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Worst law enforcement ever

SilverstarSilverstar Member Posts: 2,192
edited January 2014 in Role Playing
To whom it might concern in the Cowled Wizard leadership:

Your handling of magical crime leaves A LOT to be desired. You do not respond when me and my friends are captured, tortured and experimented on (with lots of magic) by a mad wizard in a huge dungeon filled with all manner of magical monsters, artifacts and contraptions beneath the most important trade district in a city based on commerce...

You do not respond when we get waylaid by enemies and must defend ourselves against random street muggers in the back alleys, letting their mages shoot off all manner hostile spells. Spellcasting footpads, really? I never saw any of those back on the Sword Coast where there -isn't- a ban on arcane magic. Nor do you lift a finger against liches in taverns at the very city gates, infestations of illithids in the sewers or skin-stealing monsters that work with potion-abusing rune assassins. And don't get me started on the necromancy-infested crypts all over the graveyard district!

I probably shouldn't expect you'd be capable of keeping the country-side free of magical deviance when you can't even protect the nation's capitol, but a FREAKING SHADOW DRAGON in Umar Hills slipped under your radar? And the shade lord controlling it taking over half the region and a former sun god's temple? What was your region's representative doing all this time? Oh right. He was busy making a golem to "protect" his daughter from a scared suitor... A golem that, upon activation, went berserk and tried to kill its maker and anyone else nearby. This is the type of person you seem fit to grant a magic license and, more importantly, manage a region for you?

A shadow dragon would be bad enough, but you even let a red dragon prance about your city in the guise of landowner and noble. Then you let him trick a group of knights from the Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart into getting themselves killed through the use of, that's right, powerful illusion magic. They will most certainly be notified of your failure to prevent such magical-based disaster.

So what do you deem worthy of your time? A young woman casting Magic Missile at a wizard that leveled a large part of the Promenade before you bothered showing up...


Magic Missile. You arrested someone for casting such a basic spell while ignoring all of these other much larger problems and treated it with the same severity as a mass murderer that blew up part of the city. You arrested someone who stood up to someone you yourselves didn't bother looking into until he caused mass destruction, genocide and your tea break was over.

And what happened the second I attempted to summon my familiar? Ohhhh, then you had time in your busy schedule to arrive at my side. To tell me what I just did was illegal. It is good to see you have your priorities straight. Blip the fairy dragon was probably about to wreak havoc and start another Blood War huh.

I have since paid the bribe you require acquired a magic license from your representative in the government district and now I'm off to handle what your own incompetent organization is unable to; Tolgerias has hired me to hunt down a murderer for you and also do something about that massive planar sphere that has your supposedly great collective magical knowledge so stumped. I have made your incompetence known to the Athkatlan goverment through the proper channels here in the Government District just prior to penning you this letter and have also sent out a missive to various town criers. It will be interesting to hear the results when I get back.

- Master Marius, Sorcerer of Candlekeep.



  • booinyoureyesbooinyoureyes Member Posts: 6,162
    Forget Kelly Thomas or Rodney King, we need justice for Imoen!

  • booinyoureyesbooinyoureyes Member Posts: 6,162
    edited January 2014
    Never mind the fact that Red Wizards open up a store in plain sight in the middle of Waukeen's Promenade.
    Also apparently their jurisdiction ends wherever a door begins (even in the Government Building!). At least they respect the need for warrants!

    Post edited by booinyoureyes on
  • CrevsDaakCrevsDaak Member Posts: 7,135

    Funny thing is, the Cowled Wizards never show up in a building. Not once. So if you're not out on the streets practicing magic and murdering countless of civilians just because you can calling on familiars, they won't give a damn.

    Remember the thugs in the Copper Coronet who challenge you to a dual? I slaughtered those sorry bastards with my mighty magicks. Cowled wizards? Nope.

    Remember Nasty Neb, the serial killer who clearly captured the souls of his dead children with magic? Killed him too, with more magic, and no Cowled Wizards to be seen.

    And don't even get me started on the massacre that was Mae'Var's guildhall... Ahhh, fun times. Fireballs and Skull Traps everywhere, and no Cowled fools to interrupt us.

    Also apparently their jurisdiction ends wherever a door begins (even in the Government Building!). At least they respect the need for warrants!

    Well, I know what my chaotic evil sorcerer is doing when he gets back to Athkatla. Mwahahahahahaha...
    Now I want to play as a CE sorcerer, I'll do that for the beta! >:D world!! You're gonna die!!

  • DragonKingDragonKing Member Posts: 1,556
    meagloth said:

    How did I just see this now?
    Thank @dragonking for his raise thread spell! This is awesome.

    Whoops, I'm on my cell, so I didn't even realize I was raising the dead lol. Hope I didn't just break any rules.

  • meaglothmeagloth Member Posts: 3,806

    meagloth said:

    How did I just see this now?
    Thank @dragonking for his raise thread spell! This is awesome.

    Whoops, I'm on my cell, so I didn't even realize I was raising the dead lol. Hope I didn't just break any rules.
    Haha, certainly not.

  • chimericchimeric Member Posts: 1,163
    I think there is something especially offensive about Magic Missile, though. Any other spell - Sleep, Armor, Burning Hands - but not MM.

  • scriverscriver Member Posts: 1,805
    Triple necro
    What does it mean

  • GodGod Member Posts: 1,150

    Cowled Wizard

    Master Marius, Sorcerer of Candlekeep

    scriver said:

    Triple necro

    Meanwhile in Diablo 2 Spellhold.

  • GodGod Member Posts: 1,150

    Questionable activities include, but are not limited, to:

    Any transformation or alteration of body appendages or substances.


  • Yulaw9460Yulaw9460 Member Posts: 634
    edited November 2018

    Post edited by Yulaw9460 on
  • TerrytailsTerrytails Member Posts: 12
    I got choked when the wizards attacked me because friggin habibi threw a scimitar at me at the docks and my belt that creates minor globe of protection went off. come on are there no appeals on the death sentence?

  • NimranNimran Member Posts: 4,842
    Excellent! My Call Wubble spell was a success! *hears a Dimension Door opening*

  • justfeelinathomejustfeelinathome Member Posts: 353
    Why do I find this only now! :smiley: This is probably the funniest spoiler-vast of the year! Kudos!

  • taclanetaclane Member, Mobile Tester Posts: 364
    The Cowled Wizards are the SWAT team of parking enforcement.
    No matter too small for a full-scale assault team.
    In fact... they only ever seem to respond to small matters...

  • Wandering_RangerWandering_Ranger Member Posts: 160
    Ha ha.. This is brilliant! My full respect!

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