Let's see... if @Anduin is somehow Desmond Hume, and his constant is Penny (presumably a vegetable), it is, for reasons mere mortals can never fully understand, clear that my constant has to be a different time version of Daniel Farraday, and that is...
"Stop it!" @Eudaemonium sounded especially grumpy today. "At least stop singing this stupid song!" @Samus chuckled. "Seems like our fearless leader is a one hit wonder." I'm a 9th Wonder! the beholder replied before he resumed singing - the same song. "I show you one hit wonder..." the gnome grumbled and hit his mount with the quarterstaff.
The group had travelled south from the hatch, following a lead @OneAngryMushroom had for the One Ring. For hours, nothing exciting had happened, which wasn't surprising. The beholder wasn't exactly a gifted singer and he made up for the lacking talent with the enthusiasm of a whole duergar karaoke bar. Unsurprisingly, @Anduin, @Southpaw and OneAngryMushroom had been scouting ahead for that reason. But now, Samus noticed the three had stopped and were looking at something on the ground. When she, the beholder and the gnome caught up to them, the mummy looked up. "Dude, check this out!" he said. "It's a talking chicken!" Southpaw shook his head. "I only see food." OneAngryMushroom was busy trying to poke the bird with his spear. "HELP! Someone help me! I'm not really a chicken!" the chicken yelled, just barely evading the spear. "What's so special about that?" Eudaemonium asked, ignoring the chicken's cry for help. "No idea", Southpaw shrugged. "But then, I've never met a chicken before. It's hard to tell if this one is different." "Maybe we should hear it out to find out what..." Samus began, then stopped.
"Oops." OneAngryMushroom had finally stabbed the bird with his spear. "Well, so much for that idea", Samus sighed. "Not a problem", Anduin said and grabbed the dead chicken. "I'll just resurrect it." He opened his skull and stuffed the bird inside. "What in the nine hells are you doing?!" Samus asked. "Resurrecting the chicken", Anduin replied. "In your head?!" Samus raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure that's how it works?" Anduin closed his skull and wrapped the bandages around it. "Who is the necromancer here? Yes, that's right, I am. So I probably know a thing or two about resurrecting chickens." "How?" Southpaw asked. "Did you ever meet one before?" Anduin shook his head, sending feathers flying through the air. "No. But it can't be that different from vegetables. Food is food, after all."
----------- Actually, Melicamp died in High Hedge. Next, we'll meet Bassilus, then head down to the Gnoll Fortress.
I refuse! Destiny, go away! I will fight this evil! I will never accept to be the incarnation of Baron Samedi
Eye of Helm has gained the ability "Bullet Proof Skin" - 1 round per caster level, starting at level 1: immunity to handgun ammunition small to medium caliber.
Great. That's so useful in a time where guns were not even invited... *sigh*
@Southpaw chuckled to himself. He took a piece of left brain lobe from his backpack and softly began to munch on it. Life on the surface seemed so different from what he had experienced in the Underdark. Life had been difficult, no almost brutal amongst the Underdark dwellers, he also felt lucky to still be alive.
He watched as both @Anduin and @Eudaemonium were conversing over the remains of the dead chicken. Everything seemed like a distant memory now. Travelling with these extraordinary individuals on the surface was so odd and against all the Mind Flayer philosophies he had been brought up with. "Don't play with your food." His Ma used to say.
He did not remember, how he became the priest of Lathander. It happened under really odd circumstances and his head hurt, when he was trying to remember how it started. But he understood his Lord's plan. Deliver light and peace to others. When he fed on Underdark dwellers, they were so blissfully happy after he absolved them. He firmly believed, that was his gift and his godly plan. It's a shame, that whenever he tried to communicate with Lathander, he just felt a very odd awkwardness. Maybe Lathander was not yet prepared for a MindFlayer cleric. He understood, that He is not from Underdark. Lathander was a surface god. And during his own prayers, he promised Lathander to deliver his love thru his Hammer of Healing to the surface dwellers. They were so peaceful, when he delivered his Lord's light unto them with his Hammer...
*ssslurp*
"You know what? This actually tastes like chicken." murmured Southpaw, still lost in his thoughts and memories...
No worries. It's dead... Are you a leg or breast man... err... veg?
Aaaagh! Aaaagh! Help! ... What?!? Am I a leg or breast man... err.. veg? What?
You, know... so we can eat it? Bit of roast chicken? You must have come from a very sheltered field...
You can eat chicken?
Yep.
How?
Roast and serve with gravy and... and... oh no... The sneaky, Athlete foot related, cap wearing fungus! Its a trap! @OneAngryMushroom has set us up! The conniving, son of a spore!
...
You serve chicken roasted, with gravy and... vegetables. I believe we have mere moments before we are boiled alive...
WHAT! NO! We just stab other monster, why do they need to boil US! WHY do WE deserve special treatment?
I have a cunning plan!
Does it involve turnips Brocol-dick?
No. If we resurrect the chicken, we can then push it out @Anduin's skull flap... Then they will have to kill it again... We can then quick march @Anduin away before any Kentucky Fried Chicken action takes place!
And you want to borrow my rare, mint condition, ressurect chicken scroll...
To be fair, I like to hoard my magic scrolls and wands too... But think about it... When are you ever going to use that scroll if not now?
It was very odd that @KidCarnival was selling one in the first place...ok. Lets save our bacon... Chicken...
*Vegetables start waving arms in a mystical and clerical manner...*
*Meanwhile outside the Brain Cave*
And viola one ressurrected Chicken! WHO is the Necromancer... I think its Mummy! Yes me! Now let me unwind my bandages over here before anyone decides to boil me goose...
*Inside Brain Cave*
Crap! A goose... Where the hell did the sneaky fungi stuff that!
"Heh heh heh, It's so fun to mess with those vegetables when I hide in the shadows. thank you ranger training. I've been on the surface for over a year now, I wonder what I'll do after I destroy that infernal ring." @OneAngryMushroom takes a seat at the campfire and for a brief moment feels longing for the simplicity of being a colony guard, it was simple, but lonely, so lonely. He looks at the people he had secretly grown to consider friends. @Eudaemonium was dangling by his bootstraps out of @KidCarnivals pack, it was a very amusing sight. @Samus was singing a jovial tune about some poor sap that she met in Underdark. @Southpaw was waving his tentacles in time with Samus's singing. @Anduin was acting as if two minds were fighting for control of his body ranting about a goose. OneAngryMushroom wondered what he could do next to the poor mummy. Samus's singing had stopped. The resident myconid hadn't noticed.
"Well?"
"Well what?"
"What will you do after you destroy that ring you go on about?"
OneAngryMushrooms looks at the party and smiles "I have an idea."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah. Besides who else is going to keep putting arrows into our foe's necks."
Has anyone ever seen a aurumvorax @Samus questioned the group? For some reason the Myconid made her recall tales she had once heard in a tavern...
Aurumvorax? The thing that eats gold? The last time I saw one of those is when that job for that temple of helm went sour. Got kicked out for that one.
@Eudaemonium and @Samus had made a breakthrough discovery how to stop the beholder's singing. They had found a chest labeled "☼ The Swan - Supplies 4/23 ☼" near the hatch. By the looks of it, the chest had just fallen from the sky - or had been catapulted off the tower of Thalantyr's Needful Things. Sadly, there hadn't been any magical supplies in it, but at least some food. From the list of contents, it was a surface dish called "waffles" and whenever the beholder attempted to start singing, the drow and the gnome offered him more food. It was quiet and peaceful and well worth wasting the waffles.
Surprised, the mind flayer looked around. None of his companions had spoken, and it wasn't their voice anyway. He reached out mentally, but could not sense the presence of anyone else. The party apparently hadn't heard the voice, so Southpaw answered telepathically.
Who are you?
I AM YOUR FATHER, ODIN!
Odin? My father's name was Xaxiss...
NO, NOT LIKE THAT. I AM YOUR SPIRITUAL FATHER!
Dude, my "spiritual father" is Lathander...
OH, COME ON, STOP NITPICKING. I AM AN ASPECT OF LATHANDER.
I'm a priest of Lathander. Don't you think I'd know about that?
WELL, NOW YOU DO. THAT'S WHY THEY CALL CONVERSATIONS LIKE THIS ONE "REVELATIONS".
Hm, yes, that makes sense... Alright then, Lathandodin, what do you want?
YOUR TRICKSTER BROTHER LOKI H...
Wait, I don't have a brother...
NO, NOT LIKE THAT. YOUR SPIRITUAL BROTHER. HE HAS STOLEN A MIGHTY ARTIFACT THAT IS RIGHTFULLY YOURS!
What? That bastard! Let me check my backpack... Nope, not missing anything except a Cure Minor Wounds scroll, but I know the gnome took it. It's funny how he tries to figure it out.
I NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO GIVE YOU THIS ARTIFACT. LOKI TOOK IT. YOU NEED TO GET IT BACK. SO MUCH POWER CAN NOT BE ALLOWED IN THE HANDS OF YOUR IDIOT BROTHER.
That bastard! He'll die for that!
THAT'S THE SPIRIT, MY SON!
So, where is this "spiritual" brother and what artifact am I looking for?
HE IS NEARBY, IN A STONE CIRCLE. YOU WILL KNOW THE ARTIFACT WHEN YOU HOLD IT IN YOUR... HANDS... PAWS... WHATEVER IT IS YOU MIND FLAYERS HAVE.
Alright, I'll get this "mighty artifact"... Do I have to do it right away? We are a bit busy with @Anduin and this talking chicken...
YOU MUST GO NOW! DON'T WASTE TIME. BE THE ONE WE NEED.
Before Southpaw could reply, @OneAngryMushroom appeared behind a rock, returning from scouting ahead. "Still no lead on the One Ring... I thought it might be in that stone circle I saw, but it turned out there's just some crazy guy with a giant hammer and a bunch of undead creatures..." "A madman threatening my kind with a giant hammer?!" @Anduin asked. "We must stop him!" Southpaw nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, that bastard needs to die! He stole my hammer!" Samus raised an eyebrow. "Your hammer? You still seem to have your hammer." "No, not like that", Southpaw explained. "My spiritual hammer."
A short walk later, the group reached a stone circle. And like the Mushroom That Says Ni had said, there was a hammer wielding nutjob in the middle, talking to skeletons and zombies. Southpaw stepped closer to the circle, while the rest of the group kept some distance. Anduin tried to lure a skeleton away, with promises of freedom, but got no reaction. Obviously, the poor creature was under an evil spell.
"My brother!" Southpaw addressed the man in the stone circle. "How good to see you! It's been such a long time since... the Siege of AR-558!" Surprised, the man turned around. "Brother?" he echoed. "Aren't you... my father?" The clarity hit Southpaw like lightning. His coversation with Lathander had been real! It wasn't a trick of his mind or a product of his imagination; this man really was his spiritual... relative of some sort, he was a trickster, and he had stolen his hammer! "FLAYER SMASH TRICKSTER BROTHER!" Southpaw screamed and swung his hammer, literally smashing the madman to a puddle of blood and flesh and bones. For a moment, the mind flayer stopped and admired the patterns of blood splatters, then he remembered his goal and picked up the hammer.
"Southpaw? Are you alright?" Samus asked when she noticed the mind flayer's fascination with the weapon.
Slowly, Southpaw turned around and raised the arm with the hammer to the sky. "Yes, now I am alright. Now, I have... THE POWER OF GREYSKULL!"
---- Probably going to kill the hobgoblins in the area for Samus' Whistling Sword +2, then continue to save the dancer.
And the ref FAQ update, because I'm losing track. (Where is Melicamp at the moment anyway?)
Chapter 11 Eye of Helm: "You all everybody" is the song of the one hit wonder Drive Shaft in Lost; 9th Wonders is the comic predicting the future in Heroes (and used by Hiro to follow his destiny); the actor playing Hiro loves karaoke Anduin: "Dude", Hurley's catchphrase/word in Lost
Chapter 12 Eye of Helm: waffles are Hiro's favorite food The Swan is the name of the station where Desmond was in Lost; he got supplies dropped from planes Southpaw & Lathander: Odin telling Thor to get Mjölnir back from Loki; admiring blood splatters: Dexter Morgan's job in the forensics team, Hulk, He-Man. Lathander saying "be the one we need" - Hiro says this to Peter Petrelli, after only telling him to save the cheerleader/hammer, but not which one/why Siege of AR-558 - a Deep Space Nine episode
Was that entire thing a build up for a spiritual hammer pun? Whatever it made me laugh. Also is it just me or did the number of crazy people take a significant jump in the realms lately.
Comments
Let's see... if @Anduin is somehow Desmond Hume, and his constant is Penny (presumably a vegetable), it is, for reasons mere mortals can never fully understand, clear that my constant has to be a different time version of Daniel Farraday, and that is...
M̛a͢king ̸sens̶e ̵o͘f̛ ҉şitu͏àt͠io̡n,͡ p͢l͞e̴ąse s̢t͟a̵n̵ḑ b͏y.
͢
̡Ti͢c̶ḱ ̷tơck̕ ͝tìck t̨ock̛.͠
...Ingot the Gnoll.
♫ Y҉ou ál̕l, ȩve͢rybo̧dy,͘ acţi͟ng ͠lik̨e͜ ͜th̢ese ͏śtu̷p͢id̸ pe͠o̴ple,́ ͡we͠a͏ring̢ ex̀p̴en͞si͜ve cloth̕e̷s, ̴y͜o͘u a͠ll͘ ́ev͝ér̀ybo̡d́y ♪̧
"Stop it!" @Eudaemonium sounded especially grumpy today. "At least stop singing this stupid song!" @Samus chuckled. "Seems like our fearless leader is a one hit wonder." I'm a 9th Wonder! the beholder replied before he resumed singing - the same song. "I show you one hit wonder..." the gnome grumbled and hit his mount with the quarterstaff.
The group had travelled south from the hatch, following a lead @OneAngryMushroom had for the One Ring. For hours, nothing exciting had happened, which wasn't surprising. The beholder wasn't exactly a gifted singer and he made up for the lacking talent with the enthusiasm of a whole duergar karaoke bar. Unsurprisingly, @Anduin, @Southpaw and OneAngryMushroom had been scouting ahead for that reason. But now, Samus noticed the three had stopped and were looking at something on the ground. When she, the beholder and the gnome caught up to them, the mummy looked up. "Dude, check this out!" he said. "It's a talking chicken!" Southpaw shook his head. "I only see food." OneAngryMushroom was busy trying to poke the bird with his spear. "HELP! Someone help me! I'm not really a chicken!" the chicken yelled, just barely evading the spear. "What's so special about that?" Eudaemonium asked, ignoring the chicken's cry for help. "No idea", Southpaw shrugged. "But then, I've never met a chicken before. It's hard to tell if this one is different." "Maybe we should hear it out to find out what..." Samus began, then stopped.
"Oops." OneAngryMushroom had finally stabbed the bird with his spear. "Well, so much for that idea", Samus sighed. "Not a problem", Anduin said and grabbed the dead chicken. "I'll just resurrect it." He opened his skull and stuffed the bird inside. "What in the nine hells are you doing?!" Samus asked. "Resurrecting the chicken", Anduin replied. "In your head?!" Samus raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure that's how it works?" Anduin closed his skull and wrapped the bandages around it. "Who is the necromancer here? Yes, that's right, I am. So I probably know a thing or two about resurrecting chickens." "How?" Southpaw asked. "Did you ever meet one before?" Anduin shook his head, sending feathers flying through the air. "No. But it can't be that different from vegetables. Food is food, after all."
-----------
Actually, Melicamp died in High Hedge. Next, we'll meet Bassilus, then head down to the Gnoll Fortress.
No...! No, that can't be right!
I ͏h͟a̢ve àlw̴aỳs k̛n̴own i҉t͜.
But how is this possible? I am a paladin of helm!
Mere͘ly a҉ ͟d̛ís̕g̸uişe t͘o ̵s͡he̡lt́er mo͘rt̵ąls ̛fro͘m ̀the͠ mad̵deni̕n̵g̶ ̧know̕led̨ge͟ o͠f yo͞ur ́TR̢U̵E ͘d͞e҉sti̷n͟y̨.
I refuse! Destiny, go away! I will fight this evil! I will never accept to be the incarnation of Baron Samedi
Eye of Helm has gained the ability "Bullet Proof Skin" - 1 round per caster level, starting at level 1: immunity to handgun ammunition small to medium caliber.
Great. That's so useful in a time where guns were not even invited... *sigh*
He watched as both @Anduin and @Eudaemonium were conversing over the remains of the dead chicken. Everything seemed like a distant memory now. Travelling with these extraordinary individuals on the surface was so odd and against all the Mind Flayer philosophies he had been brought up with.
"Don't play with your food." His Ma used to say.
He did not remember, how he became the priest of Lathander. It happened under really odd circumstances and his head hurt, when he was trying to remember how it started.
But he understood his Lord's plan. Deliver light and peace to others.
When he fed on Underdark dwellers, they were so blissfully happy after he absolved them. He firmly believed, that was his gift and his godly plan. It's a shame, that whenever he tried to communicate with Lathander, he just felt a very odd awkwardness. Maybe Lathander was not yet prepared for a MindFlayer cleric.
He understood, that He is not from Underdark. Lathander was a surface god. And during his own prayers, he promised Lathander to deliver his love thru his Hammer of Healing to the surface dwellers.
They were so peaceful, when he delivered his Lord's light unto them with his Hammer...
*ssslurp*
"You know what? This actually tastes like chicken." murmured Southpaw, still lost in his thoughts and memories...
Is that a chicken?!?
Aaaagh! Get it OUT! OUT!
No worries. It's dead... Are you a leg or breast man... err... veg?
Aaaagh! Aaaagh! Help! ... What?!? Am I a leg or breast man... err.. veg? What?
You, know... so we can eat it? Bit of roast chicken? You must have come from a very sheltered field...
You can eat chicken?
Yep.
How?
Roast and serve with gravy and... and... oh no... The sneaky, Athlete foot related, cap wearing fungus! Its a trap! @OneAngryMushroom has set us up! The conniving, son of a spore!
...
You serve chicken roasted, with gravy and... vegetables. I believe we have mere moments before we are boiled alive...
WHAT! NO! We just stab other monster, why do they need to boil US! WHY do WE deserve special treatment?
I have a cunning plan!
Does it involve turnips Brocol-dick?
No. If we resurrect the chicken, we can then push it out @Anduin's skull flap... Then they will have to kill it again... We can then quick march @Anduin away before any Kentucky Fried Chicken action takes place!
And you want to borrow my rare, mint condition, ressurect chicken scroll...
To be fair, I like to hoard my magic scrolls and wands too... But think about it... When are you ever going to use that scroll if not now?
It was very odd that @KidCarnival was selling one in the first place...ok. Lets save our bacon... Chicken...
*Vegetables start waving arms in a mystical and clerical manner...*
*Meanwhile outside the Brain Cave*
And viola one ressurrected Chicken! WHO is the Necromancer... I think its Mummy! Yes me!
Now let me unwind my bandages over here before anyone decides to boil me goose...
*Inside Brain Cave*
Crap! A goose... Where the hell did the sneaky fungi stuff that!
*sigh*
@OneAngryMushroom takes a seat at the campfire and for a brief moment feels longing for the simplicity of being a colony guard, it was simple, but lonely, so lonely. He looks at the people he had secretly grown to consider friends. @Eudaemonium was dangling by his bootstraps out of @KidCarnivals pack, it was a very amusing sight. @Samus was singing a jovial tune about some poor sap that she met in Underdark. @Southpaw was waving his tentacles in time with Samus's singing. @Anduin was acting as if two minds were fighting for control of his body ranting about a goose. OneAngryMushroom wondered what he could do next to the poor mummy.
Samus's singing had stopped. The resident myconid hadn't noticed.
"Well?"
"Well what?"
"What will you do after you destroy that ring you go on about?"
OneAngryMushrooms looks at the party and smiles
"I have an idea."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah. Besides who else is going to keep putting arrows into our foe's necks."
͎͚̠̦̭̳
̜*͚̼̦̰̺̱̘e̗͚̬y͍͚̜e̝̤̺s͙̣̭̹ ̺͇t̺̲h͔̘̳̘̙̝̳ẹ̳̗͔̬̠̗ ̰̲̗̖r̪͔͉̪̼̰a̳̝b̬b̮͚͇̳͔͚̬i̫͓̺̜̘̜t͖̜̝ ̮̙̹̫͙̲p͔͖̖̰̠a̦̬w̠̱͚͉͕ͅͅ*̱̬̺͔ͅ
͉̹̞̝̭̠̣
̠̘̭͓̥A͙̖̬̲r̦̮͖e̖̳̱͖̳͖̼ ͈y̠̹͖o̦͖̙̱̥̼̺u̲̜̰ ̮̺ș̥̬̗̙̥̥ti̗̫l̰̯̱l̬̞̤ ̗̲͍̗͈e̥̗̝͍at̫͍in̳̥̖̮̱̗̯g͔̬̮ ͔̼̮t̰͈̻͔͈h͙̰̥̠ạ͓̯̺͍̺̪t͍̦.̬̗̻͍̗͈͈..͔͕?̣̟̪͚
̱̟̮̳̞
̳̟̗̪S͈̤͍̼̤Ọ ̩̪̳͇̳H̠͉̦U̮͓͙͙̳NG̱͖̰̝̞̥R̺̭Y̥̞̩̣͖̭.̦̱̪̭̯ͅ
---
Bit busy with family birthdays at the moment. Unless someone wants to write the Bassilus encounter, we're on a commercial break for a dew days.
̷D̀ES̛PA͞I͘R͡!̷
͠
Stupid Eyelar! You have telekinesis! Let me use your ability or we will starve!
It̕ ̛m͘a͞k҉es̛ ́sen̴se͏.͠.̕. ̀But ̸e͜ye̛ w͝ant̨ H̶IS̢ ́a̡bili̸t̕y w͏i̢t́ho͝u̧t giv͢in̛g͡ h͜im ̡m̢ine͏.͢..͏ ̢Eye'm̷ ̢h͢uńgr̶y, b͡u͞t ey͝e̴'̸m̧ no̴t͜ ͘tha͝t҉ ̴st̡upid͘...̵ I̢t̸'s͟ ̶p̸r͜ob͝a͡bl̛y a tŕa͡p̀...̸ ͜B͘ut ̀w͘h͝at ̢i͟f ít҉ ́is̸n͞'҉t? I̵s̸ i̵t ͠w̧oŕth st͠a͝r͝v̧ing̡ ̀t́o f̨i̡nd͞ o̶u̶t҉...̴?̢
̡S͜Ǫ CONFLICTED.̨
*sigh*
Anything for a quiet life.
At least he won't be singing while he's eating.
@Eudaemonium and @Samus had made a breakthrough discovery how to stop the beholder's singing. They had found a chest labeled "☼ The Swan - Supplies 4/23 ☼" near the hatch. By the looks of it, the chest had just fallen from the sky - or had been catapulted off the tower of Thalantyr's Needful Things. Sadly, there hadn't been any magical supplies in it, but at least some food. From the list of contents, it was a surface dish called "waffles" and whenever the beholder attempted to start singing, the drow and the gnome offered him more food. It was quiet and peaceful and well worth wasting the waffles.
@SOUTHPAW! CAN YOU HEAR ME?
Surprised, the mind flayer looked around. None of his companions had spoken, and it wasn't their voice anyway. He reached out mentally, but could not sense the presence of anyone else. The party apparently hadn't heard the voice, so Southpaw answered telepathically.
Who are you?
I AM YOUR FATHER, ODIN!
Odin? My father's name was Xaxiss...
NO, NOT LIKE THAT. I AM YOUR SPIRITUAL FATHER!
Dude, my "spiritual father" is Lathander...
OH, COME ON, STOP NITPICKING. I AM AN ASPECT OF LATHANDER.
I'm a priest of Lathander. Don't you think I'd know about that?
WELL, NOW YOU DO. THAT'S WHY THEY CALL CONVERSATIONS LIKE THIS ONE "REVELATIONS".
Hm, yes, that makes sense... Alright then, Lathandodin, what do you want?
YOUR TRICKSTER BROTHER LOKI H...
Wait, I don't have a brother...
NO, NOT LIKE THAT. YOUR SPIRITUAL BROTHER. HE HAS STOLEN A MIGHTY ARTIFACT THAT IS RIGHTFULLY YOURS!
What? That bastard! Let me check my backpack... Nope, not missing anything except a Cure Minor Wounds scroll, but I know the gnome took it. It's funny how he tries to figure it out.
I NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO GIVE YOU THIS ARTIFACT. LOKI TOOK IT. YOU NEED TO GET IT BACK. SO MUCH POWER CAN NOT BE ALLOWED IN THE HANDS OF YOUR IDIOT BROTHER.
That bastard! He'll die for that!
THAT'S THE SPIRIT, MY SON!
So, where is this "spiritual" brother and what artifact am I looking for?
HE IS NEARBY, IN A STONE CIRCLE. YOU WILL KNOW THE ARTIFACT WHEN YOU HOLD IT IN YOUR... HANDS... PAWS... WHATEVER IT IS YOU MIND FLAYERS HAVE.
Alright, I'll get this "mighty artifact"... Do I have to do it right away? We are a bit busy with @Anduin and this talking chicken...
YOU MUST GO NOW! DON'T WASTE TIME. BE THE ONE WE NEED.
Before Southpaw could reply, @OneAngryMushroom appeared behind a rock, returning from scouting ahead. "Still no lead on the One Ring... I thought it might be in that stone circle I saw, but it turned out there's just some crazy guy with a giant hammer and a bunch of undead creatures..." "A madman threatening my kind with a giant hammer?!" @Anduin asked. "We must stop him!" Southpaw nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, that bastard needs to die! He stole my hammer!" Samus raised an eyebrow. "Your hammer? You still seem to have your hammer." "No, not like that", Southpaw explained. "My spiritual hammer."
A short walk later, the group reached a stone circle. And like the Mushroom That Says Ni had said, there was a hammer wielding nutjob in the middle, talking to skeletons and zombies. Southpaw stepped closer to the circle, while the rest of the group kept some distance. Anduin tried to lure a skeleton away, with promises of freedom, but got no reaction. Obviously, the poor creature was under an evil spell.
"My brother!" Southpaw addressed the man in the stone circle. "How good to see you! It's been such a long time since... the Siege of AR-558!" Surprised, the man turned around. "Brother?" he echoed. "Aren't you... my father?" The clarity hit Southpaw like lightning. His coversation with Lathander had been real! It wasn't a trick of his mind or a product of his imagination; this man really was his spiritual... relative of some sort, he was a trickster, and he had stolen his hammer! "FLAYER SMASH TRICKSTER BROTHER!" Southpaw screamed and swung his hammer, literally smashing the madman to a puddle of blood and flesh and bones. For a moment, the mind flayer stopped and admired the patterns of blood splatters, then he remembered his goal and picked up the hammer.
"Southpaw? Are you alright?" Samus asked when she noticed the mind flayer's fascination with the weapon.
Slowly, Southpaw turned around and raised the arm with the hammer to the sky. "Yes, now I am alright. Now, I have... THE POWER OF GREYSKULL!"
----
Probably going to kill the hobgoblins in the area for Samus' Whistling Sword +2, then continue to save the dancer.
Chapter 11
Eye of Helm: "You all everybody" is the song of the one hit wonder Drive Shaft in Lost; 9th Wonders is the comic predicting the future in Heroes (and used by Hiro to follow his destiny); the actor playing Hiro loves karaoke
Anduin: "Dude", Hurley's catchphrase/word in Lost
Chapter 12
Eye of Helm: waffles are Hiro's favorite food
The Swan is the name of the station where Desmond was in Lost; he got supplies dropped from planes
Southpaw & Lathander: Odin telling Thor to get Mjölnir back from Loki; admiring blood splatters: Dexter Morgan's job in the forensics team, Hulk, He-Man. Lathander saying "be the one we need" - Hiro says this to Peter Petrelli, after only telling him to save the cheerleader/hammer, but not which one/why
Siege of AR-558 - a Deep Space Nine episode