Worst law enforcement ever
Silverstar
Member Posts: 2,207
To whom it might concern in the Cowled Wizard leadership:
Your handling of magical crime leaves A LOT to be desired. You do not respond when me and my friends are captured, tortured and experimented on (with lots of magic) by a mad wizard in a huge dungeon filled with all manner of magical monsters, artifacts and contraptions beneath the most important trade district in a city based on commerce...
You do not respond when we get waylaid by enemies and must defend ourselves against random street muggers in the back alleys, letting their mages shoot off all manner hostile spells. Spellcasting footpads, really? I never saw any of those back on the Sword Coast where there -isn't- a ban on arcane magic. Nor do you lift a finger against liches in taverns at the very city gates, infestations of illithids in the sewers or skin-stealing monsters that work with potion-abusing rune assassins. And don't get me started on the necromancy-infested crypts all over the graveyard district!
I probably shouldn't expect you'd be capable of keeping the country-side free of magical deviance when you can't even protect the nation's capitol, but a FREAKING SHADOW DRAGON in Umar Hills slipped under your radar? And the shade lord controlling it taking over half the region and a former sun god's temple? What was your region's representative doing all this time? Oh right. He was busy making a golem to "protect" his daughter from a scared suitor... A golem that, upon activation, went berserk and tried to kill its maker and anyone else nearby. This is the type of person you seem fit to grant a magic license and, more importantly, manage a region for you?
A shadow dragon would be bad enough, but you even let a red dragon prance about your city in the guise of landowner and noble. Then you let him trick a group of knights from the Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart into getting themselves killed through the use of, that's right, powerful illusion magic. They will most certainly be notified of your failure to prevent such magical-based disaster.
So what do you deem worthy of your time? A young woman casting Magic Missile at a wizard that leveled a large part of the Promenade before you bothered showing up...
...
Magic Missile. You arrested someone for casting such a basic spell while ignoring all of these other much larger problems and treated it with the same severity as a mass murderer that blew up part of the city. You arrested someone who stood up to someone you yourselves didn't bother looking into until he caused mass destruction, genocide and your tea break was over.
And what happened the second I attempted to summon my familiar? Ohhhh, then you had time in your busy schedule to arrive at my side. To tell me what I just did was illegal. It is good to see you have your priorities straight. Blip the fairy dragon was probably about to wreak havoc and start another Blood War huh.
I have since paid the bribe you require acquired a magic license from your representative in the government district and now I'm off to handle what your own incompetent organization is unable to; Tolgerias has hired me to hunt down a murderer for you and also do something about that massive planar sphere that has your supposedly great collective magical knowledge so stumped. I have made your incompetence known to the Athkatlan goverment through the proper channels here in the Government District just prior to penning you this letter and have also sent out a missive to various town criers. It will be interesting to hear the results when I get back.
Disrepectfully,
- Master Marius, Sorcerer of Candlekeep.
Your handling of magical crime leaves A LOT to be desired. You do not respond when me and my friends are captured, tortured and experimented on (with lots of magic) by a mad wizard in a huge dungeon filled with all manner of magical monsters, artifacts and contraptions beneath the most important trade district in a city based on commerce...
You do not respond when we get waylaid by enemies and must defend ourselves against random street muggers in the back alleys, letting their mages shoot off all manner hostile spells. Spellcasting footpads, really? I never saw any of those back on the Sword Coast where there -isn't- a ban on arcane magic. Nor do you lift a finger against liches in taverns at the very city gates, infestations of illithids in the sewers or skin-stealing monsters that work with potion-abusing rune assassins. And don't get me started on the necromancy-infested crypts all over the graveyard district!
I probably shouldn't expect you'd be capable of keeping the country-side free of magical deviance when you can't even protect the nation's capitol, but a FREAKING SHADOW DRAGON in Umar Hills slipped under your radar? And the shade lord controlling it taking over half the region and a former sun god's temple? What was your region's representative doing all this time? Oh right. He was busy making a golem to "protect" his daughter from a scared suitor... A golem that, upon activation, went berserk and tried to kill its maker and anyone else nearby. This is the type of person you seem fit to grant a magic license and, more importantly, manage a region for you?
A shadow dragon would be bad enough, but you even let a red dragon prance about your city in the guise of landowner and noble. Then you let him trick a group of knights from the Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart into getting themselves killed through the use of, that's right, powerful illusion magic. They will most certainly be notified of your failure to prevent such magical-based disaster.
So what do you deem worthy of your time? A young woman casting Magic Missile at a wizard that leveled a large part of the Promenade before you bothered showing up...
...
Magic Missile. You arrested someone for casting such a basic spell while ignoring all of these other much larger problems and treated it with the same severity as a mass murderer that blew up part of the city. You arrested someone who stood up to someone you yourselves didn't bother looking into until he caused mass destruction, genocide and your tea break was over.
And what happened the second I attempted to summon my familiar? Ohhhh, then you had time in your busy schedule to arrive at my side. To tell me what I just did was illegal. It is good to see you have your priorities straight. Blip the fairy dragon was probably about to wreak havoc and start another Blood War huh.
I have since paid the bribe you require acquired a magic license from your representative in the government district and now I'm off to handle what your own incompetent organization is unable to; Tolgerias has hired me to hunt down a murderer for you and also do something about that massive planar sphere that has your supposedly great collective magical knowledge so stumped. I have made your incompetence known to the Athkatlan goverment through the proper channels here in the Government District just prior to penning you this letter and have also sent out a missive to various town criers. It will be interesting to hear the results when I get back.
Disrepectfully,
- Master Marius, Sorcerer of Candlekeep.
72
Comments
Epic.
Oh, I've read it, I'd gave you a Promote if I could, it's so funny
Also apparently their jurisdiction ends wherever a door begins (even in the Government Building!). At least they respect the need for warrants!
Remember the thugs in the Copper Coronet who challenge you to a dual? I slaughtered those sorry bastards with my mighty magicks. Cowled wizards? Nope.
Remember Nasty Neb, the serial killer who clearly captured the souls of his dead children with magic? Killed him too, with more magic, and no Cowled Wizards to be seen.
And don't even get me started on the massacre that was Mae'Var's guildhall... Ahhh, fun times. Fireballs and Skull Traps everywhere, and no Cowled fools to interrupt us. Well, I know what my chaotic evil sorcerer is doing when he gets back to Athkatla. Mwahahahahahaha...
Please keep up the excellent work. At present the population quite rightly fears magic. They do not need to understand it or use, dread the thought, it. Although do they fear it enough?
It is a question we worry over constantly, is it not? Our policy of only interfering with magic users who dare to defy us and use it in public, in a way that abhorrently shows any simian can use it in Athkatla is working. However our discretion of allowing it to go on behind closed doors must surely stop. People will go blind! Or worse!
The policy of allowing a few members of the population to wave their wands around and use it willy nilly in the hope that a few spells will kill a few people, spreading more fear and loathing, has worked, I will concede this point.
But to install at great cost LICHES, (putting them under pubs to sweeten the deal no less!) is going a step too far in my humble opinion. I will bring this up again at the next Cowled Council Moot, especially as I seemed to have got lodged at the local crematorium!
In other news, the Mindflayers, led by my good friend, @Southpaw , who has reassured me that Illithids do not use it but simple psionics and a healthy brain (for breakfast) are still on the lookout for the rogue mage @Silverstar . I have been assured that his hollow skull will arrive with you shortly.
Continue your enduring benevolence.
Anduin - Necromancer / Cleric
Or you can just use a skeleton key to open the door and the guard says nary a word. It's quite nice this time of year, though the chimeras get a little rowdy at times.
Thank you for addressing your concerns to our organization. The Cowled Wizards value the opinions of law-abiding spellcasters, and are fully receptive to any feedback that might help us to better regulate the deviant use of magic and keep the citizens of Amn safe.
While we are certain your suggestions will prove invaluable, we ask that you please follow our standard procedures for submitting comments and issuing incident reports. This will ensure that your concerns are addressed in a fair and thorough manner and also enables us to efficiently manage the large volume of inquiries that our office receives.
If you have a general question or comment regarding the operation of our organization, please request a Question and Comment Form (Form 21-B) from one of our clerks in the Council of Six building in Athkatla. If you would like to report an incident of unsanctioned use of magical energy, you may request a Report of Unsanctioned Use of Magical Energy (Form 107-A) at the same location. If you would like to extend your Permit for the Use of Magic (Permit 2-A) or request additional permits on behalf of apprentices, you may file a request using Form 52 (Request to Extend a Permit for the Use of Magic) or Form 73-C (Request for Supplementary Magic Permit) respectively.
Please note that a materials and processing fee of 100 gold will be assessed for each form submitted. Processing times can vary, but currently the average response time is 1-3 months. Filling out forms fully, accurately and legibly will help prevent unnecessary delays. Unfortunately, we are unable to refund the processing fee for inquiries which do not receive a response.
Thank you for joining us in the endeavor to make Athkatla, and Amn, safe and deviant-free!
Sincerely,
Master Corniel
Division Head, Licensing and Regulation of Magic Use, Athkatla
Thank @dragonking for his raise thread spell! This is awesome.
Ah, the bane of every law enforcer; do you know how many hoops we'd have to jump through to admit we left a lich at the city gates? The reams of paper we'd have to sign and co-sign and file and re-file and submit in triplicate to so much as register a Shadow dragon in the locale, let alone deal with it!
And the magical footpads? Wack-a-mole. Magical wack-a-mole. Each one coming with a mountain of authorization and correct filing.
One woman casting magic missile in front of a crowd? Five minutes gathering statements and half an hour compiling a report. Thank you.
Regarding the Cowled Wizards... yeah, they dropped the ball once or twice. Per chapter.
Re: Recent Complaints
We have been receiving complaints recently about the unlawful practice of magic within our city and our failure to react. In the past, these complaints have mostly come from property owners who have been victimized within their own premises. These complaints have now been echoed by no less than Gorion's Ward, a sorceror of great magical energy.
I urge this department to start giving out pamphlets once again when issuing our first warning to spell casters. While this practice stopped due to budgetary concerns, it would help in alleviating the tension between our organization and the magical community at large.
What sorcerers, mages, witches, warlocks and deviants like Sir Marius fail to realize is that it takes a great deal of power, concentration and upkeep to keep a 24/7 scrying spell operational which affects the entire capital city. To have our spell be increased in effect so that it may penetrate walls, and even into dungeons deep beneath the city, would require an increase in out budget that the council simply will not acquiesce too.
While it is indeed possible, as proven by our nation wide 'reputation tracker' spell, to get anything more than the most general of 'someone did something good or bad' would require us to increase our daily sacri-, that is, rituals, to a hereto unknown level.
Our fair city is indeed plagued with a plethora of adventurers, all of whom are level 9 are above in Bigsby's Level Chart. Up north, in the sword coast, it is rare for any marauding hooligan to go above level 6. Furthermore, our problems do indeed rise to having constant infestations of illithids, beholders, vampires and dragons. While Baldur's Gate does admittedly have a doppleganger problem, the creatures of simple minded enough that even an illiterate barbarian can outsmart them during his first conversation.
If the world at large knew of our githyanki outreach program to deal with the illithids, and our fund raiser to buy Robald's inventory (the shield of Balduran alone will deal with the beholder problems we have, but with the loss of spell-hold we have already used up our budget for the month), then they would only end up asking *more* questions. Questions which take up more of our valuable time.
It is for all of the above reasons that we should start handing our pamphlets explaining what our organization does with taxpayer money, as well as follow up questionnaires. If we give the illusion of transparency then maybe the public will leave us alone long enough for us to deal with more pressing issues.
What does it mean
Diablo 2Spellhold.By the end of the course, you should be able to:
1. Explain what our regulatory procedures mean by "illegal use of magical energy".
2. Identify a situation where the use magical energy may be considered illegal.
3. Identify the appropriate steps to resolve a potentially illegal situation that involves the use of magical energy.
Illegal use of magical energy defined:
It is our policy that all use of arcane magical energy without a proper authoritative license issued by the local government district is prohibited. This includes the utilization of wands, scrolls, staffs, memorized spells, and abilities innate to the culprit.
Arcane magic is to be used and handled only by qualified personnel. This includes members of the Cowled Wizards and those who have passed rigorous training and shown that they are capable of utilizing magical energy responsibly in accordance with the laws and regulations of Athkatla, Amn.
Bonus question: Is it acceptable to use magical energy within the borders of the city even if such use does not disrupt the activities of the citizens therein?
No use of arcane magical energy by unlicensed persons, demons, angels, monsters, or the like within the borders of Athkatla, Amn, is allowed, even if such use could otherwise be deemed as "harmless" by observers and participants. It has been our experience that even minor use can cause disruption to the production of citizens and otherwise damage our city's fine reputation.
Identifying illegal use of magical energy:
So how does one identify whether or not the use of magical energy is illegal?
Questionable activities include, but are not limited, to:
Transforming friends, family members, or strangers into undead servants (zombies, ghouls, vampires, etc.)
Enchanting or charming groups or individuals to do one's bidding, including as part of a performance on stage (e.g., The Five Flagons).
Summoning demons, planetars, devils, monsters, or the like.
Surrounding oneself with a globe of invulnerability, even in if in supposed "self defense".
Foretelling the future with uncanny accuracy, or otherwise unexplainable gifts of foresight.
Creating or manipulating forces of fire, ice, lightning, water, earth, air, wood, metal, stone, etc..
Creating false images or sounds from unknown sources.
Any transformation or alteration of body appendages or substances.
What to do when the use of magical energy is suspected to be illegal?
WHEN IN DOUBT, REPORT!
It is strictly against our policy to retaliate against citizens who report potentially illegal usage of arcane magical energy to the proper authorities. Even if it appears that the subject may be licensed, it is dangerous to approach an unqualified wizard who is irresponsibly utilizing arcane energy within the borders of Athkatla, Amn. Any questionable activity, even if performed in secret, should be reported immediately to the proper authorities.
Test Questions:
(A passing score of 100% must be achieved in order to receive a permit of residency.)
1. The use of magical energy within Athkatla, Amn, without a license issued by the government district is:
(select all that apply)
a) Unacceptable
b) Discouraged
c) Illegal
D) Punishable by imprisonment in spellhold
2. The use of magical energy within Athkatla, Amn shall be:
(select only one)
a) Allowed by anyone
b) Permitted if practiced in secret
c) Authorized by the proper authorities via a license issued to qualified and trained personnel only
d) Acceptable
3. Only qualified, trained, and licensed wizards who have demonstrated their responsibility shall be issued a license.
(select only one)
a) True
b) False
4. An example of illegal use of magical energy could include:
(select all the apply)
a) Zombie summoning
b) Burning down the city with magical powers
c) Consorting with demons
d) Going about your business as normal without using magical energy of any sort
5. Any questionable magical activity, even if performed in secret, should be:
(select only one)
a) Ignored
b) Reported immediately to the Cowled Wizards
100% Passed!
Congratulations! Now you may occupy the city of Athkatla, Amn, as a resident citizen safe from the many dangers posed by arcane magical energy.
For the glory of Amn!
The Cowled Wizards are the SWAT team of parking enforcement.
No matter too small for a full-scale assault team.
In fact... they only ever seem to respond to small matters...