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Let's write some Limericks! (Attention, might get raunchy)

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  • SkatanSkatan Member, Moderator Posts: 5,352
    edited August 2017
    My name is Xzar and I'll go far
    but not further than the closest bar.
    There I'll drink a glas of red
    and chat about the dead
    And boast I'm necromancy's new star

    There once was a elf without wings

    Edit: Wrote "boost" but meant "boast".
    Post edited by Skatan on
    tbone1Grond0lolien
  • BillyYankBillyYank Member Posts: 2,768
    edited August 2017
    There once was an elf without wings
    Who wouldn't shut up 'bout the things
    Once her power was absurd
    She turned into a bird
    Now she flits 'round the treetops and sings


    The beholder did drift slowly by
    tbone1SkatanlolienBalrog99
  • SkatanSkatan Member, Moderator Posts: 5,352
    The beholder did drift slowly by
    And I'll tell you, I will not lie
    I could feel it's gaze
    M'thoughts all b'came a haze
    I'm sure, It gave me the evil eye


    The Director in the dungeon below

    tbone1lolienBalrog99
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    The Director in the dungeon below
    Did shout like a mad Margaret Cho.
    "Why does it take
    So long for my steak?!?!"
    So he switched to braised griffin, to go.

    I once saw ol' Jan ride a cow.
    lolienBalrog99Skatan
  • Balrog99Balrog99 Member Posts: 7,367
    I once saw ol' Jan ride a cow
    Why he did I'll go on about now
    Neera the elf
    Casted 'Polymorph Self'
    But instead summoned bovine, Ow!

    Sir Anomen's armour has cracks
    Skatantbone1
  • SkatanSkatan Member, Moderator Posts: 5,352
    edited August 2017
    Sir Anomen's armour has cracks
    And AC vs blunt damage lacks
    Minsc , the old berk
    went completely berzerk
    And with his hard club made prodding attacks

    Edit, or maybe like this?
    Sir Anomen's armour has cracks
    And AC vs blunt damage lacks
    At the sight of bare skin
    Minsc ran straight in
    And with his hard club made prodding attacks


    Neera suff'red a massive wild surge
    Balrog99tbone1
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    Neera suff'red a massive wild surge
    That made poor her bowels go purge.
    We shouted "Egad!"
    And it smelled so bad,
    Haer'Dalis lost his last carnal urge.

    When Edwin walked into a bar

    Zaghoul
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    When Edwin walked into a bar
    He heard the late great Leroy Carr
    Play on the piano
    While Skie sang soprano
    Thanks to necromancing old Xzar.

    While out on the lake in a boat
    Skatan
  • Grond0Grond0 Member Posts: 7,305
    While out on the lake in a boat
    Drizzt decided that he could float
    He ignored the weight of his chain
    And that proved to be his bane
    Though he did rise again due to bloat.

    A long time ago, in a land far away
    tbone1Skatanlolien
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    (Hm, let me adjust this slightly so it scans better in limerick form)

    A long time ago, in a land
    Far away was a merry old band.
    With a Bhaalspawn in charge,
    They were all living large
    'Til Daevorn shot fire from his hand.

    When Dynaheir walked through the door


    lolien
  • SkatanSkatan Member, Moderator Posts: 5,352
    When Dynaheir walked through the door
    she shouted "Minsc, you're such a bore!"
    She'd be driven full mad
    Enough of him, she had
    She was heading straight for the moor
    Grond0tbone1
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    Wait, there's no line here. Hm, let me make one up.

    While walking through old Baldur's Gate
    I chanced to encounter my fate.
    While fighting a mage
    Who fested with rage,
    Some lighting went straight through my pate.

    When Mazzy was eating a bun
    Balrog99Skatanlolien
  • Balrog99Balrog99 Member Posts: 7,367
    When Mazzy was eating a bun
    She noticed that Aerie had none
    "Your bum is so bony,
    You'd best eat a coney,
    Or you'll wind up becoming a nun"

    Sarevok sought to be Bhaal
    Skatantbone1loliensemiticgoddess
  • BillyYankBillyYank Member Posts: 2,768
    edited August 2017
    Sarevok sought to be Bhaal
    The great murderous lord of them all
    To make god from a man
    With a too complex plan
    It's a wond'r he got so far at all


    A Xvart village had a quite normal day
    tbone1Balrog99lolien
  • SkatanSkatan Member, Moderator Posts: 5,352
    (sorry for forgetting a new line above)

    A Xvart village had a quite normal day
    With the bear, the children did play
    Along came a crew
    and everyone slew
    Oh what a glorious fray!


    An ogre had a plethora of belts
    tbone1Balrog99lolien
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    edited August 2017
    An ogre had a plethora of belts,
    He'd made from some rare and fine pelts.
    They never got cleaned
    By the filthy old fiend
    So all smelled like hot bloated smelts.

    Alora looked up at the orc.
    FinneousPJZaghoulGrond0lolien
  • SkatanSkatan Member, Moderator Posts: 5,352
    Alora looked up at the orc.
    and wondered if they all taste like pork
    She started to slice
    and the tender meat dice
    And ate it all with her fork

    A dwarf, a gnome and an elf
    tbone1loliensemiticgoddess
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    A dwarf, a gnome, and an elf
    Confronted a mage, name of Melf.
    But Melf got annoyed
    And so he deployed
    Some acid he'd bought while in Delft.

    I once met a bard named Vermeer.


    Skatan
  • SkatanSkatan Member, Moderator Posts: 5,352
    I once met a bard named Vermeer.
    He was said to be some kind of seer.
    I asked about me,
    Said "what do you see?"
    He looked and replied, "Oh.. dear."

    And ogre went to'a carnival
    Balrog99tbone1semiticgoddess
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    The ogre went to a carni-val
    To eat and try rides with his gal.
    They saw the first clown
    In tiara and gown
    And said "That's what happened to old Hal!"

    A wizard went out for a walk
    Skatanlolien
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    A wizard went out for a walk
    Upon the bleak Salisbury chalk;
    But while at Stonehenge,
    Got hit with revenge
    From Aerie who shouted out "Squawk!"

    Ajantis came in from the rain


    Skatan
  • SkatanSkatan Member, Moderator Posts: 5,352
    Ajantis came in from the rain
    Frustrated and tired from strain.
    Fighting evil is hard
    For a pretentious 'tard
    Being a paladin is all in vain

    A fighter, a mage and a rogue
    tbone1lolien
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    A fighter, a mage, and a rogue,
    A bard (who once was a Pogue)
    Did not recruit Garrick.
    They needed a cleric
    Or Druid who spoke with a brogue.

    When Tiax stepped out for a bite,


    Skatanlolien
  • SkatanSkatan Member, Moderator Posts: 5,352
    When Tiax stepped out for a bite,
    By mistake and due to poor sight,
    He ate a goodberry
    and now he's all merry
    No longer he's a scare nor a fright.

    A pirate came into Brynnlaw
    tbone1lolienZaghoul
  • Grond0Grond0 Member Posts: 7,305
    A pirate came into Brynnlaw
    With a grin that everyone saw
    On one arm a girl
    On the other a twirl
    From a cutlass hard to ignore

    A stay in your pocket plane
    lolientbone1Zaghoul
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    A stay in your pocket plane
    Can seem like a month of cold rain
    If your NPCs
    Are covered in fleas
    And worms eat into their brain.

    Barbarians are rather odd
    Zaghoul
  • ZaghoulZaghoul Member, Moderator Posts: 3,938
    Barbarians are rather odd
    Their codpieces clawed and roughshod
    Did come a day a barbarian did say
    "Need a special one just for Sunday"
    So bought one fit for a demigod.

    Xzar sat quietly, his mouth ajar
    tbone1Grond0Balrog99lolien
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    Xzar sat quietly, his mouth ajar
    His gaze fixed a distance a far
    And long way away.
    He then chose to say,
    "Was Henry the Eighth under Parr?"

    (Always go with English history for the punchline, I say.)

    When Minsc came to town one fine day.
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    When Minsc came to town one fine day
    He spoke to a man in a sleigh.
    He called himself Thor,
    And then, what is more,
    His goats smelled just like that James May.

    When Ribald decided to eat
    lolien
  • SkatanSkatan Member, Moderator Posts: 5,352
    When Ribald decided to eat
    He wanted a really nice treat
    Twenty ingredients he took
    and all day he did cook
    And made a sandwich, O what a feat!

    Dak'kon once had a sharp blade
    tbone1
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