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Let's write some Limericks! (Attention, might get raunchy)

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  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    Dak'kon once had a sharp blade
    With which into frays he would wade.
    Then one day an orc
    Stabbed him with a spork,
    So now he's changed jobs to a maid.

    I once saw poor Edwin break down
    Balrog99lolien
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    I once saw poor Edwin break down;
    Alora had called him a clown.
    But Xzar thought it nice
    So in just a trice
    He added a new make-up frown.

    I think I saw Minsc in a kilt.

    Zaghoul
  • ZaghoulZaghoul Member, Moderator Posts: 3,938
    I think I saw Minsc in a kilt
    Many a foes blood upon it was spilt
    Took a few sheep to cover him in wool
    To cover the girth of that big bull
    But for the animal blood he felt no guilt

    Tiax made promises to a worm one day.
    tbone1
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    (Hm, let me reformat this so it scans better as a limerick)

    Tiax made promises to a worm
    One day while digging a berm
    "One day I'll rule all!
    At your back and call
    The grubs will make moles die, full term!"

    A griffon walked into a pub

    Zaghoul
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    A griffon walked into a pub
    Just looking for ale and some grub.
    But Jan saw her there,
    And sans any care,
    Massaged her with turnip-oil rub.

    Jaheira once swam in a spring
    Balrog99Zaghoullolien
  • ZaghoulZaghoul Member, Moderator Posts: 3,938
    Jaheira once swam in a spring
    Having no care and not wearin a thing.
    But Xzar had thrown in a line and a hook.
    While Jaheira thought he was just readin a book
    Hooking her leg he declared, now I've a meal fit for a king.

    Six feet under, Xzar felt his best




    lolien
  • BillyYankBillyYank Member Posts: 2,768
    Six feet under, Xzar felt his best
    In his casket, his bloomers and vest
    Then he rose from the grave
    To berate some poor knave
    Well, he's glad he got that off his chest


    The gibberlings all do agree
    tbone1Balrog99Zaghoullolien
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    The gibberlings all do agree
    That human blood makes a fine tea.
    That's why they attack
    From front, side, and back.
    And why Khalid runs into trees.

    When Silke was shopping for shoes

    Zaghoullolien
  • ZaghoulZaghoul Member, Moderator Posts: 3,938
    When Silke was shopping for shoes
    In droppings she stepped, left by some moos.
    She ordered Garrick 'Come Here,
    Now wipe off this smear'.
    Disgusted as he was, said 'First give me some booze'.

    'I don't know, but I been told'

    tbone1Balrog99loliensemiticgoddess
  • Balrog99Balrog99 Member Posts: 7,366
    Zaghoul said:

    When Silke was shopping for shoes
    In droppings she stepped, left by some moos.
    She ordered Garrick 'Come Here,
    Now wipe off this smear'.
    Disgusted as he was, said 'First give me some booze'.

    'I don't know, but I been told'

    "I don't know but I been told,
    Big legged woman ain't got no soul.
    This is why my maid is Skie
    Her legs are thin, her stride is spry.
    Ah, ah, ah, ah, ohhhhhh..."

    - Elrond

    Over the hills where the spirits fly
    tbone1ZaghoulGrond0lolien
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    Definite Like for the blues, @Balrog99 . That was Furry Lewis, I think.

    Over the hillls where the spirits fly
    I saw a young lass name of Skie.
    I wanted a kiss,
    But she said "Steal this!"
    And covered my face with a pie.

    When Neera was making some soup




    Balrog99Zaghoullolien
  • Balrog99Balrog99 Member Posts: 7,366
    edited September 2017
    tbone1 said:

    Definite Like for the blues, @Balrog99 . That was Furry Lewis, I think.

    Over the hillls where the spirits fly
    I saw a young lass name of Skie.
    I wanted a kiss,
    But she said "Steal this!"
    And covered my face with a pie.

    When Neera was making some soup




    Do like the blues but got the lyric from Led Zeppelin's 'Black Dog'. 1st line of next is from 'Misty Mountain Hop' by the same...
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    Balrog99 said:

    Do like the blues but got the lyric from Led Zeppelin's 'Black Dog'.

    Led Zeppelin? Then it must have been a Howlin' Wolf line.
    Balrog99
  • ZaghoulZaghoul Member, Moderator Posts: 3,938
    When Neera was making some soup
    Added this, that, and some weird goop.
    Cooked it she did, not knowing what she done
    Sat down to eat, and said "Cookin is fun".
    Took the first bite, and Poof! She turned to poop.

    Frog and scorpion tried to play





    Balrog99
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    Frog and scorpion tried to play
    With daggers of paper maché.
    But one hidden shiv
    Got Frog where he live,
    So French food was served on that day.

    There was a young lady from Amn.
    Zaghoul
  • BillyYankBillyYank Member Posts: 2,768
    edited October 2017
    There was a young lady from Amn
    Who cheated with nary a qualm
    She sowed her wild oats
    'Til her beaus compared notes
    Now her lover's a carved "magic charm"


    If you're travelling down the lion's way
    tbone1
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    If you’re traveling down the Lion’s Way,
    Just be sure to walk through in the day.
    The bandits at night
    Can give such a fight,
    And Dorn might get frisky, way hey.

    In Trademeet I met an odd guy.
    Balrog99lolien
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    In Trademeet I met an odd guy
    Who walked up to me and said “Hi!”
    One thousand times,
    Like all anti-mimes,
    Then left and I asked myself “Why!?!?”

    Branwen put up a good front

  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    Branwen put up a good front
    After Khalid's latest stunt.
    He gave her a goose,
    But she is obtuse,
    And gave the poor bird a big punt.

    Safana was honing a blade.
    Balrog99
  • Balrog99Balrog99 Member Posts: 7,366
    Safana was honing a blade
    'Twas long and shaped like a spade
    The harder she honed
    The louder it groaned
    She woke up no longer a maid

    Montaron climbed over a wall
    semiticgoddessSkatantbone1lolien
  • SkatanSkatan Member, Moderator Posts: 5,352
    Montaron climbed over a wall
    And on the other side he'd fall
    He landed on his head
    Crushed, but not dead
    Now even halflings consider him small

    A noble woman in Baldurs Gate
    tbone1Balrog99
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    edited November 2017
    A noble woman in Baldur’s Gate
    Had appetites which she could not sate
    She ate like a horse,
    Was kinky, of course,
    And smoked jimson weed by the crate.

    In Nshkel I drank some bad wine.
    SkatanBalrog99semiticgoddess
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    In Nashkel I drank some bad wine
    Just after we’d cleared out the mine.
    Then Branwen did spy
    Where I aimed an eye
    And knocked me out with a large stein.

    Deep in a cave in the hills
    lolien
  • lolienlolien Member, Moderator, Translator (NDA) Posts: 3,108
    Deep in a cave in the hills
    Orcs, trolls, genies and mummies
    Golems and wolfweres
    Kobolds, beholders
    And dragon live all in peace.

    There's a well in Windspear Hill
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    There’s a well in Windspear Hill
    That gives my whole psyche a chill.
    The old oaken bucket
    Makes me want to duck it
    And gives me a wind that can kill.

    (Particularly if you have no magic weapons)

    Immy gave Winthrop a shock.
    Balrog99lolien
  • Balrog99Balrog99 Member Posts: 7,366
    tbone1 said:


    Immy gave Winthrop a shock.

    I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass on this one due to PG13. The only way this could have been more of a softball is if it was:

    'Immy gave Winthrop a duck'
    tbone1semiticgoddess
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    @Balrog99 Challenge accepted!!!

    Immy gave Winthrop a shock
    By stuffing raw eggs in his sock.
    When he put it on
    One day right at dawn,
    She fled past the ormolu clock.

    Alora strode into the room.

    lolienBalrog99Skatan
  • Balrog99Balrog99 Member Posts: 7,366
    Alora strode into the room
    Viconia 'pon seein' her cast Doom
    Alora was brave
    And since stout made her save
    Yelled "Viccy ride out on your broom!"

    Jan Jansen had a tale to tell
    Skatanlolientbone1
  • LadyEibhilinRhettLadyEibhilinRhett Member Posts: 1,078
    Jan Jansen had a tale to tell
    Sure as he had turnips to sell
    So we all sat down
    And tried not to frown
    Prepared for a full night of hell.

    When I saw Noober, I ran
    tbone1taclane
  • taclanetaclane Member, Mobile Tester Posts: 364
    edited November 2017
    When I saw Noober, I ran
    to the forums as fast as I can.
      Surely in jest,
      was my romance request -
    But a mod was created by fans...
        :confused:


    Minsc stood tall on a chair
    LadyEibhilinRhettFinneousPJ
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