Unfortunately, the kind of stuff that probably works in a nightclub or any premises selling alcohol. (Although I have recently learnt you cant drink in some states of America until 21?)
Ok... I did try and do it in a funny and witty way.
The not caring (and I stated I wish there was a better name for it) is the opposite of what your doing here. Which is beating yourself up (that started with the name of thread! ) and putting yourself down, whilst over analysing a situation.
DO!
Stop the self pity.
If you live your life like this, you will get depression and DO nothing.
...
*Anduin re-reads. Is he being harsh? No, shakes head, tough love is the kinda love needed here...*
@Tresset You have a friend. Your the most charismatic lobster I know.
Yeah, by "going for the kiss" I really didn't take it as @anduin saying "grab her and push your lips against her" (anyone who has seen a certain scene between Lord Grantham and the maid in Downton Abbey will understand how awkward and... unpleasant that would be) I took it more as he meant building up for it in a not-pushy way. When I was young before I ever kissed a girl I assumed it was "So, my dear lady, would you like a kiss" "okay" "okay, lets shake on it" "deal" "here we go" It sounds funny but you don't recognize the "moment" you should go in for a kiss until it comes, and if you are inexperienced you might panic and miss it. I think the message here is do NOT do that... not go sexually assault women!
@Tresset I could argue with you all day, but I'll simply state that in this specific thread you are just trying too hard to explain yourself. I normally find your comments very enjoyable.
The not caring (and I stated I wish there was a better name for it) is the opposite of what your doing here. Which is beating yourself up (that started with the name of thread! ) and putting yourself down, whilst over analysing a situation.
DO!
Stop the self pity.
If you live your life like this, you will get depression and DO nothing.
I am getting the feeling that you have not read too many of my posts since the original post.
No. I read the original post... I think I stated it at the beginning of my first post on the thread. If I have missed something key to the debate, then I am sorry.
I have better name for the not caring though!
At present your being reflective.
You need to become non - reflective! Sounds much better!
@Booinyoureyes exactly what I meant. That moment when you have just made her laugh, your eyes meet and you can hear the blood pounding through your ears... What else could I mean? I think when you miss the moment, its called choking in america from some of the chick flicks I've been forced to watch... However, choking, means something ENTIRELY inappropriate and different in Britain.
I agree. Sexually harassing women is not what I want @Quartz to do.
That peck on the cheek goodnight was always a doozy for a second moment kiss to appear.
Lastly. The women giving advice on this thread. I am requesting you to ask your partner what HELL you put them through to get that first kiss. Lets see if I am so out of kilter.
@Anduin Aye that would explain it. Reflective seems like a good title at the moment.
I am not too broken up that things don't appear to be happening. You say to be more bold, but it seems to me that I'm pushing a rope, and I know when to back out. To be honest I will be going on to college soon enough, so it's probably time to essentially start a new life instead of clinging to the past, besides. I will probably remember this as a time I got a little closer to Hannah as a friend and there's nothing wrong with that, their family is close to my heart.
Besides, I was interested in the girl. I wasn't head over heels at any point. Not the first time, probably not the last either.
I hear you on the confidence and boldness part. I believe anyone can benefit from such traits, even more so when it comes to men. There are a few things you have said that would be entirely out of character for me to do so I've just sort of glossed over that. =P
@Quartz: Hmm, I'm sorry to say this, but having read your descriptions of how your meetings always got delayed, makes me think she's just not into you. Especially that last blow-off, where she seemingly carelessly blew you off by mentioning her mother last-minute. Also, that kiss she sent through text at New Year's isn't a real indicator of her feelings for you. I think you interpreted that wrongly, as I think it was more meant in a friendly way, as in a way to share her happiness for the upcoming new year. I don't think she is aware you're in love with her and I don't really see how that will change unless you yourself take initiative and just tell her. But even then I estimate the chances to be slim, as her constant blow-offs of possible dates just show that she prioritizes other things over you. If she had had true interest in you, she would have told her brother she had a meeting with you, she would have told her mother that she was planning to go out with you. Truly sorry, but I think she sees you as more of a friend.
I've been quietly watching this thread (sometimes with great amusement), and I thought I might as well chime in like everyone else. @Quartz, I was once in the exact same situation as you. I never dated until I was nearly 22 years old, hadn't kissed anyone and hadn't even gotten close to having any sort of romantic relationship. I'm happy I did wait.
Right after I had finished high school, the crush I had on a friend's younger sister had developed further, and we had exactly the same kind of relationship you describe. We flirted, I spent just as much--or more--time with her as my friend, and she'd cuddle with me and talk to me about everything happening in her life. I don't even remember whether I ever spoke to her about my feelings, and I frankly don't care anymore.
Based on the way you describe yourself, I think the reality is waiting--for that first kiss and the first relationship--will be well worth it. My friend's sister is married now with a young son, and we still loosely keep in touch, but I don't have any of those feelings I used to.
As for me...this is me with my wife. Like I said, it's good to wait sometimes...
Lastly. The women giving advice on this thread. I am requesting you to ask your partner what HELL you put them through to get that first kiss. Lets see if I am so out of kilter.
Well. Since you asked.
*turns head* Hey, boyfriend, what kind of hell did I put you through to get that first kiss?
BF: "...? *tilts head* You didn't put me through anything...?"
Shrimp. He's a mantis shrimp. Way to show you care bro
Both are crustaceans. And saying someone is a charismatic Shrimp does not sound as caring...
Plus @Tresset is the man that passed a good word on my behalf. @Tresset knows this. And I love him for it (in a between men, manly way, from a great distance).
Two things. Explain how you got that first kiss? Secondly, what was the build up to the event?
I really like your partner. I thought that was an A1 political husband answer.
My wife took a completely different tack to it that I couldn't see. (Sorry my wife was having a read because I want to put a picture up like @Isandir ) In her words...
Has that girls partner just said she was easy?
My wife... proof that the male of the species usually gets eaten...
@nonnahswriter I agree with @Anduin . The fact that he said "You didn't put me through anything" proves my theory that he is a Level 20 Boyfriend with a maxed Knowledge: Relationships skill! Conflict avoidance is key to any relationship
To be honest my girlfriend didn't put me through hell for the first kiss, but my very first girlfriend required about three to four reloads for me to finally overcome her Smooching Resistance and not get Morale Failure: Awkwardness.
Maybe a smooth first kiss is how you know you have chemistry
@Anduin and @booinyoureyes Lol. Not sure how he'd feel about me going into the romantic details of our first date. Well, what he doesn't know won't hurt him. :P
It was a school dance in my junior year, his sophomore year. I was the one who asked him out (wrote a cute love letter and everything), and earlier that year he'd given me a Christmas card expressing how he was glad we were starting to become friends, and perhaps in the new year we could be "something more." So I took that as a pretty big hint that he was interested in me. XD
We started spending more time together after I asked him out. He'd wait for me after school so we could walk home together. So, by the time the date actually rolled around, we were pretty comfortable in the "new friends" zone.
Then the date arrived, and things progressed from there. Dances are always a little awkward at first, being the first to arrive, and shy people crowding the corners. We started off in a corner just standing and talking, until he swung an arm around my shoulder and started navigating the place. He wasn't a very good dancer, so for most of night, we ended up slow-dancing a lot (with some encouragement from a couple friends--"Hey, you're on a date, right? Put your arms around each other and dance!"
There was a moment when we were looking into each other's eyes (which sounds so cheesy and corny, I know, but it's the truth), and he suddenly had to take a deep breath and sit down. Then a couple songs later, we were back to slow-dancing, and he asked, "Would you mind if I tried something?" Now by this point, I had a pretty good idea of what this meant, so I shook my head. And that's when we had our first kiss.
So before you up-chuck at your computer screen at the sheer cheesy, romantic nature of this post, I will say that we have had our share of problems as a couple. I was sixteen when I had my first kiss, and I'd been wanting it for a while. As someone who was very insecure with how I looked, I never once thought a guy as wonderful as my bf would ever come to like me. I was "head-over-heels."
But we did go through a "hell" period as our relationship developed more into the physical nature. I'd rather not go into the details, as it's very personal, but long story short, it was a lot of adolescents-becoming-adults stuff. I was very scared, very nervous, and he was frustrated with my own anxiety. This was a big step--we were both virgins, so we'd never done this sort of thing before, and I'm sure most everyone can agree that it can be a frightening, mysterious, nerve-wracking thing to take the plunge.
Despite all that, here we are, nearly five years later, happily promised to marry one another (when we have the money to do it XD). I realize that we're definitely in the minority as far as how relationships work, as very few first crushes become a happy, devoted partnership, but this is what happened to us.
tl;dr - A really long, romantic, story that had some bumpy roads, but ends in a happily ever after. Warning: do not read if you've recently had something to eat, as the cheese and corn levels are rather high. :P
@Quartz (Because I do have something topic-related to say!!) I just wanted to second @Kitteh_on_a_Cloud about the text. It just occurred to me that she sent it you just after midnight on New Year's Eve. Traditionally, you're supposed to find someone to kiss at midnight in celebration for the new year; that could easily have just been her attempt at a midnight kiss. So really, I wouldn't over-think it. As others have said, odds are, it didn't mean much.
(first picture was supposed to be people barfing, while the second one was supposed to be someone befuddled with cuteness, but it is not translating well. Lol)
Um... Me and my wife come from very poor backgrounds. What I mean by this, is dirt poor no money. As for happiness, friends and upbringing. I could not have wished for more.
Anyway. I can get into awkward social occasions as I did not get the chance to go to places when I was young.
Anyway I was in a fancy restaurant, where they had goldfish swimming in little canals in between the tables, and the waiter poured me a sip of wine. I looked him in the eye and said "fill it to the top mate" at which point everyone guffawed. A friend shouted "Its to check if its corked!" I went red (you see not caring had crept in...) And, a little too loudly, told him it was a bloody screw cap. After a whole evening of guffaws and more p*ss taking, I went off in a huff. To find my future wife waiting for me at the top of the stairs.
She said I was funny. I got a peck on the cheek. And the night wasn't a total loss.
...then we met again and... the rest is his 'n' herstory.
I will send a piccie when one has been suitably vetted...
Well, I've always been quite an introvert. Most of my youth I wasn't even interested in boys, although I had some male friends, but more back in middle school. I never really went through puberty either, mentally, that is. I lived in my own dreamy bubble and kept myself busy with homework and getting good grades. Of course I had silly crushes, but I never thought I'd ever get a real boyfriend. I was really naive and insecure. My first relationship failed exactly because of that. I now know better what I want and have definitely matured. I'm now in a happy relationship with the nicest guy on Earth... At least, that's how I see it. So don't worry, @Quartz, you'll certainly find someone someday. As for that first kiss, it happened on a late evening, after me and my boyfriend (me and my family were visiting him, as he lives in another country) had been sight-seeing, and I was about to enter the hotel, he halted me and took my face into his hands, and then just kissed me. I really hadn't seen it coming and was surprised, in a reflex pulling away my face. We were both so embarrassed, but I wasn't mad, rather flustered. Later on that night he even apologized through a text message, hoping he'd not hurt me. I found it silly and cute and that's pretty much how it all went from there. So yeah, did someone warn for cheeziness? Have some more!
@Isandir: Wow! You guys look like actors starring in a Hollywood movie!
She always looks like that. Pictures of me usually involve partly closed eyes, a slightly open mouth and a horrendous expression of half-surprise, half-annoyance...
Nah it's cool. This is a good thread derailment not a bad one. The original subject is pretty much dead now anyway so ... may as well. Enjoyable to read.
I think I would probably die if I went after a girl like Kitteh. "I wasn't mad, rather flustered." I can't tell the difference, and most men can't...
@Quartz: Well, I said that I never really involved myself with a lot of guys in my youth, except for my dad and my brother. I had a couple of male friends, but during high school, most of my friends were girls. I indeed got my first kiss quite 'late', so to speak. And knowing I'd never kissed before or even had wondered how it would be like to be kissed, you might perhaps understand my confusion. Err, sorry for so much off-topicness. I'm just trying to show that that special person IS somewhere. And that love can always happen in the most unusual of ways, like me and my boyfriend, since we met each other on the internet.
Girls are over-rated, u can't even EEkeeper the romance variables when u mess up. And they use the cheesiest tactics as well.
Edit: Aww but now I just read @Nonnahswriter 's super cute story! *heart melts... reminisces over good memories... feels lonely at present... goes to corner to cry*.
Comments
I am not trolling.
I tried to give some life experience.
I passed on wisdom.
Unfortunately, the kind of stuff that probably works in a nightclub or any premises selling alcohol. (Although I have recently learnt you cant drink in some states of America until 21?)
Ok... I did try and do it in a funny and witty way.
The not caring (and I stated I wish there was a better name for it) is the opposite of what your doing here. Which is beating yourself up (that started with the name of thread! ) and putting yourself down, whilst over analysing a situation.
DO!
Stop the self pity.
If you live your life like this, you will get depression and DO nothing.
...
*Anduin re-reads. Is he being harsh? No, shakes head, tough love is the kinda love needed here...*
@Tresset You have a friend. Your the most charismatic lobster I know.
I took it more as he meant building up for it in a not-pushy way. When I was young before I ever kissed a girl I assumed it was "So, my dear lady, would you like a kiss" "okay" "okay, lets shake on it" "deal" "here we go"
It sounds funny but you don't recognize the "moment" you should go in for a kiss until it comes, and if you are inexperienced you might panic and miss it. I think the message here is do NOT do that... not go sexually assault women!
@booinyoureyes what if she assaults first?
@Anduin I am getting the feeling that you have not read too many of my posts since the original post.
I have better name for the not caring though!
At present your being reflective.
You need to become non - reflective! Sounds much better!
@Booinyoureyes exactly what I meant. That moment when you have just made her laugh, your eyes meet and you can hear the blood pounding through your ears... What else could I mean? I think when you miss the moment, its called choking in america from some of the chick flicks I've been forced to watch... However, choking, means something ENTIRELY inappropriate and different in Britain.
I agree. Sexually harassing women is not what I want @Quartz to do.
That peck on the cheek goodnight was always a doozy for a second moment kiss to appear.
Lastly. The women giving advice on this thread. I am requesting you to ask your partner what HELL you put them through to get that first kiss. Lets see if I am so out of kilter.
I am not too broken up that things don't appear to be happening. You say to be more bold, but it seems to me that I'm pushing a rope, and I know when to back out. To be honest I will be going on to college soon enough, so it's probably time to essentially start a new life instead of clinging to the past, besides. I will probably remember this as a time I got a little closer to Hannah as a friend and there's nothing wrong with that, their family is close to my heart.
Besides, I was interested in the girl. I wasn't head over heels at any point. Not the first time, probably not the last either.
I hear you on the confidence and boldness part. I believe anyone can benefit from such traits, even more so when it comes to men. There are a few things you have said that would be entirely out of character for me to do so I've just sort of glossed over that. =P
Right after I had finished high school, the crush I had on a friend's younger sister had developed further, and we had exactly the same kind of relationship you describe. We flirted, I spent just as much--or more--time with her as my friend, and she'd cuddle with me and talk to me about everything happening in her life. I don't even remember whether I ever spoke to her about my feelings, and I frankly don't care anymore.
Based on the way you describe yourself, I think the reality is waiting--for that first kiss and the first relationship--will be well worth it. My friend's sister is married now with a young son, and we still loosely keep in touch, but I don't have any of those feelings I used to.
As for me...this is me with my wife. Like I said, it's good to wait sometimes...
Isandir is Edward Snowden!
*turns head* Hey, boyfriend, what kind of hell did I put you through to get that first kiss?
BF: "...? *tilts head* You didn't put me through anything...?"
Wo-lah! Mystery solved. :P
Plus @Tresset is the man that passed a good word on my behalf. @Tresset knows this. And I love him for it (in a between men, manly way, from a great distance).
Errm... @Nonnahswriter .
Two things. Explain how you got that first kiss? Secondly, what was the build up to the event?
I really like your partner. I thought that was an A1 political husband answer.
My wife took a completely different tack to it that I couldn't see. (Sorry my wife was having a read because I want to put a picture up like @Isandir ) In her words...
Has that girls partner just said she was easy?
My wife... proof that the male of the species usually gets eaten...
To be honest my girlfriend didn't put me through hell for the first kiss, but my very first girlfriend required about three to four reloads for me to finally overcome her Smooching Resistance and not get Morale Failure: Awkwardness.
Maybe a smooth first kiss is how you know you have chemistry
It was a school dance in my junior year, his sophomore year. I was the one who asked him out (wrote a cute love letter and everything), and earlier that year he'd given me a Christmas card expressing how he was glad we were starting to become friends, and perhaps in the new year we could be "something more." So I took that as a pretty big hint that he was interested in me. XD
We started spending more time together after I asked him out. He'd wait for me after school so we could walk home together. So, by the time the date actually rolled around, we were pretty comfortable in the "new friends" zone.
Then the date arrived, and things progressed from there. Dances are always a little awkward at first, being the first to arrive, and shy people crowding the corners. We started off in a corner just standing and talking, until he swung an arm around my shoulder and started navigating the place. He wasn't a very good dancer, so for most of night, we ended up slow-dancing a lot (with some encouragement from a couple friends--"Hey, you're on a date, right? Put your arms around each other and dance!"
There was a moment when we were looking into each other's eyes (which sounds so cheesy and corny, I know, but it's the truth), and he suddenly had to take a deep breath and sit down. Then a couple songs later, we were back to slow-dancing, and he asked, "Would you mind if I tried something?" Now by this point, I had a pretty good idea of what this meant, so I shook my head. And that's when we had our first kiss.
So before you up-chuck at your computer screen at the sheer cheesy, romantic nature of this post, I will say that we have had our share of problems as a couple. I was sixteen when I had my first kiss, and I'd been wanting it for a while. As someone who was very insecure with how I looked, I never once thought a guy as wonderful as my bf would ever come to like me. I was "head-over-heels."
But we did go through a "hell" period as our relationship developed more into the physical nature. I'd rather not go into the details, as it's very personal, but long story short, it was a lot of adolescents-becoming-adults stuff. I was very scared, very nervous, and he was frustrated with my own anxiety. This was a big step--we were both virgins, so we'd never done this sort of thing before, and I'm sure most everyone can agree that it can be a frightening, mysterious, nerve-wracking thing to take the plunge.
Despite all that, here we are, nearly five years later, happily promised to marry one another (when we have the money to do it XD). I realize that we're definitely in the minority as far as how relationships work, as very few first crushes become a happy, devoted partnership, but this is what happened to us.
tl;dr - A really long, romantic, story that had some bumpy roads, but ends in a happily ever after. Warning: do not read if you've recently had something to eat, as the cheese and corn levels are rather high. :P
@Quartz (Because I do have something topic-related to say!!) I just wanted to second @Kitteh_on_a_Cloud about the text. It just occurred to me that she sent it you just after midnight on New Year's Eve. Traditionally, you're supposed to find someone to kiss at midnight in celebration for the new year; that could easily have just been her attempt at a midnight kiss. So really, I wouldn't over-think it. As others have said, odds are, it didn't mean much.
First reaction:
-(}
/Y\`;,
/^\ ;:,
___{)
,;`/Y\
,:; /^\
Second reaction:
♥ ♥
_w_
(first picture was supposed to be people barfing, while the second one was supposed to be someone befuddled with cuteness, but it is not translating well. Lol)
In response to @Nonnahswriter 's excellent post.
Um... Me and my wife come from very poor backgrounds. What I mean by this, is dirt poor no money. As for happiness, friends and upbringing. I could not have wished for more.
Anyway. I can get into awkward social occasions as I did not get the chance to go to places when I was young.
Anyway I was in a fancy restaurant, where they had goldfish swimming in little canals in between the tables, and the waiter poured me a sip of wine. I looked him in the eye and said "fill it to the top mate" at which point everyone guffawed. A friend shouted "Its to check if its corked!" I went red (you see not caring had crept in...) And, a little too loudly, told him it was a bloody screw cap. After a whole evening of guffaws and more p*ss taking, I went off in a huff. To find my future wife waiting for me at the top of the stairs.
She said I was funny. I got a peck on the cheek. And the night wasn't a total loss.
...then we met again and... the rest is his 'n' herstory.
I will send a piccie when one has been suitably vetted...
*Anduin starts to think, have we hijacked the thread with all the kisses? Is this making @Quartz feel better...*
I think I would probably die if I went after a girl like Kitteh. "I wasn't mad, rather flustered." I can't tell the difference, and most men can't...
Exactly! It is cold outside!!
Girls are over-rated, u can't even EEkeeper the romance variables when u mess up. And they use the cheesiest tactics as well.
Edit:
Aww but now I just read @Nonnahswriter 's super cute story! *heart melts... reminisces over good memories... feels lonely at present... goes to corner to cry*.