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Make an Absurd NPC

ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
edited July 2016 in General Discussion (Spoiler Warning!)
Example:

Fatso the Gargantuan (This wouldn't fit, so I put Fatso the Vast)
Chaotic Good
Gnome
Wizard Slayer

Fatso: Your days are numbered, Irenicus. So says the mighty axe of Fatso the Gargantuan

Irenicus: Who?

Fatso: Me, you blasted idiot!

Irenicus: (facepalms) Whose Idea was it to invite this guy?

CHARNAME: (raises hand slowly)

Irenicus: See CHARNAME, this is why we can't have nice things.

Fatso: Maybe we should just skip the small talk, and get right to the killin'

Irenicus: And now you're stealing lines from the first game? OK, "DRASUS"

CHARNAME: Uhh...can we fight now?

Irenicus: Son of a....*yes*!
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Comments

  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
    @sluckers
    Thank you for your input, but I meant an NPC that doesn't alright exist, an example is Fatso the Gargantuan.
  • Abi_DalzimAbi_Dalzim Member Posts: 1,428
    sluckers said:

    Irenicus has always been absurd:

    " I cannot be caged. I cannot be controlled. I was Chancellor Gorkon!! Understand this as you die, ever pathetic, ever fools! "

    Or at least, that's what I always hear.

    "Child of Bhaal, you think you can kill me? I shall simply away to my Lazarus pit, heal my injuries, and return to destroy you utterly!"
  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
    @Abi_Dalzim Let us not forget, David Warner was also in TMNT: Secret of the Ooze.

    Not sure about a Scientist Guy joke, but I'm sure it's there somewhere
  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
    @Clumsy_Dwarf
    Oh my god, I'm not big on sports, but I absolutely love your character.
    Can somebody give me the list in order of dialogue lines, so I can come up with my own?
  • lunarlunar Member Posts: 3,460
    Well, some npc mods are already pretty absurd. It reminds me of the 'worst of the worst' npc threads in gamefaqs. A player hillariously told about worst npc mods there and it was marvelous. There were 4 parts, IIRC. Wish there was more to read.
  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
    @Grum
    Isn't that just Hexxat? I liked her quests, although it bugged out and I never got to finish the TOB one.
  • TheArtisan TheArtisan Member Posts: 3,277
    edited July 2016
    DJ_Sweatz_2013 said:

    @Grum
    Isn't that just Hexxat? I liked her quests, although it bugged out and I never got to finish the TOB one.

    Although to be fair Hexxat is far from my least favorite addition. She's no more one-note then... nah, I won't name any names.
    Post edited by TheArtisan on
  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
    @Artemius_I
    I have Asperger's Syndrome, jokes have a habit of going over my head. However while I'm not the biggest fan of Hexxat (she is my least favorite of the EE NPCs) there are plenty of Original NPCs that were worse than Hexxat, ex: Faldorn.

    However, I would ask people to refrain from simply ripping elements of the game they dislike a new one, as this article is about creativity.
  • TheArtisan TheArtisan Member Posts: 3,277
    @DJ_Sweatz_2013 Apologies. Bad taste. It's a shame that I don't share the wild imagination of the other forumers.
  • TheArtisan TheArtisan Member Posts: 3,277
    edited July 2016
    .
  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
    @Artemius_I It's absolutely no problem; I enjoy quips based on characters though, such as material on David Warner's other roles.

    Oh that bit, we could make Demogorgon sound like Winnie the Pooh.
    Or make Sarevok sound like Cleveland Jr.
  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
    edited June 2017
    @deltago
    I'm having trouble containing my laughter after that one.
    This character....I like it...another! *breaks glass*
    Post edited by ZaramMaldovar on
  • GrumGrum Member, Mobile Tester Posts: 2,100
    How about a recruitable Korax the ghoul?
  • Abi_DalzimAbi_Dalzim Member Posts: 1,428
    DJ_Sweatz_2013 said:

    @Artemius_I
    I have Asperger's Syndrome, jokes have a habit of going over my head. However while I'm not the biggest fan of Hexxat (she is my least favorite of the EE NPCs) there are plenty of Original NPCs that were worse than Hexxat, ex: Faldorn.

    However, I would ask people to refrain from simply ripping elements of the game they dislike a new one, as this article is about creativity.

    Faldorn's not really a fair comparison to Hexxat or any of the BG2 NPCs because the companions from the first game were, by necessity, a lot less fleshed out, so they could be easily replaced if killed. And the game was designed on the assumption that you'd take Tomb of Horrors-level casualties in getting through it.

    That said, I don't disagree on the matter.
  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
    @Grum
    Yes, and *this* Korax remains loyal to your party all the way to the battle with Ameleyssan and then turns on you.
  • GodGod Member Posts: 1,150
    Grum said:

    How about a recruitable Korax the ghoul?

    DJ_Sweatz_2013 said:

    @Grum
    Yes, and *this* Korax remains loyal to your party all the way to the battle with Ameleyssan and then turns on you.

    Been there, done that.
  • mf2112mf2112 Member, Moderator Posts: 1,919
    Shandyr said:

    Anduin said:


    Oh wait... YOU WANTED AN ABSURD NPC!

    This is pretty much a standard one.

    I agree, you just described the average everday life gnome.
    So you want an absurd NPC, totally absurd, banana and gaga googoo?

    Here we go:

    Now a mummified gnome with a love of broccoli, this noble, intelligent, good looking and humble hero was part of an adventuring group, (some would call them robbers, bandits and cut throats) called the living four (as everyone wanted them dead) After many adventures, he left them to start a lucrative rock sculpture business (Now located atop of Durlag's tower, visit today!) whilst they descended to god hood as the dead three...

    Through his adventures, became a chosen of E Coli , protector of the brocco people, he has the power to produce highly vitamin rich broccoli by sheer charisma! With a deep seated hatred of cauliflower, the spawn of Cauli and the dastardly Lord @Shandyr , @Anduin has fought against the evil machinations of Ferret Force Five led by @Nimran of the golden cookie.

    Enjoys placing his various organs in decorative urns. His brain sits on the mantelpiece to this day... Although rumour has it @Southpaw, a mindflayer, once enjoyed pickled brain...

    Now I ask you, how absurd does this sound?
    Only the broccoli part.
  • AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,745
    Hmmm... It would be tempting to play a character a bit on the green side...
  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
    @mf2112
    Wait is the rock sculpture thing a reference to the Basilisks that are on the roof of Durlag's Tower for some reason?
  • GodGod Member Posts: 1,150
    For a brief period of time, Durlag's Tower top used to be the HQ of a major lawn ornament business or so they say. Reportedly, instituted by none other than the famous landscape designer, Mutamin aka Mr Psycho Gnome.
  • booinyoureyesbooinyoureyes Member Posts: 6,164
    edited July 2016
    Orange Satan

    Race: Social Construct
    Class: None
    Kit: Jester
    Alignment: Lawful Evil, but fluctuates

    Strength: 17
    Dexterity: 8
    Constitution: Not Available
    Intelligence: 12
    Wisdom: 2
    Charisma 15

    Equipment
    Wand of Fired
    "The Wall" Tower Shield +1
    Purse of Infinite Gold
    Toupee of Rage: Causes allies to go berserk 3x day
  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
    @booinyoureyes
    I'm not Donald Trump's biggest fan either, but can we please not make political gestures on my forum thread?
  • booinyoureyesbooinyoureyes Member Posts: 6,164
    DJ_Sweatz_2013 said:

    @booinyoureyes
    I'm not Donald Trump's biggest fan either, but can we please not make political gestures on my forum thread?

    Sorry, my mistake.
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