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Let's write some Limericks! (Attention, might get raunchy)



  • semiticgodsemiticgod Member, Moderator Posts: 9,223
    There once was a wizard named Xan
    Who passed out half-naked on the lawn.
    Then he woke with a start
    Lying next to a xvart
    And he wondered why he'd ever trusted Jan.

    Haer'dalis once wrote a song

  • lolienlolien Member, Moderator, Translator (NDA) Posts: 2,333
    edited March 2017
    Haer'dalis once wrote a song
    For the famed Louis Armstrong
    From colours of rainbow
    But it lacked birds so
    Israel Kamakawiwo'ole made it more long.

    Baldur's Gate is a nice town

    Post edited by lolien on
  • Balrog99Balrog99 Member Posts: 2,259
    Baldur's Gate is a nice town
    The streets can be walked without frown
    When entering pubs though
    Be sure to be nice so
    A paladin won't strike thee on crown

    'Viconia looks good in chainmail'

  • ZaghoulZaghoul Member, Moderator Posts: 2,428
    Viconia looks good in chainmail
    But I'd like to send her to hell via expressmail
    Always puttin me down
    Continually pushing me round
    I'm gonna call Lolth So Viconia won't start makin me wear a VEIL.

    'Faldorn's probably very hairy'

  • SkatanSkatan Member Posts: 2,934
    ..but is the CHARNAME of the world's ''best' game
    Soon he will get enhanced
    And we'll all be entranced
    By the city of the lady of Pain

    Found an old draft for a reply to the Alora bit posted back in december. Apparently I couldn't really finish it properly, heh..

    who wanted to steal a fine pearl
    But not sneaky enough
    she got caught, but she's tough
    So in the end, she stole the whole earl.. dom.

    Anyways, here's the next bit:

    There once was a gnome from Amn

  • CrevsDaakCrevsDaak Member Posts: 7,058
    There once was a gnome from Amn
    His first name surely was Jan
    and he had never learnt to jam
    but he did know how to cook ham.

    Beregost is a nice place

  • SkatanSkatan Member Posts: 2,934
    Morte was floating though the City of Doors
    without his feet ever touching its floors
    For a 'man' with no flesh,
    he looks attractive and fresh
    But don't ask him to go down on all fours


    There once was a hamster from space

  • lolienlolien Member, Moderator, Translator (NDA) Posts: 2,333
    edited April 2017
    It seems i was somewhat slow.

    Beregost is a nice place
    Firebead gives a scroll case
    For you if you play
    EE but you may
    Miss the shaking maid in that case.

    Well, ok:

    There once was a hamster from space
    His singing voice beautiful bass
    With his pet ranger
    They know no danger
    And they have the biggest fanbase.

    I met once a woman named Silke

    Post edited by lolien on
  • lolienlolien Member, Moderator, Translator (NDA) Posts: 2,333
    Came together to make some art
    they made some music
    it was quite unique
    A Michael Honig cover with f... i mean from heart.

    Demogorgon with a turnip

  • semiticgodsemiticgod Member, Moderator Posts: 9,223
    edited April 2017
    Demogorgon, with a turnip,
    was trying to make syrup
    because he needed leverage
    from an alcoholic beverage
    to please a group of plugtails and trollops.

    (If you get saddled with a seemingly unrhymeable intro line like this, this site will help)

    When I finally read Gorion's letter

  • Balrog99Balrog99 Member Posts: 2,259
    When I finally read Gorion's letter
    I understood him a little better
    I couldn't tell him how I felt
    'Cause I found the letter beneath his belt

    (I always thought it was a little weird taking your mentor's belt. Did you need to take it off of him to bury the body?)

    Adventuring at the Firewine Bridge

  • FinneousPJFinneousPJ Member Posts: 5,346
    Adventuring at the Firewine Bridge
    Reminded him of the age old adage
    Go for the eyes
    (boo) go for the eyes
    As he hit for maximum damage

    Noober is a suave young man

  • BillyYankBillyYank Member Posts: 2,327
    Noober is a suav-eh young man
    With center part and a strong farmer's tan
    When rocks come a'flyin'
    He's not one for cryin'
    He'll chat you up best as he can.

    Dragon's Eye holds a strange little girl.

  • ButtercheeseButtercheese Member Posts: 3,745
    Dragon's Eye holds a strange little girl,
    who will make your toe-nails curl.
    Something about her feels wrong
    and she is voiced by Tara Strong.
    Trust her no farther than you can her hurl.

    A geas is a nasty thing.

  • Balrog99Balrog99 Member Posts: 2,259
    A geas is a nasty thing
    Friend to enemy it will bring
    Heart of friend brings restitution
    Alas, 'tis all just destitution
    Though traitor-friend at last finds peace
    By your side he'll no more police

    Mutamin has a heart of stone

  • Balrog99Balrog99 Member Posts: 2,259
    BillyYank said:

    A layman’s guide to limericks

    I don’t want to come off as a nitpicker, but… be true to yourself and all that.

    I’m not an English major, so I may get some of the terminology wrong.

    The traditional limerick is a five-line poem where the first, second and fifth lines all rhyme with each other, and consist of three feet of three beats each; and the third and fourth lines rhyme with each other and consist of two feet of three beats each.

    Feets and beats, what the heck are you talking about?

    A foot in poetry is the basic unit that makes up a line. In structured poetry, it describes a set number of syllables and their stresses. In the limerick the foot is: unstressed, unstressed, stressed; so the standard rhythm of a limerick is:
    duh-duh-DUM duh-duh-DUM duh-duh-DUM
    duh-duh-DUM duh-duh-DUM duh-duh-DUM
    duh-duh-DUM duh-duh-DUM
    duh-duh-DUM duh-duh-DUM
    duh-duh-DUM duh-duh-DUM duh-duh-DUM

    Great rules, chief. Now let’s break them.

    While limericks are structured, they aren’t haiku. You can play around with the structure some, and it will still be a limerick… as long as you don’t go too far. The important thing to remember is limericks are primarily an oral form. The true test is to read the poem aloud and listen for the flow and rhyme. If reading it is awkward, or the phrasing makes you stumble, or it’s too far off the limerick beat structure, best rework it a bit.

    Using my last entry as an example:
    mutaMIN has a HEART made of STONE
    Classic 3/3/3 first line, I added in the word “made” to fill out the last foot.

    with his REPtiles he LIVES quite aLONE
    This one plays with the structure a bit, when you recite it out loud, the word reptiles stays together, so the structure is really 4/2/3 instead of 3/3/3.

    if a TRAV’ler by CHANCE
    Same thing here, 4/2

    comes to MEET their fell GLANCE
    Standard structure 3/3.

    (well thus) is his QUAINT garden GROWN
    This one looks like it’s missing a beat, but it really isn’t. When you recite this, it’s natural to pause for a beat, either before or after “thus”. So this line is read as:

    well [beat] THUS is his QUAINT garden GROWN
    well thus [beat] is his QUAINT garden GROWN

    Another way to play with the structure is to squish syllables together or draw them out:
    NooooBER is a SUAV-eh young MAN
    draw out “Nooo” ‘til it’s two beats long, pronounce the ‘e’ in suave

    With center PART and a STRONG farmer's TAN
    squish “center” ‘til it’s almost cent’r

    When ROCKS come a'FLYin'
    draw out rocks or insert a beat after it, stress on second beats

    He's NOT one for CRYin'
    stress on second beats, has to match line 3 or it doesn’t sound right

    He'll chat you up best as he can.
    insert a beat after “up”, though it still comes out 4/2/3 and the stress in the first foot falls on “up”

    /He’ll chat you UP/ [beat] BEST/ as he CAN/

    EDIT: reciting it again, this line can also be:
    /Heee'll CHAT/ youup [beat] BEST/ as he CAN/
    Draw out He and squish "you up". You don't actually change the syllables so it comes out 2/4/3, but I think that flows even better than my first suggestion

    I do hope this helps a bit. I think it's best to know the rules so you know how best to break them.
    I knew the rules. Chose to break them with poetic license. All apologies (great song BTW)...

  • ButtercheeseButtercheese Member Posts: 3,745
    As the OP I am gonna have to insist that y'all stick to the five-line AABBA rhyming scheme ;)
    If you wanna share any poems not part of this forum game, there is a thread for that.

    Now, please proceed UvU

  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,881
    edited April 2017
    Fair Annah can sure shake her tail
    I wonder she isn't in jail
    After the preacher
    And Sunday school teacher
    Discovered she really is Quayle.

    I once saw Jaheira blush deep

  • Balrog99Balrog99 Member Posts: 2,259
    Skatan said:

    I once saw Jaheira blush deep
    When caught with a friendly sheep
    She'd charmed'n animal
    and made it a thrall
    To *beep* her in her *beep-beep*

    I have to admit my thoughts went along these lines myself but I didn't want to go there!

  • SkatanSkatan Member Posts: 2,934
    .. and I have to admit I was a bit ambivalent whether or not I should post that one. But since the OP specifically stated that things could get raunchy, I figured it would be ok.

  • semiticgodsemiticgod Member, Moderator Posts: 9,223
    The site is rated Teen now, so a certain level of innuendo is acceptable, as long as it doesn't get too explicit.

    J. K. Rowling made a similar reference to "inappropriate charms on a goat" in Harry Potter, so I think this is okay.

  • semiticgodsemiticgod Member, Moderator Posts: 9,223
    edited April 2017
    Also, the original BG2 contains a reference to such charms.

    "The new inmate they brought in, she's a cute one, isn't she?"

    "I do believe I'll have to practice some enchantment spells on that one."

    And to be fair...

    But even if I didn't get butchered by a hobgoblin (or, to be honest, more likely a gang of xvarts) and had the chance to study magic, I don't think I'd become an adventurer. It'd be more fun to live as a king's in-house mage, spending my time reading books and acting important and practicing Charm Person on the local maidens. @Grum pointed out...
    Grum said:

    Leaving aside the non consensual magic...

    ...I'm not exactly innocent myself.

    In retrospect, using Charm Person on poor peasant girls does seem a little shady. I guess I'll stick to Friends.

    And maybe Strength. And Polymorph Self.

    And Ray of Enfeeblement. And Web.

  • AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,418
    edited April 2017
    Khalid is half-man, half-elf,
    Who likes to play with himself,
    Cards,draughts or chess,
    He'll have a better time, yes,
    Than trying to play with Jahiera.


    Forgot the starting line...

    Oops, I forgot said the Skull,

    Post edited by Anduin on
  • lolienlolien Member, Moderator, Translator (NDA) Posts: 2,333
    Give a starting sentence for the next Limeric @Anduin, please.

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