I had a cat who loved jägermeister. If anyone had a glass of the stuff he'd try to steal it when they turned their back on it. He was never able to get drunk on it though, far as I could tell.
Who loves jägermeister?! I hear you ask. The same cat who loved eating worms, that's who.
I had a cat who loved jägermeister. If anyone had a glass of the stuff he'd try to steal it when they turned their back on it. He was never able to get drunk on it though, far as I could tell.
Who loves jägermeister?! I hear you ask. The same cat who loved eating worms, that's who.
My uncle had a redbone coonhound, Rufus, who loved beer. I saw this myself and I wish it was when there were cellphones, because I would own youtube.
A bunch of the family (my mom was one of ten kids) were at my grandparents' place, sitting under a tree and talking. My dad put down his PBR longneck on the grass. Two minutes later, Rufus ambled up behind him, grabbed the bottle with his mouth, tilted back, and drained it. And yes, it would be my Uncle Ron who had a dog with a drinking problem.
Okay, how about a bar story? I was an undergraduate at a Big Ten university with very good academics and a well-earned reputation for alcohol consumption. My uncle described it as “a drinking school with an academic problem”. One of the bars in town had something called Around the World in 80 Beers where you had six months to drink 80 different beers to get a t-shirt, your name on a brick outside, and a coupon for 10% off a liver transplant. I accomlished this, though the t-shirt is long gone and the brick has since been replaced at least twice over as they ran out of space and had to accomodate other Feyman-esque thinkers. I got down to the last beer with over two months to go; it was a Corona and I had trouble steeling myself to that swill. After three weeks I did it, accompanied by several friends for the momentous occasion. However, I also had a double shot of sour mash ready to get the taste out of my mouth.
We celebrated by going to see a local band, but that is another story.
OK, so here's a story I might've told after few beers. It's better spoken than written, but whatever.
So I was standing in the "fika room" at work, havinng a coffee and talking to some trainees. As always with young, new colleagues they try to desperately sound older and more experienced then they are, and these guys were no exceptions. So this one guy, brazilian was telling me with a very thick, guttural accent: "I've been traveling around visiting all the company's whorehouses. Very interesting!". You can imagine me trying to hold my coffee in and not laugh-bursting it out all over his face. It took a me a few seconds to realize he had visited our company's warehouses.
Keep'em coming guys and gals, gimme me your best stories!
A Chinese guy learning Swedish once eagerly asked me to explain the word kåt ("horny"). "I've heard you can use it in many different ways!" "Well, uuh... I suppose?" I realized just in time that he was in fact asking about the word kort, meaning card or short depending on how you pronounce it.
John: Hi, can I get a Brand A please? Richard: Dude, Brand A sucks! You want Brand B instead! Good job I was here, eh? John: But Brand B costs five times the price! Richard: Look, you want decent beer, you got to spend the money. Henry: Bullshit, Brand A is just as good a beer as any. Don't listen to that beer snob. Richard: Beer snob? I'm just trying to help, if you don't want my advice fine but please don't insult me in front of the bartender! Henry: Don't listen to him, you want Brand A then get a Brand A. Here's a list of alternative beers for a similar price with reviews of each one. John: Thanks, that's very helpful, but I think I'd rather stick to my original order. Pete: Excuse me, does anybody know where the gents is? Henry: Oh ffs, this has been asked at least 20 times today! Read the god damn signs! Pete: Sorry, I was just asking. Henry: Well I'm sick of these noobs coming in here asking the same questions. Look, up there! Use the sign! Dave: Don't be an arsehole, I'll help you find the toilet... *lengthy explanation of how to get there* Sarah: Hi, I... Everyone: Hey! How's it going? You new here? Let me buy you a drink! Add me on Facebook! Wanna go out some time? Sarah: I have a boyfriend. Everyone: Oh. Matt: So, Donald Trump, eh? Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Everyone: *massive political discussion that soon turns into shouting match* Bartender: That's it, I'm closing the bar!
John: Hi, can I get a Brand A please? Richard: Dude, Brand A sucks! You want Brand B instead! Good job I was here, eh? John: But Brand B costs five times the price! Richard: Look, you want decent beer, you got to spend the money. Henry: Bullshit, Brand A is just as good a beer as any. Don't listen to that beer snob. Richard: Beer snob? I'm just trying to help, if you don't want my advice fine but please don't insult me in front of the bartender! Henry: Don't listen to him, you want Brand A then get a Brand A. Here's a list of alternative beers for a similar price with reviews of each one. John: Thanks, that's very helpful, but I think I'd rather stick to my original order. Pete: Excuse me, does anybody know where the gents is? Henry: Oh ffs, this has been asked at least 20 times today! Read the god damn signs! Pete: Sorry, I was just asking. Henry: Well I'm sick of these noobs coming in here asking the same questions. Look, up there! Use the sign! Dave: Don't be an arsehole, I'll help you find the toilet... *lengthy explanation of how to get there* Sarah: Hi, I... Everyone: Hey! How's it going? You new here? Let me buy you a drink! Add me on Facebook! Wanna go out some time? Sarah: I have a boyfriend. Everyone: Oh. Matt: So, Donald Trump, eh? Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Everyone: *massive political discussion that soon turns into shouting match* Bartender: That's it, I'm closing the bar!
The only thing missing is: 'everybody lights up their cigar/cigarette'. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to be able to sit down at a bar for a while and not smell like a smoking shed when you leave, but I can't help missing that once in a while...
*Reads the comments* *Looks at the rum bottle* *Mans up* Nope, I'm not taking the bait again.
Yeah, probably it is just too much for you...
*runs away*
Some time ago I've been working closely with one lady, who's been rather fond of mentioning the exquisite taste of liquor she's been enjoying while we discussed things. One day I decided that hey, I've actually got a bottle somewhere as well... Having mentioned that fact to her, I returned to work and some hours later it was about time to turn in. While wishing goodnight, I noted by the way that maybe she had a point with that drink, to which she replied "a rather startling comment several hours later!" Hmph! Next day I casually complained in the general chat that certain evil people first tempt me with a drink for weeks, then make sarcastic remarks when grab one myself. The response? "I thought you said you didn't drink. Or does that just mean no vodka in Russia?"
Comments
Who loves jägermeister?! I hear you ask. The same cat who loved eating worms, that's who.
FTFY
A bunch of the family (my mom was one of ten kids) were at my grandparents' place, sitting under a tree and talking. My dad put down his PBR longneck on the grass. Two minutes later, Rufus ambled up behind him, grabbed the bottle with his mouth, tilted back, and drained it. And yes, it would be my Uncle Ron who had a dog with a drinking problem.
Next round is on me
Okay, how about a bar story? I was an undergraduate at a Big Ten university with very good academics and a well-earned reputation for alcohol consumption. My uncle described it as “a drinking school with an academic problem”. One of the bars in town had something called Around the World in 80 Beers where you had six months to drink 80 different beers to get a t-shirt, your name on a brick outside, and a coupon for 10% off a liver transplant. I accomlished this, though the t-shirt is long gone and the brick has since been replaced at least twice over as they ran out of space and had to accomodate other Feyman-esque thinkers. I got down to the last beer with over two months to go; it was a Corona and I had trouble steeling myself to that swill. After three weeks I did it, accompanied by several friends for the momentous occasion. However, I also had a double shot of sour mash ready to get the taste out of my mouth.
We celebrated by going to see a local band, but that is another story.
OK, so here's a story I might've told after few beers. It's better spoken than written, but whatever.
So I was standing in the "fika room" at work, havinng a coffee and talking to some trainees. As always with young, new colleagues they try to desperately sound older and more experienced then they are, and these guys were no exceptions. So this one guy, brazilian was telling me with a very thick, guttural accent: "I've been traveling around visiting all the company's whorehouses. Very interesting!". You can imagine me trying to hold my coffee in and not laugh-bursting it out all over his face. It took a me a few seconds to realize he had visited our company's warehouses.
Keep'em coming guys and gals, gimme me your best stories!
"I've heard you can use it in many different ways!"
"Well, uuh... I suppose?"
I realized just in time that he was in fact asking about the word kort, meaning card or short depending on how you pronounce it.
For the record, I’ve met 50,000 peoplewho claimed they were there that night.
John: Hi, can I get a Brand A please?
Richard: Dude, Brand A sucks! You want Brand B instead! Good job I was here, eh?
John: But Brand B costs five times the price!
Richard: Look, you want decent beer, you got to spend the money.
Henry: Bullshit, Brand A is just as good a beer as any. Don't listen to that beer snob.
Richard: Beer snob? I'm just trying to help, if you don't want my advice fine but please don't insult me in front of the bartender!
Henry: Don't listen to him, you want Brand A then get a Brand A. Here's a list of alternative beers for a similar price with reviews of each one.
John: Thanks, that's very helpful, but I think I'd rather stick to my original order.
Pete: Excuse me, does anybody know where the gents is?
Henry: Oh ffs, this has been asked at least 20 times today! Read the god damn signs!
Pete: Sorry, I was just asking.
Henry: Well I'm sick of these noobs coming in here asking the same questions. Look, up there! Use the sign!
Dave: Don't be an arsehole, I'll help you find the toilet... *lengthy explanation of how to get there*
Sarah: Hi, I...
Everyone: Hey! How's it going? You new here? Let me buy you a drink! Add me on Facebook! Wanna go out some time?
Sarah: I have a boyfriend.
Everyone: Oh.
Matt: So, Donald Trump, eh?
Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Everyone: *massive political discussion that soon turns into shouting match*
Bartender: That's it, I'm closing the bar!
*Looks at the rum bottle*
*Mans up*
Nope, I'm not taking the bait again.
*runs away*
Next day I casually complained in the general chat that certain evil people first tempt me with a drink for weeks, then make sarcastic remarks when grab one myself. The response? "I thought you said you didn't drink. Or does that just mean no vodka in Russia?"