So, I think I have to write this here before my mind can try to rest.
It's a mixed bag, but belongs mostly here under "happiness".
This is going to be a long post.
My 8yo son has been struggling with "behavioral issues" and suffering because of social/emotional problems for quite some time, getting worse when entering elementary school and escalating last year, when we had to pick him up from school countless times, because he had severe meltdowns, where he would just hit and kick everyone around him, including the teacher who had to physically restrain him so he wouldn't harm anybody else.
The same happened at home, of course, where we had to keep him from smashing things or hurting his 10yo sister. My arms were full of his teeth marks, but my heart was hurting so much more, because I saw how desperate he was, how much he struggled, and how he cried after calming down, saying that he wants to be a good person. (of course I told him that he's not bad, that he's just having more difficulties than some other kids, but it didn't help much). And that was just a small part of all that happened.
So, lots of tests, diagnostic assessments and therapy followed. The first they came up with was ADHD, and starting therapy for that already helped him a lot. Still meltdowns, but no more severely physically aggressive outburst since October. But many other problems remained or got worse, so more assessments followed.
This morning, right before I went to work, I had an appointment with his pediatric psychiatrist and psychologist to get the results. I had barely slept or eaten the last few days, because I was so nervous, mostly afraid to hear they hadn't found an explanation.
But they had found something, the thing we had been suspecting for some time. He has autism spectrum disorder (on the relatively high functioning side, because he speaks well and is intelligent), and I am SO relieved that we're finally on the same page, that those relatives (and some teachers) who told us he just needs more discipline (euphemism for punishment) were wrong, and that now we have a clearer idea as to why he behaves the way he does, can help him understand himself better, and get him the support he requires, especially at school.
(So, between family life and work, when the children are asleep or otherwise occupied, I like to play some game, recently discovered that it's also nice to talk to people about it in a forum, and try very hard not to have a bad conscience that sometimes my mind just needs to escape into another realm.)
It's 3:30 am, I'm still at work, could have been sleeping since 11pm (on-call and nothing to do), but haven't been able to talk about it to anyone since hearing about it this morning.
So, after getting this off my chest, I'll maybe find some rest now, and hope I won't be judged badly because of what I wrote, it's just that sometimes it's so much easier to share such things with people who you don't see every day at work
So, I think I have to write this here before my mind can try to rest.
It's a mixed bag, but belongs mostly here under "happiness".
This is going to be a long post.
My 8yo son has been struggling with "behavioral issues" and suffering because of social/emotional problems for quite some time, getting worse when entering elementary school and escalating last year, when we had to pick him up from school countless times, because he had severe meltdowns, where he would just hit and kick everyone around him, including the teacher who had to physically restrain him so he wouldn't harm anybody else.
The same happened at home, of course, where we had to keep him from smashing things or hurting his 10yo sister. My arms were full of his teeth marks, but my heart was hurting so much more, because I saw how desperate he was, how much he struggled, and how he cried after calming down, saying that he wants to be a good person. (of course I told him that he's not bad, that he's just having more difficulties than some other kids, but it didn't help much). And that was just a small part of all that happened.
So, lots of tests, diagnostic assessments and therapy followed. The first they came up with was ADHD, and starting therapy for that already helped him a lot. Still meltdowns, but no more severely physically aggressive outburst since October. But many other problems remained or got worse, so more assessments followed.
This morning, right before I went to work, I had an appointment with his pediatric psychiatrist and psychologist to get the results. I had barely slept or eaten the last few days, because I was so nervous, mostly afraid to hear they hadn't found an explanation.
But they had found something, the thing we had been suspecting for some time. He has autism spectrum disorder (on the relatively high functioning side, because he speaks well and is intelligent), and I am SO relieved that we're finally on the same page, that those relatives (and some teachers) who told us he just needs more discipline (euphemism for punishment) were wrong, and that now we have a clearer idea as to why he behaves the way he does, can help him understand himself better, and get him the support he requires, especially at school.
(So, between family life and work, when the children are asleep or otherwise occupied, I like to play some game, recently discovered that it's also nice to talk to people about it in a forum, and try very hard not to have a bad conscience that sometimes my mind just needs to escape into another realm.)
It's 3:30 am, I'm still at work, could have been sleeping since 11pm (on-call and nothing to do), but haven't been able to talk about it to anyone since hearing about it this morning.
So, after getting this off my chest, I'll maybe find some rest now, and hope I won't be judged badly because of what I wrote, it's just that sometimes it's so much easier to share such things with people who you don't see every day at work
Wow, just by reading the beginning part of your post I thought 'sounds more like a type of autism than ADHD'. I have a friend at work that has two sons at different levels of the autism spectrum so I know a little about what you're going through. It surprises me that it took so long for the professionals to diagnose it though.
Hopefully now that it's identified it'll help you deal with things better. At least you know it's not your fault. I wish you best of luck and pray you have a lot of patience and understanding...
@Arvia: A diagnosis is excellent progress. The better you understand the problem, the easier things will be to resolve. There was a very important time in my life when a diagnosis marked the transition from years of misery to years of growth and happiness. I hope your son will see the same progress.
In case there are any remaining doubts, this is the last place where people would judge you for what you wrote. You're not the only one on this forum who has a son with a serious health condition, and there are some folks on this forum who are on the autism spectrum themselves.
I hope things go well, but if things continue to be hard, just know we're here for you.
@Balrog99 I know, as I said, I had been suspecting it for some time, but Germany is kind of underdeveloped when it comes to mental health. Takes ages to get an appointment. And they were afraid to stigmatize him with a diagnosis. Which is ridiculous in my opinion, because how can understanding yourself or your child have anything to do with stigma? But perhaps that's because I know a few adults on the autism spectrum and know it's not what people think after watching Rain Man...
@Arvia , I'm so sorry to hear that you and your son are going through this. I hope for you that the occasional escapes into Baldur's Gate, into Order of the Stick, and sometimes into this forum will help strengthen you as you move forward with your children. Thank you for sharing this information with us.
You seem like such a wonderful person, and I think your son is very lucky to have you for a mother to help him with the challenges he is apparently about to face in life.
I wish you and yours all the best. A "blessing" I use sometimes is "May you and all those you love have health, wealth, happiness, and peace."
"The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord lift His countenance upon you. And give you peace. And give you peace. The Lord make His face to shine upon you. And be gracious, and be gracious. The Lord be gracious, unto you. Amen."
@Balrog99 I know, as I said, I had been suspecting it for some time, but Germany is kind of underdeveloped when it comes to mental health. Takes ages to get an appointment. And they were afraid to stigmatize him with a diagnosis. Which is ridiculous in my opinion, how can understanding yourself or your child have anything to do with stigma. But perhaps that's because I know a few adults on the autism spectrum and know it's not what people think after watching Rain Man...
You have no idea what a relief it was to share this. Well, maybe you do.
Wow, the US is ahead of Europe in some social issues? That's a bit of a surprise to me to say the least! We should be learning best practices from each other rather than focusing on differences. I guess it's human nature to focus on competing rather than cooperating but it's sure frustrating...
@BelgarathMTH,
I don't know what to say any more. I'm crying, but not the bad kind of tears.
I feel like a failure most of the time, not a good person, but thank you for being so supportive.
Maybe now it's a bit more understandable why I cling to the idea of a higher purpose in life, because otherwise I'm afraid I might break.
Thank you all, for these reactions. I don't really have many people to talk to about serious things where I live.
It's good to know that I can feel accepted here, with the serious *and* the other things.
@Arvia, I hope we never let you down. From a distance, across the ocean, I'm "casting Bless", "Aid", "Protection from Evil 10' ", "Protection from Negative Energy", "Cure Disease", "Greater Restoration", and "Heal", all targeted on you.
@BelgarathMTH, that's quite an impressive reach for cleric spells ?
I already feel the effects, thank you. Now I'll sign out and try to sleep an hour or two before I can go home. And tomorrow I will continue bothering you with questions about minimal reloads ?.
@Arvia Having a diagnosis is the first step for a correct treatment. Things will improve with time. Anyway when you need to share the good and the bad moments this forum will always be open to you. I hope your son starts getting better soon.
@Balrog99: Whole grain wheat with "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter." Dunno about rye bread, but white bread doesn't have enough (any) fiber or protein for me.
@Balrog99: Whole grain wheat with "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter." Dunno about rye bread, but white bread doesn't have enough (any) fiber or protein for me.
Rye has the best texture and flavor to my palette. Agreed about white bread though. White bread is for kids!
@Arvia, I'm late to the party, but just wanted to say that it takes Strenght 18:00 to come out publicly with things that is normatively(sp?) considered being a "bad mother". You, Madam, has the epic strength of character rivaling the most heroic Minsc and Boo! Your child will come out ok, he has you - the pillar of strenght - to lean on. I wish you all the best, whatever challenges you may face, your will overcome them.
I'm riding my new back more, I just went to Walmart to see if I could get it exchanged or fixed seeing how the hear a weren't probably changing and the back breaks needed tightening. While up here I ran into someone who works on bikes and they did small maintenance giving the problems for me for free.
Was given some spending money recently, might be time to check out Tyranny...
If only the whole premise of that game weren't to be Evil, it might be a game I would enjoy. Sadly, I will *never* play evil in a game, and will thus never play Tyranny, because it makes me feel evil in real life. It also makes me feel sick to my stomach, makes me make all kinds of faces, makes me roll my eyes, makes me sigh, makes me twist my face up into contortions you wouldn't believe that express my disgust, etc.
Sometimes I think that we real life "paladins" need a mechanic that gives us -1 penalties for simply being in the presence of Evil. It makes us violently ill. Of course, since the Evil ones should logically be getting the same reaction from our Aura of Goodness and Light, I guess the effects cancel each other out.
Even if your actions are good, less good things might come out of it, but that doesn't make your actions less good nonetheless. It might not be a game for you anyways @BelgarathMTH, but you don't have to run around being some "murdering hobo" in Tyranny. I tried my best being Good in the game. It was a very enjoyable game IMHO. I'm not here to try and persuade you to play, just to offer some perspective on the whole "you have to be evil" part. if you are actually interested in the game, perhaps try to find a Lets PLay on Youtube and watch a few episodes to get an understanding of the game?
@BelgarathMTH Until recently, I felt EXACTLY the same way you did. I can never play evil in any game. Someone told me that while you work for the evil overlord, you don't have to be evil yourself. I think it may have been @Skatan actually. I think it would be very interesting to play a character that tries to be good, while living under an evil regime. Supposedly, there is a secret "good" path (or at least "rebel against the overlord" one).
@BelgarathMTH Until recently, I felt EXACTLY the same way you did. I can never play evil in any game. Someone told me that while you work for the evil overlord, you don't have to be evil yourself. I think it may have been @Skatan actually. I think it would be very interesting to play a character that tries to be good, while living under an evil regime. Supposedly, there is a secret "good" path (or at least "rebel against the overlord" one).
Varys and Tyrion in Game of Thrones are sort of like that. They both try hard to steer the powers-that-be away from megalomania towards more good, or at least neutral, ground.
I got a 10% raise today, which is actually a bit more than enough to keep up with cost of living around here. Got to love it when you're ingrained enough at a company they have to give you more money or they know they'll lose you. It's not all sunshine and meatballs, though, we lost 3 people in about the last 6 months, so more work.
Just won a bid on an apartment, so going to write the contract in an hour. Got it at a really, really good price as well and will spend a ton of money to renovate it, but it'll sell for a good price and give me a very sweet margin.
My son had a playdate today. He spent two hours at a friend's house (he has a friend!) and no disaster happened. Just two boys trading Pokemon cards and having a good time. Just like other kids.
I'm so happy for him. It's hard sometimes, but situations like that give me faith that he's going to be fine.
@ThacoBell , oh yes, they can be. But Gabriel got like 300 of them from a colleague's son yesterday (who has grown out of it) and felt generous.
What frustrates him is trying to teach his dim-witted old mom to play that complicated card game. Especially if he tells me about all their resistance points and numbers of special attacks and expects me to remember them all until tomorrow (I have huge trouble remembering names and numbers, and he's a little math genius).
Comments
You must mean Mount 'Should Have been Mount Washington'.
Sorry, couldn't resist...
It's a mixed bag, but belongs mostly here under "happiness".
This is going to be a long post.
My 8yo son has been struggling with "behavioral issues" and suffering because of social/emotional problems for quite some time, getting worse when entering elementary school and escalating last year, when we had to pick him up from school countless times, because he had severe meltdowns, where he would just hit and kick everyone around him, including the teacher who had to physically restrain him so he wouldn't harm anybody else.
The same happened at home, of course, where we had to keep him from smashing things or hurting his 10yo sister. My arms were full of his teeth marks, but my heart was hurting so much more, because I saw how desperate he was, how much he struggled, and how he cried after calming down, saying that he wants to be a good person. (of course I told him that he's not bad, that he's just having more difficulties than some other kids, but it didn't help much). And that was just a small part of all that happened.
So, lots of tests, diagnostic assessments and therapy followed. The first they came up with was ADHD, and starting therapy for that already helped him a lot. Still meltdowns, but no more severely physically aggressive outburst since October. But many other problems remained or got worse, so more assessments followed.
This morning, right before I went to work, I had an appointment with his pediatric psychiatrist and psychologist to get the results. I had barely slept or eaten the last few days, because I was so nervous, mostly afraid to hear they hadn't found an explanation.
But they had found something, the thing we had been suspecting for some time. He has autism spectrum disorder (on the relatively high functioning side, because he speaks well and is intelligent), and I am SO relieved that we're finally on the same page, that those relatives (and some teachers) who told us he just needs more discipline (euphemism for punishment) were wrong, and that now we have a clearer idea as to why he behaves the way he does, can help him understand himself better, and get him the support he requires, especially at school.
(So, between family life and work, when the children are asleep or otherwise occupied, I like to play some game, recently discovered that it's also nice to talk to people about it in a forum, and try very hard not to have a bad conscience that sometimes my mind just needs to escape into another realm.)
It's 3:30 am, I'm still at work, could have been sleeping since 11pm (on-call and nothing to do), but haven't been able to talk about it to anyone since hearing about it this morning.
So, after getting this off my chest, I'll maybe find some rest now, and hope I won't be judged badly because of what I wrote, it's just that sometimes it's so much easier to share such things with people who you don't see every day at work
Wow, just by reading the beginning part of your post I thought 'sounds more like a type of autism than ADHD'. I have a friend at work that has two sons at different levels of the autism spectrum so I know a little about what you're going through. It surprises me that it took so long for the professionals to diagnose it though.
Hopefully now that it's identified it'll help you deal with things better. At least you know it's not your fault. I wish you best of luck and pray you have a lot of patience and understanding...
In case there are any remaining doubts, this is the last place where people would judge you for what you wrote. You're not the only one on this forum who has a son with a serious health condition, and there are some folks on this forum who are on the autism spectrum themselves.
I hope things go well, but if things continue to be hard, just know we're here for you.
@semiticgod thank you.
You have no idea what a relief it was to share this. Well, maybe you do.
You seem like such a wonderful person, and I think your son is very lucky to have you for a mother to help him with the challenges he is apparently about to face in life.
I wish you and yours all the best. A "blessing" I use sometimes is "May you and all those you love have health, wealth, happiness, and peace."
"The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord lift His countenance upon you. And give you peace. And give you peace. The Lord make His face to shine upon you. And be gracious, and be gracious. The Lord be gracious, unto you. Amen."
Both you and @Arvia always seemed like incredibly sweet people to me. I'm glad you're on the forum.
Wow, the US is ahead of Europe in some social issues? That's a bit of a surprise to me to say the least! We should be learning best practices from each other rather than focusing on differences. I guess it's human nature to focus on competing rather than cooperating but it's sure frustrating...
I don't know what to say any more. I'm crying, but not the bad kind of tears.
I feel like a failure most of the time, not a good person, but thank you for being so supportive.
Maybe now it's a bit more understandable why I cling to the idea of a higher purpose in life, because otherwise I'm afraid I might break.
Thank you all, for these reactions. I don't really have many people to talk to about serious things where I live.
It's good to know that I can feel accepted here, with the serious *and* the other things.
I already feel the effects, thank you. Now I'll sign out and try to sleep an hour or two before I can go home. And tomorrow I will continue bothering you with questions about minimal reloads ?.
Thank you. Again and again. And good night.
I am pretty lucky that I didn't grow up materialistic. Who needs a sports car when you can have a toaster?
Rye, wheat or white? Buttered rye with honey is on my gifts from God list (along with Costa Rican coffee)!
Rye has the best texture and flavor to my palette. Agreed about white bread though. White bread is for kids!
If only the whole premise of that game weren't to be Evil, it might be a game I would enjoy. Sadly, I will *never* play evil in a game, and will thus never play Tyranny, because it makes me feel evil in real life. It also makes me feel sick to my stomach, makes me make all kinds of faces, makes me roll my eyes, makes me sigh, makes me twist my face up into contortions you wouldn't believe that express my disgust, etc.
Sometimes I think that we real life "paladins" need a mechanic that gives us -1 penalties for simply being in the presence of Evil. It makes us violently ill. Of course, since the Evil ones should logically be getting the same reaction from our Aura of Goodness and Light, I guess the effects cancel each other out.
Varys and Tyrion in Game of Thrones are sort of like that. They both try hard to steer the powers-that-be away from megalomania towards more good, or at least neutral, ground.
I'm so happy for him. It's hard sometimes, but situations like that give me faith that he's going to be fine.
What frustrates him is trying to teach his dim-witted old mom to play that complicated card game. Especially if he tells me about all their resistance points and numbers of special attacks and expects me to remember them all until tomorrow (I have huge trouble remembering names and numbers, and he's a little math genius).