My name is Xzar and I'll go far but not further than the closest bar. There I'll drink a glas of red and chat about the dead And boast I'm necromancy's new star
There once was an elf without wings Who wouldn't shut up 'bout the things Once her power was absurd She turned into a bird Now she flits 'round the treetops and sings
The beholder did drift slowly by And I'll tell you, I will not lie I could feel it's gaze M'thoughts all b'came a haze I'm sure, It gave me the evil eye
The Director in the dungeon below Did shout like a mad Margaret Cho. "Why does it take So long for my steak?!?!" So he switched to braised griffin, to go.
Sir Anomen's armour has cracks And AC vs blunt damage lacks Minsc , the old berk went completely berzerk And with his hard club made prodding attacks
Edit, or maybe like this? Sir Anomen's armour has cracks And AC vs blunt damage lacks At the sight of bare skin Minsc ran straight in And with his hard club made prodding attacks
Neera suff'red a massive wild surge That made poor her bowels go purge. We shouted "Egad!" And it smelled so bad, Haer'Dalis lost his last carnal urge.
While out on the lake in a boat Drizzt decided that he could float He ignored the weight of his chain And that proved to be his bane Though he did rise again due to bloat.
(Hm, let me adjust this slightly so it scans better in limerick form)
A long time ago, in a land Far away was a merry old band. With a Bhaalspawn in charge, They were all living large 'Til Daevorn shot fire from his hand.
When Dynaheir walked through the door she shouted "Minsc, you're such a bore!" She'd be driven full mad Enough of him, she had She was heading straight for the moor
Wait, there's no line here. Hm, let me make one up.
While walking through old Baldur's Gate I chanced to encounter my fate. While fighting a mage Who fested with rage, Some lighting went straight through my pate.
An ogre had a plethora of belts, He'd made from some rare and fine pelts. They never got cleaned By the filthy old fiend So all smelled like hot bloated smelts.
Barbarians are rather odd Their codpieces clawed and roughshod Did come a day a barbarian did say "Need a special one just for Sunday" So bought one fit for a demigod.
When Minsc came to town one fine day He spoke to a man in a sleigh. He called himself Thor, And then, what is more, His goats smelled just like that James May.
Comments
but not further than the closest bar.
There I'll drink a glas of red
and chat about the dead
And boast I'm necromancy's new star
There once was a elf without wings
Edit: Wrote "boost" but meant "boast".
Who wouldn't shut up 'bout the things
Once her power was absurd
She turned into a bird
Now she flits 'round the treetops and sings
The beholder did drift slowly by
And I'll tell you, I will not lie
I could feel it's gaze
M'thoughts all b'came a haze
I'm sure, It gave me the evil eye
The Director in the dungeon below
Did shout like a mad Margaret Cho.
"Why does it take
So long for my steak?!?!"
So he switched to braised griffin, to go.
I once saw ol' Jan ride a cow.
Why he did I'll go on about now
Neera the elf
Casted 'Polymorph Self'
But instead summoned bovine, Ow!
Sir Anomen's armour has cracks
And AC vs blunt damage lacks
Minsc , the old berk
went completely berzerk
And with his hard club made prodding attacks
Edit, or maybe like this?
Sir Anomen's armour has cracks
And AC vs blunt damage lacks
At the sight of bare skin
Minsc ran straight in
And with his hard club made prodding attacks
Neera suff'red a massive wild surge
That made poor her bowels go purge.
We shouted "Egad!"
And it smelled so bad,
Haer'Dalis lost his last carnal urge.
When Edwin walked into a bar
He heard the late great Leroy Carr
Play on the piano
While Skie sang soprano
Thanks to necromancing old Xzar.
While out on the lake in a boat
Drizzt decided that he could float
He ignored the weight of his chain
And that proved to be his bane
Though he did rise again due to bloat.
A long time ago, in a land far away
A long time ago, in a land
Far away was a merry old band.
With a Bhaalspawn in charge,
They were all living large
'Til Daevorn shot fire from his hand.
When Dynaheir walked through the door
she shouted "Minsc, you're such a bore!"
She'd be driven full mad
Enough of him, she had
She was heading straight for the moor
While walking through old Baldur's Gate
I chanced to encounter my fate.
While fighting a mage
Who fested with rage,
Some lighting went straight through my pate.
When Mazzy was eating a bun
She noticed that Aerie had none
"Your bum is so bony,
You'd best eat a coney,
Or you'll wind up becoming a nun"
Sarevok sought to be Bhaal
The great murderous lord of them all
To make god from a man
With a too complex plan
It's a wond'r he got so far at all
A Xvart village had a quite normal day
A Xvart village had a quite normal day
With the bear, the children did play
Along came a crew
and everyone slew
Oh what a glorious fray!
An ogre had a plethora of belts
He'd made from some rare and fine pelts.
They never got cleaned
By the filthy old fiend
So all smelled like hot bloated smelts.
Alora looked up at the orc.
and wondered if they all taste like pork
She started to slice
and the tender meat dice
And ate it all with her fork
A dwarf, a gnome and an elf
Confronted a mage, name of Melf.
But Melf got annoyed
And so he deployed
Some acid he'd bought while in Delft.
I once met a bard named Vermeer.
He was said to be some kind of seer.
I asked about me,
Said "what do you see?"
He looked and replied, "Oh.. dear."
And ogre went to'a carnival
To eat and try rides with his gal.
They saw the first clown
In tiara and gown
And said "That's what happened to old Hal!"
A wizard went out for a walk
Upon the bleak Salisbury chalk;
But while at Stonehenge,
Got hit with revenge
From Aerie who shouted out "Squawk!"
Ajantis came in from the rain
Frustrated and tired from strain.
Fighting evil is hard
For a pretentious 'tard
Being a paladin is all in vain
A fighter, a mage and a rogue
A bard (who once was a Pogue)
Did not recruit Garrick.
They needed a cleric
Or Druid who spoke with a brogue.
When Tiax stepped out for a bite,
By mistake and due to poor sight,
He ate a goodberry
and now he's all merry
No longer he's a scare nor a fright.
A pirate came into Brynnlaw
With a grin that everyone saw
On one arm a girl
On the other a twirl
From a cutlass hard to ignore
A stay in your pocket plane
Can seem like a month of cold rain
If your NPCs
Are covered in fleas
And worms eat into their brain.
Barbarians are rather odd
Their codpieces clawed and roughshod
Did come a day a barbarian did say
"Need a special one just for Sunday"
So bought one fit for a demigod.
Xzar sat quietly, his mouth ajar
His gaze fixed a distance a far
And long way away.
He then chose to say,
"Was Henry the Eighth under Parr?"
(Always go with English history for the punchline, I say.)
When Minsc came to town one fine day.
He spoke to a man in a sleigh.
He called himself Thor,
And then, what is more,
His goats smelled just like that James May.
When Ribald decided to eat
He wanted a really nice treat
Twenty ingredients he took
and all day he did cook
And made a sandwich, O what a feat!
Dak'kon once had a sharp blade