D&D Stats Explained with Tomatos
Dragonspear
Member Posts: 1,838
An awesome pic I found on facebook that I thought I'd share here.
https://scontent-b-atl.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/1499676_10151867566753063_622922631_n.jpg Link to the thread.
Strength is being able to crush a tomato
Dexterity is being able to dodge a tomato
Constitution is being able to eat a bad tomato
Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Wisdom is knowing not to put a tomato in a fruit salad
Charisma is being able to sell a tomato based fruit salad
Response 1:
A tomato based fruit salad would simple be salsa
Response 2: GUYS I FOUND THE BARD!
https://scontent-b-atl.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/1499676_10151867566753063_622922631_n.jpg Link to the thread.
Strength is being able to crush a tomato
Dexterity is being able to dodge a tomato
Constitution is being able to eat a bad tomato
Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Wisdom is knowing not to put a tomato in a fruit salad
Charisma is being able to sell a tomato based fruit salad
Response 1:
A tomato based fruit salad would simple be salsa
Response 2: GUYS I FOUND THE BARD!
48
Comments
Lawful Good - to give the tomato to someone who deserves it more than you
Neutral Good - to give the tomato to someone who needs it more than you
Chaotic Good - to give the tomato to someone who simply lacks of a tomato, regardless of need
Lawful Neutral - to share the tomato between the most and least deserving
True Neutral - to throw the tomato away, so no-one will have it
Chaotic Neutral - to throw the tomato in the air and see who catches it
Lawful Evil - to keep the tomato, unless you explicitly owe someone a tomato
Neutral Evil - to poison the tomato and give it to someone who is in your way
Chaotic Evil - to smash the tomato while everyone watches
Round one: charisma!
Hehe... I love these things....
No, I'm kidding, that was actually a really good way to put the alignment/stat system.
Except for, @kidcarnival, chaotic good and neutral evil. I would say chaotic good is giving the tomato to someone who needs it more than you, regardless of the law against tomato-giving. And neutral evil would be slowly eating the tomato in front of a large group of starving peasants and exclaiming how tasty it is.
Neutral evil, either that, or use tomato for a selfish/self-advancing cause.
Lawful Evil - to poison the tomato and give it to person that you owe a tomato
Chaotic Evil - to smash the tomato and everyone who is watching
I believe it's more fitting
Chaotic Good: willing to steal the tomato from those with excess to give the tomato to those in need
Neutral Good: willing to do a fund raiser to buy the tomato and give it to those in need
Lawful Good: willing to condem the tomato as a heritic and burn the tomato
;-)
If every class had a tomato
Fighter - smashes the tomato
Ranger - uses the tomato to track down other vicious tomatoes
Paladin - gives the tomato to peasants
Monk - throws the tomato away and punches you
Cleric - prays to the great god of tomatoes
Druid - plants the tomato into the ground and meditates on it
Mage - studies very hard to make the tomato explode
Thief - steals tomatoes of others
Bard - sings about tomatoes while having none
Neutral Good – To help someone who is hungry get a tomato
Chaotic Good – To give some random person your tomato because they need it more than you do
Lawful Neutral – To help set up a market such that everyone who has the money can buy tomatoes for a modest profit of course.
True Neutral – To start your own garden and grow tomatoes, occasionally selling them to the market at a profit
Chaotic Neutral – taking or even stealing tomatoes from those who really don’t need them anyway, occasionally re-selling same to make a few bucks.
Lawful Evil – Buying up all of the farms and markets that make tomatoes so that you can sell them at exorbitant prices, control the market and generally ensure that you come out on top of the tomato market.
Neutral Evil – Working for the lawful Evil who owns the market, but occasionally skimming some off the top for yourself
Chaotic Evil – Burning down the market and all of the local tomato farms except yours so that you are guaranteed to have tomatoes, and can occasionally sell some to others at highway robbery prices.
Edit: Alternate definition of Neutral Evil - Force someone to eat my wife's tomato soup. That's just EVIL man.
In the neutral and evil alignments, I expect a more tangible focus on self. Money is an excellent way to express that. So....
Plus, I am in finance IRL, so that might cloud my perceptions a bit. :0
And I hang out with Jan far too much.
I would give
Alexander - lawful good
bump on a log - neutral good
Stick-in-the-mud - chaotic neutral
tomato - chaotic neutral
But I'm not sure if this video necessarily shows enough of Alexander and the Tomato to demonstrate their character.
Ilmater: Takes the tomatoes' suffering for his own.
Helm: Holds the tomatoes to the law, whatever that law may be.
Lathander: Banishes undead tomatoes.
Talos: Causes the heavens to rain down tomatoes causing death and destruction.
...
Bhaal: Procreates with the tomatoes so that when he dies the Tomatospawn can fuel his resurrection.
---
All of this tomato-talk is just making me think of The Big O, though.
Ranger: hits people with two tomatoes
Paladin: hits people with the tomato, if they're evil
Druid: "I will hit you if you hurt this tomato"
Monk: becomes one with the tomato
Cleric: worships the tomato and receives tomato-themed spells
Mage: "this tomato could be improved if it was bigger. and if it had some legs to follow you around with. and some tentacles to pick things up. oh god what have I done..."
Thief: "what do you mean, of course this is my tomato. no, I haven't seen your tomato anywhere. but you can have this one, for a price"
Bard: "shall I compare thee to a tomato? thou art more lovely and more round... ow, ow, stop"
Minsc: gives tomato to Boo
Dorn: "It will be even juicier than you hoped!"
Neera: "oops" wild surge-fried green tomatoes
Jan: "This remind of my Cousin Heinz's tomato farm, waaay back..."
Korgan: "le's see wha' yer juice be lookin' like!"
Clara: Eats tomato
Hexxat: Eats Clara
Kivan: "grrr"