@Magnus_Grelich: Well, I created a topic about this incident, but it got removed as I was a bit too emotional and biased in my wording. Suffice to say that I've had enough of all of this extremist Islamic stuff. It really has made me become very negative towards the Islam as a religion. It's become more of a tyrannical and sexist regime than a religion in my eyes, and I bless Heaven I've been born a Christian. Not that Christianity isn't flawless either, but at least I don't have to worry about covering my head, having to submit to a guy, getting married when I'm 14, and getting pregnant as early as possible. Must be terrible, all of that sexism to live with as a woman...
I'm an atheist myself. Although I like to think I have an open mind and a level head on my shoulders when it comes to theology and spirituality... I don't think it's fair to say Islam is all about that, though. Maybe in certain parts of the world, such things are done, but I like to think it doesn't fly in Europe, due to our laws regarding age of consent and marriage. I know many people who are Christian or Muslim, at least by birth, and at least one friend is Jewish. All of whom are good people despite our differences of faith. The men that did this are clearly mad. I believe anyone who tries to justify violence with religious dogma (usually twisted ideals to suit their purpose) is not a sane individual. The same applies with nationalist rhetoric, which the other side are doing. As a Briton, the very notion of national or racial 'purity' is laughable, since we have been a mix of Celtic, Gaelic, Italian, French, German, Danish, Norwegian and Spanish for centuries before. The BNP and EDL are delusional and dangerous, and all decent people of the UK should do everything in their power to get rid of them.
Please people discussions about sexuality and religion usually end up in flames. Let's keep the talk civil. I really wouldn't like to be forced to close the topic.
@Magnus_Grelich: I know, but what I described in my previous post are aspects of the Islam I see most clearly nowadays. They're most visible, most apparent. And it's these things, such as the crimes committed in the name of this religion, that have made me cynical. I see the Islam as quite an extreme religion. I remember the fuss about the Allah cartoons not too long ago. I can understand where the opposition came from, but was it needed to blow whole the issue out of proportion? As if Christianity or Buddhism isn't made fun of now and then as well. But, having read @mlnevese's warning post, I'm not sure how far I can go in this debate. I just am fed up with religious extremist views expressed largely through terrorist attacks, killing dozens of usually innocent people. That's all.
Well, I just heard how my oldest niece, who was pregnant (and still is) of male twins, now has lost one of her boys... And the other boy has a weak heart... This news really hit me hard...
Well, I just heard how my oldest niece, who was pregnant (and still is) of male twins, now has lost one of her boys... And the other boy has a weak heart... This news really hit me hard...
I'm sorry to hear, even more sorry I reply this late and no-one else replied either. I find it hard to comfort in English, but as I know you're dutch-speaking: "Sterkte!".
@Son_of_Imoen: Aww, you're such a nice guy. Thank you. My niece finally bore her surviving son today. He's still weak, and they both need to stay at the hospital for a while longer, but so far everything's going well with them. Let's hope this boy at least will grow into a nice strong man. @hellhound: Ouch, that sucks... Even though I never liked coffee myself, I can understand how a person needing an occassional caffeine boost might miss it during the day. But in the end you won't regret the results of your diet! Keep at it!
Know what I can't stand? The phenomenon of the, as I call it, 'omnipresent forum bitch', AKA a person (usually female) who you just can't look past on an internet forum. Worst is when she starts (accidentally, of course) friending all of your friends, so that you see her ugly face (as in avatar) all over your activity feed or on your friends' comment walls. And you can't do anything to block or 'unsee' her. She's always there. It makes it uncomfortable to even talk to your friends anymore, because as soon as she pops up, you know there's just tension and watching for words, being cautious of what you say. Of course she's got a shitty job, so she's practically always online, bragging out of her neck. And of course she's acting just so everyone likes her and you can't even write the slightest bit of criticism or you get hit by an inbox full of hate-mail. Man, it might seem stupid, but it annoys me to no end.
If it's the same BSN-forum you have been complaining about earlier, the best remedy is to stay away there. It's like scratching an old sore. I have the same with seeking up news about how bad the climate is becoming: I know it will ache, it's hard not to seek it out, but best to stay away.
If it's a forum that's been friendly so far, that's quite tough to handle though.
@Son_of_Imoen: Yeah, I know. It's jus kinda hard, this feeling of an immature being taking away all of people I considered to be reasonable and better than that...Most of the time she blurts out intelligible nonsense in an attempt to look smart...And they all fall for it like flies...Just makes me shake my head sometimes.
You know what I hate? My parents treating me like a kid. You just can't argue with them, especially with my mom. 'You do X or Y will/won't happen.' Like how'd you'd treat a toddler who's still growing up. I'm 23 now, godammit, and I'm really getting fed up with it. For example: my mom tells me 'tomorrow we're gonna buy clothes'. Period. Can't argue with it. She decides everything for herself, only pays attention to herself and disregards my opinion, doesn't even listen to me. I feel like a damn adolescent, while I've long since passed that period. Why can't they treat me like a full-grown adult? She also treats my brother differently. If he says 'no', it's no. But if I dare say that, she starts threatening or doesn't take me seriously. I'm the baby at home. I didn't even get the cake I wanted on my birthday. Such a simple thing...It's pathetic.
Ok so half a year ago my roommate and best friend moved to Ireland. He has since been partying madly, got several ladies vying for him (the upside of working at an international servicedesk with tons of young, single ladies who just moved to another country) and found a new D&D group so I hear maybe once a week from him, our plans to Skype so he could play D&D with us have been last-minute cancelled 5/6 times. In another half a year, another good friend of mine will also leave the country to live in New Zealand with his girlfriend. Considering the time difference, I doubt that'll work out for D&D or any serious socialising. Another friend just told me that he's giving up all D&D, Warhammer and video gaming in general to focus more on his real life. Despite our D&D game being once a month, this addiction is too much for him, so he's out, quitting every hobby we have in common.
I've always been the type to prefer having a small, close knit circle of friends, but this is rapidly becoming a very, very small circle. More of a line.
So I was just forced to take my theoretical driving exam. Literally forced. Or else I wouldn't get to see my boyfriend. Even after two months of waiting to see him again, after focusing on my exams and doing well, my parents even can't give me this. To see who I hold most dear. I felt too demotivated to study. I felt like a tool, being used. Whatever I do, it's never enough. Never. I feel broken, knowing my parents can just pull shit like this, threaten me and getting away with it, after all of the effort I'm doing. Our relationship is being used as a tool to make me do things for them. I never asked for much. Then why? Why do I deserve this treatment? Why am I still being nice to them? I've decided. It's for the money. Just a few more years, and I'm out of here. Away from those ungrateful controlling bastards.
@Chow: I can't. I don't have any money, driving license or degree. They're still paying for my studies. As I said, right now I'm only still staying here for the financial support. They can go to hell with their demented attitude.
Tip: Never sleep in the same room as with a puberescent, over-emotional little brat of a sister who thinks she can meddle in your relationship. Little snots think they know everything nowadays. Man, how I was so different. I got less influenced by girly crap on Disney Channel, I guess.
Every vacation the disappointment comes back: I can take off from work for 7 weeks, but life keeps dragging on, tiring, full of suffering, too much things I want to do, too much injustice in the world I don't want to be there. So sick of this world and this life.
@Son_Of_Imoen: I've een you suffer for a long time now. But listen to this: I think you just need to accept that there's misery in the world. There can't be good without bad, nor can there be bad without good. People have good and bad sides, and it's up to themselves to decide whih side to choose. Both sides have consequences and responsibilities. I think you're way too altruistic. Focus on your own happiness, your own friends and family, or else you'll just go crazy.
Recently, there's been a scandal in my country. A dubious affair. A couple of muslim women claiming their children were abused by a young teacher. The government opened up a case, but found nothing against the teacher. Now, it seems this group of women has connections to Sharia groups active in my country. But in the meantime, the accused school had to change its name, and the accused teacher had to move to another job. Her reputation's ruined for the rest of her life, and she even didn't do anything. And all of this because of a group of hysterical muslim women thinking even a hug between children is indecent, so to speak. And I'll be bluntly and frankly honest: I've come to despise extremist muslims. The only thing that they value, is the Koran, their holy book. They don't want to adapt to our Western culture and society, they keep their women stupid on purpose, they kill kids in Nigeria because they apparently should learn from the Koran and not anything from the West, they get permission to kill their animals in public (their ritual sacrifice) without giving the animals any kind of anaesthesia, their youngsters scold and insult Western women wearing skirts in the street... I'm sorry to say this, but I'm getting fed up with it. I'm even starting to wonder why we let them into our country from the start. They want us to adapt to them, not the opposite. They impose their own culture on us, and we're supposed to accept that. We're supposed to pay for their wives staying behind at home, only because many muslim girls even don't get a chance at studying. Of course I'm generalizing here. But in all honesty, the examples I've read make me fear for a great crash between muslim culture and the West. And the worst part is that our politicians are willingly bending for this kind of people, out of fear to be stigmatized. Because everything has to be politically correct, you see. Well, I've had it. Those not willing to adapt should be send back to their own country. No exceptions. No more bending for extremist minorities.
@Chow: I'm afraid I don't understand. Could you explain? Nevertheless, many people in my country agreee that immigration utterly failed. We just aren't severe enough. At least now there are plans to literally enforce immigrants to learn our mother tongue. It really is necessary.
So, my grandfather died recently. I haven't seen him in 10 years, so I don't really know how to feel about it. What troubles me is my father. He is an alcoholic who has strained every relationship he's had, and now people won't even answer his phone calls, probably because he has a habit of drunk dialing. Not only do I have to try to get him a ride to his own father's funeral, I also have to convince my sister to call him. My own relationship with him is strained due to his drinking, but I'm pretty much all he has left, aside from some friends or drinking buddies.
At the same time I'm frustrated and feel bad for him. Frustrated because this is his own doing, he admits it his problem, but doesn't do anything about it. Sad because he doesn't deserve all the shit he's being thrown.
I just feel so powerless, having to tend after my own father, trying to mend some broken bridges, and I'm not even that close to my family myself.
On a wholly unrelated note, I chickened out of asking a girl I like on a date. Won't probably see her till next semester. Right now I'm pondering whether I should send her an e-mail. That would be so personal and intimate.
I feel like shit at the moment, but for fuck's sake, if other people don't have it worse right now. Can't even talk to this to my best friend, who lives fucking 2 meters away. Not to mention my mother.
I was wondering when this topic would pop back up again. I'm sorry to hear about your loss and your troubles, @Imperator. Tell you what: my grandmother on my father's side has Alzheimer. She is forgetting things at a fast pace. Last time I visited her, she seemed to not even fully recognize me anymore. I have never been as close to her as I was to my grandmother on my mother's side, but I still love her very much. It's hard to see such a person gradually losing control over their own thoughts and memories without being able to do something about it. And at the end...maybe we will all be strangers to her when she dies... I wouldn't want it to end like that. I couldn't even have said goodbye to my other grandmother when she died from a heart attack. It happened so suddenly. I still remember that one night, I was 13, and I said to my brother: 'she's never gonna recover, is she?'. A few days after, she indeed died. Just like that, without a single word. Ever since then, death has been a very sensitive subject for me. It easily brings tears to my eyes. Especially because my childhood was so nice, while my life currently kinda...really sucks. Sorry, I'm rambling. Again, sorry to hear about your loss.
Seeing as I joined this forum just a few months ago, I didn't see this thread until it got necro'd.
I've just glanced over the first few pages. I suppose there's a few things I'd like to say... (Sorry Wall of Text, I can't help it).
Firstly, this thread is really nice, and typifies why I love this forum and 'community'. Believe it or not, given how much I've used this forum since I found it in June, I am not actually much of a 'forumite'. I've been signed up on other forums before, but not really participated much beyond expressing an opinion on a specific topic of interest, reading about something and then pretty much never going back.
However I was amazed by the enthusiasm and maturity of this forum from day one when I arrived to ask the first of many noobie questions about this confusing game called Baldur's Gate. Having last visited the rather vicious and troll-infested Blizzard forum for Diablo 3, I was astounded by how helpful and patient everybody was as they explained the most basic game mechanics, offered in-depth advice and showed me where to go for further information. This remains the only place on the internet where I have actually had debates and discussions about pretty controversial and sensitive topics without it degenerating into a flame war.
Anyway I have been having a hard time in recent years. I don't feel comfortable going into details in a public forum, but let's just say that my life is nowhere near where I expected it would be by the time I am 25, and I feel like circumstances and my own mistakes have conspired to leave me in a unhappy and difficult hole. It really frustrates me because I always thought of myself as a confident, capable and optimistic guy. At some stage, I lost my mojo... and I'm still looking for it.
I saw one or two people say that people who are struggling in life should talk to their family and close friends. Actually I totally understand why you might not want to. Family and friends are part of my life, and I don't want my problems to affect how they might view me. Ironically perhaps, I care more about what they think of me precisely because of who they are, and thus they are the last people I want to speak to about the really private stuff. In some ways, the internet offers the comfort and safety of anonymity. Frankly I don't care if a random forumite I will never meet in real life knows if I fancy some girl he will also never meet. But of course, the internet is far from safe. I am sure if somebody REALLY wanted to find out who I am, they could, which is why you should be careful about just how much of yourself you do share online, especially in a public forum.
Finally... It has occurred to me that a large number of users on this forum, especially the active ones, seem to be struggling, or have struggled with issues in their real lives. I wonder if we are drawn to roleplaying games as a mechanism of escapism. And I wonder if that's a good/healthy thing to do... I actually thought of this before I noticed this thread, but I didn't know how to bring up the question. Seemed like a bit of an awkward question to ask in a poll for a RPG game forum whether playing RPGs is healthy for you. lol
@Heindrich1988, I believe what you're experiencing is now being called "the quarter life crisis". At around age 25 is when we begin to feel like we're being locked into a certain path in life by our educational decisions, and relationship decisions, and to feel anxiety that it may soon be too late to make changes easily.
During my own quarter life crisis, I began to realize that I actually hated the jobs I had spent my entire college years training for (ministry at first, and then public school teaching). I eventually found an escape through private teaching, but I also tried jobs in office work (which bored me to tears). Thank goodness I had my grandparents supporting me all along the way. Sometimes I still wish I had made different decisions in youth, but that's neither here nor there. I don't mean to talk too much about myself in this post.
As to whether it is healthy to use computer games as an escape, I can only answer that for myself. For me, they are a lifeline, and they keep me sane. I struggled with serious mental illness throughout my 20's and 30's, (bipolar disorder). Games keep my mind calm and occupied. Without them, my thoughts and worries run wild, faster and faster, imagining and fantasizing about more and more worst-case scenarios and awful things I think might happen, with anxiety building and building.
Many people would surely say that my gaming habit has not been a good thing. One could say that I use them as a substitute for real life human interaction, and that I prefer playing games to having human relationships. They'd be right about that, but I would disagree with them that it is bad for *me*. Another person would have to "walk a mile in my shoes" to understand why I need my games, and nobody can do that. I trust my own judgment about what is good for me over anyone else's.
Well, I guess I'm talking about myself too much despite myself. My hope is that my sharing my own experience might give you some insight or food for thought in making your own choices. Only you can decide whether playing games makes you happy, how much time is good for you to spend on it, and whether your gaming is interfering with your career ambitions and relationship desires.
My apologies if this is off-topic to the thread at large, but @Heindrich1988 and @belgarathmth really got me thinking!
I am also curious to learn if there is a higher incidence of depression among gamers when compared with the general population. My first thought is that it would not be the case. It is an interesting question.
I think it is like so many other things. It is so important to maintain balance in life. When I am out of balance, I indulge in behaviors that may end up throwing me further off track. Gaming can be like that. At its worst, games can create isolation, depression, and avoidance of real issues (to me). At its best however, gaming provides a much needed break from reality, a place to sort out frustrations with life on a more mythological level.
I once had a friend that became obsessed with rock climbing. We all had fun with it, but he took it to an extreme. He quit his job and lived in a Volkswagen Van. He worked as a day laborer when necessary for cash under the table to buy gas and food and devoted his whole life to rock climbing. He lost contact with friends, sacrificed much for his freedom.
There is a certain societal romanticism with the path he chose. However, if you were to replace "rock climbing" with Everquest, how would your impression change? I had a friend who basically did that too.
I guess it depends what you are able to take from the experience. Some interests give more energy back than they take. These are the ones I try to pursue.
Comments
I know many people who are Christian or Muslim, at least by birth, and at least one friend is Jewish. All of whom are good people despite our differences of faith. The men that did this are clearly mad. I believe anyone who tries to justify violence with religious dogma (usually twisted ideals to suit their purpose) is not a sane individual. The same applies with nationalist rhetoric, which the other side are doing. As a Briton, the very notion of national or racial 'purity' is laughable, since we have been a mix of Celtic, Gaelic, Italian, French, German, Danish, Norwegian and Spanish for centuries before. The BNP and EDL are delusional and dangerous, and all decent people of the UK should do everything in their power to get rid of them.
@hellhound: Ouch, that sucks... Even though I never liked coffee myself, I can understand how a person needing an occassional caffeine boost might miss it during the day. But in the end you won't regret the results of your diet! Keep at it!
If it's a forum that's been friendly so far, that's quite tough to handle though.
Good luck!
In another half a year, another good friend of mine will also leave the country to live in New Zealand with his girlfriend. Considering the time difference, I doubt that'll work out for D&D or any serious socialising.
Another friend just told me that he's giving up all D&D, Warhammer and video gaming in general to focus more on his real life. Despite our D&D game being once a month, this addiction is too much for him, so he's out, quitting every hobby we have in common.
I've always been the type to prefer having a small, close knit circle of friends, but this is rapidly becoming a very, very small circle. More of a line.
Meh.
MEH I say.
So, my grandfather died recently. I haven't seen him in 10 years, so I don't really know how to feel about it. What troubles me is my father. He is an alcoholic who has strained every relationship he's had, and now people won't even answer his phone calls, probably because he has a habit of drunk dialing. Not only do I have to try to get him a ride to his own father's funeral, I also have to convince my sister to call him. My own relationship with him is strained due to his drinking, but I'm pretty much all he has left, aside from some friends or drinking buddies.
At the same time I'm frustrated and feel bad for him. Frustrated because this is his own doing, he admits it his problem, but doesn't do anything about it. Sad because he doesn't deserve all the shit he's being thrown.
I just feel so powerless, having to tend after my own father, trying to mend some broken bridges, and I'm not even that close to my family myself.
On a wholly unrelated note, I chickened out of asking a girl I like on a date. Won't probably see her till next semester. Right now I'm pondering whether I should send her an e-mail. That would be so personal and intimate.
I feel like shit at the moment, but for fuck's sake, if other people don't have it worse right now. Can't even talk to this to my best friend, who lives fucking 2 meters away. Not to mention my mother.
End of vent.
Seeing as I joined this forum just a few months ago, I didn't see this thread until it got necro'd.
I've just glanced over the first few pages. I suppose there's a few things I'd like to say... (Sorry Wall of Text, I can't help it).
Firstly, this thread is really nice, and typifies why I love this forum and 'community'. Believe it or not, given how much I've used this forum since I found it in June, I am not actually much of a 'forumite'. I've been signed up on other forums before, but not really participated much beyond expressing an opinion on a specific topic of interest, reading about something and then pretty much never going back.
However I was amazed by the enthusiasm and maturity of this forum from day one when I arrived to ask the first of many noobie questions about this confusing game called Baldur's Gate. Having last visited the rather vicious and troll-infested Blizzard forum for Diablo 3, I was astounded by how helpful and patient everybody was as they explained the most basic game mechanics, offered in-depth advice and showed me where to go for further information. This remains the only place on the internet where I have actually had debates and discussions about pretty controversial and sensitive topics without it degenerating into a flame war.
Anyway I have been having a hard time in recent years. I don't feel comfortable going into details in a public forum, but let's just say that my life is nowhere near where I expected it would be by the time I am 25, and I feel like circumstances and my own mistakes have conspired to leave me in a unhappy and difficult hole. It really frustrates me because I always thought of myself as a confident, capable and optimistic guy. At some stage, I lost my mojo... and I'm still looking for it.
I saw one or two people say that people who are struggling in life should talk to their family and close friends. Actually I totally understand why you might not want to. Family and friends are part of my life, and I don't want my problems to affect how they might view me. Ironically perhaps, I care more about what they think of me precisely because of who they are, and thus they are the last people I want to speak to about the really private stuff. In some ways, the internet offers the comfort and safety of anonymity. Frankly I don't care if a random forumite I will never meet in real life knows if I fancy some girl he will also never meet. But of course, the internet is far from safe. I am sure if somebody REALLY wanted to find out who I am, they could, which is why you should be careful about just how much of yourself you do share online, especially in a public forum.
Finally... It has occurred to me that a large number of users on this forum, especially the active ones, seem to be struggling, or have struggled with issues in their real lives. I wonder if we are drawn to roleplaying games as a mechanism of escapism. And I wonder if that's a good/healthy thing to do... I actually thought of this before I noticed this thread, but I didn't know how to bring up the question. Seemed like a bit of an awkward question to ask in a poll for a RPG game forum whether playing RPGs is healthy for you. lol
During my own quarter life crisis, I began to realize that I actually hated the jobs I had spent my entire college years training for (ministry at first, and then public school teaching). I eventually found an escape through private teaching, but I also tried jobs in office work (which bored me to tears). Thank goodness I had my grandparents supporting me all along the way. Sometimes I still wish I had made different decisions in youth, but that's neither here nor there. I don't mean to talk too much about myself in this post.
As to whether it is healthy to use computer games as an escape, I can only answer that for myself. For me, they are a lifeline, and they keep me sane. I struggled with serious mental illness throughout my 20's and 30's, (bipolar disorder). Games keep my mind calm and occupied. Without them, my thoughts and worries run wild, faster and faster, imagining and fantasizing about more and more worst-case scenarios and awful things I think might happen, with anxiety building and building.
Many people would surely say that my gaming habit has not been a good thing. One could say that I use them as a substitute for real life human interaction, and that I prefer playing games to having human relationships. They'd be right about that, but I would disagree with them that it is bad for *me*. Another person would have to "walk a mile in my shoes" to understand why I need my games, and nobody can do that. I trust my own judgment about what is good for me over anyone else's.
Well, I guess I'm talking about myself too much despite myself. My hope is that my sharing my own experience might give you some insight or food for thought in making your own choices. Only you can decide whether playing games makes you happy, how much time is good for you to spend on it, and whether your gaming is interfering with your career ambitions and relationship desires.
I am also curious to learn if there is a higher incidence of depression among gamers when compared with the general population. My first thought is that it would not be the case. It is an interesting question.
I think it is like so many other things. It is so important to maintain balance in life. When I am out of balance, I indulge in behaviors that may end up throwing me further off track. Gaming can be like that. At its worst, games can create isolation, depression, and avoidance of real issues (to me). At its best however, gaming provides a much needed break from reality, a place to sort out frustrations with life on a more mythological level.
I once had a friend that became obsessed with rock climbing. We all had fun with it, but he took it to an extreme. He quit his job and lived in a Volkswagen Van. He worked as a day laborer when necessary for cash under the table to buy gas and food and devoted his whole life to rock climbing. He lost contact with friends, sacrificed much for his freedom.
There is a certain societal romanticism with the path he chose. However, if you were to replace "rock climbing" with Everquest, how would your impression change? I had a friend who basically did that too.
I guess it depends what you are able to take from the experience. Some interests give more energy back than they take. These are the ones I try to pursue.
Kind regards to all in this thread!