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Make an Absurd NPC

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  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
    He Who Kicketh A**
    Human Monk
    Lawful Good
    Str: 18
    Dex: 16
    Con: 15
    Int: 10
    Wis: 18
    Char: 11

    There's just something awesome and fitting about CHARNAME being referred to by this name, which I suppose would fit any fighter.
  • FardragonFardragon Member Posts: 4,511
    I actually did a BG playthrough with Conanette, a female halfing barbarian who duel wields bastard swords.
  • AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,745

    @mf2112
    Wait is the rock sculpture thing a reference to the Basilisks that are on the roof of Durlag's Tower for some reason?

    I put them there. We specialise in realistic statues of adventurers. Please pop in, I promise you won't leave disappointed!
  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
    @Fardragon That is incredible. I kinda want Fatso to wield a Two Handed Sword too, it would be hillarious
  • OlvynChuruOlvynChuru Member Posts: 3,079
    In Baldur's Gate I added in some Iron Throne halfling assassins who hide in barrels, waiting for you to let your guard down at which point they will burst out and attack you.
  • NimranNimran Member Posts: 4,875
    @Anduin HOW DAREST THEE! No more :cookie:s for you.
  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
    Everyone check out the adventures of HWKA, please. I just set up a new thread in the Challenges and Playthroughs thread.

    I'm not going by any challenge Rules, I'd have to be insane (although I will probably not reload if anyone other than HWKA and Imoen gets permakilled)
  • ajwzajwz Member Posts: 4,122

    In Baldur's Gate I added in some Iron Throne halfling assassins who hide in barrels, waiting for you to let your guard down at which point they will burst out and attack you.

    I kind of like the idea of setting up an actor swap script, so the character is a regular halfling while moving, and turns into the blasting keg sprite from IWD2 when stationary
  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
    @ajwz
    So THAT'S where the blasting keg sprite in SOD originated from, man, the influence of the Icewind Dale series on Siege of Dragonspear is really something special.
  • mf2112mf2112 Member, Moderator Posts: 1,919

    @mf2112
    Wait is the rock sculpture thing a reference to the Basilisks that are on the roof of Durlag's Tower for some reason?

    You mean the video on my profile activity? Nah, just made me laugh so had to share. :)
  • SouthpawSouthpaw Member Posts: 2,026
    Anduin said:

    Now a mummified gnome with a love of cauliflower, this noble, intelligent, good looking and humble hero was part of an adventuring group, (some would call them robbers, bandits and cut throats) called the living four (as everyone wanted them dead) After many adventures, he left them to start a lucrative rock sculpture business (Now located atop of Durlag's tower, visit today!) whilst they descended to god hood as the dead three...

    Through his adventures, became a chosen of Cauli , protector of the flower people, he has the power to produce highly vitamin rich cauliflower by sheer charisma! With a deep seated hatred of broccoli, the spawn of E Coli and the dastardly Lord @Shandyr , @Anduin has fought against the evil machinations of Ferret Force Five led by @Nimran of the golden cookie.

    I'll help you create stats for him...

    Race: Gnome
    Class: Necromancer (for some reason) or Sorceror
    Stats : ST/DE/CON/IN/WIS/CHA - 10/14/18/6/25/7

    (Yes... 18 con... all the stuff he's ...ehm...survived...ehm...gone thru - he must have endurance like ... a mummy. Yes, 6 INT and 25 WIS ... He is reveling in utter madness as only an incredibly sane person can)
  • AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,745
    @Southpaw ...

    That stat... It was insulting...

    ...

    You know very well, I use mint. I place a bundle of mint leaves between each of my layers of bandages.

    I AM MINTY FRESH ! ! !

    ...

    That is a charisma score of at least 14... Possibly an 18 with creatures blinded or affected by the blindness spell.

    ...

    Get with it @Southpaw ...
  • gorgonzolagorgonzola Member Posts: 3,864
    What about Keldorn's wife NPC.

    When he ask you to let him leave the party to stay more with his family she approaches you saying:"he had his fun, now is my time! do your party need a good cook?".
    She can be a CG thief, good because she has married a paladin and therefore he is somewow similar to him, chaotic because she had a lover so has proved that she don't care about law and obligations.
    Starting level something between 2 and 4 as she had some experience in sneaking into his lover's home or sneaking him in Keldorn's house.
    Stats nothing special, she is not supposed to be an adventurer, but good DEX, as she has been trained since she was a baby to complicated jobs of embroidery and sewing.
    Weapon proficiency club (so few thieves use it), personal weapon her rolling pin, that, after her husband finally agree, is enchanted by the prelate at the order and become a +2 Club.
  • gorgonzolagorgonzola Member Posts: 3,864
    Obviously she never talk about her class with the prelate, just tells him that she need a weapon to defend herself.....
  • TarlugnTarlugn Member Posts: 209
    edited August 2016
    Cowled Wizard that gives sage advice during spellcaster encounters, and does the occasional "Gandalf on a bridge while flying Balrog approaches" -scene when party is in a similar situation.

    https://youtube.com/watch?v=mJZZNHekEQw
  • gorgonzolagorgonzola Member Posts: 3,864
    maybe one that can cast imprisonment at will...
  • SouthpawSouthpaw Member Posts: 2,026
    @Anduin - well, so I guess that translates to an enchanted peppermint belt, that grants +3 CHA, (-3 for Othyugs)
  • mashedtatersmashedtaters Member Posts: 2,266
    deltago said:

    name:Grassy
    race:Gnoll
    class:Jester (CN)
    stats: S 16 D 15 C 16 I 12 W 4 C 18

    personality traits: Paranoid conspiracy theorist who thinks the local authorities are out to silence him. Thinks travelling (read actually just following a la Noober) with a well known hero will make people take him as his supposed end of the world scenarios more seriously.

    Sound File:


    frantic, fast paced, shifting tones
    BATTLE_CRY: I won't go silently! Rawr!
    LEADER: Finally we can get to the serious issues
    TIRED: I need sleep, even though they can read my dreams
    BORED: Yes, lets wait here a little bit longer. It will confuse them
    HURT: No! I need to finish my manifesto!
    SELECT_COMMON1: Huh?
    SELECT_COMMON2: Uh?
    SELECT_COMMON3: These voices
    SELECT_ACTION1: Oh
    SELECT_ACTION2: Uh huh
    SELECT_ACTION3: must listen
    DAMAGE: owe!
    DYING: My manifesto explains all! ack!
    BATTLE_CRY2: Another man to stick it too!
    BATTLE_CRY3: You're one of them!
    SELECT_RARE1: Where's my tinfoil hat?
    SELECT_RARE2: Get out of my head!
    CRITICAL_HIT: Who is laughing now!
    CRITICAL_MISS: They are out to get me!
    TARGET_IMMUNE: They sent this because they know I can't hurt it! Help me out!
    INVENTORY_FULL: I have too much to research already. You hold it.
    PICKED_POCKET: Another piece of evidence obtained.

    @deltago
    I think I would actually play this NPC. Or maybe write one like him. I love it.

    How about a mashedtaters golem NPC?

    Race: Construct (mashedtaters)
    Class: Uh...
    Alignment: Super tasty good

    STR: 18 (seasoned with tons of strong garlic)
    CON: 3 (too much butter makes for extreme cholesterol problems)
    DEX: 10 (No exactly fluid, but not too runny, either)
    INT: -- (golems are mindless, but mashedtaters golems exceptionally so)
    WIS: 18 (It is incredibly wise to eat mashedtaters)
    CHA: 25 (You can't resist...the mashedtatery goodness...commands you)
  • KuronaKurona Member Posts: 881
    @Buttercheese Then what about a hagspawn who happens to be super hot
  • ButtercheeseButtercheese Member Posts: 3,766
    edited August 2016
    @Kurona INSANITY
    PS: In theory he's actually a tiefling, but don't tell anyone.
  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
    Oh I get now, Grassy Knoll...that's hillarious.
  • kestrixkestrix Member Posts: 9
    An air genasi thief. She'd be neutral and be named Wendy Hills. She never realizes that CHARNAME is on a super serious adventure and sometimes forgets about her special genasi abilities since she's a bit of an airhead.

    She never realizes that Viconia's a Drow and always insists that she's just a really darkly tanned elf.

    ... sometimes I like to play characters in PnP that make my DM want to murder me.
  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
    @ajwz
    Clever Planescape reference. Any other absurd NPCs? It's time to revive this thread.
  • UnderstandMouseMagicUnderstandMouseMagic Member Posts: 2,147
    Based on Lord Binky.

    Whatever the situation, Lord Binky can be relied on to make it go horribly wrong by being incredibly insulting. He insults clothes, accents, breeding, looks, abilities, plans, plots ect.

    He can't fight...at all.
    But his contribution to Charname's success is unmeasurable as everybody from the first assasin Tarnesh to Melissan is so enraged by his remarks that they completely ignore Charname in favour of trying to kill Binky. The would be "Gods of Murder" would willing give up their ambitions in a heartbeat if they could just kill this one person.

    Charname has of course, a permant "deaf" spell cast on themselves so that Lord Binky's remarks have no effect whatsoever. Charname has difficulty understanding what the problem is with the people they meet. They make a very happle couple wandering the realms causing wars and strife wherever they go.

    Stats.

    all very bad except for constitution because he always manages to run away.
  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
    @UnderstandMouseMagic
    You sir, win the internet.
  • UnderstandMouseMagicUnderstandMouseMagic Member Posts: 2,147

    @UnderstandMouseMagic
    You sir, win the internet.

    I thank you.

    Now if only a modder would take up the idea. There are so many situations where you just want to be incredibly dismissive and rude to the people bothering you if you are in that mood at the time.

    The writers in SOD tried but didn't have the courage to really go for outright rude and the humour wasn't good enough. We got annoying snark rather than OTT ridiculousness.
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985

    @UnderstandMouseMagic
    You sir, win the internet.

    I thank you.

    Now if only a modder would take up the idea. There are so many situations where you just want to be incredibly dismissive and rude to the people bothering you if you are in that mood at the time.

    The writers in SOD tried but didn't have the courage to really go for outright rude and the humour wasn't good enough. We got annoying snark rather than OTT ridiculousness.
    Perhaps, if a modder takes up this challenge, it should be done by a fan of the Blackadder series. "To you, Baldrick, the Renaissance is just something that happened to other people."

  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,309
    An Atheist Cleric.

    How does he cast divine spells? Because he worships himself.

    The Ultimate Contradiction.
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