If life was like an RPG...
Just for funsies! 
If life was like an RPG, we'd be allowed to walk around carrying M16s, shotguns, rocket launchers, and even towing howitzers on the back of motorbikes (somehow). Nobody would bat an eyelid as we walk into any pub. Inside this pub, the bartender would tell us that he has a problem with rats in the basement, and would offer a cash reward if we go down and kill about 4 or 5 big rats (for some reason, pest control can't deal with this). There'd be a noticeboard somewhere in town, on which local jobs are posted, and corporations would be paying big rewards for us to go into an abandoned cave and kill a few mutants - again, the police are unable to cope with this.
Before going on this quest, it is important that you assemble a party. To do this, you go to the local pub, speak to anybody who is wearing a kevlar vest (if said person is female, the kevlar vest will have huge cavities for the breasts, a bare midriff and cleavage, naturally), and is carrying a weapon. He/she will join you, and put himself - or herself - at your disposal, until you decide that you don't need him/her anymore.
Of course, at some point, you get jumped by a few muggers in town, but don't worry, you're within your rights to murder the crap out of these people - they did threaten you, after all.
Speaking of which, nobody ever tries to run, or yields (unless the plot demands it). If you are threatened, your only option is to fight to the death. The police will help you out if they happen to be passing, but you won't be asked to make a statement or anything like that. As for the parents of those people who attacked you...don't worry about them. In fact, you might be able to return the book one of them was carrying to his mother, who will give you a cash reward, apparently forgiving of the fact that you just murdered her son in cold blood. You can even sell their weapons at the local market, and no questions will be asked.
On the way to the cave, you will meet a few people who want you to find lost heirlooms, rescue cats from trees, and find missing family members - all of which they are utterly incapable of doing by themselves - and each one will give you a cash reward.
When you reach the cave, your companion will stop you and begin a conversation about his/her life story, which will begin another optional quest that you might choose to do (choosing not to will not affect your companion's opinion of you in any way, shape, or form). When you get inside, you will kill everything that moves. You might find a prisoner to rescue (he's the one not shooting at you), find lots of semi-precious stones that you can sell, since they have no other purpose, and you might even find a better version of the gun you already have; this is usually carried by the person who, somehow, rules this cave, and rather than throwing everything at you, he will gather two or three bodyguards and await you in the final chamber. Again, killing him is completely acceptable - and let's face it, you're the only person in the whole world who can do it.
So you return, successful, and get your reward - not that you need it because the stuff you looted from the dungeon amounts to more than a hundred times this amount. But it's nice to have everybody like you so much that you'll get a 10% discount when you next buy stuff - not that you need anything other than weapons and munitions. So we tool up and prepare for our next quest, safe in the knowledge that nobody else will even attempt it, and there will be no urgency to it whatsoever - it will still be there when we finish our tour of the world.
Life sounds much more fun that way, don't you think?
If life was like an RPG, we'd be allowed to walk around carrying M16s, shotguns, rocket launchers, and even towing howitzers on the back of motorbikes (somehow). Nobody would bat an eyelid as we walk into any pub. Inside this pub, the bartender would tell us that he has a problem with rats in the basement, and would offer a cash reward if we go down and kill about 4 or 5 big rats (for some reason, pest control can't deal with this). There'd be a noticeboard somewhere in town, on which local jobs are posted, and corporations would be paying big rewards for us to go into an abandoned cave and kill a few mutants - again, the police are unable to cope with this.
Before going on this quest, it is important that you assemble a party. To do this, you go to the local pub, speak to anybody who is wearing a kevlar vest (if said person is female, the kevlar vest will have huge cavities for the breasts, a bare midriff and cleavage, naturally), and is carrying a weapon. He/she will join you, and put himself - or herself - at your disposal, until you decide that you don't need him/her anymore.
Of course, at some point, you get jumped by a few muggers in town, but don't worry, you're within your rights to murder the crap out of these people - they did threaten you, after all.
Speaking of which, nobody ever tries to run, or yields (unless the plot demands it). If you are threatened, your only option is to fight to the death. The police will help you out if they happen to be passing, but you won't be asked to make a statement or anything like that. As for the parents of those people who attacked you...don't worry about them. In fact, you might be able to return the book one of them was carrying to his mother, who will give you a cash reward, apparently forgiving of the fact that you just murdered her son in cold blood. You can even sell their weapons at the local market, and no questions will be asked.
On the way to the cave, you will meet a few people who want you to find lost heirlooms, rescue cats from trees, and find missing family members - all of which they are utterly incapable of doing by themselves - and each one will give you a cash reward.
When you reach the cave, your companion will stop you and begin a conversation about his/her life story, which will begin another optional quest that you might choose to do (choosing not to will not affect your companion's opinion of you in any way, shape, or form). When you get inside, you will kill everything that moves. You might find a prisoner to rescue (he's the one not shooting at you), find lots of semi-precious stones that you can sell, since they have no other purpose, and you might even find a better version of the gun you already have; this is usually carried by the person who, somehow, rules this cave, and rather than throwing everything at you, he will gather two or three bodyguards and await you in the final chamber. Again, killing him is completely acceptable - and let's face it, you're the only person in the whole world who can do it.
So you return, successful, and get your reward - not that you need it because the stuff you looted from the dungeon amounts to more than a hundred times this amount. But it's nice to have everybody like you so much that you'll get a 10% discount when you next buy stuff - not that you need anything other than weapons and munitions. So we tool up and prepare for our next quest, safe in the knowledge that nobody else will even attempt it, and there will be no urgency to it whatsoever - it will still be there when we finish our tour of the world.
Life sounds much more fun that way, don't you think?
17
Comments
Also, no matter your background, you would discover that what you thought you knew about yourself was a lie- that you are the last scion of an ancient, powerful bloodline, the child of a king/Queen etc hidden away for your own good or something similar which means you are "the one" spoken of in prophecy/legend/song and rhyme, which means you have a destiny that you must fulfill- and it's never just to settle down, raise a family and live a happy life somewhere- it means you have to go out and murder people (Bad Guys) and do something dangerous (often, many dangerous things) and the details of your life are usually forgotten by the time the sequel to your game comes around.
Also, if you have two living parents, then sorry, hard luck. You can't be a hero. Heroes must always have only one parent (better if that parent isn't a blood relative but a foster carer).
Finally, should a comrade fall, whatever you do, do not give him a proper burial/funeral. The proper way to treat a fallen comrade in arms is to immediately take all of his kit and divvy it up amongst the surviving members.
eta: In other news, I just opened a 4'x2'x2' chest. Guess what was inside...a 16' long Pike of Phalanx Slaying!
Surprising, everything in the trash cans will be nicely organized for you to examine before touching anything.
Random people will come up to you and spout random tidbits of information at you and then walk away without getting a response. If you attempt to clarify something with them, they'll repeat everything they just said word for word.
Speaking of answers to difficult questions, wouldn't it be great if, in every conversation, we had three possible answers to choose from, one of which was obviously wrong/evil?
- Fus Ro Dah!
- Veritas, Credo, Oculos...
- Not enough mana!
- Updated my journal..
That would be quite a mix!
Also, if life was like WoW, there'd be people standing in the middle of the streets shouting over and over again: "L50 tank SP for dungeon crawl!" (your role, of course, is melee DPS, crowd control, or healer)
Finally, it is perfectly ordinary behaviour to run everywhere, and carry all of your possessions with you at all times. Owning - or even renting - a home is practically unheard of in the adventuring community.
- anyone you could end up in a romantic relationship with will have deep problems and you need to counsel them through it.
- every store is your favorite store in your town
- you cannot move while talking, and you always leave a conversation with "I should go"
- if you are with a group of friends you must all gather at the door before leaving, or be dismissed by whomever would be like the leader of your group. you will hit an invisible wall and be told "you must gather your party before adventuring forth" by a random voice if you try to part without doing so.
- no taxes! yay!
- the computers we are using are just scenary and wouldn't be useable. the internet is not needed when you can talk to people to solve your problems! sometimes you can read something displayed on the screen, however.
- if you are being attacked you can close a door and your pursuer won't be able to follow
- we could revive dead people. seriously, RPGs have much better healthcare than us, even with it's lacking technology usually. also many people would be unkillable and instead stay on the floor playing dead until a battle has passed time and time again.
- the world would be ending soon
- we could look however we want with no effort required. we just choose a look when we are born