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Shag, Marry, Kill: The Baldur's Gate Version

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  • jackjackjackjack Member Posts: 3,251

    jackjack said:

    Marry: Boo.

    I call hamster/furball bias!
    You know... I recently discovered that there is this subculture of people who call themselves "Furries".

    It was... very disturbing.
    To me, the most disturbing thing about that subculture is that there's no "Cult of Boo".
    Or is there?
  • booinyoureyesbooinyoureyes Member Posts: 6,164
    jackjack said:

    jackjack said:

    Marry: Boo.

    I call hamster/furball bias!
    You know... I recently discovered that there is this subculture of people who call themselves "Furries".

    It was... very disturbing.
    To me, the most disturbing thing about that subculture is that there's no "Cult of Boo".
    Or is there?
    There is now!
    *runs to sign up*









    *runs back*
    aw, hellllll no. I just got hit on by some dude in a Snoopy costume.
  • NecomancerNecomancer Member Posts: 622
    @booinyoureyes
    I imagine marrying Dynaheir is a *result* of shagging her.

    Minsc believes in the sword point wedding.
  • BalladBallad Member Posts: 205
    Coutelier said:

    none of them live up to my Tali though. I actually do love characters starting out as nobodies in the killing business, but there is a big difference between her and Aerie's writing that makes Aerie just seem like a child and while Tali was considered a child in the first game on her pilgrimage she acted much more mature and willingly joined the crew. I like characters who, despite their inexperience, are brave and join you to do the right thing and show no hesitation. I could go on and on about the reason I like her, but it doesn't matter because this is about Baldur's Gate NPCs

    Basically, exactly like Aerie, who also joins willingly because she wants to travel and learn about the world, and grows a lot over the course of her adventures. The main difference is that Aerie doesn't get three games to grow into.

    I actually thought Aerie was more like Liara: starting out as a blue-eyed (if not blue-skinned) damsel-in-distress, spending her days doing her own thing cut off from mainstream society (digging sites, circus, same thing), fearful and unwilling to come to terms with her past (being born to an evil Matriarch is almost as bad as having your wings cut off) and embrace her specialness and rather powerful talents.

    In the course of the events of their respective stories, both Liara and Aerie end up maturing into self-assured, frighteningly powerful magic/space magic users, fighting for the good and salvation of the multiverse/galaxy. They're both loyal, stable personalities, though both carry a trace of melancholy with them till the very end.

    On second thought, roughly the same is true for Tali as well. :p Ah well.

  • SilverstarSilverstar Member Posts: 2,207

    she has boobs

    Quite a good reason imo.

    help you out if you ever can't find your keys.

    I just hold down Tab when that happens.
  • NecomancerNecomancer Member Posts: 622
    If we go with the BGNPC edition...

    Shag:Branwen. Tough nordic chick with cleavage? Thank you, sir!
    Marry:Dynheir, she comes with a free ranger, is hot, can cast magic and has a lovely accent. What more could a man want?
    Kill:Shar-Teel. I really don't want too, I've always liked Shar-Teel's character if only because shes the only female fighter in the game and I'm very curious about her past, but moraly speaking she *is* evil and likely to kill people for fun. Branwen might fight for fun but I doubt she'd try and coax people into fighting her or challenge everyone she see's. Shar-Teel? While she seems moral enough to not murder people without good reason I think "good reason" might be a very...inclusive term for her.
  • MacHurtoMacHurto Member Posts: 731
    Shag: yoshimo. At least you can say you f*** him first
    Marry: mazzy. Perfect height. No need to say more.
    Kill: tough one. Nobody?
  • CrevsDaakCrevsDaak Member Posts: 7,155
    (I think I posted 4 different posts in this thread already :P, but I don't recall what I posted)
    Shag: Viconia, because she won't like having a human husband and I prefer having a good relationshp with my wife.
    Marry: Branwen, because she is the type of person that I can get along fine and I think she could say the same about me.
    Kill: Hexxat, because my Cleric wife won't allow any undead to un-destroyed!
  • jackjackjackjack Member Posts: 3,251
    An update:
    Shag - Safana, because I have a real problem saying no to aggressive women. It does not help that I'm easily manipulated.
    Marry - Viconia, because I could happily hear "Male, fetch me something to eat!" for the rest of my life.
    Kill: Aerie, because somebody ought to put her out of her misery.
  • ChildofBhaal599ChildofBhaal599 Member Posts: 1,781
    Ballad said:

    Coutelier said:

    none of them live up to my Tali though. I actually do love characters starting out as nobodies in the killing business, but there is a big difference between her and Aerie's writing that makes Aerie just seem like a child and while Tali was considered a child in the first game on her pilgrimage she acted much more mature and willingly joined the crew. I like characters who, despite their inexperience, are brave and join you to do the right thing and show no hesitation. I could go on and on about the reason I like her, but it doesn't matter because this is about Baldur's Gate NPCs

    Basically, exactly like Aerie, who also joins willingly because she wants to travel and learn about the world, and grows a lot over the course of her adventures. The main difference is that Aerie doesn't get three games to grow into.

    I actually thought Aerie was more like Liara: starting out as a blue-eyed (if not blue-skinned) damsel-in-distress, spending her days doing her own thing cut off from mainstream society (digging sites, circus, same thing), fearful and unwilling to come to terms with her past (being born to an evil Matriarch is almost as bad as having your wings cut off) and embrace her specialness and rather powerful talents.

    In the course of the events of their respective stories, both Liara and Aerie end up maturing into self-assured, frighteningly powerful magic/space magic users, fighting for the good and salvation of the multiverse/galaxy. They're both loyal, stable personalities, though both carry a trace of melancholy with them till the very end.

    On second thought, roughly the same is true for Tali as well. :p Ah well.

    oh yeah I see that too, but Liara is actually a character I hated. I really got sick of how they were pushing her at me and it seemed at times Bioware wanted me to romance her and nobody else, and I never gave in. I just wanted to point out a bit it isn't a total fault about what they tried to do with Aerie, but their executions were different to me. I mean, I won't pretend Tali doesn't have her moments, especially in the first game you were reminded of her young innocence. when she first comes aboard she has her childish curiousity of the ship, and then later she is homesick, but I guess I felt a difference in these and she was my favorite character from the start and the only character holding me from being an alien racist. (most of my sci fi before Mass Effect had no friendly aliens) I will also admit I have a bias toward masked character and their mystery

    on the other side though, it is probably a bad thing I don't like Aerie and Liara yet I consider them more similar. i guess I don't really like them in the same way
  • meaglothmeagloth Member Posts: 3,806
    Shag: neera, as long as she doesn't talk(voice acting)
    Marry: bg1 imoen who isn't my sister
    Kill: That Druid bitch Errr... Jahiera
  • SjerrieSjerrie Member Posts: 1,237
    edited March 2014
    @meagloth sister schmister (that sounded better in my head..). The divine spark is the only thing that makes you related, so live a little. ;) My Charname's father was a dwarven Bhaal, Imoen's was a human Bhaal. Ha. Good fun. :p
  • SjerrieSjerrie Member Posts: 1,237
    Jenzafar said:

    Kill: Dorn, I guess. I don't think I could survive a shag, and he seems to believe weddings are for bloodbaths.

    He's not the only one in a fantasy setting to believe so...
  • booinyoureyesbooinyoureyes Member Posts: 6,164
    Oh wow... totally forgot I made this thread. It was a good one though!

    Sorry if necroing an old thread - but this thread is cool.

    Marry: Branwen (not beautiful, but her ultra feminine look is very sexy to me)
    Shag: Skie (her face is perfectly made for ... something dirty to happen)
    Kill: I like all the females and I think Shar-Teel is awesome. I wouldn't mind killing Noober...again.

    Well, Skie does have that haughty spoiled-girl attitude going on and is clearly into bad boys
  • SjerrieSjerrie Member Posts: 1,237

    Oh wow... totally forgot I made this thread. It was a good one though!

    Sorry if necroing an old thread - but this thread is cool.

    Marry: Branwen (not beautiful, but her ultra feminine look is very sexy to me)
    Shag: Skie (her face is perfectly made for ... something dirty to happen)
    Kill: I like all the females and I think Shar-Teel is awesome. I wouldn't mind killing Noober...again.

    Well, Skie does have that haughty spoiled-girl attitude going on and is clearly into bad boys
    I honestly have never had Skie in my party (is she more, or less annoying than Nalia?) but let's put a vote toward marrying her, for argument's sake.

    + Title
    + Money
    + Not the worst looking
    + No-one said anything about extra-marital affairs

    - Annoying

    +/- Daddy issues

    The annoying part might be solved with a copious amount of scrolls of silence. Or maybe think ahead and commission a Cursed Wedding Ring of Silence™ for the occasion.
  • LuremasterLuremaster Member Posts: 100

    Sorry if necroing an old thread - but this thread is cool.

    Marry: Branwen (not beautiful, but her ultra feminine look is very sexy to me)
    Shag: Skie (her face is perfectly made for ... something dirty to happen)
    Kill: I like all the females and I think Shar-Teel is awesome. I wouldn't mind killing Noober...again.

    I agree with everything except I would marry Jaheira.
  • wubblewubble Member Posts: 3,156
    Shag Neera- she's good for a one night stand but any longer and she'd probably burn the house down.
    Marry Jaheira- Ok she'd be a little bossy but this way I get to have sex with her more than once.
    Kill Anomen- he's really annoying.
  • Abi_DalzimAbi_Dalzim Member Posts: 1,428
    Shag: Safana. Diane Pershing just kills it. Oh yeah, you love it when I speak to you that way, do you? Mmm...

    Marry: Viconia. I'm a young adult who doesn't mind living dangerously, and Viconia strikes me as a lot more loyal than Neutral Evil would indicate. Call me foolhardy, but I think things would work out well, and if not, they would at least be interesting.

    Kill: Jaheira. Properly cleanse and balance *this*!
  • semiticgoddesssemiticgoddess Member Posts: 14,903
    Only one of each?

    Well, since I almost always play females, I'll split the sexes.

    Shag: Keldorn. I've said it before: playing a Chaotic Neutral Bard and seducing Keldorn from his family would be awesome. Doubly so if he becomes a fallen Paladin in the process and Charname stays with him to support him and rebuild a life with him, in place of the one she destroyed.

    Or maybe Pai'Na. Can you imagine how awesomely creepy it would be to walk into the lower tombs... and fail a save against Charm Person cast from the shadows?

    Or to cast it yourself, and draw a slender drow female out from the curtain of webs, slipping out of a wispy cocoon into your hands, as the spiders hiss with anticipation and awe?

    And taking Kitthix as a love token, or a trophy. I always did love that figurine.

    Or Yaga-Shura's slave! Oh, but that would be too evil...

    Marry: Mazzy! She's such a sweetie pie. It might be hard to settle down, what with Mazzy being a hero and stuff, but the halfling children and relatives would naturally work into a stable home life. Halflings are homey people. And I do have a thing for shorter women. Pity most people are taller than me. Plus, she has a charming voice, just like Keldorn.

    Or maybe Imoen. I don't think it counts as a sister if the father is a supernatural being, since the Slayer was perfectly capable of impregnating everything from Mind Flayers to Myconids. Or at least, I assume so. Mind Flayers have those sensuous tentacles, like the tongues of a dozen lovers... And mind control powers to drive you insane! Myconids have their mind-affecting spells, too. How many of us have fought those Spore Colonies, and not wondered what it would be like if the whole mess of mushroom people dissolved into an orgy, and the party was lured in by the scent of those beguiling spores, drawing them into the crowd?

    Where was I? Ah yes, Bhaal. I should continue this in a separate post.
  • semiticgoddesssemiticgoddess Member Posts: 14,903
    Anyway, how could Bhaal resist a coven of Mind Flayers, and the brain slaves who serve as the illithids' food supply, and I hear also as a part-time harem for breeding bigger-brained humanoids? Those lithe, squishy squid bodies would slip on the Slayer's thorny frame like a glove. And they'd probably stretch enough to not get caught on the claws! I always thought the biggest downside of getting sexed up by the Slayer would be all that pointy stuff. It's almost enough to ruin the experience. And who wouldn't want to be extra limber when it comes to the bedroom?

    So I'm sure Bhaal didn't add in his own unique D&DNA when siring his kids, and Imoen and Charname wouldn't have to worry about inbreeding like those Kobolds trapped in the Spellhold gauntlet and the leks mandated by Wanev. Besides, what if Charname is female? No risk of inbreeding there. And even if there were kids (what else is the Girdle of Gender for?), wouldn't Imoen be a great mom? She'd be tons of fun.

    Kill: Irenicus. But not like at the Tree of Life or in Hell, or those weird dreams where Imoen's doppelgänger told you to grow your horns and tear apart Joneleth's toned wizard bod--no, I mean at Suldanessellar, before he became the Exile.

    Think about it. The Wish spell can alter past, present, and future. Let's say Charname, when he or she finally gets access to the Wish spell--like winning that wet T-shirt contest with Aesgareth and the tieflings--decides to go back in time and murder Irenicus back when he's a young elf.

    Of course, Joneleth is probably pretty paranoid and awfully powerful even then. You might have to get his lover, Ellesime, to do him in, possibly with a message from her future warning her not to fall in love with hotheaded wizard dudes. And also warning her about the Tree of Life losing its woody hardness to Joneleth's expertise sucking powers.

    But Ellesime can't do it because she loves him and stuff. So you have to take on her body, whether through possession or shape shifting, and get close to Jon, probably joining him in bed... several times, beforehand. To make sure his guard is down.

    And maybe you could drag out the process. Just to be safe.

    I mean, nobody said you COULDN'T take some extra time to enjoy the elves' famously smooth, hairless bodies. Hey, you earned it! You're saving the world from Jon's wood-sucking powers. It's not your fault Ellesime picked the wrong bedfellow. Is her petty jealousy supposed to interfere with your heroism?

    Hell no! You're doing this for the good of Faerun. Enjoy that supple elven tuchus! Ellesime's AND Jon's. What's the point of saving the world if you don't get to enjoy some confusing quasi-bisexual relations with the guy who ate your delicious soul?

    Or maybe kill Minsc. You could do it multiple times, since you could raise him. He's in your party, after all. I know other people wanted to kill Aerie or Neera or whatever, but think about it. The girls just have these tiny bodies, with low HP. They go down in two casting Sunfire, or a few swings from Jhor the Bleeder. But Minsc will last so much longer. There's so much more meat on him. If you kill Aerie, she'll explode in a single round. But if you kill Minsc, you'll have minutes of savagery before he croaks. Think of all the extra meat you'd getting out of the deal.

    It's good to see such a long discussion of the subject. I was starting to think I was the only one who had these kinds of thoughts!
  • BaldursCatBaldursCat Member Posts: 432
    edited March 2015
    How did I miss this thread?

    Un-modded
    Shag: Viccy, because as much as I like Jaheira it's a bit like dating yer mum >_>, Aerie is far too sisterly & well, it's Viconia, isn't it.
    Marry: Ano (LG). Because the guy went through the ringer really & you know his life was far crappier than yours ever was until your half brother decided to try & wipe you out & he's really quite sweet in a hopeless way & very handsome & will no doubt make up for all the stupid stuff he's said to you.
    Kill: Ano (CN) does that count as cheating? Because despite all the above he goes the route of the angry brat.

    Modded
    Shag: Viccy & Edwin >_> mwuhuhuhu!
    Marry: Keldorn <3, because he's absolutely crazy about you, he adores you sure there's lots of baggage but why wouldn't you marry someone who loves you that much, and, as mod Imoen points out, he may be a bit older but you know he's still buff under that armour, & he's got nice eyes. EDIT: & The stamina, oh yes (sorry, the list keeps getting longer the more I think about it).
    Kill: Saerlieth *bluuurgh, put the poor lamb out of her misery, quick*

    Yes, I'm shallower than a puddle in the Sahara.

    Post edited by BaldursCat on
  • dunbardunbar Member Posts: 1,603
    Shag: Neera (hoping for a Wild Surge).
    Marry: Viconia (we could raise an army of mercenaries, take over the Underdark and rule it together).
    Kill: Aerie (whining is just irritating and never gets you anywhere in life).
  • elminsterelminster Member, Developer Posts: 16,317
    edited March 2015
    elminster said:

    Shag: Viconia
    Marry: Aerie
    Kill: Dorn

    My position hasn't changed :D
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