The paladin saved a fair lass, but she turned out to be foul-mouthed and crass. For her own education and civilization, he quickly began spanking her ass.
The lass then sought retribution And thought she'd hit on a solution But the Baldur's Gate court Did not like the tort But their reason was all convolution.
Imoen once gave me a hug While our faces were close I noticed a bug Gorion saw and said hold it there mister Heeding his words I did see a blister So I decided no longer to drink from her mug
The mushrooms in the Wild Forest Were of no surprise my fondest But as a bonus for me Changed the color of my pee But it's my head that feels the sorest
The Dagger of Venom's the best To put in thine enemy's breast Though once you bequeath it Take care where you sheath it Or 'twill lead to thy untimely rest
The Lake is a great place to visit The scenery is fine but quite explicit Don't bother with clothes As there anything goes Just off the road you just can't miss it
Last night on sushi we dined At a small place Safana did find. She said "Do you know This fish is called 'blow'?" So the third thing she blew was mind.
While tied to a lamppost in Trademeet, Tiax was cursing the whole-street. "How dare you blame me For poisoning tea? At the time I was soiling Jan's bedsheet!"
Travelling by slow boat to Luskan, We happ'd to arrive after dusk 'n We suffered attacks By a wave wererats Whom we beat back with lunch meat that's Tuscan.
Ajantis sat down by the bay With nary a good thing to say When asked what was wrong Said the Order gave him a thong To prove himself he'd have to wear it all day
Davaeorn felt cooped up in the mine With naught but Battle Horrors to dine He wondered how mustard jelly Would taste in his belly But just shrugged and then lifted his stein
When your name starts with Portal You get thoughts about a lone mortal. Your mind they will stop Which makes your lungs flop And then those jerks guffaw and chortle.
A wise man sat down by a gnome Sad bout loosing his best beard comb Told him it could've been worse Don't think of it as a curse For I now live with carpal tunnel syndrome
An ogre did study the fine arts And his sum was quite more than his parts For his musical form Took the city by storm In his "Sonata for Viol and Farts"
A fair mage had been captured by gnolls At least, said Minsc, it's not trolls The latter would eat her The former just beat her And tear up all of her scrolls
Comments
The paladin saved a fair lass,
but she turned out to be foul-mouthed and crass.
For her own education
and civilization,
he quickly began spanking her ass.
The lass then sought retribution
And thought she'd hit on a solution
But the Baldur's Gate court
Did not like the tort
But their reason was all convolution.
Imoen once gave me a hug.
While our faces were close I noticed a bug
Gorion saw and said hold it there mister
Heeding his words I did see a blister
So I decided no longer to drink from her mug
Saervok was known to be vicious and cruel
To trust him one'd be quite the fool
A godhood he claimed
So he murdered and maimed
And worst, the cad cheated at pool
A diamond I did find in a tree
And guess who said "that's for me"
Montaron didn't find it
And I told him to split
But he took it and ran off with glee
Xzar and Montaron came as a pair
They escorted me to the Nashkel Fair
In a smoky tent
Some time we three spent
But nothing else happened i swear.
The mushrooms in the Wild Forest
Were of no surprise my fondest
But as a bonus for me
Changed the color of my pee
But it's my head that feels the sorest
The Dagger of Venom is the best
To put in thine enemy's breast
Though once you bequeath it
Take care where you sheath it
Or 'twill lead to thy untimely rest
Tethtoril wanders in circles
Like some toady of a Angela Merkle's.
He thinks he's quite cool,
Although the old fool
Is as dorky as seven Steve Urkels.
Gorion let out a deep sigh.
Alas, I am too young to die
We've walked into a trap
And you with no map
To Friendly Arms Inn now must fly
Edit: Forgot 1st line of next
Gullykin is mighty dull
Like a sword often swung by old Hull.
I went with a party
Then got all re-start-y
As the kobolds I did fail to cull.
Dynaheir bought a new dress
but her hair was still a right mess
Boo squeaked in despair
But Minsc didn't care
He's easier to impress
The Lake is a great place to visit
The scenery is fine but quite explicit
Don't bother with clothes
As there anything goes
Just off the road you just can't miss it
Last night on sushi we dined
At a small place Safana did find.
She said "Do you know
This fish is called 'blow'?"
So the third thing she blew was mind.
(The second being the party balloons, of course.)
Montaron held up a pear.
He waved it in front of a bear
He tossed it to Khalid
Who in his armour just peed
And fled swiftly away like a mare
Branwen has heart made of stone
As hard as a six year old scone.
It came from a golem
Or caryatid column
That tried to touch her for a loan.
While tied to a lamppost in Trademeet.
Tiax was cursing the whole-street.
"How dare you blame me
For poisoning tea?
At the time I was soiling Jan's bedsheet!"
Aerie came in from the cold.
Just why is now to be told
A girl missing her wings
And dressed only in strings
In winter should never be bold
Travelling by slow boat to Luskan
We happ'd to arrive after dusk 'n
We suffered attacks
By a wave wererats
Whom we beat back with lunch meat that's Tuscan.
Keldorn walked up to a priest
And shouted "You unholy best!
A child sacrifice?
That's not at all nice!
You could have kept the receipts, at least."
Ajantis sat down by the bay
With nary a good thing to say
When asked what was wrong
Said the Order gave him a thong
To prove himself he'd have to wear it all day
Davaeorn felt cooped up in the mine
With naught but Battle Horrors to dine
He wondered how mustard jelly
Would taste in his belly
But just shrugged and then lifted his stein
Skie enjoys key lime pie
Though very few people know why.
She bought one on credit
Then I saw her spread it
Upon a bad rash on her thigh.
I once saw Khalid ride a mule.
He said he's nobody's fool
The trick is when riding
To avoid a butt-hiding
You'd better learn how to in school
When your name starts with Portal
You get thoughts about a lone mortal.
Your mind they will stop
Which makes your lungs flop
And then those jerks guffaw and chortle.
A wise man sat down by a gnome.
Sad bout loosing his best beard comb
Told him it could've been worse
Don't think of it as a curse
For I now live with carpal tunnel syndrome
An ogre wanted a degree in fine arts
And his sum was quite more than his parts
For his musical form
Took the city by storm
In his "Sonata for Viol and Farts"
A fair mage had been captured by gnolls
At least, said Minsc, it's not trolls
The latter would eat her
The former just beat her
And tear up all of her scrolls
Exploring the ruins at night
I came upon such a strange sight.
Jaheira was there,
She dyed Faldorn's hair,
Which gave Cernd a terrible fright.
Xzar said "l'm troubled to see
Khalid take flight like a bee.
I surely needed his fear,
To brew my necrotic beer.
Guess it's ok I'll just use my pee."
A vampire did face the sun