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It all started because of poor taste in HEADWEAR...

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Comments

  • PeccaPecca Member Posts: 1,964
    @Anduin: I am torn between a promise to you and my conviction to preserve balance. Forces of broccoli are clearly not winning even by your own historical sources. They do not even present a threat. I ask you to choose a different reward and let them live!

    lolien
  • AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,745
    AAAAAAAGH! YOUR FACE ! Put the bandages back on. PUT THEM BACK ON ! ! !
    @Pecca ... You have forced my hand to deliver an unwelcome... and un... well perhaps... healthy truth.

    Broccoli... Sadly... Will never be eradicated from the realms...

    Evil can be destroyed... But that does not prevent Evil acts from being committed in the future...

    ... And so... Inevitably... Broccoli will find itself served up, again and again.

    ...

    But hold on Brothers! We can persevere!

    Though this dish of dastardlyness may lay us low!

    Remember the cheese Brothers!

    THE CHEESE!

    Douse it on your cauliflower! Let it Bake and roast in its preserving embrace!

    LO!

    Salivate in the juicy goodness!

    Put aside your sprouts, Brothers!

    Save you mini pork sausages wrapped in bacon for later!

    ENJOY! That fluffy, crispy, melt in your mouth GOODNESS! NOW! Brothers...

    Salute those made of sterner stuff that EAT EVI-(Sorry) BROCCOLI FOR BREAKFAST!

    Because lets face it Brothers!

    Broccoli for Breakfast is a road to dietary oblivion...

    Together WE CAN FACE BROCCOLI, not with a grimace, not with a mewl of disappointment, No Brothers!

    We can face it with a SMILE!

    Because tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that! WE WILL EAT CAULIFLOWER AND REJOICE!

    *Anduin is pulled off the podium and mobbed by an ecstatic hoi polloi*

    booinyoureyesCrevsDaakLordRumfishlolien
  • booinyoureyesbooinyoureyes Member Posts: 6,162
    I love the hat darling! It is SOOOOOO you. And SOOOOO Christmassy!
    @anduin the sequence of events you just mentioned remind me of the rituals of Dawn, Midday and Dusk from statue in Amaunatar's abandoned temple :)

    AnduinCrevsDaaklolien
  • CrevsDaakCrevsDaak Member Posts: 7,145
    edited December 2013
    Aren't you a mummie? Where are your bandages that cover your face?
    @LordRumfish I only saw "Blade Runner" once, two years ago, I was twelve by that time, it is the best movie I've saw, and I remember lots of things by memory, like that.

    LordRumfishlolien
  • LordRumfishLordRumfish Member Posts: 936
    I love the hat darling! It is SOOOOOO you. And SOOOOO Christmassy!
    @Anduin I'm sorry, but Cheese is obviously worth an infinite amount more than this Nickel Panties collection. You won't be able to win the prize with that bid unless the other contestants forfeit!

    Anduinlolien
  • CrevsDaakCrevsDaak Member Posts: 7,145
    Aren't you a mummie? Where are your bandages that cover your face?
    @LordRumfish the best cheese is made by power gamers.

    LordRumfishlolien
  • SouthpawSouthpaw Member Posts: 2,026
    AAAAAAAGH! YOUR FACE ! Put the bandages back on. PUT THEM BACK ON ! ! !
    -- offtopic --

    After seeing what heights of insanity this thread already achieved, I'd await this to end in a Monty Python-esque fashion, where a modern-day policeman comes in and arrests everyone for being silly only to be smashed on his head with a rubber chicken.
    ALBATROS!

    -- offtopic --

    CrevsDaakAnduinLordRumfish
  • CrevsDaakCrevsDaak Member Posts: 7,145
    Aren't you a mummie? Where are your bandages that cover your face?
    @Southpaw or it ends with all of us crucified and singing. for it to end.

    SouthpawAnduinLordRumfish
  • AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,745
    AAAAAAAGH! YOUR FACE ! Put the bandages back on. PUT THEM BACK ON ! ! !
    ~off topic~

    An end... We need an ending.

    Unfortunately... I watched a film.

    The film was so good... I had to put it into the story.

    However, in this film, a main character dies... Uhm... So...

    I would hate to kill you off without you wanting it to happen first... I would, like, have all these people disliking me and thinking why did he not pick ME to die?!? So... If you would like to die, please massage me.

    @CrevsDaak, @KidCarnival, @Anduin, @LordRumfish, @booinyoureyes, @Pecca, @ChildofBhaal599, @OneAngryMushroom

    Oooh... and @Pecca , the whole backstory of the staff will be written here... I will send you the condensed version. Just been very busy over Christmas.

    ~off topic~

    CrevsDaakbooinyoureyesKidCarnivallolien
  • CrevsDaakCrevsDaak Member Posts: 7,145
    Aren't you a mummie? Where are your bandages that cover your face?
    @Anduin good to know you're back!

    booinyoureyesAnduin
  • AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,745
    AAAAAAAGH! YOUR FACE ! Put the bandages back on. PUT THEM BACK ON ! ! !
    Noooooo! @Crevsdaak aaaaaaddoooooo nananana-

    *A deafening, thunderous roar of water erupts into the sky to fall in a tidal wave of rain as a 100+ ton of Broccoli lands in Baldurs Gate's harbour.*

    I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE! I'VE NEVER KISSED THE OPPOSITE SEX... WHICH IS... I'M JUST TOO YOUNG TO DIE!

    *Legolass's plastic falling form is followed by a shorter, shabbier bundle of bandages. A staff appears within the morass and-*

    Featherfall Legolass! Featherfall Myself!

    *The fallen suddenly slow, then serenely, almost purposefully, float towards the top of Ramazith tower... Legolass lands first...*

    I'M ALIVE! I'M ALIVE!

    *Anduin floats towards the edge of the tower, then suddenly falls... short*

    AND THE MAD WIZARD FALLS!

    *Legolass starts skipping a merry jig*

    Ha Ha! Thought I was gonna leave world without having a goodbye kiss! Hell! I could kiss a beholder!

    Yes... I can arrange that. You look like you could use a good kiss...

    CrevsDaaklolien
  • KidCarnivalKidCarnival Member Posts: 3,747
    Aren't you a mummie? Where are your bandages that cover your face?
    I'm Eyelar. If anything, I get a shitty redemption ending, but I'm illogically immortal. :|

    AnduinCrevsDaak
  • AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,745
    edited January 2014
    AAAAAAAGH! YOUR FACE ! Put the bandages back on. PUT THEM BACK ON ! ! !
    *Anduin, his fingertips gripping the edge of the stone ediface, lifts his head above the parapet, with a look of fear*

    Run you fool!

    Aaaah!

    *Legolass in blind panic runs around the top of the tower while Eyelar hungrily watches. Anduin meanwhile begins to look perplexed*

    ...

    I meant run over here and help me up! You fool!

    ~off topic~
    The film in question not mentioned yet... but many other films will be quoted. A cookie if you eye them all!

    CrevsDaak
  • SouthpawSouthpaw Member Posts: 2,026
    AAAAAAAGH! YOUR FACE ! Put the bandages back on. PUT THEM BACK ON ! ! !
    ~offtopic~
    I believe it was "Flee you fools" in the original movie. And they did. And he battled the BalrBroccoli monster and fell...and was reborn and led the free men to victory!
    ~offtopic~

    CrevsDaakAnduin
  • AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,745
    AAAAAAAGH! YOUR FACE ! Put the bandages back on. PUT THEM BACK ON ! ! !
    ~off topic~

    Okay "I ate all the brains so you can't have any..." Dude.

    How would flee fit the scene?

    Cut this mummie some slack okay? My bandages are too tight as it is...

    ...

    :)

    ~off topic~

    *Legolass, realising that he was about to die horrible death, decided on pulling Anduin up. That way he had a 50/50 chance of watching Anduin die a horrible death before him... Eyelar approached, his smile widening until it was a cavern of teeth. He stopped before the plastic mummified duo and eyed them. His tongue slowly extended horizontally outwards in wet dripping saliva, before descending, tip first, in a hiss of sulphuric gases to touch the black marble floor...*

    Oh... NOT AGAIN!

    CrevsDaaklolien
  • AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,745
    edited January 2014
    AAAAAAAGH! YOUR FACE ! Put the bandages back on. PUT THEM BACK ON ! ! !
    *Even before Eyelar's tongue touched the black marble floor, six red imperial beetroot marched down it, two abreast, armed with long pikes of asparagus, there red lettuce cloaks giving them an almost alien quality. Drilled to perfection they parted ranks, and smartly arrayed themselves to face each other forming a red corridor. They waited, loyally standing to attention as there lord and master followed...*

    Aah... Anduin the irrepressible mummified Gnome, we meet again.

    *A half Braised Broccoli, with the side of his stalk scorched black, confidently walked down Eyelar's tongue, head bowed as if in concentration, clutching a white furry caterpillar to his chest. On reaching the marble floor he paced again in front of Anduin and Legolass before giving them his full gaze. One eye, blind milky white, the other a startling azure blue look upon Anduin and Legolass.*

    As we are already acquainted, may I call you Anduin?

    *Anduin frowns*

    No.

    Ah... Well. We will keep our tone formal Mr. Gnome. I suspect you are now thinking, where have I met this fine vegetable before no doubts...

    No.

    Ha! You joke Mr.Gnome!

    *The Master Broccoli begins to playfully ruffle the hair of his caterpillar with his free hand, before babbling in baby speak...*

    Is not Mr.Gnome funny, Wigglekins. Yes he is! Yes he is!

    Look, Mr. Green, Anduin has never met you before so if you could...

    SILENCE!... How could Anduin forget? Biocide is not easily forgetable is it? One would remember killing anothers family, race, species... IT IS NOT EASILY FORGETTABLE IS IT, MR. GNOME ! ! !

    *Wigglekins and the Master Broccoli give Anduin such a look of venom, Legolass involuntarily steps back. Anduin however casually folds his arms and looks away, towards the night lights of the sprawling city of Baldur's gate spread out below him. Unperturbed the Master Broccoli continues...*

    Ah... Yes... Perhaps you do not recognise me as I have gone up in the world since we last met, I have also changed my name... Yes... Perhaps this is why the great, Mr. Gnome, does not recognise me... Well Mr. Gnome, I was once a Paladin of Chauntea, known as Berun Broccoli of the Bravebottom, I had the willingness to change and do great things, Mr. Gnome. I was willing for instance to initiate peace talks with the Cauli, Mr. Gnome. Imagine that Mr. Gnome, our peoples reunited! What a joyous day that would be, Mr. Gnome.

    But then a party of adventures decided to burn my field, uproot my kin, devour our young and cast away our old, Mr. Gnome...

    Save us Berun, they cried Mr. Gnome. You are clever Berun, you can show us the way they implored of me, Mr. Gnome... And although I had the will, I didn't have the way, Mr. Gnome.

    I watched my family burn in front of me, Mr Gnome. I prayed to Chauntea, for the fire to go out, Mr. Gnome. But still my family burned, Mr. Gnome. I tried to save them, Mr. Gnome, as they were cooked, skewered and eaten alive. I was willing to die for them, Mr. Gnome, but even in this I failed them, Mr. Gnome...

    IN MY DESPERATION, MR. GNOME, I PRAYED FOR THE FLAMES TO CONSUME THEM QUICKER TO END THERE SUFFERING, MIS-TER I DON'T CARE, BRING THEM ALL BACK AS MUMMIFIED VEGETABLES, BLASTED IGNOR-RANT GNO-ME !

    ...And at that moment, when I had been forsaken by all other, Kossuth answered my prayers, Mr. Gnome. He baptised me in his fire. Granted me his gift to purify with flame and take my revenge on the killer of my kin by reducing them to ash, Mr. Gnome. He renamed me and I bathed in his golden light of the ever devouring flame, Mr. Gnome.

    Berun, that weak Broccoli that could not save his family, died that day Mr. Gnome.

    Can, arose strong with the power to take his vengeance on those that opposed him and his diety... And I CAN TAKE MY VENGEANCE ON THEE !


    I know something about Kossuth, my little half-baked loon. He don't like curly c's.

    ...Anduin, maybe we should...

    SILENCE!

    *A flame of molten red springs forth from the Master Broccoli's extended stalk, melting Legolass's face*

    Aaaah...Nooo... Uhura! Uhura!

    Most insightful of you Mr. Gnome. My name is spelt K-H-A-N and you will feel MY WRATH ! ! !

    ~off topic~

    Anyone guess what film I watched yet?

    @CrevsDaak, @KidCarnival, @LordRumfish, @booinyoureyes, @Pecca, @ChildofBhaal599, @OneAngryMushroom

    Surely there is enough clues now...

    ~off topic~

    EDIT: A name change and a few comments... I know now how to continue... But should I... Does anyone care anymore :(

    Post edited by Anduin on
    CrevsDaakLordRumfishlolien
  • KidCarnivalKidCarnival Member Posts: 3,747
    Aren't you a mummie? Where are your bandages that cover your face?
    Oh no, you haven't watched it. And I can tell you why. IT DOESN'T EXIST. That's why.

    CrevsDaakAnduinlolien
  • CrevsDaakCrevsDaak Member Posts: 7,145
    Aren't you a mummie? Where are your bandages that cover your face?
    Um, eh, umph! You've seen how the stars appeared on Lagash.

    Anduin
  • CrevsDaakCrevsDaak Member Posts: 7,145
    Aren't you a mummie? Where are your bandages that cover your face?
    CrevsDaak said:

    Um, eh, umph! You've seen how the stars appeared on Lagash.

    And that's the reason of your madness.
    And @Southpaw will rule us all with his ultra powers!
    image

    AnduinSouthpawlolien
  • AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,745
    AAAAAAAGH! YOUR FACE ! Put the bandages back on. PUT THEM BACK ON ! ! !
    Due to lack of interest... (two likes on that last epic post!) I am taking a breather to do more enlightened things... (can't figure out how to make them fly into a nebula, whilst unleashing a weapon that reverts the whole of Baldur's Gate into farmland productive for the growing of the sweetest, succulent Broccoli...)

    CrevsDaaklolien
  • lolienlolien Member, Moderator, Translator (NDA) Posts: 3,083
    I love the hat darling! It is SOOOOOO you. And SOOOOO Christmassy!
    *Master @Shandyr‌, i prepared for you the pentagram. All the ten necromantic ritual was performed on the edgepoints, that you marked for me. Now everything is ready to end the summoning and realease the Broccoli Demolich from the deep green pits!*

    [Deleted User]CrevsDaak
  • old_jolly2old_jolly2 Member Posts: 453
    I think I'm going to warn @lolien to "asian level" here ladies and gentleman , she's making me read things that is not good for sanity , besides , she's even trying to resurrect necromancy itself.
    Southpaw said:

    Love that picture. Even though it seems I have gained a bit of weight...

    @Southpaw what do you think , eons of sleep would just body-build you ?


    lolienCrevsDaak
  • AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,745
    AAAAAAAGH! YOUR FACE ! Put the bandages back on. PUT THEM BACK ON ! ! !
    When in the blazes did I write that?

    I'm amazed how good it is for a throw away post!

    ...

    Wait...

    @lolien‌ WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!

    WIPE THE PENTOGRAM! WIPE THE PENTO-

    *THOOOOOOOOOOM ! ! ! !*

    *pwee pwee pinkle pinkle*

    LordRumfishlolienCrevsDaak
  • LordRumfishLordRumfish Member Posts: 936
    I love the hat darling! It is SOOOOOO you. And SOOOOO Christmassy!
    "Ahh, hell."

    The man clad in a purple-and-yellow plaid robe leaned casually on a two-handed sword, to which the sword cried, "Get offa me, ya big oaf!" Ignoring this, the man pulled out a pipe and began to smoke, and the smoke itself was a brilliant yellow-and-purple plaid.

    "It looks like I am needed once more. Put the kettle on, Recordkeeper, we've got work to do."

    "But Bob, no one here is going to get that reference. I mean literally, they have no way of ever having known!" Recordkeeper said, adjusting his spectacles.

    "Hmm, you're right. Very well, call me Lord Rumfish then; if the squid fits, wear it. Keeper of the Rumfish, Lord of the Rumfish, the Rumfish itself... what's the difference really? A few names, a few scales, a few alternate realities, it all boils down to another broccoli catastrophe-"

    "DON'T SAY BROCCOLI!" Secretary thundered in a booming bass voice, stepping forward in a cloak made of shadow and silk.

    "Too late. Besides, you can't be here, no one gets the reference," Bob/Lord Rumfish said, sticking out his tongue. "Wai, whath thiith?" Bob said, as a grilled cheese sandwich stepped out of his mouth with only one bite taken from the corner.

    "Greetings, friends! I am from the Cheese netherverse, and I have come to speak on behalf of the coalition of foodstuffs. KHAN, you have broken the sacred laws of the universe AND the netherverse and now you must pay!"

    With hands moving faster than the eye could follow, Bob/Lord Rumfish involuntary used his Quickdraw feat from 3rd edition to whip forth a spatula, a spatula the likes of which has never been seen by the eyes of Men, and whose craft has been lost to the Elves when Beleriand sunk beneath the sea. It glowed red, and was engraved with sigils and gold filigree. The edges were sharpened and serrated, and it also came with a bottle opener.

    "Coul yuu pleath steph oth mah tonth?" Bob/Lord Rumfish asked, and the grilled cheese sandwich hopped down onto the spatula.

    "Now I shall summon my kindred, for we are beyond pain, beyond death itself! Spatula, I command thee in the name of Rumfish your maker and the cast of characters unbeknownst to the peoples of the forum, call forth my people as a great army!"

    The spatula leapt from Bob/Lord Rumfish's hand and with a maddening frenzy began producing grilled cheese warriors wielding spears of pickle.

    "Grind wheat to dust, milk the cow dry, rot us, reprocess us, butter us, fry us, dip us in brine, we shall yet stand firm in a new form! You cannot hope to win, Khan Broccoli! The forces of inevitability and Cheese are on our side!"

    "Well there goes my grand entrance. How embarrassing," Bob/Lord Rumfish muttered, and absent-mindedly grabbed one of the grilled cheese warriors and ate him as he screamed in a tiny voice.

    lolienAnduinCrevsDaak
  • AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,745
    AAAAAAAGH! YOUR FACE ! Put the bandages back on. PUT THEM BACK ON ! ! !
    *facepalm*

    @lolien‌ Have you not heard the prophecy? Did your mother not read you the fairy story?

    In a far off land, food battled food and consumables fought consumables. The way of the spoon, the stab of the fork, and the savage cut of the knife kept the poor, fearful ingredients downtrodden. In these times, Count Spatula was the most feared. Feared and loathed, he would chargrill his enemies before tossing them to the great devourer. Only the great Abra-ham Pan Pea-ping, after a mighty battle, with the help of a succulent, tasty, sizzling steak was able to send Count Spatula to the shadows... Yet some say, the oven will not keep him. Some say the cauldron of hell, is being stirred by Count Spatula... Waiting for the perfect moment to serve his revenge... At the head of a molten cheese army...

    WHAT HAVE YOU DONE @lolien‌ !

    lolienLordRumfishCrevsDaak
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