@Son_of_Imoen: Sometimes a bit of indifference towards others isn't bad. Why would you worry about situations you can do nothing about and thus make yourself feel miserable? I'd say to just focus on your own happiness. Other people have their own responsabilities and possibilities too. It's not up to you to save humankind. Humankind in itself is destroying itself as it is. You can't really change that, because there will always be different opinions, there will always be assholes in this world, there will always be religious fanatics pushing their own views, there will always be corrupt politicians fucking up countries. Especially the latter two make my blood boil, in particular muslims and their condescending views on women. But an individual in itself can't do much and shouldn't suffer because a great deal of humankind consists of idiots who aren't worth wasting time on. As long as humankind exists, an utopian world free of worries and fights will stay an illusion. Harsh, but it's the truth. And yes, I admit that my faith in humankind is rather very cynical.
I got a problem, guys. Kind of a big problem. You see, I currently am studying to become a translator. The problem is that I am getting the feeling I'm not learning anything new and useful at the college I'm currently going to. And I can't really change anymore because I already wasted a great deal of my credits in previous (failed) studies. I'm kinda stuck on this school. And I'm starting to get the feeling I'm wasting my time. Due to exemptions and previous language-related studies, I have little classes to go to, maybe a couple of hours for four days during the week. And other than that I'm stuck at home twiddling my thumbs. This situation has been going on like this since last year and I've become apathic and listless. I don't know what to do in my free time, I don't have energy, nor interest in anything. I'm just waiting for time to pass by. I feel empty and useless, almost as if my life doesn't matter much anymore and has become a repetitive set of habits and events. I'm not very social either, nor do I have a lot of real friends. Most of them are interested in things that don't interest me anyway, such as drinking alcohol and going out. I just don't know what to do. My home is slowly starting to feel like a silver cage. Any tips on what I could do to fill up my free time, and advice on how I can become enthusiastic about something again?
@Son_of_Imoen: Sometimes a bit of indifference towards others isn't bad. Why would you worry about situations you can do nothing about and thus make yourself feel miserable? I'd say to just focus on your own happiness. Other people have their own responsabilities and possibilities too. It's not up to you to save humankind. Humankind in itself is destroying itself as it is. [...]
There's some truth in what you say, People have their own responsibilities and possibilities. If, however by 'just focussing on your own happiness', you mean by only focussing on my own happiness, I will get happy, you're wrong. It's part of my genes (I think) to worry about bigger well-being than my own and I couldn't be happy other than following my passion to strive to make this world a better place. And in some respects, I do have influence and there are situations, that are not my own, that I can do something about, either by supporting other organisations with my vote or money, or by the work the organisation I myself work for, does.
As for feeling bored and without much enjoyment yourself, the other post, Shandyr gave some suggestions that are perhaps better than the one I had in mind. Or maybe not, anyway, what I had in mind for seeking something that you can enjoy on your own is nature and the countryside: you don't need other people to go walking or biking away into whatever part of nature is close to where you live. The other idea I had, was go searching for some volunteer's work in an area of work that you'd like. Find out what's there in the town or city where you live. It can make yourself feel better to do something for others.
Those suggestions are however, very much in response to what I'd do in such a situation, I don't know you well enough to know what you'd like. What do you get passionate about, what kind of things make you enthusiastic? Seek out an activity that mimics your passions to find a balance between being out and being inside playing the hero of the Swordcoast, or Ferelden, or whatever game you fancy.
Just from reading the first couple of pages, I think this thread needs some Alora! Everybody gets down sometimes, but its a wonderful world with so many possibilities. There are so many opportunities to be happy. Wallowing in sorrow is not as constructive as building your way to a better life! Smiles everyone smiles, this is like some great fantasy
For once I don't really agree with @booinyoureyes. 'Being happy' is easier said than done. Nobody (well maybe some emos who are emo just to fit in) wants to be depressed and nobody wants to 'wallow' in it. There are usually underlying reasons as to why some people struggle the way they do, and it's not just a case of "Happy happy joy joy!" and pretending all is well.
When I have been feeling particularly down, I could strangle cast Silence on somebody like Alora, whose unbounded optimism is just irritating. :P
@Son_of_Imoen I have a similar problem to you sometimes. Namely a lot of the academic subjects I have studied are pretty grim/depressing about humanity and the nature of the world that we live in. I care too much about things that I have no control over, and don't necessarily impact my own life. I haven't quite found a solution, but I generally don't let it bother me as much as it once did, though that's not to say that I have lost my empathy for others and or given up on my ideals. I think that there is a difference though.
@Heindrich I don't mean that people always like to wallow in it (though sometime people do get "addicted to their struggle") but that often times what makes people unhappy is the only thing that they see (at least with my friends and family), and they don't look at the greater possibilities available to them that can improve their lot in life! I think people should realize that there is always room to change things around, and oftentimes when this happens it is unexpected.
I'm not typically one to vent, but… My new boss is officially a flake - my paycheck for my first month, easily worth over $1,100, bounced, along with my coworkers'. I called him today and last Friday, but received no answer. Tomorrow I'm going to his office to ask him about it in person. We work on site at a condo in Brooklyn, and never had need to visit the office, if it exists. I half-expect it to be emptied out and find out he's skipped town.
I was grateful to get a job in this market, and quite happy working with my hands again. A couple of weeks ago, the 2nd floor we were working on collapsed, and four of us fell a good 7-9 feet into a cement basement. We could have been grievously injured, (I ended up just splitting open my chin and fracturing my left hand), so this is definitely shaping up to be the straw that breaks the camel's back.
I feel like a right idiot for not getting some paperwork up front. It's becoming clear to me that this was probably a scam the guy ran to get a contracting fee then disappear. I'm used to starting a job and signing paperwork a few weeks into it, but I really ought to have known better. As it stands, I have no real recourse, and no choice but to take this lump and move on.
Well, I have a long distance relationship going on too, like many others on this thread. I visited Booette for the Valentine's Day weekend but am now gonna leave 2morrow morning . Still, I can't complain, and distance isn't as big a deal for us as I think it is for many others. Still sad though.
Biology (Evolution), Politics and Economics. (Not all in the same course )
1) Evolution paints a pretty bleak picture of 'survival of the fittest', and makes you realise the fundamental nature of... nature, which isn't sunshine and roses.
2) Political theories can be pretty depressing both in terms of economic policy and international politics (Political Realism is still very much the dominant school of thought amongst policy makers around the world). Then there's nitty gritty realities when you realise almost every system in the world is corrupt to an extent, and 'political practise' has little to do with political theory. Furthermore, revolutions aimed at overthrowing a corrupt system almost inevitably leads to anarchy and strife, which is worse than a corrupt system, and usually the outcome of revolution is the establishment of a new system, which is no better than the old.
3) Economics made me realise just how ruthlessly 'quantified' our world is. You are just numbers in an equation designed to maximise whatever outputs that particular equation analyses.
I am naturally quite inquisitive and would like to understand how the world works, but I don't always like what I learn.
That said, I've learnt that I should not be overly bothered about facts of life that I have no control over. @booinyoureyes is right in that a lot of time, perspective and attitude can totally change your experience of a certain situation or 'fact of life'.
It's six in the morning and I've awoken due to worries. Yesterday I spoke with a colleague of mine, who does the same kind of volunteers work as I, suffers from mental illness as well, and is now forced to go into a reintegration route: looking for a paid job again. He's got, after a period of mental breakdown, found a balance in his activities, with his volunteer's work, his role in a band as a base-player, a place in sheltered housing. But now the decision of the benefit agency that he should try paid working again, puts him out of the new found balance. He sleeps bad and when I saw him yesterday I saw the twitching of the frowns upon his head from nervousness.
Above that I've seen news from Human Rights Watch who brought the tortures, forced labour and hunger in North-Korean torture camps, where whole families are locked up for the 'trespassing' of one family member and I can't sleep now.
Lately, the last few years, I sleep easily at the start of night, but when I'm overstimulated and nervous I wake up early, mulling and if the stress is really bad, like now, getting shakes all over my body from the mental stress.
For myself, I'm worried to for my mental wellbeing if I would be approved for paid work, as I absolutely wouldn't be able to handle the stress. Life's bad enough as it is, with my drive to work to make this world a better place continuously threatening to push me over the edge of what I can handle, without a financial and obligations push behind work.
And of course, the thought of forced labour makes it even worse.
As for worrying about all the bad things in the world. I've stopped watching/reading news alltogether. I don't know what's going on anymore in the world and it feels great. I don't want to promote ignorance with this but I always felt that when someone complains how bad and unjust the world is then he or she should actively do something about it and not just complain.
I woke at 4:30 in the morning from restlessness and been lying awake now for an hour about what @Shandyr said. It's only now that I read the third sentence that the thing that worries me about the thought of not reading/watching news at all, is congruent with that third sentence. Namely, that if I'd stop reading the news, it would result in me not knowing what's going on, thus limiting my capacity to do something about it.
Accidentally I stumbled upon the headline about North Korea, but on that same news page I read about the new law about social benefit being passed for instance. And that's something I can do about. In my own community and by influencing the local government (my english fails me a bit, usually, if I try to talk about my work), I can be of influence. If I wouldn't know about climate change and the paradoxal resistance against windmills as 'they look ugly' (they look beautiful to me), I wouldn't have brought shares in two windmills that provide electricity for me, thus lessening my own impact on climate change etc.
Knowledge gives power, if you KNOW what's going wrong, you know what to fight for and hopefully how to fight. Of course there's games and my parents and family and friends that would miss me, but without fighting to make this world better, I'd rather die. So there's a plus side to knowing what's going on: indeed, it helps in actually doing something about something if you know what's going on.
And this is a topic to vent the things you get unhappy about, it's not for others to decide what I may get unhappy about.
I'm thinking about starting a topic 'what made you happy today', though the title would be a steal from the GOG forum, for balance. In a recovery group I was part of, we did add a question to the weekly round of 'how are you faring?': name something positive.
Let me end by saying I find it positive to have @Shandyr on this forum, as you are one I respect very much, even though we differ of opinion sometimes.
North Korea is a good example of what I mean by "Political Realism is still very much the dominant school of thought amongst policy makers around the world", and the continued existence of the North Korean regime is one of the tragic consequences.
Political Realism essentially states that nation-states exist within an anarchic system, where the only guarantor of survival is power. Thus all states must strive to maximise their power by seeking to continuously enhance their position in relation to other nation-states. Political realism rejects the notion that International Institutions like the UN hold any meaningful power over powerful nation-states, a point demonstrated (for example) by the US-led invasion of Iraq, without UN approval. Although most nations officially spew rhetoric emphasizing their support for International Institutions, International Law and "mutually beneficial" relationships, behind the scenes, a lot of policy is driven by realist calculations.
For example the Pentagon develops US strategy and military capability not based on the "intent" of foreign powers, but the "capability" of foreign powers, or even the potential capability of foreign powers. Looking at the China-US military balance and strategic calculation on both sides, the Chinese military is concerned that the US has/had total freedom of access along the Chinese coast, which, regardless of US intentions, is unacceptable for Chinese security. Thus China develops capabilities like anti-satellite weapons, anti-shipping missiles and stealth fighters/bombers to deny the US fleet this access. In turn, the Pentagon does not care why the Chinese are developing such capabilities, it erodes American influence and power projection in the Asia Pacific sphere, and thus needs to be countered by even more advanced US military capabilities, perhaps a functioning Star Wars system, and greater diplomatic efforts on other nations in the area. It does not matter that the US has no intention (presumably) of attacking China with its capabilities, and it does not matter that China has no intention (presumably) of going on a Japan-esque rampage across Asia with its developing military capability. Both sides prepare on the basis of the worst case scenario.
The North Korean regime is not really Communist, it is the 'Kim Dynasty', which is little different from an autocratic monarchy, propped up by an elite class loyal to the Kim family out of fear and patronage. The entire system is kept on life support by China, which supplies fuel, food and other resources to keep the regime functioning. This is not exactly a happy choice for Chinese policy makers. North Korea does not appear particularly grateful for Chinese support (because it understand the realist reasons behind, and knows that Chinese support is not born of altruism), and its belligerent and aggressive stance causes China all manner of diplomatic headaches. It is also unpopular with Chinese people, who see North Korea as almost like a Chinese province which gets subsidised by the rest of the country, and provides nothing in return in terms of tax revenue or resources. So why do Chinese policy makers continue to support N Korea?
Well North Korea is one of China's pieces in the archaic 'Great Game' of great power diplomacy. China feels threatened by US foreign policy (and not without reason), and thus feels that it must retain as many pieces on the board as possible, given American 'diplomatic aggression', which is also driven by Political Realism (Which states that existing superpowers would attempt to maintain their position by containing the growth of emerging powers). Is North Korea essential to Chinese survival? No. Does a North Korean "buffer" even make much of a military difference in the 21st Century? Probably not.
However, when the US supports whoever is in a dispute with China, openly and tacitly, and declares that the Western Pacific is an area of 'Core American National Interest', then Chinese policy makers would calculate that surrendering any piece voluntarily would be strategic folly. Not only would the fall of North Korea deny China an 'ally of convenience', it would also create a united Korea on China's doorstep, which regardless of its possible alliance with the US, is in itself a negative consequence for China by the zero-sums calculations of Political Realism.
Obviously I am not promoting Political Realism, but I have studied both Political Realism and Political Liberalism, and sadly, I see more of the former in action than the latter in the world. This likely has something to do with the fact that the US, China and Russia are very much driven by Political Realism, and only in Europe (as far as I am aware) does Political Liberalism hold some weight amongst policy makers.
I've been following this one comic called 'Drowtales' for years. Literally for years. I think for about 6 years now. And the quality of the story has been dropping so effin' much. The problems began when the audience were allowed to get their own characters into the story by paying the artists for it. This, of course, creates certain expectations from these people to see their character being implemented into the main comic, and their interactions with the main cast of the comic (made up by the comic artists themselves). It just doesn't feel like the old days anymore. The comic's become immature to the point I've gotten a distaste for it. Sexual jokes are hidden, or even explicitely implemented everywhere in the last couple of chapters, and I have the feeling the main story has lost its drive completely. Certain characters have lost their appeal or become charicatures of themselves. Others have been represented way out of character. Oddly enough, the main character of the comic, who'd been growing up in a serious environment and thus was mentally quite mature for her age, now fools around like an idiot after a 15 year gap in time. So basically she became more immature as she got older, why logically, it should be the opposite, right? It's but one of many examples of things gone wrong. I won't get into details, as I don't think many of you have been reading this comic as closely as I did. If you do, please let me know! I've been searching for non-biased people to talk about this comic for a long time now.
It just feels like the whole damn comic is focused and catered too much towards the audience, mainly consisting of immature drones who don't even stop for a moment and criticize the comic's evolution. I dared to point out some flaws myself, and what happened? I got banned. Yeah, even when I stayed mature and polite, I got banned, because my comments 'caused too much negativeness'. What. I know this is a silly thing to get worked up over, but I can't help myself. I loved this comic to bits, and now it basically has become a clown's circus full of amateurism. The sex jokes rather make me roll my eyes than make me smirk. Maybe it's just me, that's also possible, but even still, I can't but lament the critical drop in story writing which has occurred over the past couple of years.
I'm sorry, I just had to get it off my chest. I'll stop here now.
@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud Sounds to me like selling the ability for a reader to put their own character into a comic might generate money, but degrades the comic in question. I think the artists slid down quite a slippery slope when they made that decision, and now it sounds like they are running on fumes. Whether your comments "caused too much negativity" or not, it sounds like you pointed out some home truths that people didn't want to face. It sucks, I know. They can ban anyone who points out the truth, but no matter how many people they ban, it will remain the truth.
IF I could draw and did a comic like that, and decided someone could pay to add their character to the comic, I'd stipulate that 1) it would be a minor character and 2) such an "appearance" would have a limited duration (3 strips or panels or whatever). Anything else would be prostituting your artistic vision and if what you said is accurate, it sounds like the desire for cash ran the comic straight off the rails.
@LadyRhian: Thanks for yor answer! I know what I wrote down might seem very vague, certainly for people who don't read and/or follow the comic themselves, but I don't know where else to post, as I know posting on the forum itself means I'll have to be brainlessly biased in favour of the comic itself. And that's not how I am. I hold the truth dear and will always speak my mind. Too bad my criticism wasn't at least considered. Such things are annoying and frustrating, but in the end, I can't do anything, sadly. Again, thanks!
Now another, more important issue. My boyfriend will be coming over next week. That is to say: maybe. My parents, especially my mom, have this annoying tendency to threaten me with the one and only thing I hold dear in my life: my boyfriend's visits. The 'deal' is as follows: I study for my theoretical exam for my driving license, and he's allowed to stay over here at my parents' home. For as far as I know, I don't HAVE to succeed, just participate. The thing is, I already participated once and failed? This will be my second try. From the third time onwards, I might have to follow classes on this theory, and I have no idea how to fit that into my college schedule. In other words: if I don't succeed at that exam this second time, I might be royally fucked. I don't want to throw any chances away just because my parents are forcing this shit on me. I am currently not at all interested in getting that driving license, even. And in the meantime, I'm throwing away my chances because I get forced to participate anyway. My long distance relationship is already hard enough, so why would they abuse it even more as some kind of threat? Why can't I decide for myself when I want to study for this exam? Why do they still treat me like an incompetent toddler? I currently can't move out, because I'm still studying to get my degree, and I don't have any income yet, so I'm stuck here, forced to bear with their stupid whims. And this is one of those whims I absolutely can't stand. It's unfair. It's abuse of power. They know both me and my BF are still students and financially dependent on our parents. It seems I'll have to move out to make my parents realise I'm indeed no baby anymore. But that's easier said than done, of course. Anyway. I need to participate in that exam next week. I'm desperate. It's a lot of theory, and I got classes next week too. I have no motivation at all, because it feels forced, and I'm fed up with having to swallow my pride for them, as has already happened countless times before. Still two years before I get my degree and can get out of here... Sometimes it feels like I'm dying inside... Sorry for the drama. *sigh*
@Shandyr: I know getting a driving license is important. I really know, I do. But I just can't get 150 pages of theory stuffed into my head in just three days, days on which I even still have classes for college. I really don't see how I can do that, as I'm a slow learner and I've just about had it with studying. Yet I can't leave college without a degree either. I sometimes even ask myself whether it's actually worth all the shit I have to go through for it. My life's becoming more and more a dead end, a repetitive pattern. And it's making me feel dead inside. My boyfriend's parents are so different, so nice. They don't fuss about anything, they don't bicker about stupid little things, they see their son as an adult. Mine don't. And no matter how much I'd talk to them, nothing will change.
I got a student's job this summer, but all of that money I'll work for, I'll have to pay to my parents for the new PC I've gotten (huh, as if that Blue Screen of Death was something I'd wished for to happen) and my tickets to see my boyfriend (as if I'd wished for him to live in another country - I didn't fall in love by choice). So basically I'll end up working a month for nothing at all. I still feel like I'm learning nothing of use at college either, I even am getting doubts at whether I'll be prepared well enough for a job later on. Studying languages isn't easy, and I have no idea where to start. Studying also has become so much harder for me, I just can't concentrate anymore and waste my day away.
Every day feels the same. And from what I know, once I start working, nothing will change about that either. Not really something to look forward to: 40 years of working, having half of my money taken away by the governement for stupid services I don't even want to pay my hard-earned money for, having only a few weeks of vacation during the year... Can't really call that a bright future either. Question is whether I'll even have enough money to live the life I want. Lots of worries. Sorry, I'm being emo. I can't help it. I don't really have anybody to talk about it.
Thank you for your comment, Shandyr. I'll think about it. I'm really grateful people are willing to read my nonsene here.
You can help not being emo. It's always your choice but holds you back is your belief. If you think that you're powerless and "oh my god my life sucks I want to kill myself" then your life will be miserable.
Start by not giving a crap. Each time something happens, say "It doesn't matter" or "I don't care about it". Then start thinking about the positive side of things. You got a job, you're not sick or homeless and you're not disabled or something.
By being emo, miserable and negative not only is not helping, you're sabotaging yourself, you're shooting yourself in the foot and say "why me? my life sucks".
Be productive with your thoughts and your life. Set goals and try to achieve them.
It's good "venting your sorrow" I guess but then you need to change it. Do you want your whole life to be miserable and whine about everything and having the victim mentality all the time?
Not talking specifically about you but I mean that you don't want your life to be like that, because that's not living.
@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud I'm sorry if this post sounds a bit critical but you seem in need of a little tough love
You say that you feel as though you are twiddling your thumbs and don't have anything to do because you only have class a couple of hours four days a week. Then you say you are afraid you don't have any time to spare for studying for your drivers license and are afraid it will get in the way of your classes if you fail it. If you are worried about having to little to do, why not just put in a little effort for your license now and just get it over with? If you are taking classes in language and want to be a translator, I seriously doubt a driving examination will be all that challenging to someone with your capabilities. You seem to have more time than you want, I'm sure it can not be difficult to pass a drivers exam when compared to your normal university workload.
You also say that you have no income, but that you only have classes four days a week for a couple of hours. I'm not sure what the job market is in Belgium, but I'm sure you can find part time work doing something, particularly with three day weekends. I know it will not be much in terms of financial independence, but it will be a head start.
I've never had a full time job, but I've had a part time job every year of my life from when I was 13 to when I started medical school at 23 (where I could not afford the time). I didn't make much at any one time, but I saved up all those years and now have quite a bit in the bank that is more than enough to live off of as a student. I think you should look into that.
My parents also have some silly demands, but at the same time, they have helped pay for my education quite a bit. Your parents are allowing you to live with them as an adult. I agree with @Shandyr here: it is your choice how to define your relationship. It does not seem like a drivers exam is too much to ask for given the situation. Rather than rebel against it I think you should work hard now that you have a lot of time (or too much, as you say) on your hands. If you succeed and just do it, who knows? They may be impressed and do as you wish by starting to treat you like an adult.
Also, about your inability to socialize: I think this may be a positive and you just don't realize it yet.
I also don't drink or party. I never tried any drugs. I felt a little out of place when I was in college because everyone else seemed to love to get drunk or smoke weed, and all I wanted to do was read books, watch movies and sports, play sports and philosophize. Heck, other than Baldur's Gate (which like NOone played) I didn't even do video games, so I couldn't bond with my boys over Halo and all that other stuff where you walk around shooting things in the exact same way for four hours straight and somehow find it entertaining.
But you know what? I didn't miss out on anything.
You can have plenty of friends, and you don't have to share all interests. Despite not sharing most of the common hobbies, I was never short on friends and was actually one of the most active people on campus socially. Just find people who like something you like. Hang out with them and share your common interests. When they go out and drink just say "have fun, see you later". I just played basketball, watched movies and soccer and talked politics with people. All of them partied, but I didn't join them every time (maybe one in ten). I keep in touch with most of them and one or two are among my 5 closest friends in the world. You don't need to do everything the others do.
In fact, it seems as though you have more mature interests that will help you more in life. And most importantly: it seems like you and CheeseBelly have a great thing going on and have common interests. My girl and I are the same: we go out to dinner with friends and spend our time just cuddling up to watch movies, playing board games and just sitting around. I play ball every once and awhile, she sees her friends. I think you can find great happiness just sharing what you like with one person.
Many people don't even find that one person. You may be a lot luckier than you think!
0.o I just got double ninjad on two posts. By the person I was responding to and by someone who I kind of agree with.
I think Archaos was a bit harsh in the way he put it, but he does have a point (and some forcefulness may be necessary). I really think concentrating on what is bad in your life and wallowing in sorrow is very counterproductive, but it is just not as simple to change as listening to someone who says "stop"
It is something you need to work on. My brother, who is my best friend in the world, has suffered from depression, and I know first hand how difficult it is to put an end to a vicious cycle. Sometimes the more you think about depression and ways to cure it, the more discouraged you get, thinking it can never change. It can be counterproductive as well.
The number one thing is to make a change. My brother did that. He started working hard at school and instead of going out he just hung out with a few close friends. He is much better now. He had gone through a bad breakup (with a total b i t c h that no one in the family liked) and had a tough time recovering. But he decided to make that one change and it worked miracles.
I think if you were to do one thing, you should just try to be more active. When you say you feel like you were twiddling your thumbs, it reminded me of him a lot. When you are bored and down, all you do is have time to think about how down you are. I think getting your drivers license over and done with! is a good first step. When your parents see that they will be happy, right? Then keep working from there! Doing small things and accomplishing goals one at a time can help you build habits.
Thanks for all the comments, guys. First of all, I'd like to start saying I'm not some 'emo'. I just got a very low self-esteem caused by bad events in the past. Also, following the news and reading what kind of shit happens in the newspapers doesn't really help either. But if I wouldn't do that, I'd get criticized here at home that I 'don't know shit about the world'. It happened before, it's never good. The ideals I currently have all lie far ahead in the future, things I can't immediately achieve, and certainly not without a degree from college, so still two years to go. Two years of the same crap and limited visits to my boyfriend. Not really something to look forward to right now, is it? I'm a realist, and that tends to turn me cynical at times.
Also, do you really not think I've tried, @booinyoureyes? I sent out CVs, but I never got a reply. I now finally got a reply from a guy at the beach, but that student job will be for during summer vacation. And after a couple of replies, he now hasn't replied in a whole week, so I'm afraid he might've found someone else. I really tried, but getting a student's job right now just isn't as easy as you think it is. And I need to be able to reach the place by public traffic, which is still limited as it is.
I'd like to take the driving exam, sure, but as I said, I'm a slow learner. There's no way I can cram 150 pages in my head in just a couple of days. I just can't. It's proved in the past that I can't, as I had to change my studies for it, even. When I was younger, that wasn't a problem, but the last couple of years, it really has. And why would I even study for that driving exam if it currently doesn't interest me? Why would I study under pressure because my parents THREATEN me? Something like that really doesn't motivate me at all, you know. Submitting to their request would just be that: submitting. Giving them the signal of 'O hey, we can pull this shit on our daughter and get away with it'. What will be the next thing they threaten me with? Sorry, but I also got my pride. I certainly am prepared to study for this, but NOT in this way. Not when they threaten me with my relationship, which is already hard enough as it is because we can see each other so little.
I'd like to take the driving exam, sure, but as I said, I'm a slow learner.
I can say something about this as a fellow slow learner. There are things you have to memorize, but then again, there are things that you can just understand using your experience on the traffic (that's if you were driving a car before). Sure, you have to memorize traffic signs, some procedures etc but the rest you just have to understand, not to 100% memorize.
Some words of advice: make notes. Basically, read about one thing and write down what's important from the aspect/topic you're trying to learn. First of all, you are making yourself a notes that are easier to read and learn from. Second, by making these notes you are learning in the process. As much as I hate writing things down, I gotta say it works for me. Maybe for you as well.
If I have understood you well, you have about 2 more chances to take this exam, right? Then, if you happen to fail second time, don't feel bad about it too much. People can only succeed at something when they learn from their mistakes and failures. So don't feel down, learn from your experience.
Good luck, gal. PS. You know, I have failed about 6-7 times on my theoritical exam (I have needed either 81 or 86 percent to pass this damn thing). But I finally did it, and it felt awesome. If I can do something like this, then you can pass yours too. I doubt that this kind of exam in your country is as absurd as mine.
@ZelgadisGW: Aside from the slow learning thing, I just am not motivated, because this feels forced and wrong, that's why. That makes it hard for me to even open up that book. Because all of this stems from a threat from people whom I love and who are supposed to love me. Both my parents are actually going through rough times, a mid-life crisis or somesuch. I hate getting involved in it against my will. If they got issues, they're old enough to realise they need to do something about it. They can always talk about such things with us, their children, especially with me. I'm old enough to understand what could bother them. But no, in their eyes, we are and will always be children. Or perhaps they don't want to bother us with their problems, which I'd find altruistic, but still, I'd like to listen. Or maybe the issues are too personal for sharing, but even then I'd understand and respect their wish to not talk about it. This family's just so full of miscommunication. And that results in quarrels and stress. How am I supposed to study when they give me all kinds of opposing signals, one time threaten me seriously, the other time making jokes about it? Maybe I'm authistic or something, but I sometimes really can't follow their line of thought, even if I try.
In any case, my relationship seems to be my weak point to them, a point they seem to see as some kind of tool to make me do things. In my eyes, that's just low. If only they treated me as an adult, we could sit down and talk about things. Crap like this wouldn't be needed. I already got issues with studying because this is my third study right now (former ones didn't succeed) and it's hit me real hard, and made my confidence sink below zero. I don't even know whether I'll meet the demands of future employers. As I said, my current study certainly is flawed, and I've got the feeling I'm not learning what I should for a future job, but I can't really change anymore. Unlike a driving license, juggling around with credits (here in Belgium we work with a credit system, but it's rather complicated...let's just say those credits represent money the government gives you to finance your studies) is limited. And after many many re-exams in my former studies, I've come to dislike taking risks and throwing credits and chances away. Same with this now. I feel like I'm not giving myself 100% for this, and the perfectionist in me can't take that. It's like saying 'O hey, I won't be studying for this course because I can take another re-exam in August'. I'm not like that. I try my best. But my cynicism has made me lose a big deal of my motivation to do as best as possible. Where I got high grades in highschool, I now am average. Because I just feel burned out.
Comments
I'm saying this right now, since I don't want to ruin anybody's 14th.
As for feeling bored and without much enjoyment yourself, the other post, Shandyr gave some suggestions that are perhaps better than the one I had in mind. Or maybe not, anyway, what I had in mind for seeking something that you can enjoy on your own is nature and the countryside: you don't need other people to go walking or biking away into whatever part of nature is close to where you live. The other idea I had, was go searching for some volunteer's work in an area of work that you'd like. Find out what's there in the town or city where you live. It can make yourself feel better to do something for others.
Those suggestions are however, very much in response to what I'd do in such a situation, I don't know you well enough to know what you'd like. What do you get passionate about, what kind of things make you enthusiastic? Seek out an activity that mimics your passions to find a balance between being out and being inside playing the hero of the Swordcoast, or Ferelden, or whatever game you fancy.
Smiles everyone smiles, this is like some great fantasy
When I have been feeling particularly down, I could strangle cast Silence on somebody like Alora, whose unbounded optimism is just irritating. :P
@Son_of_Imoen
I have a similar problem to you sometimes. Namely a lot of the academic subjects I have studied are pretty grim/depressing about humanity and the nature of the world that we live in. I care too much about things that I have no control over, and don't necessarily impact my own life. I haven't quite found a solution, but I generally don't let it bother me as much as it once did, though that's not to say that I have lost my empathy for others and or given up on my ideals. I think that there is a difference though.
I think people should realize that there is always room to change things around, and oftentimes when this happens it is unexpected.
My new boss is officially a flake - my paycheck for my first month, easily worth over $1,100, bounced, along with my coworkers'. I called him today and last Friday, but received no answer. Tomorrow I'm going to his office to ask him about it in person. We work on site at a condo in Brooklyn, and never had need to visit the office, if it exists. I half-expect it to be emptied out and find out he's skipped town.
I was grateful to get a job in this market, and quite happy working with my hands again. A couple of weeks ago, the 2nd floor we were working on collapsed, and four of us fell a good 7-9 feet into a cement basement. We could have been grievously injured, (I ended up just splitting open my chin and fracturing my left hand), so this is definitely shaping up to be the straw that breaks the camel's back.
I feel like a right idiot for not getting some paperwork up front. It's becoming clear to me that this was probably a scam the guy ran to get a contracting fee then disappear. I'm used to starting a job and signing paperwork a few weeks into it, but I really ought to have known better. As it stands, I have no real recourse, and no choice but to take this lump and move on.
Biology (Evolution), Politics and Economics. (Not all in the same course
1) Evolution paints a pretty bleak picture of 'survival of the fittest', and makes you realise the fundamental nature of... nature, which isn't sunshine and roses.
2) Political theories can be pretty depressing both in terms of economic policy and international politics (Political Realism is still very much the dominant school of thought amongst policy makers around the world). Then there's nitty gritty realities when you realise almost every system in the world is corrupt to an extent, and 'political practise' has little to do with political theory. Furthermore, revolutions aimed at overthrowing a corrupt system almost inevitably leads to anarchy and strife, which is worse than a corrupt system, and usually the outcome of revolution is the establishment of a new system, which is no better than the old.
3) Economics made me realise just how ruthlessly 'quantified' our world is. You are just numbers in an equation designed to maximise whatever outputs that particular equation analyses.
I am naturally quite inquisitive and would like to understand how the world works, but I don't always like what I learn.
That said, I've learnt that I should not be overly bothered about facts of life that I have no control over. @booinyoureyes is right in that a lot of time, perspective and attitude can totally change your experience of a certain situation or 'fact of life'.
Above that I've seen news from Human Rights Watch who brought the tortures, forced labour and hunger in North-Korean torture camps, where whole families are locked up for the 'trespassing' of one family member and I can't sleep now.
Lately, the last few years, I sleep easily at the start of night, but when I'm overstimulated and nervous I wake up early, mulling and if the stress is really bad, like now, getting shakes all over my body from the mental stress.
For myself, I'm worried to for my mental wellbeing if I would be approved for paid work, as I absolutely wouldn't be able to handle the stress. Life's bad enough as it is, with my drive to work to make this world a better place continuously threatening to push me over the edge of what I can handle, without a financial and obligations push behind work.
And of course, the thought of forced labour makes it even worse.
Accidentally I stumbled upon the headline about North Korea, but on that same news page I read about the new law about social benefit being passed for instance. And that's something I can do about. In my own community and by influencing the local government (my english fails me a bit, usually, if I try to talk about my work), I can be of influence. If I wouldn't know about climate change and the paradoxal resistance against windmills as 'they look ugly' (they look beautiful to me), I wouldn't have brought shares in two windmills that provide electricity for me, thus lessening my own impact on climate change etc.
Knowledge gives power, if you KNOW what's going wrong, you know what to fight for and hopefully how to fight. Of course there's games and my parents and family and friends that would miss me, but without fighting to make this world better, I'd rather die. So there's a plus side to knowing what's going on: indeed, it helps in actually doing something about something if you know what's going on.
And this is a topic to vent the things you get unhappy about, it's not for others to decide what I may get unhappy about.
I'm thinking about starting a topic 'what made you happy today', though the title would be a steal from the GOG forum, for balance. In a recovery group I was part of, we did add a question to the weekly round of 'how are you faring?': name something positive.
Let me end by saying I find it positive to have @Shandyr on this forum, as you are one I respect very much, even though we differ of opinion sometimes.
Political Realism essentially states that nation-states exist within an anarchic system, where the only guarantor of survival is power. Thus all states must strive to maximise their power by seeking to continuously enhance their position in relation to other nation-states. Political realism rejects the notion that International Institutions like the UN hold any meaningful power over powerful nation-states, a point demonstrated (for example) by the US-led invasion of Iraq, without UN approval. Although most nations officially spew rhetoric emphasizing their support for International Institutions, International Law and "mutually beneficial" relationships, behind the scenes, a lot of policy is driven by realist calculations.
For example the Pentagon develops US strategy and military capability not based on the "intent" of foreign powers, but the "capability" of foreign powers, or even the potential capability of foreign powers. Looking at the China-US military balance and strategic calculation on both sides, the Chinese military is concerned that the US has/had total freedom of access along the Chinese coast, which, regardless of US intentions, is unacceptable for Chinese security. Thus China develops capabilities like anti-satellite weapons, anti-shipping missiles and stealth fighters/bombers to deny the US fleet this access. In turn, the Pentagon does not care why the Chinese are developing such capabilities, it erodes American influence and power projection in the Asia Pacific sphere, and thus needs to be countered by even more advanced US military capabilities, perhaps a functioning Star Wars system, and greater diplomatic efforts on other nations in the area. It does not matter that the US has no intention (presumably) of attacking China with its capabilities, and it does not matter that China has no intention (presumably) of going on a Japan-esque rampage across Asia with its developing military capability. Both sides prepare on the basis of the worst case scenario.
The North Korean regime is not really Communist, it is the 'Kim Dynasty', which is little different from an autocratic monarchy, propped up by an elite class loyal to the Kim family out of fear and patronage. The entire system is kept on life support by China, which supplies fuel, food and other resources to keep the regime functioning. This is not exactly a happy choice for Chinese policy makers. North Korea does not appear particularly grateful for Chinese support (because it understand the realist reasons behind, and knows that Chinese support is not born of altruism), and its belligerent and aggressive stance causes China all manner of diplomatic headaches. It is also unpopular with Chinese people, who see North Korea as almost like a Chinese province which gets subsidised by the rest of the country, and provides nothing in return in terms of tax revenue or resources. So why do Chinese policy makers continue to support N Korea?
Well North Korea is one of China's pieces in the archaic 'Great Game' of great power diplomacy. China feels threatened by US foreign policy (and not without reason), and thus feels that it must retain as many pieces on the board as possible, given American 'diplomatic aggression', which is also driven by Political Realism (Which states that existing superpowers would attempt to maintain their position by containing the growth of emerging powers). Is North Korea essential to Chinese survival? No. Does a North Korean "buffer" even make much of a military difference in the 21st Century? Probably not.
However, when the US supports whoever is in a dispute with China, openly and tacitly, and declares that the Western Pacific is an area of 'Core American National Interest', then Chinese policy makers would calculate that surrendering any piece voluntarily would be strategic folly. Not only would the fall of North Korea deny China an 'ally of convenience', it would also create a united Korea on China's doorstep, which regardless of its possible alliance with the US, is in itself a negative consequence for China by the zero-sums calculations of Political Realism.
Obviously I am not promoting Political Realism, but I have studied both Political Realism and Political Liberalism, and sadly, I see more of the former in action than the latter in the world. This likely has something to do with the fact that the US, China and Russia are very much driven by Political Realism, and only in Europe (as far as I am aware) does Political Liberalism hold some weight amongst policy makers.
It's an old story. Sadly, I fear it will come to define us as a species when our time here is done.
I've been following this one comic called 'Drowtales' for years. Literally for years. I think for about 6 years now. And the quality of the story has been dropping so effin' much. The problems began when the audience were allowed to get their own characters into the story by paying the artists for it. This, of course, creates certain expectations from these people to see their character being implemented into the main comic, and their interactions with the main cast of the comic (made up by the comic artists themselves). It just doesn't feel like the old days anymore. The comic's become immature to the point I've gotten a distaste for it. Sexual jokes are hidden, or even explicitely implemented everywhere in the last couple of chapters, and I have the feeling the main story has lost its drive completely. Certain characters have lost their appeal or become charicatures of themselves. Others have been represented way out of character. Oddly enough, the main character of the comic, who'd been growing up in a serious environment and thus was mentally quite mature for her age, now fools around like an idiot after a 15 year gap in time. So basically she became more immature as she got older, why logically, it should be the opposite, right? It's but one of many examples of things gone wrong. I won't get into details, as I don't think many of you have been reading this comic as closely as I did. If you do, please let me know! I've been searching for non-biased people to talk about this comic for a long time now.
It just feels like the whole damn comic is focused and catered too much towards the audience, mainly consisting of immature drones who don't even stop for a moment and criticize the comic's evolution. I dared to point out some flaws myself, and what happened? I got banned. Yeah, even when I stayed mature and polite, I got banned, because my comments 'caused too much negativeness'. What. I know this is a silly thing to get worked up over, but I can't help myself. I loved this comic to bits, and now it basically has become a clown's circus full of amateurism. The sex jokes rather make me roll my eyes than make me smirk. Maybe it's just me, that's also possible, but even still, I can't but lament the critical drop in story writing which has occurred over the past couple of years.
I'm sorry, I just had to get it off my chest. I'll stop here now.
IF I could draw and did a comic like that, and decided someone could pay to add their character to the comic, I'd stipulate that 1) it would be a minor character and 2) such an "appearance" would have a limited duration (3 strips or panels or whatever). Anything else would be prostituting your artistic vision and if what you said is accurate, it sounds like the desire for cash ran the comic straight off the rails.
I got a student's job this summer, but all of that money I'll work for, I'll have to pay to my parents for the new PC I've gotten (huh, as if that Blue Screen of Death was something I'd wished for to happen) and my tickets to see my boyfriend (as if I'd wished for him to live in another country - I didn't fall in love by choice). So basically I'll end up working a month for nothing at all. I still feel like I'm learning nothing of use at college either, I even am getting doubts at whether I'll be prepared well enough for a job later on. Studying languages isn't easy, and I have no idea where to start. Studying also has become so much harder for me, I just can't concentrate anymore and waste my day away.
Every day feels the same. And from what I know, once I start working, nothing will change about that either. Not really something to look forward to: 40 years of working, having half of my money taken away by the governement for stupid services I don't even want to pay my hard-earned money for, having only a few weeks of vacation during the year... Can't really call that a bright future either. Question is whether I'll even have enough money to live the life I want. Lots of worries. Sorry, I'm being emo. I can't help it. I don't really have anybody to talk about it.
Thank you for your comment, Shandyr. I'll think about it. I'm really grateful people are willing to read my nonsene here.
Here's a piece of advise:
You can help not being emo. It's always your choice but holds you back is your belief.
If you think that you're powerless and "oh my god my life sucks I want to kill myself" then your life will be miserable.
Start by not giving a crap. Each time something happens, say "It doesn't matter" or "I don't care about it".
Then start thinking about the positive side of things. You got a job, you're not sick or homeless and you're not disabled or something.
By being emo, miserable and negative not only is not helping, you're sabotaging yourself, you're shooting yourself in the foot and say "why me? my life sucks".
Be productive with your thoughts and your life. Set goals and try to achieve them.
It's good "venting your sorrow" I guess but then you need to change it. Do you want your whole life to be miserable and whine about everything and having the victim mentality all the time?
Not talking specifically about you but I mean that you don't want your life to be like that, because that's not living.
You say that you feel as though you are twiddling your thumbs and don't have anything to do because you only have class a couple of hours four days a week. Then you say you are afraid you don't have any time to spare for studying for your drivers license and are afraid it will get in the way of your classes if you fail it. If you are worried about having to little to do, why not just put in a little effort for your license now and just get it over with? If you are taking classes in language and want to be a translator, I seriously doubt a driving examination will be all that challenging to someone with your capabilities. You seem to have more time than you want, I'm sure it can not be difficult to pass a drivers exam when compared to your normal university workload.
You also say that you have no income, but that you only have classes four days a week for a couple of hours. I'm not sure what the job market is in Belgium, but I'm sure you can find part time work doing something, particularly with three day weekends. I know it will not be much in terms of financial independence, but it will be a head start.
I've never had a full time job, but I've had a part time job every year of my life from when I was 13 to when I started medical school at 23 (where I could not afford the time). I didn't make much at any one time, but I saved up all those years and now have quite a bit in the bank that is more than enough to live off of as a student. I think you should look into that.
My parents also have some silly demands, but at the same time, they have helped pay for my education quite a bit. Your parents are allowing you to live with them as an adult. I agree with @Shandyr here: it is your choice how to define your relationship. It does not seem like a drivers exam is too much to ask for given the situation. Rather than rebel against it I think you should work hard now that you have a lot of time (or too much, as you say) on your hands. If you succeed and just do it, who knows? They may be impressed and do as you wish by starting to treat you like an adult.
I also don't drink or party. I never tried any drugs. I felt a little out of place when I was in college because everyone else seemed to love to get drunk or smoke weed, and all I wanted to do was read books, watch movies and sports, play sports and philosophize. Heck, other than Baldur's Gate (which like NOone played) I didn't even do video games, so I couldn't bond with my boys over Halo and all that other stuff where you walk around shooting things in the exact same way for four hours straight and somehow find it entertaining.
But you know what? I didn't miss out on anything.
You can have plenty of friends, and you don't have to share all interests. Despite not sharing most of the common hobbies, I was never short on friends and was actually one of the most active people on campus socially. Just find people who like something you like. Hang out with them and share your common interests. When they go out and drink just say "have fun, see you later". I just played basketball, watched movies and soccer and talked politics with people. All of them partied, but I didn't join them every time (maybe one in ten). I keep in touch with most of them and one or two are among my 5 closest friends in the world. You don't need to do everything the others do.
In fact, it seems as though you have more mature interests that will help you more in life. And most importantly: it seems like you and CheeseBelly have a great thing going on and have common interests. My girl and I are the same: we go out to dinner with friends and spend our time just cuddling up to watch movies, playing board games and just sitting around. I play ball every once and awhile, she sees her friends. I think you can find great happiness just sharing what you like with one person.
Many people don't even find that one person. You may be a lot luckier than you think!
I just got double ninjad on two posts. By the person I was responding to and by someone who I kind of agree with.
I think Archaos was a bit harsh in the way he put it, but he does have a point (and some forcefulness may be necessary). I really think concentrating on what is bad in your life and wallowing in sorrow is very counterproductive, but it is just not as simple to change as listening to someone who says "stop"
It is something you need to work on. My brother, who is my best friend in the world, has suffered from depression, and I know first hand how difficult it is to put an end to a vicious cycle. Sometimes the more you think about depression and ways to cure it, the more discouraged you get, thinking it can never change. It can be counterproductive as well.
The number one thing is to make a change. My brother did that. He started working hard at school and instead of going out he just hung out with a few close friends. He is much better now. He had gone through a bad breakup (with a total b i t c h that no one in the family liked) and had a tough time recovering. But he decided to make that one change and it worked miracles.
I think if you were to do one thing, you should just try to be more active. When you say you feel like you were twiddling your thumbs, it reminded me of him a lot. When you are bored and down, all you do is have time to think about how down you are. I think getting your drivers license over and done with! is a good first step. When your parents see that they will be happy, right? Then keep working from there! Doing small things and accomplishing goals one at a time can help you build habits.
Good luck!
Also, do you really not think I've tried, @booinyoureyes? I sent out CVs, but I never got a reply. I now finally got a reply from a guy at the beach, but that student job will be for during summer vacation. And after a couple of replies, he now hasn't replied in a whole week, so I'm afraid he might've found someone else. I really tried, but getting a student's job right now just isn't as easy as you think it is. And I need to be able to reach the place by public traffic, which is still limited as it is.
I'd like to take the driving exam, sure, but as I said, I'm a slow learner. There's no way I can cram 150 pages in my head in just a couple of days. I just can't. It's proved in the past that I can't, as I had to change my studies for it, even. When I was younger, that wasn't a problem, but the last couple of years, it really has. And why would I even study for that driving exam if it currently doesn't interest me? Why would I study under pressure because my parents THREATEN me? Something like that really doesn't motivate me at all, you know. Submitting to their request would just be that: submitting. Giving them the signal of 'O hey, we can pull this shit on our daughter and get away with it'. What will be the next thing they threaten me with? Sorry, but I also got my pride. I certainly am prepared to study for this, but NOT in this way. Not when they threaten me with my relationship, which is already hard enough as it is because we can see each other so little.
Some words of advice: make notes. Basically, read about one thing and write down what's important from the aspect/topic you're trying to learn. First of all, you are making yourself a notes that are easier to read and learn from. Second, by making these notes you are learning in the process. As much as I hate writing things down, I gotta say it works for me. Maybe for you as well.
If I have understood you well, you have about 2 more chances to take this exam, right? Then, if you happen to fail second time, don't feel bad about it too much. People can only succeed at something when they learn from their mistakes and failures. So don't feel down, learn from your experience.
Good luck, gal.
PS. You know, I have failed about 6-7 times on my theoritical exam (I have needed either 81 or 86 percent to pass this damn thing). But I finally did it, and it felt awesome. If I can do something like this, then you can pass yours too. I doubt that this kind of exam in your country is as absurd as mine.
In any case, my relationship seems to be my weak point to them, a point they seem to see as some kind of tool to make me do things. In my eyes, that's just low. If only they treated me as an adult, we could sit down and talk about things. Crap like this wouldn't be needed. I already got issues with studying because this is my third study right now (former ones didn't succeed) and it's hit me real hard, and made my confidence sink below zero. I don't even know whether I'll meet the demands of future employers. As I said, my current study certainly is flawed, and I've got the feeling I'm not learning what I should for a future job, but I can't really change anymore. Unlike a driving license, juggling around with credits (here in Belgium we work with a credit system, but it's rather complicated...let's just say those credits represent money the government gives you to finance your studies) is limited. And after many many re-exams in my former studies, I've come to dislike taking risks and throwing credits and chances away. Same with this now. I feel like I'm not giving myself 100% for this, and the perfectionist in me can't take that. It's like saying 'O hey, I won't be studying for this course because I can take another re-exam in August'. I'm not like that. I try my best. But my cynicism has made me lose a big deal of my motivation to do as best as possible. Where I got high grades in highschool, I now am average. Because I just feel burned out.