How to have children and not go insane...
After the birth of the second little Martian, I've been considering writing a book about how to have children and not go insane...
Here is a general outline of the chapters I have planned so far...
Chapter 1- Giving up
I couldn't tell in the book's title that remaining sane is absolutely impossible... it would frighten new parents...
Chapter 2 - Sanity is overrated
In this chapter I explain the advantages of insanity and the ways sanity is overrated.
Chapter 3 - Matching your insanity to your kids
Here i'll discuss the many paths of insanity and how to choose those that better match your children.
I think this book should have at least two more chapters so I'm open to suggestions
Here is a general outline of the chapters I have planned so far...
Chapter 1- Giving up
I couldn't tell in the book's title that remaining sane is absolutely impossible... it would frighten new parents...
Chapter 2 - Sanity is overrated
In this chapter I explain the advantages of insanity and the ways sanity is overrated.
Chapter 3 - Matching your insanity to your kids
Here i'll discuss the many paths of insanity and how to choose those that better match your children.
I think this book should have at least two more chapters so I'm open to suggestions
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Comments
Here should be discuss a few tricks to manage you level of insanity, such as :
- the sleep you have is inversly proportionnal to the coffee you need to go through your day ;
- learning not to care when you find very questionnable substances on your clothes that you didn't notice before going to work ;
- how to keep a smile on your face when your newborn makes a number 2 as soon as you put him in the bath ;
- and so much more...
In this chapter we'll be seeing the following topics:
- Ten reasons why you should never introduce your children to Baldur's Gate
- Learn this little trick to have your 13-years-old cope with school without complaining
- All adolescents hate this! Here's how to make them do their homework without having to argue
- Use this life-hack to avoid your kid from skipping school
- How a bad relationship affects one's own interaction with children/sanity matters
- Do children pick up on bad parental relationships
- When is it right to break away/get divorced in order to stay sane
- How to treat children during/after the separation/divorce so THEY don't go insane
- What to focus on with the ex. after the break so you don't go insane AGAIN
- How to approach having more children with a new partner while considering current children so everyone involved stays sane
I'm sure they could be more in this chapter.
"They have taken the bridge and the second hall... we cannot get out... drums... drums in the deep... we cannot get out... They are coming."
Alternatively, just 17 pages of meticulously typed maniacal laughter.
But the key to not going crazy with kids is that most people are remarkably adaptive. After a while you just get used to the responsibility and it becomes normal to you. You'd be surprised what sort of stress people can just become accustomed to.
But two kiddos is its own can of worms lol "He's looking at me! He's touching my toys!" or the much beloved toddler "MINE!"
I think also being an historian helps lol - I told my kiddo on his first day of kindergarten that I expected more out of him from here on out, because 100 years ago he'd have had to go get a job instead of going to school or help me all day on the farm. They can hack having a lot more responsibility than most people give them credit for.
The flaw is this: by deciding to have children you have proven, beyond reasonable doubt, that you are already insane.
The trick is managing to keep your insanity under control so it doesn't show.
- Kids' room: how to build your new pathfinding algorythm.
- "Your kid appears busy" bug: find a workaround!
- Negotiating with kids: put on your Helm of Charm Protection!
- How to feed your children: 100 way to make turnip delicious.
Sleep Deprivation - Being able to pay attention and remember things is overrated...
The wonderful world of not sleeping, how to take note of everything, living without memory...
...by putting all the toys up on the chairs and couches where he couldn't reach them. He had a great incentive to pull himself up to standing position and soon mastered the art of walking while holding onto the cushions for support.
I told him "Okay. Bye."
A half hour later, he was out of the pantry and forgot all about the Lucky Charms he wanted.
Chapter 2: Don't have kids
Chapter 3: You obviously didn't read chapter 1 & 2...
On a serious note:
Chapter 4: Put your kids best interests first.
It's amazing how many parents out there ignore that one.
I once said that all marriage does is give an excuse to say 'I'm callin my lawyer', and when THAT happens it all gets serious, FAST, and is harder to come back from. Having done the marriage thing, I support it but being divorced I am hesitant at the prospect again( not closed off from it, just more...hesitant maybe?, on the prospect.
@luskan Agreed but with an addendum. For this idea on chapter 4 I would say that chapter six needs to be considered. Many parents think it is in the best interest of the CHILDREN to STAY in a (bad) relationship FOR the kids.
My own folks did this and did not get divorced until we were all past being grown. I cannot stress enough how much damage this causes and the lasting impressions it leaves on the childrens OWN adult relationships. I think this whole idea of staying in a relationship with kids NO MATTER the situation is an old and outdated idea.
I told them point blank after it was all over. "I wish you had not done us any 'favors'".
In general:
Getting divorced myself at an early stage in my kids development, it was a very hard decision to make, and one I am still dealing with the hurt years after. BUT, not to have them grow up in the same type of atmosphere i did, was important. Some relationships can become broken, and no amt. of counseling can change it. I know it was in not only their best interest but my own as well.
I often hear about how the children's interest must come first. As regards to that, in general principal, yes. But, when we put our own interest on the back burner it has a direct and often profound effect on the children. To me it is a give and take type of relationship.
I was not sure how serious this thread was when I first saw it, BUT, having gone through it myself, this issue of staying sane IS important and a REAL issue.
@Balrog99 On first words, YES, one can't be careful enough, as I found out. Kids have minds like little sponges, soaking up EVERYTHING they hear.
All I can say to @mlnevese is good luck and all the best of success to you, sir. It is not easy, but has its rewards.
Edit: (afterthought) I got to get my butt to the gym NOW, after saying all that. That's one thing that helps me stay sane with anything. Just me and the iron, no questions, no complaints (although my body might at times, hehheh).
I have another sibling that got remarried in his early fifties, and now, years later with new children it seems to be working. Complicatated that one is. Her kids, his kids, and THEIR kids, all combined. Talk about extended family, that is it for sure.
We managed to keep the marriage working for nearly eight years but things got intolerable eventually. I own my decision though so I don't blame my ex for the way things went down. My daughter is the most important thing in my life and I believe I made the right decision at the time.
My wife was the one who ultimately decided to end it because I'm the type who would have toughed it out to the bitter end. The divorce was probably for the best but it does still leave a bitter taste in my mouth...
Heh, I think I heard those drums a time or two, or at least it sounded like that at the times. Kid disappears around a store rack (you'd think they were natural shadowdancers at times) and disappears (that gets the ol drum in the chest beatn, I can tell you that).
Or, walk downstairs to get more fingerpaint, and by the time you walk back up, the fingerpainting idea left the paper and moved on to the dog and the ENTIRE length of the hallway. Looked like a permanent color spray went off.
Tell you one thing, they sure give us stories to tell later in life ,if we can keep sane enough to make it to the later.
Kids and your health - the joys of heart attacks and anxiety.
How to recognize the signs of a heart attack. Dealing with a heart attack. Meditation techniques to avoid a heart attack. Anxiety is your friend.
I'm not sure where in the book I can fit this. Maybe in Volume 2...
Chapter 5 Keeping schedule with kids - Time relativity made easy
THIS chapter will start a little like Chapter 1 one with the giving up section. You'll never be on time with anything that involve your kids. You'll either be early or late, but never on time. Then we will explore time relativity with kids or how "we have 2 hours to get there" becomes "we should be there 15 minutes ago". A deep scientific chapter this one.