1. If you want her to know you're serious, don't take her to Jamba Juice. Find a restaurant--it doesn't have to be a fancy restaurant, but somewhere with a waiter and menus so that you have a table and some time to small-talk over what you're ordering, without standing in line. Your waiter is your wing-man; if the conversation is starting to lag, a good waiter will know it's an appropriate time to come over and ask how the food is, which can give you both time to think about what you want to talk about next.
2. If you do go to Jamba Juice or a fast-food place, make sure that that isn't the date. Go to a movie, or a park, or an ice skating rink. A date is an event; it's the event that makes it special and memorable, and on a purely chemical level a good event will improve the other person's opinion of you by association.
You bring up a good point that I typically fail to notice as a man; a blunt and oblivious man. I do not care about such petty things, I would rather just spend time with someone. However not everyone is like this.
Don't listen to advice about how to behave once you're on the date (not even the "be yourself" variety). In my experience all advice is bad advice--not because it's not well-intended, but because half the time you spend all your energy trying to remember what the advice was, which creates a dissonance with who you are naturally. The "dating game" is a process of learning who you are with that person, and if you change that formula by adding in awkward suggestions from a message board, you can't learn anything. It sounds like your first date went really well, and you did that without asking the Baldur's Gate forums for help.
Yeah I'm with ya there believe me, no offense to any posters here but I've given very little thought to anyone telling me how to act on a date.
BTW, if it doesn't work out there is always Aerie, Jaheira, Viconia and Neera
lol oh gawd. Sadly of those I'd probably go for Jaheira I mean let's see here Aerie - Emotionally NOT ready for a relationship ... or anything. Just so immature. Viconia - Masquerades as a "strong independent" woman who is actually really insecure. These sorts of ladies in real life will never tell you that you are right, even if it kills them, because of their pathetic pride. Neera - She seems cute and harmless at first, then you learn how little she really cares for other people, (She's CN, not CG!) and that is legitimately concerning. Jaheira - OK so she's sort of your godmother so that's a little creepy. If you can get past that, she's pretty hard to get to open up but for actually understandable reasons.
@Quartz HA! You so remind me of me! A much younger version of me that existed in a time long forgotten, when computer games took an hour to load, mobile phones were the size of briefcases and mis-matching dayglo sock, wrist, headband combos were acceptable fashion accessories for men...
I have only read the post at the beginning so I am presuming you have had some mature advice on relationships and how to make them bloom (like bacteria in a petri dish)
I'm going to give the alternative advice. 4 rules that worked for me. Has worked for others. And could work for you.
Step 1. Realise where you are. You are not in a full relationship. The rules to make a relationship work, only apply, when your in a relationship. However you are in the void. Its the place stuntmen find themselves when they set themselves on fire and jump off the cliff. Your gonna have to do some crazy sh*t to survive.
Step 2. Preen. Ensure you are clean, tidy and dress with style at all times. If smelling like garbage IS your style. Think about celibacy as a lifestyle choice. Don't go to overboard though. Major restyling only works, if you want to change. A bit of reverse psychology. How many women do you pass over because you don't like the way they look? (I assure you that beneath that knitwear is a person wanting to be loved.)
Step 2. Stop caring. This is a hard step. But solve this and your life will only get better. I used to worry about getting laughed at. Now I actively seek it. Who cares if she throws water over your head because you went in for the kiss? A more likely outcome would have been a kiss back... because you waited for her to put that glass down first. And hell, if it all goes wrong, you have a story to tell your friends down the pub.
After a pointless obsessed attempt at getting the girl I wanted. I simply snapped when I watched another tw*t get his kicks with her. So I decided to stick two fingers up at the world and do everything that I stopped myself doing. I literally went from zero to hero in the space of a heartbeat. It works in all things. Worried about the age of a partner? Stop caring. Older women know how to get the most from a young man. Worried she is out your league? Oh boy. You don't care! And it can only go two ways! Your in or your out with a slap, that you can wear with pride because everyone was not watching you and not caring about you until you tell your mates who will honour your attempt, laugh at your audacity and often lemming like follow and recieve an epic slap too. Worried about trying to bag her friend as well? Who cares! It can only go two ways... well it can't but you can worry about that when you get there.
You may realise whilst trying to drink shots of whisky doing a headstand wearing only boxer shorts you have turned into one of those people you hitherto called tw*ts... This means you have started to care again and you need to get a grip quickly.
Step 4. Get a reaction. If you can get on top of the other steps, you can still find yourself in limbo. Ice breakers, chat up lines, whatever you call them work because they get a reaction. A slap is better than an eye roll or a sigh, because she recognised your existence. Smooching is less conflict orientated, and you wull be surprised how peace loving women are. Try these chat up lines that always got me into the most mischief.
[Spoiler]Have you got a mirror in your pocket? I can see me in your pants...
Do your cuff and collar match... I've never seen a blonde beaver before...(you will always get insightful info here...)
(Always useful approaching women hunting in packs of two or more...) Are you lesbians? Because I want what she's eating! [/spoiler]
Now go back to step 1. Are you past the limbo like void and in a relationship, if so go back to caring, because no one will truly care for you if you don't. Or do you need to try again.
Remember... As a teacher I can truly say the fear of failure is the biggest obstacle preventing the joy of experience and learning.
Enjoy the journey. Its epic fails as much as its epic successes. I hope I made it clear that I had quite a few epic fails and success. I remember them all fondly. Just make sure your on a journey and not parked forgotten somewhere gathering rust.
*Women* aren't oblivious to the meaning of an event, no humans are. Ofcourse it sends a message if you take her to McDonalds or suggest a picnic. x____x.
*Women* aren't oblivious to the meaning of an event, no humans are. Ofcourse it sends a message if you take her to McDonalds or suggest a picnic. x____x.
Oh don't get me wrong; if anything, men are even more oblivious. But I was responding to Dee who has that cliché thought in their head that women know everything about romance and men know nothing.
It's just, I've done lots of romantic things, *gotten positive reactions,* and then ... whoop, we're just friends? So please, tell me what I'm missing in those cases, your posts have been very helpful so far.
Well, in those scenarios the sad truth is she's probably just not that into you. It's not because you did something "wrong" or screwed it up or something, so don't blame yourself. It just wasn't meant to be. But you've been nice and you're a great friend and she's not going to tell you to piss off just because she's not interested in you, so... bam, "just friends". It's exactly what it says on the tin. No need to read too much into it.
Okay. Your in the VOID then. Not a relationship of the smooching kind.
Go to...
Step 2. Preen.
Step 3. Get in the don't care zone. (I wish I knew a better word for it...)
Step 4. Tell her you would love to gaze into her eyes over (insert favourite food name here) whilst in a hot tub. And do you think (insert classy restaurant name here) have hot tubs? (let her mumble a reply) Oh well. I better leave my swimming trunks at home. You can still wear a bikini if you want... Are you free on...
Then on the date go back to step 2 and continue until there is a change in your relationship status. And Step 1 comes back into play.
I generally think men and women are both as good at detecting romance.
What is a "positive" reaction on a romantic endeavour? Alot of romantic gestures can be taken just as friendly moves too. If the girl has romantic feelings for you, she will be open to being courted, if she just wants to be friends that is how she will take it. Try to be open about your intentions. I must say though, it doesn't always haft to be you who engage/initiate. A budding relations needs to be about two people.
Finally, I guess Anduin is trolling but still. These "advices" are terrrible.
"Step 2. Stop caring. This is a hard step. But solve this and your life will only get better. I used to worry about getting laughed at. Now I actively seek it. Who cares if she throws water over your head because you went in for the kiss? A more likely outcome would have been a kiss back... because you waited for her to put that glass down first. And hell, if it all goes wrong, you have a story to tell your friends down the pub."
This quote examplifies your whole approach and logic, it is all about you. Nowhere does this take into account how the person you are forcing your kiss on would feel. How do you justify yourself? *Worst case scenario is that you get a glass of water thrown at you* - What the hell? The worst in this scenario is not that you got wet, it's that you made another human being so uncomfortable and violated that she/He was forced to take action against you. The glass of water is only symbolic, this could be anything. And most likely the person would only get into a hurtful inner dialogue which would be even worse.
"Step 4. Get a reaction. If you can get on top of the other steps, you can still find yourself in limbo. Ice breakers, chat up lines, whatever you call them work because they get a reaction. A slap is better than an eye roll or a sigh, because she recognised your existence. Smooching is less conflict orientated, and you wull be surprised how peace loving women are. Try these chat up lines that always got me into the most mischief. "
!!! This attitude is HORRIBLE. You might very well be a nice person with good intentions, but these statements are INCREDIBLY misogynistic. You might be fine with your cheek stinging for a while, but you don't take responsibility for how others feel at all. Once again, slap is symbolistic. This might be "working" for you, but I seriously wonder how you consider something to be "working". And how others who have been approached by you feel.
Honestly, there are loads of things to mention with your statements. I get that you are trying to sound funny and stuff, but you reek of dude-culture. Your approach and attitude is very patriarchial.
I do agree you shouldn't "care" too much though. Care about being silly that is, you should still care about how you make others feel. If you like this Hanna girl, maybe you should tell her. As in, tell her you are interested in pursuing soemthing, dont scare her away with false love-confessions. And be yourself, Anduin is preaching some way of looking past yourself in order to be *crazy and out there*. If you are a person who enjoys doing shots in your boxers, then do it. Don't do it in hopes of shaking past your innerself in order to become a *cool dude who dont give a damn about stuffz*.
This really isn't mean to flame Anduin, if you find a girl who does not mind to be marginalized I suppose you can act however you like since you are both adults. I just could not sit idly by and see these advices being given to an unexperienced guy who seems nice.
Patriarchy isn't good for anyone, and if you are forced to resort giving girls statements that make them "roll their eyes", it is not worth it. And if they roll their eyes when you are saying hi and being nice, they weren't worth it anyway.
I get that this is a very safe and traditional way to look at hetero-relations and genders, but I promise that you will get more out of life and relationships by being an equal.
All the best!
EDIT: And I suppose I do not know Anduins gender, but I DOUBT this is a girl typing. And even if so, girls are not immune to falling patriarchal standards.
And again Quartz, that she *blew u a kiss* doesn't really deserve a DAFUQ, I think it goes well in line with everything else she has been with you, nice and friendly. You are overthinking her cause of your feelings (Do you have feelings or do you just want someone to date?) and cause you lack experience. Take a breather!
I think you are right, that she actually has no romantic interest in me. While I'm not horribly broken up about this realization, it does leave me very confused; I don't think I will ever understand what flirting actually is. I've had times where girls have said/done things that are seemingly less flirtatious and then they confess their crush on me a week later.
And my stance on how I would like my relationships to be ... err, as you say, "hetero-relations" ? I certainly lean more towards something traditional, but I'm not totally balls-to-the-wall on that either. I would hate to be in a relationship where the woman "wore the pants" but at the same time I have little interest in "wearing the pants" myself. I agree that something more or less equal seems to work out best, from my observation.
I think you are right, that she actually has no romantic interest in me. While I'm not horribly broken up about this realization, it does leave me very confused; I don't think I will ever understand what flirting actually is. I've had times where girls have said/done things that are seemingly less flirtatious and then they confess their crush on me a week later.
It varies hugely depending on the girl, even within one culture, let alone across different ones. I used to think that my 'radar' was fairly accurate, and I had a system for 'testing the waters' with girls I liked, until I was pretty much sure whether I had a shot or not. Then this girl pretty much gave me every positive signals for a whole sequence of 'tests', but then turned me down when I asked her out.
I was like WTF?! *does not compute... head explodes in frustration*. Turns out some girls just enjoy the attention and the courtship, and treat it almost like a game. I'm not saying that's the situation with Hannah, just something I've come across before.
I generally think men and women are both as good at detecting romance.
heeeeeeelllllllll no. "Detect Romance" is a female racial bonus. Men need to take it as a High Level Ability when they level up after infinite reloads due to failed romantic encounters.
Dating for us mere men is like fighting mindflayers: you get stupider and stupider each time you screw up until you finally figure things out, then after you get to a certain level it becomes much easier.
Men are like druids, we kinda have our moments but still screw up sometimes until we reach level 14.
I generally think men and women are both as good at detecting romance.
heeeeeeelllllllll no. "Detect Romance" is a female racial bonus. Men need to take it as a High Level Ability when they level up after infinite reloads due to failed romantic encounters.
Dating for us mere men is like fighting mindflayers: you get stupider and stupider each time you screw up until you finally figure things out, then after you get to a certain level it becomes much easier.
Men are like druids, we kinda have our moments but still screw up sometimes until we reach level 14.
I guess my boyfriend is an anomaly? Well, he always did say he was "too feminine" sometimes...
I generally think men and women are both as good at detecting romance.
heeeeeeelllllllll no. "Detect Romance" is a female racial bonus. Men need to take it as a High Level Ability when they level up after infinite reloads due to failed romantic encounters.
Dating for us mere men is like fighting mindflayers: you get stupider and stupider each time you screw up until you finally figure things out, then after you get to a certain level it becomes much easier.
Men are like druids, we kinda have our moments but still screw up sometimes until we reach level 14.
I guess my boyfriend is an anomaly? Well, he always did say he was "too feminine" sometimes...
Clearly he leveled up faster than most of us... damn power gamers! ;p
heeeeeeelllllllll no. "Detect Romance" is a female racial bonus. Men need to take it as a High Level Ability when they level up after infinite reloads due to failed romantic encounters.
Dating for us mere men is like fighting mindflayers: you get stupider and stupider each time you screw up until you finally figure things out, then after you get to a certain level it becomes much easier.
Men are like druids, we kinda have our moments but still screw up sometimes until we reach level 14.
I disagree just from my personal experiences. Most of the women I have encountered are totally oblivious.
I guess my boyfriend is an anomaly? Well, he always did say he was "too feminine" sometimes...
Ahh, you are lucky then. Mind you I'm assuming a bit, but from that statement alone I can guess you got a guy who *is* a bit worried about his manhood (which is good), but is not so worried that he's afraid to show his more caring side. Dudes like this are really cool.
Hah! You guys think you have problems? I have a type of autism. I have a hard enough time with life in general; just getting along with people in a casual/professional sense is a great challenge for me. Making ordinary friends is nigh impossible. Finding a girlfriend seems completely hopeless at the best of times.
Opening lines like this are probably why "making ordinary friends is nigh impossible."
Everyone has issues. And maybe one issue seems less important to the other, watching from a distance; but it's all perspective. Human nature is to make even small problems out to be huge ones. This is both a blessing and a curse; it keeps our race driving forward instead of becoming complacent, but it also keeps us from ever being truly content.
@Tresset I have MANY problems, the first one is that I do not accept others as they are, they HAVE to improve, to even TRY to reach me.
The second problem I have, I know NO ONE is as good as I, so, why should I feel the need of others (what mortals insist to call "love"), if I am muh better?
People are not awerw of anything. You can tell someone "Today we have 293 Kelvin" and they say "Whoah, that's a lot, what's that?" my mega face palm expression is enough to sunk the world in mercury (the liquid metal), but they ask again what that is, ad I should be replying "We have 20 Celsius and more than one moron". I can't see how people is SO unware of all the things.
Also I like much more to be alone that with other people, so, I am something autist too, my hate for public places is so that I don't tend to get out of my home.
Opening lines like this are probably why "making ordinary friends is nigh impossible."
Exactly my point. That is very typical reaction to one of the many social blunders I make on a daily basis. This is why it is very hard to find people that demonstrate both understanding and patience towards me and my condition. This is why the vast majority of the few friends I have had throughout my life have had similar conditions to my own.
(Time for the superfluous clarification to compensate for my social ineptitude.)
I am seriously not trying to be a jerk here. I more than understand how frustrating it is to have seemingly no luck with the ladies, and I really feel for you. I just find it mildly amusing when those who seem to have a social talent that far surpasses my own still complain about their misfortunes... Sorry if I can't offer any advice for you like everyone else; I simply have none to give. If I did give you any advice I am sure it would be terrible. I may have a 26 charisma mantis shrimp as my avatar, but in reality my charisma is more around a 2.
(Hmm, I should probably just stick to the stuff I am good at like beta testing and bug reporting. Getting involved in this social stuff never ends well...)
I generally think men and women are both as good at detecting romance.
heeeeeeelllllllll no. "Detect Romance" is a female racial bonus. Men need to take it as a High Level Ability when they level up after infinite reloads due to failed romantic encounters.
Dating for us mere men is like fighting mindflayers: you get stupider and stupider each time you screw up until you finally figure things out, then after you get to a certain level it becomes much easier.
Men are like druids, we kinda have our moments but still screw up sometimes until we reach level 14.
I guess my boyfriend is an anomaly? Well, he always did say he was "too feminine" sometimes...
Clearly he leveled up faster than most of us... damn power gamers! ;p
He had high WIS and that was P&P :P, or PS:T.....
Sorry for the thousand three posts for this shits, but mobile badly sucks.
@Nonnahswriter is your boyfriend Adem? :P just a joke, if you do not know what Adem are, they're a fictional society that thinks of women as much better, VERY different than drows, since they are all human warriors that dress in red after their training os complete.
Opening lines like this are probably why "making ordinary friends is nigh impossible."
Exactly my point. That is very typical reaction to one of the many social blunders I make on a daily basis. This is why it is very hard to find people that demonstrate both understanding and patience towards me and my condition. This is why the vast majority of the few friends I have had throughout my life have had similar conditions to my own.
(Time for the superfluous clarification to compensate for my social ineptitude.)
I am seriously not trying to be a jerk here. I more than understand how frustrating it is to have seemingly no luck with the ladies, and I really feel for you. I just find it mildly amusing when those who seem to have a social talent that far surpasses my own still complain about their misfortunes... Sorry if I can't offer any advice for you like everyone else; I simply have none to give. If I did give you any advice I am sure it would be terrible. I may have a 26 charisma mantis shrimp as my avatar, but in reality my charisma is more around a 2.
(Hmm, I should probably just stick to the stuff I am good at like beta testing and bug reporting. Getting involved in this social stuff never ends well...)
My friend is autistic, I find her refreshing to be around. She also has a girlfriend and lots of friends, despite being *INCREDIBLY* socially clumsy at times. Like always. This is not meant to put you down, it's encouragement! You can too . I realize that autism is a spectrum though, but still.
And I must ask, why don't you hang with people who are autistic? Or try to date one? Relations are all about expectations, if you hang with ppl who dont expect u to be socially perfect they wont get mad at you for not being so.
Opening lines like this are probably why "making ordinary friends is nigh impossible."
Exactly my point. That is very typical reaction to one of the many social blunders I make on a daily basis. This is why it is very hard to find people that demonstrate both understanding and patience towards me and my condition. This is why the vast majority of the few friends I have had throughout my life have had similar conditions to my own.
(Time for the superfluous clarification to compensate for my social ineptitude.)
I am seriously not trying to be a jerk here. I more than understand how frustrating it is to have seemingly no luck with the ladies, and I really feel for you. I just find it mildly amusing when those who seem to have a social talent that far surpasses my own still complain about their misfortunes... Sorry if I can't offer any advice for you like everyone else; I simply have none to give. If I did give you any advice I am sure it would be terrible. I may have a 26 charisma mantis shrimp as my avatar, but in reality my charisma is more around a 2.
(Hmm, I should probably just stick to the stuff I am good at like beta testing and bug reporting. Getting involved in this social stuff never ends well...)
My friend is autistic, I find her refreshing to be around. She also has a girlfriend and lots of friends, despite being *INCREDIBLY* socially clumsy at times. Like always. This is not meant to put you down, it's encouragement! You can too . I realize that autism is a spectrum though, but still.
And I must ask, why don't you hang with people who are autistic? Or try to date one? Relations are all about expectations, if you hang with ppl who dont expect u to be socially perfect they wont get mad at you for not being so.
@DreamingViks I struggle with initiating social activity. I think all of my past and present friends have been the ones to start talking to me regularly before I felt comfortable starting conversations with them. Most autistic people are very shy so, while I would probably get along great with them, it just never happens because both sides are to shy to make the first move. On the other hand, most of the non autistic people who start talking to me don't usually wind up as lasting friends for some reason. I suppose I could try to join a local group or something, but I struggle with initiative in that respect too. Meeting people online is easier but chances are they won't live anywhere near me.
Comments
Aerie - Emotionally NOT ready for a relationship ... or anything. Just so immature.
Viconia - Masquerades as a "strong independent" woman who is actually really insecure. These sorts of ladies in real life will never tell you that you are right, even if it kills them, because of their pathetic pride.
Neera - She seems cute and harmless at first, then you learn how little she really cares for other people, (She's CN, not CG!) and that is legitimately concerning.
Jaheira - OK so she's sort of your godmother so that's a little creepy. If you can get past that, she's pretty hard to get to open up but for actually understandable reasons.
Dorn, I don't think you're his type...
I have only read the post at the beginning so I am presuming you have had some mature advice on relationships and how to make them bloom (like bacteria in a petri dish)
I'm going to give the alternative advice. 4 rules that worked for me. Has worked for others. And could work for you.
Step 1. Realise where you are. You are not in a full relationship. The rules to make a relationship work, only apply, when your in a relationship. However you are in the void. Its the place stuntmen find themselves when they set themselves on fire and jump off the cliff. Your gonna have to do some crazy sh*t to survive.
Step 2. Preen. Ensure you are clean, tidy and dress with style at all times. If smelling like garbage IS your style. Think about celibacy as a lifestyle choice. Don't go to overboard though. Major restyling only works, if you want to change. A bit of reverse psychology. How many women do you pass over because you don't like the way they look? (I assure you that beneath that knitwear is a person wanting to be loved.)
Step 2. Stop caring. This is a hard step. But solve this and your life will only get better. I used to worry about getting laughed at. Now I actively seek it. Who cares if she throws water over your head because you went in for the kiss? A more likely outcome would have been a kiss back... because you waited for her to put that glass down first. And hell, if it all goes wrong, you have a story to tell your friends down the pub.
After a pointless obsessed attempt at getting the girl I wanted. I simply snapped when I watched another tw*t get his kicks with her. So I decided to stick two fingers up at the world and do everything that I stopped myself doing. I literally went from zero to hero in the space of a heartbeat. It works in all things. Worried about the age of a partner? Stop caring. Older women know how to get the most from a young man. Worried she is out your league? Oh boy. You don't care! And it can only go two ways! Your in or your out with a slap, that you can wear with pride because everyone was not watching you and not caring about you until you tell your mates who will honour your attempt, laugh at your audacity and often lemming like follow and recieve an epic slap too. Worried about trying to bag her friend as well? Who cares! It can only go two ways... well it can't but you can worry about that when you get there.
You may realise whilst trying to drink shots of whisky doing a headstand wearing only boxer shorts you have turned into one of those people you hitherto called tw*ts... This means you have started to care again and you need to get a grip quickly.
Step 4. Get a reaction. If you can get on top of the other steps, you can still find yourself in limbo. Ice breakers, chat up lines, whatever you call them work because they get a reaction. A slap is better than an eye roll or a sigh, because she recognised your existence. Smooching is less conflict orientated, and you wull be surprised how peace loving women are. Try these chat up lines that always got me into the most mischief.
[Spoiler]Have you got a mirror in your pocket? I can see me in your pants...
Do your cuff and collar match... I've never seen a blonde beaver before...(you will always get insightful info here...)
(Always useful approaching women hunting in packs of two or more...)
Are you lesbians? Because I want what she's eating! [/spoiler]
Now go back to step 1. Are you past the limbo like void and in a relationship, if so go back to caring, because no one will truly care for you if you don't. Or do you need to try again.
Remember... As a teacher I can truly say the fear of failure is the biggest obstacle preventing the joy of experience and learning.
Enjoy the journey. Its epic fails as much as its epic successes. I hope I made it clear that I had quite a few epic fails and success. I remember them all fondly. Just make sure your on a journey and not parked forgotten somewhere gathering rust.
...
*Anduin strolls off whistling*
It's just, I've done lots of romantic things, *gotten positive reactions,* and then ... whoop, we're just friends? So please, tell me what I'm missing in those cases, your posts have been very helpful so far.
So where are you? (Answer in one sentence)
Which I'm not sweating over. If that's the case, ok then I can move on.
Go to...
Step 2. Preen.
Step 3. Get in the don't care zone. (I wish I knew a better word for it...)
Step 4. Tell her you would love to gaze into her eyes over (insert favourite food name here) whilst in a hot tub. And do you think (insert classy restaurant name here) have hot tubs? (let her mumble a reply) Oh well. I better leave my swimming trunks at home. You can still wear a bikini if you want... Are you free on...
Then on the date go back to step 2 and continue until there is a change in your relationship status. And Step 1 comes back into play.
Think like Nike. Just do it.
I generally think men and women are both as good at detecting romance.
What is a "positive" reaction on a romantic endeavour? Alot of romantic gestures can be taken just as friendly moves too. If the girl has romantic feelings for you, she will be open to being courted, if she just wants to be friends that is how she will take it. Try to be open about your intentions. I must say though, it doesn't always haft to be you who engage/initiate. A budding relations needs to be about two people.
Finally, I guess Anduin is trolling but still. These "advices" are terrrible.
"Step 2. Stop caring. This is a hard step. But solve this and your life will only get better. I used to worry about getting laughed at. Now I actively seek it. Who cares if she throws water over your head because you went in for the kiss? A more likely outcome would have been a kiss back... because you waited for her to put that glass down first. And hell, if it all goes wrong, you have a story to tell your friends down the pub."
This quote examplifies your whole approach and logic, it is all about you. Nowhere does this take into account how the person you are forcing your kiss on would feel. How do you justify yourself? *Worst case scenario is that you get a glass of water thrown at you* - What the hell? The worst in this scenario is not that you got wet, it's that you made another human being so uncomfortable and violated that she/He was forced to take action against you. The glass of water is only symbolic, this could be anything. And most likely the person would only get into a hurtful inner dialogue which would be even worse.
"Step 4. Get a reaction. If you can get on top of the other steps, you can still find yourself in limbo. Ice breakers, chat up lines, whatever you call them work because they get a reaction. A slap is better than an eye roll or a sigh, because she recognised your existence. Smooching is less conflict orientated, and you wull be surprised how peace loving women are. Try these chat up lines that always got me into the most mischief. "
!!! This attitude is HORRIBLE. You might very well be a nice person with good intentions, but these statements are INCREDIBLY misogynistic. You might be fine with your cheek stinging for a while, but you don't take responsibility for how others feel at all. Once again, slap is symbolistic. This might be "working" for you, but I seriously wonder how you consider something to be "working". And how others who have been approached by you feel.
Honestly, there are loads of things to mention with your statements. I get that you are trying to sound funny and stuff, but you reek of dude-culture. Your approach and attitude is very patriarchial.
I do agree you shouldn't "care" too much though. Care about being silly that is, you should still care about how you make others feel. If you like this Hanna girl, maybe you should tell her. As in, tell her you are interested in pursuing soemthing, dont scare her away with false love-confessions. And be yourself, Anduin is preaching some way of looking past yourself in order to be *crazy and out there*. If you are a person who enjoys doing shots in your boxers, then do it. Don't do it in hopes of shaking past your innerself in order to become a *cool dude who dont give a damn about stuffz*.
This really isn't mean to flame Anduin, if you find a girl who does not mind to be marginalized I suppose you can act however you like since you are both adults. I just could not sit idly by and see these advices being given to an unexperienced guy who seems nice.
Patriarchy isn't good for anyone, and if you are forced to resort giving girls statements that make them "roll their eyes", it is not worth it. And if they roll their eyes when you are saying hi and being nice, they weren't worth it anyway.
I get that this is a very safe and traditional way to look at hetero-relations and genders, but I promise that you will get more out of life and relationships by being an equal.
All the best!
EDIT: And I suppose I do not know Anduins gender, but I DOUBT this is a girl typing. And even if so, girls are not immune to falling patriarchal standards.
I think you definitely helped me by telling me this: I think you are right, that she actually has no romantic interest in me. While I'm not horribly broken up about this realization, it does leave me very confused; I don't think I will ever understand what flirting actually is. I've had times where girls have said/done things that are seemingly less flirtatious and then they confess their crush on me a week later.
And my stance on how I would like my relationships to be ... err, as you say, "hetero-relations" ? I certainly lean more towards something traditional, but I'm not totally balls-to-the-wall on that either. I would hate to be in a relationship where the woman "wore the pants" but at the same time I have little interest in "wearing the pants" myself. I agree that something more or less equal seems to work out best, from my observation.
I was like WTF?! *does not compute... head explodes in frustration*. Turns out some girls just enjoy the attention and the courtship, and treat it almost like a game. I'm not saying that's the situation with Hannah, just something I've come across before.
Dating for us mere men is like fighting mindflayers: you get stupider and stupider each time you screw up until you finally figure things out, then after you get to a certain level it becomes much easier.
Men are like druids, we kinda have our moments but still screw up sometimes until we reach level 14.
1) Use the elfbabe.bmp portrait.
2) Get a Tome of Charisma.
3) Help random folks to get more reputation abd thou better reaction.
4) You can cheat with the Ring of Charisma Set At Eighteen.
@Anduin (I saw a sign with your username in the road) keep up the good jokes
Everyone has issues. And maybe one issue seems less important to the other, watching from a distance; but it's all perspective. Human nature is to make even small problems out to be huge ones. This is both a blessing and a curse; it keeps our race driving forward instead of becoming complacent, but it also keeps us from ever being truly content.
I have MANY problems, the first one is that I do not accept others as they are, they HAVE to improve, to even TRY to reach me.
The second problem I have, I know NO ONE is as good as I, so, why should I feel the need of others (what mortals insist to call "love"), if I am muh better?
People are not awerw of anything. You can tell someone "Today we have 293 Kelvin" and they say "Whoah, that's a lot, what's that?" my mega face palm expression is enough to sunk the world in mercury (the liquid metal), but they ask again what that is, ad I should be replying "We have 20 Celsius and more than one moron". I can't see how people is SO unware of all the things.
Also I like much more to be alone that with other people, so, I am something autist too, my hate for public places is so that I don't tend to get out of my home.
(Time for the superfluous clarification to compensate for my social ineptitude.)
I am seriously not trying to be a jerk here. I more than understand how frustrating it is to have seemingly no luck with the ladies, and I really feel for you. I just find it mildly amusing when those who seem to have a social talent that far surpasses my own still complain about their misfortunes... Sorry if I can't offer any advice for you like everyone else; I simply have none to give. If I did give you any advice I am sure it would be terrible. I may have a 26 charisma mantis shrimp as my avatar, but in reality my charisma is more around a 2.
(Hmm, I should probably just stick to the stuff I am good at like beta testing and bug reporting. Getting involved in this social stuff never ends well...)
Sorry for the thousand three posts for this shits, but mobile badly sucks.
@Nonnahswriter is your boyfriend Adem? :P just a joke, if you do not know what Adem are, they're a fictional society that thinks of women as much better, VERY different than drows, since they are all human warriors that dress in red after their training os complete.
And I must ask, why don't you hang with people who are autistic? Or try to date one? Relations are all about expectations, if you hang with ppl who dont expect u to be socially perfect they wont get mad at you for not being so.