I'm glad this topic got necro'd, actually. Well, as for that quarter-life crisis mentioned by @belgarathmth, I might actually be nearing that period. I'm 23 myself, made a lot of bad choices in my studies, and even now I actually feel that my current studies aren't offering me the knowledge I'll actually need later on in my job. But I cannot change anymore, as my credits won't allow it (basically money paid by the government so that I can study for college) and also because I'm getting fed up with studying. I currently have a boyfriend, a member on this forum (@Cheesebelly), who basically keeps me going. It's a long-distance relationship, tho, so as long as I am studying, we cannot be together and only see each other a couple of times during the year. This has become increasingly frustrating for me. I want to move on in life, live together with him, start working on a job. I want to build out my life. But right now I still will be stuck with another two years of studying. *sigh* I have a lot of patience, but these studies are keeping me from what I really want. Yet I will need a degree if I want to get a job, becaus high school diploma's are basically worthless here. So yeah, I'm stuck in life. I am an introvert and have little friends. I'm a horrible friend too, as I'll never spontaneously contact old friends. There are people who go on Facebook and meet lots of old friends on there. For me, I don't want to. Some things are better left in the past. Leave those high school buddies in the past, where they will forever be part of happy memories. In the meantime there isn't much I do. Basically studying for school and sitting in front of my PC all day. I do read newspapers to keep up with what's happening in the world, butI still feel like I'm sitting in a silver bird cage, so to speak. I have developed chronic sleeping issues, because of this feeling of being useless and having worries concerning my future. My biggest issue right now is that I probably won't be able to see my boyfriend during Christmas and New Year due to my upcoming exams. It might seem silly and teenager-like, but Christmas is quite a big deal for me and my boyfriend's practically the only thing keeping me from having a burn-out. Anyway, I'm rambling. Sorry for the wall of text!
Also, I forgot to mention: both me and my boyfriend got to know each other years ago on the old Bioboards forum. Baldur's Gate basically brought us together. When the Bioboards got replaced with the Bioware Social Network, I got myself into a period of misery. I started a long-distance relationship with a guy much older than me, and of course he ended up actually emotionally manipulating me. He was jobless, in his forties, and probably just as frustrated as I currently am (see my previous post). I was 18, naive and still brimming with energy to start university. I was full of dreams and ambition. The loads of work, the countless failed exams, the loneliness, all of it gradually broke down my ambition and joy in life. I always was convinced I was a good student. I got good marks in high school (here and there also a bad one, of course), so I really became delusional at university. I felt like a failure. I felt insignificant inbetween so many other students. The bubble I had been living in, received gradually more and more cracks. Now after two failed studies, here I am, and any other plan Bs, plan Cs, are gone. This is my last chance. I currently am studying and doing my best for my current studies, but my drive and ambition are mostly gone. I've seen the old Bioware be turned into yet another machine spitting out EA-infected mainstream games. A lot of things from my childhood turned out to have evolved for the worst. At the same time I have become much more politically aware by reading newpapers and following political forums, and it's become clear to me how my country, and actually most countries in the world are actually ruled an governed by incompetent idiots. All of this has led me to have become increasingly cynical towards people and the world in general.
@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud, I'm so sorry to hear that you have these bad feelings. I guess a lot of us in the world have a lot of worries and anxieties on our minds. I wish I could think of something to say to help you feel better, but all I can really say is that I sympathize, I care, and I wish the best for you.
You sound like you are maturing as a person, gaining wisdom about the practicalities of life, keeping up with the news and thinking about politics. That maturity should help you succeed this time in your studies. It may be kind of painful and "a drag" right now, but I think it will all pay off for you in the long run.
When I used to vent about my worries to my beloved and dearly departed grandmother, she'd always say, "Cheer up, Son. It's not so bad. Everything is going to be all right." And you know, even if I didn't really believe that, it always made me feel better to hear her say it. So, I guess I would say that to you now.
Don't give up, keep on going, and everything always gets better sooner or later.
My reply is a bit late, as I find it hard to find energy for posting, so I'll keep it short, but I recognize myself in what @belgarathmth writes: gaming helps dealing with life. For me, gaming is a way to do something I like which doesn't have any positive impact whatsoever on everyone else, which helps to balance a life in which I'm constantly striving to make this world a better place, with my work, with being conscious about the impact of what I consume for the environment and the countries in which my stuff is produced. Gaming is time not to worry about the world for a while, though even there the usual son_of_imoenness creeps in: what I like about games is making the world, like Faêrun, a better place in a much simpler way than Real Life, by waving swords and wielding spells (or is it waving spells and wielding swords?).
And the downside is if I can't keep the balance: if my mind is too full of realism, too full of budget cuts in healtcare and welfare, too full of polutions and disasters, I over-compensate with excessive gaming till sometimes even two o'clock in the night. It's a trap I often fall into and it's a real tough job steering clear of it.
But on the plus side of gaming, if I'm feeling suicidical, not just my family (parents, brother, sister, their kids) who'd miss me, but all the games I still want to finish keep the determination to stay alive - alive.
My reply is a bit late, as I find it hard to find energy for posting, so I'll keep it short, but I recognize myself in what @belgarathmth writes: gaming helps dealing with life. For me, gaming is a way to do something I like which doesn't have any positive impact whatsoever on everyone else, which helps to balance a life in which I'm constantly striving to make this world a better place, with my work, with being conscious about the impact of what I consume for the environment and the countries in which my stuff is produced. Gaming is time not to worry about the world for a while, though even there the usual son_of_imoenness creeps in: what I like about games is making the world, like Faêrun, a better place in a much simpler way than Real Life, by waving swords and wielding spells (or is it waving spells and wielding swords?).
It happens the same to me, in RPGs, I tend to be Good (just as something I prefer and for the first time, for sure, then, my evil runs of BG are countless too) because I'm Evil in real life. Yes, Chaotic Evil to be precise.
This might sound shocking /offensive to some of you...but I gotta get it off my chest. My country's overrun by immigrants. Our migration is completely out of control. Our education system is suffering. Our economy is suffering. And our left-wing socialist politicians do nothing about it. The immigrants get spoiled on the back of the hard-working 'original' inhabitants of my country... These immigrants, most of them refuse to adapt, they refuse to learn my country's mother tongue, and they all live from social security, increasing our debts... They want funded slaughterplaces for their annual sacrificing rituals (which I consider utterly barbaric, btw), they want extra privileges (female muslim teachers wearing their veils even while teaching, while that goes against most schools policies) and they breed like crazy, filling up our schools with children who cannot even understand the basics of my country's mother tongue...But what does our minister of education do? Adapt our education system to the immigrants, of course. It seems they have to do no effort at all to become member of my country... It annoys and frustrates me so much. I have a lot of respect for those who are willing to adapt and work hard...but I despise the blatant leeches among them. And the problem is that our only party actively fighting for the safety of our national culture and freedom of speech, isn't taken seriously at all by most... It's just very aggravating to know that in the future, my children wil have to be lucky to find a place in a school not too far away from my home, because all schools now will have to prioritize 'children with low chances' aka immigrant kids. It might just as well be that I will have to send my children to register in a school miles away. Perhaps they will have to start learning Arabic in school in a couple of years because of the alarming increase of Arabic-speaking folks...It honestly wouldn't surprise me at all anymore. My own sister knows more about that ritual sacrificing ritual the muslims have, than that she knows about Christianity, her own religion... Her school has stopped annual Christmas celebrations...Probably because three fourth of the school consists of kids with brownish skin and it might 'offend' them...Mind you, this school I'm talking about was originally a catholic school... They even have stopped putting Christmas trees... And any prayers before the lunch have also disappeared. It makes me sad. Terribly sad. Just seeing how all of this 'enriching multiculturalism' is being forced down our throats so goddamn hard... I have only seen an increase in criminal numbers and issues. Some of you will probably call me a racist now or similiar dumbfoolery. Well, I just wish they wouldn't start giving streets in our towns Arabic names. Because our streets are our streets, and they have nothing to do with Morocco, Afghanistan, or anything like that. Stop islamizing my country!
Hmmm... you are touching on a rather sensitive topic. My first thought is that when expressing an opinion on this kind of issue, it is best to be factual, objective and calm. You make some entirely valid points, but I can see how some people might take offense with the manner with which you delivered them.
As a Chinese immigrant to Britain myself, I'd like to offer my thoughts on the issue. I apologise for the wall of text to come, but this is not a simple issue, and having decided to write about it, I want to do it justice.
I don't think you are talking about Britain... There is a large Muslim population here, but they are mostly of South Asian descent (thus not Arabic speakers) and the Conservative party here is fairly strict on immigration, and certainly view it as a major election issue. If I had to guess, you are talking about France? Which I know has a far larger Muslim population, mostly of North African origin, and where as far as I am aware, the 'Far Right' are more popular than in the UK, but still largely sidelined in mainstream politics...
I have no answers or solutions, but a few things to think about.
1) On the whole, immigration is hugely beneficial to countries. Some of the most successful/wealthy nations in the world are those with strong immigrant traditions, including the USA, Canada, Australia and Singapore. In the case of the UK, huge waves of South Asian immigration only occurred because Britain was desperately short of manpower in the aftermath of WW2, and encouraged Commonwealth citizens to come and work in Britain. In fact for a time all Commonwealth citizens were entitled to British citizenship to encourage immigration, which is kinda ridiculous considering that includes all Indians! These immigrants played a key role in Britain's post-war reconstruction and many continue to provide essential services, particularly in healthcare.
The opposite extreme would be Japan, which is culturally and ethnically homogeneous, and maintains extremely strict immigration controls. Most economists agree that this has been hugely damaging to the Japanese economy, which has been in stagnation for more than 20 years! Given low birthrates, experts predict a major population crash, along with major problems for healthcare provision for the elderly and general workforce shortages unless something changes drastically. i.e. Japan will either have to have many more babies, or start relaxing immigration laws.
2) Having said that, I believe that European (and indeed other countries with immigration issues) countries should be allowed, and should be encouraged, to have an open, frank and factual discussion about what they want for their countries, without the fear of being labelled a 'racist' just for raising the race issue.
I see no inherent reason why an Englishman cannot prefer his country to remain pre-dominantly 'white and Christian'. Existing citizens should have the right to have a say on what kind of country they want to live in and raise their children in.
Of course it is impractical and immoral to demand the forcible repatriation of immigrants already legally settled in the country, but citizens should have a say on the extent of further immigration. Frankly when I think of England, I think of rolling hills, winding country lanes, red letter boxes, football on Saturday, church on Sunday, Fish and Chips and Doctor Who. I don't particularly want to see bad Chinese takeways, mosques and curry shops taking over, and living in an England where the English were an 'minority majority'. (Not that Britain is anywhere near that stage).
3) However... One must recognise that this is a sensitive topic, and thus be careful of the language and manner with which we discuss it. Unfortunately most political parties that strongly focus on immigration controls tends to attract the racists and bigots that totally destroy any credibility they might otherwise have, even if it was not their intention.
I am not sure why this is. Perhaps moderate people with genuine concerns about immigration are too afraid to voice them encase they are branded a racist, and so those who do speak up do tend to be actually racist, which then makes it impossible for the moderates to support them!?
I sincerely wish there was a reasonable and sensible mid-way between "I am a raving racist England for the English!!!" and "I-love-multi-culturalism and saying anything else is racist!". Unfortunately perhaps it is a symptom of modern democracy that the messages easiest to broadcast are those that are short, simple and fit in a nice sound-bite. I mean the long essay-type discussions like I am typing just doesn't make for very exciting headlines. Newspapers and politicians prefer to use simple messages like 'immigration is good!' or 'immigration is bad!'
I remember watching the coverage of the last UK general election, and even though Cameron/Clegg/Brown did not say anything overtly racist, I actually felt rather insulted/uncomfortable by how each of them tried to out-do each other to demonstrate how tough they would be on immigration, without necessarily explaining the context that they only meant to target excessive and illegal immigration. This made somebody like me feel rather unwanted and unwelcome, even though my parents made a living in this country from nothing, never took a single penny from the government in benefits, and paid thousands of pounds a year in their employment as Engineering academics.
4) I totally agree that immigrants should be expected to accept the basic norms of their new society and integrate at least to a minimal extent. That means at least having a working knowledge of the language and able to interact with people outside of their immediate social circle. If they cannot do this, I don't see how they can become reasonably productive members of society.
On the flip side, people should not view ethnic minority concentrated areas as necessarily a bad thing. People naturally feel more comfortable around those with similar backgrounds. For example I more or less grew up in the UK, English is my first language and I have watched way more American/British TV/movies than Chinese ones. However, I still on average feel that I have more in common with other Chinese immigrants of a similar age and background, and thus it is natural that I have more Chinese friends than native British ones. It is not that I am unable to integrate, it is just my freedom to choose who I associate with and make friends with.
5) Immigrants should be free to practise their cultural and religious beliefs, but not impose them on others. If an immigrant cannot accept the social/cultural/religious norms of a country, perhaps he/she should not be in that country.
For example I have a problem with organised religion, so I wouldn't want to live in Saudi Arabia, and if I did, I wouldn't expect to be able to drink alcohol in a restaurant just because I want to. I also have a problem with the decadence and hedonism of an increasingly permissive/liberal West... If I had a daughter, I'd probably move to Saudi Arabia to raise her up. (jokes...)
6) That said, a lot of European/Western countries arguably share some historic responsibility for the immigration problem as a legacy of their age of Imperialism. For example a great deal of Britain's wealth was built on the exploitation of African and South Asian resources and labour, with horrific crimes committed against subject peoples. Some would say that leaves them with a degree of responsibility for the peoples of their former colonies.
Anyways that's all the points that came to the top of my head, I've probably missed something glaringly obvious... I guess in summary. We should all aim to further the cause of tolerance, understanding, communication and honest debate, and reject the extremists on both sides of the argument.
@Heindrich1988: I am fully aware that I am touching a sensitive subject. But the way our local left-wing newspapers have been painting a very generalising black-white image of the natives of my country as selfish racists hurts me just as much. It's probably got to do with the upcoming elections. People of ethnic minorities get a lot of privileges here, let that be clear. But I won't tolerate any blatant discrimination by our media just to attract votes from ethnic minorities. As I said, I have a lot of respect for those people willing to learn my country's mother tongue. It's certainly not an easy language, but it is necessary if you want to find a job here, because most employers (in my opinion rightfully so) consider it a basic requirement. I have a boyfriend abroad. He also doesn't know my country's mother tongue, but at least he has shown willingness to learn it if we decide together that he will be moving in here. I am just as willing to learn an extra language, even though it's currently not easy for me because the possibilities are limited. I am not a believer. I consider religion as something which was important in the past, but now not anymore. Most religions als aren't more than moral compasses which made people behave during rough times. Religion has caused a lot of debates too. Sometimes I even consider religion as some form of indoctrination. Like how in some countries abortion still isn't allowed, leading to all kinds of consequences. I am inclined to look more at science and scientific evolution, because there you got to do with actual objective facts instead of stories written in some kind of 'holy' book. Consider me radical, I guess it's just my opinion. Lots of wars going on in the world nowadays partially also have to do with religious extremism. But I won't go deeper into that, as I know it involves much much more than that. Anyway, I expect from immigrants that they at least do effort to integrate. I hope that is not too much to ask for, considering part of my income will be funding social security in the near future.
Immigrants don't bother me that much, after all it's not he who asks that is stupid but the one who gives. I'm more pissed at our own liberal-left-wing-cultural-relativists. First two parts apply to me as well, but goddamn if cultural (or moral) relativism doesn't get me going. The kind of people who think that the immigrants can't make due on their own, that they need to be supported and understood like they were little children. Truly the white man's burden hasn't gone anywhere. Now it's just called anti-racism, or other some-such.
Not that I won't get pissed at the right wing morons as well who keep warning us about the impeding doom of our civilization at the hands of uncontrolled immigration. First, there's no such thing as uncontrolled immigration. Second, I believe that most of the immigrants or refugees try to adapt.
I'm not a very nationalistic person, but the constant kneeling in front of multicultural tolerance is seriously annoying. I like my culture and the things it stands for, stop trying to bury it. I don't care if schools stop teaching religion (something they should stop), but I do mind when a group of people are given a different set rules than the rest of us. How the hell can a society be liberal and tolerant of others if it allows some groups within it to be intolerant and persecute women or minorities of any kind? It's like these people have never opened a philosophy book. Which I guess most people haven't.
And maybe this discussion could be moved to it's own topic, lest we risk this one getting closed due to inflammatory content.
Ok. Despite what I said in my first post long ago, I must admit there are times when people just have to express all these negative feelings I hold back for a long time. I do not ask for advice, since I don't believe any would be useful - only I can change something in my life, no other.
First of all, looking at my future I see only pitch-black darkness. After earning my master degree, what is awaiting me? I'll have to work for miserable ammount of money (in comparison to typical european standars) until I'm 67, just to earn my even more miserable pension. Avarege male's lifespawn in Poland is 68-69 years old. Sounds awesome.
Since I will be earning miserable ammount of money, I'm afraid I'll have to put extra time into work, just to earn payment that is closer to "living wage". Extra ammount of time and effort into my future work equals lack of time and strength left to put into my passions. Not expressing myself throught those equals spiritual suicide. The fact that I'm not very talented in either of my passions isn't helping at all.
My social life isn't going to be bright, either. I've always have trouble approaching girls, mainly because of my shyness and feeling that I'm not worth any woman. Even if I managed to do it, it never worked out. They are either taken, or see me only as a friend. It was very devastating when I was in high school - in the thrid year, I fell in love with a girl I befriended three years ago. And since being rejected, I never once felt such strong affection towards any woman. Of course, this friends of mine while telling me that we can't be anything more than friends really meant it - she have stayed as my friend, so my respect for her never changed. Still, the perspective of being alone in the future remains, and it scares me seriously.
Thank you for reading this. I do not expect any advices I just wanted to put my heart at ease. Now, I have to gather enough strenth to keep doing something in spite of my wonderful future.
A well-written post. It shows strength, not asking for advice but being determined to live your life anyway.
Just a show of respect from me and just one correction: I think you are worth a woman. Even though I'm not a woman, when I saw the email-notification there being a new post by ZelgadisGW, I thought of it as being a new post by someone I respect for his courage.
*edit: just an extra question that pops up: what are the passions you're talking about?
(for me, it's playing Dragon Age:Origins right now, I'm going to forgot the shitty plans for handicapped people in Holland right now by losing my self in a game, before I'm going to the City Hall tonight to show my support for the colleagues who are speaking in front of the city council tonight).
Hmmm... you are touching on a rather sensitive topic. My first thought is that when expressing an opinion on this kind of issue, it is best to be factual, objective and calm. You make some entirely valid points, but I can see how some people might take offense with the manner with which you delivered them.
Oh my! I know I'm super late here so feel free not to answer if you dont want to get into it again. Also there was another thread you made excellent points on, I didn't respond (on parenting/rude people) because honestly, what you said was great and I'm still thinking it over.
Tis indeed a very touchy topic. At first @Kitten_On_A_Cloud responses I was all like "oh long distance relationships. I remember those sucky Christmases alone" which quickly turned into "whaaaaaaa?"
Being a Brit that moved to the US, getting some distance on some of the problems of the UK has given me some different thoughts also.
I really agree with your mentality about the need for balance between being racist and open to everyone, but especially the part about the parts of Europe having to eat the consequences of their colonialism. You might've heard "Keep Britain for the British!".
For a lot of Brits, and this is part down to choicy curriculum (but from the looks of it, every country has this problem) there is a lot of white washing of history. UK likes to pretend we are race blind, today is a different day and take everyone at face value. That in itself is racist because like the subjugation of a lot of people, history and context matters. This thing lead to that thing which leads to today.
Personally I believe a lot of tension comes not from an incompatibility of beliefs but a lack of ability to communicate*. I remember reading on an immigration forum, someone was mad because David Cameron was imposing new regulations on passing English tests. It was racist, they argued, because they are putting roadblocks on a guy trying to get a poor wife from rural Pakistan to England. Well, that's probably true, but if he can pay to ship her there he can pay for some education too. What if she needs to call 999, or take her children to the doctor?
First and fore most we are all people trying to survive and find a better life. You can't blame anyone for that, I'm guessing that when a lot of immigrants get here its not as promising as it sounds on paper. In frustrations of trying to make a living for themselves in a place that doesn't want them and is hostile, the problems of home seem a lot rosier. I've been there (and back again, haha), I understand the mindset. Likewise, trying to force Islamic mindsets (because they seem extra appealing in the face of negativity and culture shock) is never going to work. The rule of law definitely has to remain multicultural and inclusive to everyone who comes and goes, no exceptions.
I sometimes read that Muslim culture in the UK and beyond is changing, but I do think its too slow. I'm old enough to recognize that finding love the "Western" way is not the only way or even a better way but I care a great deal about personal freedom. Maybe the stories about honour killings are overblown but I feel the pressure of arranged marriages are not, I saw what it did to a friend and I no longer have contact with her. Unfortunately the way it works I'm not sure is something the law can even change, communication and negotiation is probably the only way.
Lastly, I'm sure its obvious that the UK is only a tiny, tiny place. Certainly, I'm a little skeptical at the open immigration arrangement that was made with the EU, but doesn't it seem like the greater threat here is opportunity for all of us? In the end that's where the resentment comes from doesn't it? Back to Kitten_On_A_Cloud, who sees little opportunity for her future no matter how hard she works (and honestly, the reality of the combined middle class prospects is not equal to the right-wing dream), to immigrants who are trying to get a piece of the economic pie ... to me it seems like the problem is the wealth hoarders. No not the "successful businessmen" but the Enrons of the world and those who made out like bandits during the financial crises. We all know there are a lot more people who should be in jail, inside and outside of the US during this whole debacle who are basically untouchable.
I know those are broad strokes over a variety of subjects, like solving education and work opportunities won't solve all conflicts with British Muslims or calm all resentments but I think it would help a great deal.
* Again, I'm too lazy to back this up with evidence but poverty seems to exasperate things like domestic violence. There are some people who are just awful and treat others horribly, but the need to leverage control over other humans beings (seen below them on the chain) often seems from a feeling of insecurity and lowliness especially to peers. Money alone might not solve womens rights problems, but I imagine if a quality of life and security is provided for people, negotiation and education would probably be that much easier.
** Also, I dont want to assume K_O_A_C country of origin, just talking about that specific place I understand
Most of the responsibility has to lie with the host family, the person who is introducing the immigrant to their new life. This is a little tricky in non marriage cases but unless you are work-based you are very vulnerable and not at all independent. Coming to think of it, with a marriage visa your spouse has to prove they can support you (sponsor) or proof of income (job based), so if you are say, claiming asylum there's nothing else you can do but look for government assistance and starting from the bottom of any ladder can be hard to break out of. Social mobility has declined for pretty much everyone.
All the immigrant can do is keep putting themselves out there, its extremely easy to become isolated quickly. The longer you are isolated the harder it is to break in. This is easier if you live in a place that's populated and well connected with public transport. Unless they are moving to a place with a lot of people that look and sound like them, they have to harden themselves to being looked at and have to not get insecure about that because people are naturally curious, not everything is aggressive/negative.
Since a lot of people are lazy like I am, your dealings with people as a minority will become a reference for future opinions about people like you. We take so much from personal experience which is better than making a decision about another because someone told you to. In that sense, whether you want to be or not you have to be the example of "your people" you want others to think of. Well, really we should all do this. Even if you're really frustrated with the (culturally different) behaviours of those around you its best to either sell these quietly, lie, or keep quiet when people ask you what you think of the country so far because as long as you keep trying to adjust your opinions will eventually change. Especially when you've got a job and can support yourself.
The worst thing you can do is just stay in your new house and become depressed and isolated, sticking with who/what you already know which is kind of like protective human behaviour that can be hard to break.
Before I moved I used to have similar views to Kitten_On_A_Cloud. One thing that bothered me is why you get blocks of shops that are like other countries. Why come to another country to make it just like yours? One of the biggest components of being an immigrant is food - home food gives you a lot of comfort and a sense of pride and belonging. For the immigrant that cares about naturalizing it is not about replacing one thing with another, but combining the best of both worlds.
My state could be made much better with a fish and chip shop. On the other hand I got acquainted with Mr Taco. Yummmm
LOL I guess so. Too bad if you have a sucky charisma score, like myself. I should have raided a rich person's house for a ring of charisma (that's where you find it right, Nalia's house?).
@Klonoa the Ring of Charisma is in possession of Kalah, in the Circus Tent, in Waukeen's Promenade, my CHA might be around 5. Also, you travel to another country because yours is worst, or worst for you only.
@Shandyr: Well, one thing that immigrants could do when migrating into another country, is learning the host country's official mother tongue, or at least one of the official languages used in public spaces. Especially for my country this really is a perk required for a lot of jobs. It also improves chances of finding a job, even though that still is difficult due to the current economic climate. But it really is a step up the ladder already. All too often I read how our government organizes special language training sessions, but too little immigrants actually make use of them. All too often I read how immigrant children suffer severe issues in school because of their limited knowledge on the language they are being schooled in, and all too often it's because of this limited knowledge that they end up jobless later on. Put aside that they keep up other kids in the classroom who already have mastered the mother tongue, because it's just too difficult for classroom teachers to give each individual child the treatment it needs without disavantaging the whole group. I also have read on how our government provides special places for muslims to practice their annual sacrificing rituals, which costs 30.000 euro's a year (paid by tax money, nonetheless), but how too little people actually made use of it. And when the government announced the whole affair became too expensive, there was an outrage. So much for trying to assimilate, eh? If they want to kill their beasts in the confines of their house, fine, that they tell so, so that the tax payer doesn't have to pay for it anymore. Also, things like Sharia4England and whatever I will not tolerate, as it contains funamentalist extreme religious ideas and has caused a lot of youngsters in my country to think they could make a difference in a war which is ultimately beyond their control, namely the war in Syria. This extremist ideology has started sprouting in different EU countries and is a recent phenomenom that MUST be stopped. Yet all I see our government do is being apathic towards it. Muslims can have their mosques, no problem with that, but when they start brainwashing children and youngsters into thinking they have to go risk their lives in a war, I have to say it's gone too far. Europe is a secular continent afterall. We as Europeans have had decades of religious quarrels and evolution, we have undergone an Enlightment, while most muslim countries have not, and it still is showing especially in the more radical tendencies of the islam ideology. And that is what I'm afraid of. Moreover, I think that at some point, there WILL be a clash between the islam and the secular West. A clash that actually already has started, knowing how tensions between Christians and Muslims are rising in certain countries nowadays.
@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud have you heard that the pope called the muslims brothers some time ago? Also, one of my latest thinkings is that a new era needs to overcome. So.... LET'S CALL SHIVA!!!!!!!! So he can burn down the world, so Brahma can build it again and Vishnu can preserve it until there is time for another change. (And yeah, I am a pagan weirdo).
Anyway, I'm nearing a depression. I'd hoped 2014 would become a better year. It's not, thus far. I finished my exams weeks ago. Normally I would have immediately taken an airplane flight to see my boyfriend @Cheesebelly. But it seems my body's dumb as fuck. First I came down with a cold, which led to an ear infection, causing pressure on my ear drums. I wasn't allowed to step on a plane until that got better. One and a half week of delay. Now that my ears finally got better, I let my doctor take a blood test. It seems there are problems with my liver, I might have a viral liver infection or 'hepatitis'. Result: I'm not even sure I can see my boyfriend anymore before my next semester of college starts, because this liver thing is very contagious and needs a shit ton of time to heal up. Tomorrow I am going to let doctors take a scan of my liver so they can see the degree of seriousness. Normally I would have taken an airplane flight today (Tuesday), but I had to let the plane depart without me. Right now I'm sitting at home, not knowing what to do and crying my eyes out. Next opportunity to see my boyfriend would be Easter vacation, which is months away. This really is putting a strain on our relationship, and I really am starting to get fed up with seeing each other so little. Especially my boyfriend seems to be getting into a burn-out too, as he can't see any sense into waking up in the morning anymore without me. This really is shitty for both of us. And I curse myself for getting ill in such a crucial period of time.
@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud I'll recommend you "Always look into the bright side of life", not many people has the posibility to study (around a 30% of the world don't knows how to read/write, not talking of children, adults that do not know how to read/write!!!), you should be happy because you can study, because you don't live in arabia wnd you're not muslim so as a woman you have the same rights (well, everyone misses the right ot know the truth, and most important, everyone misses liberty but since no one seems to care nowadays...) as other humans. Think of all the good things that can happen in the future, the raw Chaos of the future id impossible to predict, but variables can be stated. You have a part of your life where everything is unpredictable and weird, that part of life is one side of the cross-(it is a wall shaped as a cross) wall, the other side is rather predictable and nothing changes, the other sides are different, one is full of happines and joy, but the other one is tiresomely sad and hollow. You want to cross to the other side (the one with happiness and joy), and you know how, but you are just not able to get over the wall, you have to find another way, by making a hole in the ground or jumping over (this would be like a "fuck up doctors I'll do what I want but not left my studies"), you have to pass the wall. You can break the wall as well (this is more like "I'll go in the middle of my studies, when I feel better") or you can look backwards, and let Destiny move you to the other side (this is like a "I'll wait for the next opportunity, but I will try to be to have a good time in the meanwhile"), or, you can simply make the wall fall for you (call @Cheesebelly to go with you, some on said a long time ago "If I can't go, I'll make it come!", as I don't know if he can go this is the most fantastic one). You can also move to the other side without meeting with your boyfriend (psychically this one is the most complicated, but it gives the greater reward, you'll learn to be happy with what you already have, and learn to not to wish more than what you REALLY NEED, now in your life your goal is to met with him, there are many more impossible goals, my only goal in life is to gather knowledge for an answer, but, I already know the answer, but its nature is what I cannot comprehend, I need to be wiser, or just that's not the answer, my goal was NEVER reached by ANY human before, I seek to know what is our task in this world? It is a joke? It is to please Arioch? Why!!?!?!? I was depressed before, the way I escaped those feelings of sadness and hollowness was by blocking all the feelings from myself, to try to not to feel, if not to understand what I am feeling before, I completely refuse to die, but I do not fear dying, it is because I feel that something needs to be done, and I am the only one pushing my own ideas of revolution, my irrational ideas about imperialism and aptitude to rule, but one thing I've learned is that you have to always look the good thing, always, a week ago I started feeling bad, I did not know why, it was my freaking liver who decided to be jerk because he did not enjoy damn so much fried food >.< in the middle of my holidays!! (Despite of having 3 months of holidays I wasn't home by that time, I was travelling). I felt bad (and still feeling not so good), but your if your will is to have a good day, you'll have a good day, (unless a mad deity of Chaos creates the Vadagh and Nadbagh to destroy us (anyway he created the Mabden to destroy those races but anyway), since the only Lord of Chaos in this conjunt of Planes is ME, you'll be mostly (smuggling monkeys from Jansen's family!!) safe) because, well, it is up to you to decide your feelings, your uncouncious half might think otherwise, but you can still decide, life has even more choices to make than Planescape Torment, more endings but the same fate; no mortal ever has passed over Death, try to live happily, because it won't last forever.
As a very interested person in different theologies (I'm roman catholic (anyway I think everyone is able to be of his own religion, so I am against evangelization), but I have great interest in this topic, knowing what other people trust in helps understanding their behavior (for whatever you would like know to later too), also, most of the tales hold wisdom and I like mythologic tales, so, win win win) I can say the Hinduism is one of the most attracting and complex mythologies I've ever seen, it has an amusing quantity of gods (and you thought that the greek mythology was too big when you realize about Hinduism, and you make a :O bigger than Saturn) and it is one of the few that have gods that change the different eras. Mainly this is because the climate in the region, that has (mostly differenced) 3 seasons, the First Season rains so the cultivates can start to grow (Brahma, the "Head" and the Creator), in the Second Season is where the cultivates are preserved to grow (Vishnu, the "Body" and the Protector), in the Third Season all the cultivates are ready to be picked up, in this time there are no chances of a plant growing (Shiva, the "Feet", the Destructor).
A little note regarding livers alcohol depressions and that stuff: drinking much alcohol causes hepatitis in your liver (I am not sayin you're a drunk, you seem wise to me), and many people tend to drink uncaringly when they're depressed.
@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud For starters, I want to express that I feel really sorry for you. I was once in the long-distance relationship and I know how the long-time separation feels. Being ill at the time you're supposed to meet your boyfriend is certainly a reason to be depressed about.
But, if you are willing to listen to me, then know that cursing yourself over it [illness at that particular time] won't make anything right. Neither your mind nor body will not feel better over this. You are not at fault, it's just unfortunate turn of events.
From what you say, I conclude that the time you visit your boyfriend (or vice versa) are usually pretty regular with minor exceptions like illness. So I'll say this: don't take things from granted. Try to be happy about how can see him regulary, even if it's once in a 3-4 months. The way you are looking at and interpreting your life situation has a lot to do with your happiness and overall quality of life. Changing your attitute can really do wonders. I'm not talking about "happy-go-lucky" attitute, but rather of being grateful for what you have in your life. There are people who can't see their loved ones as often and regularly like you can. I never was granted with that possibility.
About your health, I'm not especially knowledgable when it comes to biology or medicine, but I can tell you one advice: after you get better, have a regular physical activities. These doesn't have to be hard, no. Just regular. The point is to stimulate your immune system, which decreases the chance for such situations you mentioned to happen.
@ZelgadisGW: Thank you for the kind words, I honestly didn't see that coming. And yeah, I recently changed studies, which caused me to have less classes than I should have, so I spend a lot of time at home right now. I know that I indeed should move more (note: I'm not overweight or something, yet I'll admit that my condition isn't what it used to be during high school). The doctor said so too, actually. It's just hard to do that, as I don't really see a reason to go out and I don't have many friends to do something together with. I could indeed go to a gym and train a bit there just to get myself into shape. But even then I'll be on my own. Well, can't be helped, I guess. I'll think about it. I indeed should call myself lucky for being in this kind of 'luxury' position right now. Yet having a lot of free time doesn't necessarily mean I should be overjoyed. Most of the time, I actually find myself to be bored out of my mind.
When we had our relationship long distance, we met once a year while waiting for our long term plans to pan out. I had depression at the time but it was mostly to do with other personal life stuff. My GP listened to my general summery and said "Its good to make plans, but don't forget to make the most of your present too".
That goes out the window right now of course. If I had to cancel my trip I would have been really, really crushed. You have every right to be despondent, especially being very sick on top of that. If its something you're going to make a full recovery from then this is just a small slice of down time compared to the longevity of your time together. Clock watching always makes that time more agonizing and slow right?
I hate sports and gym but I love a good walk in the sunshine. Sunlight and light exercise is really good for your mood - I had a cd player (dont laugh this was some years ago now ) with one headphone in thinking of art ideas...and the other hand on a panic alarm because it was dodgy area of Cheshire.
Do you like manga? Lots to read at kissmanga.com, good to make use of libraries (I miss that a lot, they are pretty sucky where I live now). Any online games you can play together? Do you like sandbox-type games? When I discovered Stronghold and Mount & Blade a couple of months just seemed to vanish.
Christmas and Valentines day are sucky times to be in an LDR. The last time I journeyed out and had to come home I was a sorry state. There's nothing more awkward than crying at the airport, I think. When these crappy times are done with, it doesn't take that long for them to fade - but perhaps not enough so that when you are arguing about who's turn to do the dishes it is, or what kind of cheese to buy you can laugh it off because you know its not at all important. I hope you feel better and get back on your feet soon
Awoke at six in the morning today due to worrying. I'm worried about the people in Homs, dying of hunger, lacking proper supplies for medical care, being deprived and surrounded by enemy forces of their own government waging war against them for one-and-a-half years now.
And I'm worried at a short talk I will be giving on a congres for professionals on the 20th of february. I'm allowed to open up the congres (about care and welfare in a changing era of reforms) with a talk of what I think is important from a client's perspective, but I only got 3-5 minutes to talk and there's so much I want to say. Most of all I'm worried about striking the right balance between our own strength and the need to focus on our qualities, as people with mental illnesses and our need for support. In this era, I'm mostly worried about lack of support, but then again, I don't want us to be pampered and seen as people who can't make their own choices. I've chosen as my motto for this era: "we manage, because we are supported". Need to strike that balance and explain it in only 3-5 minutes.
There's more I worry about, but it would become a very long post. But I can sum it up in "Son_of_Imoen will start being happy once all injustice, depletion of the natural resources, poverty and violence is overcome and this world is peaceful, sustainable, just and equitable". But the problem is, it will never be like that, so by being locked in that stance I will never ever be happy and I don't know how to get out of that stance without becoming indifferent to other people's suffering, which I don't want to become.
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It's a good activity to retreat to, while still doing something rather than just lying in bed.
You sound like you are maturing as a person, gaining wisdom about the practicalities of life, keeping up with the news and thinking about politics. That maturity should help you succeed this time in your studies. It may be kind of painful and "a drag" right now, but I think it will all pay off for you in the long run.
When I used to vent about my worries to my beloved and dearly departed grandmother, she'd always say, "Cheer up, Son. It's not so bad. Everything is going to be all right." And you know, even if I didn't really believe that, it always made me feel better to hear her say it. So, I guess I would say that to you now.
Don't give up, keep on going, and everything always gets better sooner or later.
And the downside is if I can't keep the balance: if my mind is too full of realism, too full of budget cuts in healtcare and welfare, too full of polutions and disasters, I over-compensate with excessive gaming till sometimes even two o'clock in the night. It's a trap I often fall into and it's a real tough job steering clear of it.
But on the plus side of gaming, if I'm feeling suicidical, not just my family (parents, brother, sister, their kids) who'd miss me, but all the games I still want to finish keep the determination to stay alive - alive.
Hmmm... you are touching on a rather sensitive topic. My first thought is that when expressing an opinion on this kind of issue, it is best to be factual, objective and calm. You make some entirely valid points, but I can see how some people might take offense with the manner with which you delivered them.
As a Chinese immigrant to Britain myself, I'd like to offer my thoughts on the issue. I apologise for the wall of text to come, but this is not a simple issue, and having decided to write about it, I want to do it justice.
1) On the whole, immigration is hugely beneficial to countries. Some of the most successful/wealthy nations in the world are those with strong immigrant traditions, including the USA, Canada, Australia and Singapore. In the case of the UK, huge waves of South Asian immigration only occurred because Britain was desperately short of manpower in the aftermath of WW2, and encouraged Commonwealth citizens to come and work in Britain. In fact for a time all Commonwealth citizens were entitled to British citizenship to encourage immigration, which is kinda ridiculous considering that includes all Indians! These immigrants played a key role in Britain's post-war reconstruction and many continue to provide essential services, particularly in healthcare.
The opposite extreme would be Japan, which is culturally and ethnically homogeneous, and maintains extremely strict immigration controls. Most economists agree that this has been hugely damaging to the Japanese economy, which has been in stagnation for more than 20 years! Given low birthrates, experts predict a major population crash, along with major problems for healthcare provision for the elderly and general workforce shortages unless something changes drastically. i.e. Japan will either have to have many more babies, or start relaxing immigration laws.
2) Having said that, I believe that European (and indeed other countries with immigration issues) countries should be allowed, and should be encouraged, to have an open, frank and factual discussion about what they want for their countries, without the fear of being labelled a 'racist' just for raising the race issue.
I see no inherent reason why an Englishman cannot prefer his country to remain pre-dominantly 'white and Christian'. Existing citizens should have the right to have a say on what kind of country they want to live in and raise their children in.
Of course it is impractical and immoral to demand the forcible repatriation of immigrants already legally settled in the country, but citizens should have a say on the extent of further immigration. Frankly when I think of England, I think of rolling hills, winding country lanes, red letter boxes, football on Saturday, church on Sunday, Fish and Chips and Doctor Who. I don't particularly want to see bad Chinese takeways, mosques and curry shops taking over, and living in an England where the English were an 'minority majority'. (Not that Britain is anywhere near that stage).
3) However... One must recognise that this is a sensitive topic, and thus be careful of the language and manner with which we discuss it. Unfortunately most political parties that strongly focus on immigration controls tends to attract the racists and bigots that totally destroy any credibility they might otherwise have, even if it was not their intention.
I am not sure why this is. Perhaps moderate people with genuine concerns about immigration are too afraid to voice them encase they are branded a racist, and so those who do speak up do tend to be actually racist, which then makes it impossible for the moderates to support them!?
I sincerely wish there was a reasonable and sensible mid-way between "I am a raving racist England for the English!!!" and "I-love-multi-culturalism and saying anything else is racist!". Unfortunately perhaps it is a symptom of modern democracy that the messages easiest to broadcast are those that are short, simple and fit in a nice sound-bite. I mean the long essay-type discussions like I am typing just doesn't make for very exciting headlines. Newspapers and politicians prefer to use simple messages like 'immigration is good!' or 'immigration is bad!'
I remember watching the coverage of the last UK general election, and even though Cameron/Clegg/Brown did not say anything overtly racist, I actually felt rather insulted/uncomfortable by how each of them tried to out-do each other to demonstrate how tough they would be on immigration, without necessarily explaining the context that they only meant to target excessive and illegal immigration. This made somebody like me feel rather unwanted and unwelcome, even though my parents made a living in this country from nothing, never took a single penny from the government in benefits, and paid thousands of pounds a year in their employment as Engineering academics.
4) I totally agree that immigrants should be expected to accept the basic norms of their new society and integrate at least to a minimal extent. That means at least having a working knowledge of the language and able to interact with people outside of their immediate social circle. If they cannot do this, I don't see how they can become reasonably productive members of society.
On the flip side, people should not view ethnic minority concentrated areas as necessarily a bad thing. People naturally feel more comfortable around those with similar backgrounds. For example I more or less grew up in the UK, English is my first language and I have watched way more American/British TV/movies than Chinese ones. However, I still on average feel that I have more in common with other Chinese immigrants of a similar age and background, and thus it is natural that I have more Chinese friends than native British ones. It is not that I am unable to integrate, it is just my freedom to choose who I associate with and make friends with.
5) Immigrants should be free to practise their cultural and religious beliefs, but not impose them on others. If an immigrant cannot accept the social/cultural/religious norms of a country, perhaps he/she should not be in that country.
For example I have a problem with organised religion, so I wouldn't want to live in Saudi Arabia, and if I did, I wouldn't expect to be able to drink alcohol in a restaurant just because I want to. I also have a problem with the decadence and hedonism of an increasingly permissive/liberal West... If I had a daughter, I'd probably move to Saudi Arabia to raise her up. (jokes...)
6) That said, a lot of European/Western countries arguably share some historic responsibility for the immigration problem as a legacy of their age of Imperialism. For example a great deal of Britain's wealth was built on the exploitation of African and South Asian resources and labour, with horrific crimes committed against subject peoples. Some would say that leaves them with a degree of responsibility for the peoples of their former colonies.
Anyways that's all the points that came to the top of my head, I've probably missed something glaringly obvious... I guess in summary. We should all aim to further the cause of tolerance, understanding, communication and honest debate, and reject the extremists on both sides of the argument.
Not that I won't get pissed at the right wing morons as well who keep warning us about the impeding doom of our civilization at the hands of uncontrolled immigration. First, there's no such thing as uncontrolled immigration. Second, I believe that most of the immigrants or refugees try to adapt.
I'm not a very nationalistic person, but the constant kneeling in front of multicultural tolerance is seriously annoying. I like my culture and the things it stands for, stop trying to bury it. I don't care if schools stop teaching religion (something they should stop), but I do mind when a group of people are given a different set rules than the rest of us. How the hell can a society be liberal and tolerant of others if it allows some groups within it to be intolerant and persecute women or minorities of any kind? It's like these people have never opened a philosophy book. Which I guess most people haven't.
And maybe this discussion could be moved to it's own topic, lest we risk this one getting closed due to inflammatory content.
First of all, looking at my future I see only pitch-black darkness. After earning my master degree, what is awaiting me? I'll have to work for miserable ammount of money (in comparison to typical european standars) until I'm 67, just to earn my even more miserable pension. Avarege male's lifespawn in Poland is 68-69 years old. Sounds awesome.
Since I will be earning miserable ammount of money, I'm afraid I'll have to put extra time into work, just to earn payment that is closer to "living wage". Extra ammount of time and effort into my future work equals lack of time and strength left to put into my passions. Not expressing myself throught those equals spiritual suicide. The fact that I'm not very talented in either of my passions isn't helping at all.
My social life isn't going to be bright, either. I've always have trouble approaching girls, mainly because of my shyness and feeling that I'm not worth any woman. Even if I managed to do it, it never worked out. They are either taken, or see me only as a friend. It was very devastating when I was in high school - in the thrid year, I fell in love with a girl I befriended three years ago. And since being rejected, I never once felt such strong affection towards any woman. Of course, this friends of mine while telling me that we can't be anything more than friends really meant it - she have stayed as my friend, so my respect for her never changed. Still, the perspective of being alone in the future remains, and it scares me seriously.
Thank you for reading this. I do not expect any advices I just wanted to put my heart at ease. Now, I have to gather enough strenth to keep doing something in spite of my wonderful future.
Just a show of respect from me and just one correction: I think you are worth a woman. Even though I'm not a woman, when I saw the email-notification there being a new post by ZelgadisGW, I thought of it as being a new post by someone I respect for his courage.
Greetings, SoI.
(for me, it's playing Dragon Age:Origins right now, I'm going to forgot the shitty plans for handicapped people in Holland right now by losing my self in a game, before I'm going to the City Hall tonight to show my support for the colleagues who are speaking in front of the city council tonight).
Tis indeed a very touchy topic. At first @Kitten_On_A_Cloud responses I was all like "oh long distance relationships. I remember those sucky Christmases alone" which quickly turned into "whaaaaaaa?"
Being a Brit that moved to the US, getting some distance on some of the problems of the UK has given me some different thoughts also.
I really agree with your mentality about the need for balance between being racist and open to everyone, but especially the part about the parts of Europe having to eat the consequences of their colonialism. You might've heard "Keep Britain for the British!".
For a lot of Brits, and this is part down to choicy curriculum (but from the looks of it, every country has this problem) there is a lot of white washing of history. UK likes to pretend we are race blind, today is a different day and take everyone at face value. That in itself is racist because like the subjugation of a lot of people, history and context matters. This thing lead to that thing which leads to today.
Personally I believe a lot of tension comes not from an incompatibility of beliefs but a lack of ability to communicate*. I remember reading on an immigration forum, someone was mad because David Cameron was imposing new regulations on passing English tests. It was racist, they argued, because they are putting roadblocks on a guy trying to get a poor wife from rural Pakistan to England. Well, that's probably true, but if he can pay to ship her there he can pay for some education too. What if she needs to call 999, or take her children to the doctor?
First and fore most we are all people trying to survive and find a better life. You can't blame anyone for that, I'm guessing that when a lot of immigrants get here its not as promising as it sounds on paper. In frustrations of trying to make a living for themselves in a place that doesn't want them and is hostile, the problems of home seem a lot rosier. I've been there (and back again, haha), I understand the mindset. Likewise, trying to force Islamic mindsets (because they seem extra appealing in the face of negativity and culture shock) is never going to work. The rule of law definitely has to remain multicultural and inclusive to everyone who comes and goes, no exceptions.
I sometimes read that Muslim culture in the UK and beyond is changing, but I do think its too slow. I'm old enough to recognize that finding love the "Western" way is not the only way or even a better way but I care a great deal about personal freedom. Maybe the stories about honour killings are overblown but I feel the pressure of arranged marriages are not, I saw what it did to a friend and I no longer have contact with her. Unfortunately the way it works I'm not sure is something the law can even change, communication and negotiation is probably the only way.
Lastly, I'm sure its obvious that the UK is only a tiny, tiny place. Certainly, I'm a little skeptical at the open immigration arrangement that was made with the EU, but doesn't it seem like the greater threat here is opportunity for all of us? In the end that's where the resentment comes from doesn't it? Back to Kitten_On_A_Cloud, who sees little opportunity for her future no matter how hard she works (and honestly, the reality of the combined middle class prospects is not equal to the right-wing dream), to immigrants who are trying to get a piece of the economic pie ... to me it seems like the problem is the wealth hoarders. No not the "successful businessmen" but the Enrons of the world and those who made out like bandits during the financial crises. We all know there are a lot more people who should be in jail, inside and outside of the US during this whole debacle who are basically untouchable.
I know those are broad strokes over a variety of subjects, like solving education and work opportunities won't solve all conflicts with British Muslims or calm all resentments but I think it would help a great deal.
* Again, I'm too lazy to back this up with evidence but poverty seems to exasperate things like domestic violence. There are some people who are just awful and treat others horribly, but the need to leverage control over other humans beings (seen below them on the chain) often seems from a feeling of insecurity and lowliness especially to peers. Money alone might not solve womens rights problems, but I imagine if a quality of life and security is provided for people, negotiation and education would probably be that much easier.
** Also, I dont want to assume K_O_A_C country of origin, just talking about that specific place I understand
Most of the responsibility has to lie with the host family, the person who is introducing the immigrant to their new life. This is a little tricky in non marriage cases but unless you are work-based you are very vulnerable and not at all independent. Coming to think of it, with a marriage visa your spouse has to prove they can support you (sponsor) or proof of income (job based), so if you are say, claiming asylum there's nothing else you can do but look for government assistance and starting from the bottom of any ladder can be hard to break out of. Social mobility has declined for pretty much everyone.
All the immigrant can do is keep putting themselves out there, its extremely easy to become isolated quickly. The longer you are isolated the harder it is to break in. This is easier if you live in a place that's populated and well connected with public transport. Unless they are moving to a place with a lot of people that look and sound like them, they have to harden themselves to being looked at and have to not get insecure about that because people are naturally curious, not everything is aggressive/negative.
Since a lot of people are lazy like I am, your dealings with people as a minority will become a reference for future opinions about people like you. We take so much from personal experience which is better than making a decision about another because someone told you to. In that sense, whether you want to be or not you have to be the example of "your people" you want others to think of. Well, really we should all do this. Even if you're really frustrated with the (culturally different) behaviours of those around you its best to either sell these quietly, lie, or keep quiet when people ask you what you think of the country so far because as long as you keep trying to adjust your opinions will eventually change. Especially when you've got a job and can support yourself.
The worst thing you can do is just stay in your new house and become depressed and isolated, sticking with who/what you already know which is kind of like protective human behaviour that can be hard to break.
Before I moved I used to have similar views to Kitten_On_A_Cloud. One thing that bothered me is why you get blocks of shops that are like other countries. Why come to another country to make it just like yours? One of the biggest components of being an immigrant is food - home food gives you a lot of comfort and a sense of pride and belonging. For the immigrant that cares about naturalizing it is not about replacing one thing with another, but combining the best of both worlds.
My state could be made much better with a fish and chip shop. On the other hand I got acquainted with Mr Taco. Yummmm
Derp.
Also, you travel to another country because yours is worst, or worst for you only.
Also, one of my latest thinkings is that a new era needs to overcome.
So.... LET'S CALL SHIVA!!!!!!!!
So he can burn down the world, so Brahma can build it again and Vishnu can preserve it until there is time for another change.
(And yeah, I am a pagan weirdo).
As a very interested person in different theologies (I'm roman catholic (anyway I think everyone is able to be of his own religion, so I am against evangelization), but I have great interest in this topic, knowing what other people trust in helps understanding their behavior (for whatever you would like know to later too), also, most of the tales hold wisdom and I like mythologic tales, so, win win win) I can say the Hinduism is one of the most attracting and complex mythologies I've ever seen, it has an amusing quantity of gods (and you thought that the greek mythology was too big when you realize about Hinduism, and you make a :O bigger than Saturn) and it is one of the few that have gods that change the different eras. Mainly this is because the climate in the region, that has (mostly differenced) 3 seasons, the First Season rains so the cultivates can start to grow (Brahma, the "Head" and the Creator), in the Second Season is where the cultivates are preserved to grow (Vishnu, the "Body" and the Protector), in the Third Season all the cultivates are ready to be picked up, in this time there are no chances of a plant growing (Shiva, the "Feet", the Destructor).
A little note regarding livers alcohol depressions and that stuff: drinking much alcohol causes hepatitis in your liver (I am not sayin you're a drunk, you seem wise to me), and many people tend to drink uncaringly when they're depressed.
For starters, I want to express that I feel really sorry for you. I was once in the long-distance relationship and I know how the long-time separation feels. Being ill at the time you're supposed to meet your boyfriend is certainly a reason to be depressed about.
But, if you are willing to listen to me, then know that cursing yourself over it [illness at that particular time] won't make anything right. Neither your mind nor body will not feel better over this. You are not at fault, it's just unfortunate turn of events.
From what you say, I conclude that the time you visit your boyfriend (or vice versa) are usually pretty regular with minor exceptions like illness. So I'll say this: don't take things from granted. Try to be happy about how can see him regulary, even if it's once in a 3-4 months. The way you are looking at and interpreting your life situation has a lot to do with your happiness and overall quality of life. Changing your attitute can really do wonders. I'm not talking about "happy-go-lucky" attitute, but rather of being grateful for what you have in your life. There are people who can't see their loved ones as often and regularly like you can. I never was granted with that possibility.
About your health, I'm not especially knowledgable when it comes to biology or medicine, but I can tell you one advice: after you get better, have a regular physical activities. These doesn't have to be hard, no. Just regular. The point is to stimulate your immune system, which decreases the chance for such situations you mentioned to happen.
Take a heart, girl. I wish you that.
When we had our relationship long distance, we met once a year while waiting for our long term plans to pan out. I had depression at the time but it was mostly to do with other personal life stuff. My GP listened to my general summery and said "Its good to make plans, but don't forget to make the most of your present too".
That goes out the window right now of course. If I had to cancel my trip I would have been really, really crushed. You have every right to be despondent, especially being very sick on top of that. If its something you're going to make a full recovery from then this is just a small slice of down time compared to the longevity of your time together. Clock watching always makes that time more agonizing and slow right?
I hate sports and gym but I love a good walk in the sunshine. Sunlight and light exercise is really good for your mood - I had a cd player (dont laugh this was some years ago now
Do you like manga? Lots to read at kissmanga.com, good to make use of libraries (I miss that a lot, they are pretty sucky where I live now). Any online games you can play together? Do you like sandbox-type games? When I discovered Stronghold and Mount & Blade a couple of months just seemed to vanish.
Christmas and Valentines day are sucky times to be in an LDR. The last time I journeyed out and had to come home I was a sorry state. There's nothing more awkward than crying at the airport, I think. When these crappy times are done with, it doesn't take that long for them to fade - but perhaps not enough so that when you are arguing about who's turn to do the dishes it is, or what kind of cheese to buy you can laugh it off because you know its not at all important. I hope you feel better and get back on your feet soon
And I'm worried at a short talk I will be giving on a congres for professionals on the 20th of february. I'm allowed to open up the congres (about care and welfare in a changing era of reforms) with a talk of what I think is important from a client's perspective, but I only got 3-5 minutes to talk and there's so much I want to say. Most of all I'm worried about striking the right balance between our own strength and the need to focus on our qualities, as people with mental illnesses and our need for support. In this era, I'm mostly worried about lack of support, but then again, I don't want us to be pampered and seen as people who can't make their own choices. I've chosen as my motto for this era: "we manage, because we are supported". Need to strike that balance and explain it in only 3-5 minutes.
There's more I worry about, but it would become a very long post. But I can sum it up in "Son_of_Imoen will start being happy once all injustice, depletion of the natural resources, poverty and violence is overcome and this world is peaceful, sustainable, just and equitable". But the problem is, it will never be like that, so by being locked in that stance I will never ever be happy and I don't know how to get out of that stance without becoming indifferent to other people's suffering, which I don't want to become.