangups. A hangup for me meaning tiredness, depression, suicidal thoughts.
At the same time it's the same driven-ness that keeps me alive: I know I got lots of qualities, am very verbose, got a lot of relevant knowledge I share with politicians etc., am very driven and help organise or attend meetings were the input of a client of mental health case's perspective is much appreciated. On top of that, my family and friends love me very much and I don't feel like deserting them. But there's so much Elend in this world I would like to escape from. Like what I read yesterday on the msn-homepage, when logging out my hotmail, there was a train robbed, in France, by some 20 armed teenagers who took the passenger's money and phones. And I find myself imagining the anxiety of those people and feeling very scared myself because of that, just because of the empathy I experience.
A final metaphor: I often compare myself with a Porsche engine in a Volkswagon superstructure: the engine wants to roar and soar, but the superstructure quickly starts shaking and trembling for not being able to handle such drive and spirit. Still, I couldn't imagine being anybody else, but rationally, it's not very, well, rational, to not be happy until the whole world is without poverty, oppression etc. Yet that's how I feel.
Personally, what keeps me "sane" is realizing that I as an individual can do very little about it. I know it can be difficult but try to distance yourself from those events a bit.
There's a lot of injustice in this world that we as individuals really can't do much about.
Wether it's robberies in Paris, Wars in Syria or US kindergarten shooting sprees. These are all events that obviously require to much cultural and political change for one individual to solve by himself.
By the time the sun sets, I'm usually quite chipper.
Personal whine;
I've mentioned in posts past that I had a slattern of an ex girlfriend who spent three quarters of a year threatening and emotionally blackmailing me while draining my entire bank account. Now we're 2,5 years later and I've finally managed to index the damage done to my credit cards (She had my personal information changed so when I called to verify, my *real* information was incorrect). Even though I've been paying off 100,- a month for the last 2,5 years, apparently I still owe the card company 1700,-.
I sold all of my stocks recently to have a a slightly better buffer for unexpected expenditures (or, well, *a* buffer) which is now sorely depleted.
I'm tired and pissed that after all this time, I'm still paying for her (and no, she carefully made sure she's not legally responsible for any of this so she wouldn't have to pay a dime). Thankfully, this should be the last thing I'm wrapping up. No vacation this year though.
Now I'm going to do some Mass Effect 2, shoot some people in the face with a high powered sniper rifle.
I have never been anything but single tough so I have no experience in this area.
Sometimes it's legitimately a case where you and the other person aren't meant for each other, or one half turns out to be a manipulative douche. But other times it could be salvaged if you tried a little, and a lot of people seem to give up early. Relationships are all about trying and improving, too.
When the relationship is not working out and turns sour, resentment begins to grow, both sides feel like they're pulling all the weight, they stop helping eachother in the low points (breeding more resentment) and eventually they start kicking eachother when they're down.
Wisdom is realising when the relationship is not going to work out and getting out before this happens. However, most people, due to either believing it still has a chance (as long as the other person changes their annoying habits) or because they're afraid of being alone, or because they've invested time/money/effort in the relationship and don't want it to go to waste, stay too long in a relationship and instead of a loving companionship it turns into a contest to see who can hurt the other person the most in reperations of previously being hurt.
If you're really unlucky, you'll find out a bit into the relationship that the other person (or yourself) is still carrying resentment and anger from a previous relationship and you step right into a warzone. This is why it's usually best to have a waiting period between relationships, especially if they ended badly.
Have been trying to apply the advice of looking at bright things (by @Tilly) and the advice to not care about things I can't change by @KingGhidorah. I remember Sineàd O'Connor's wording of the Serenity Prayer on one of her albums: 'Got grant me te serenity to accept the things I can't change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to now the difference'. I do wish I had a higher WIS, than just being someone with high INT >_<