First time posting on this thread with a problem of my own and not to wish some-one well or offer sympathy and emotional support.
Some of you may have noticed I have not been around much or seem to appear briefly and disappear again. My wife has been battling post-natal depression that came about after our second child. I have been looking after everyone as best I can but it has been a struggle at times. Worse are the days when my wife is adamant that nothing is wrong and refuses to seek or take the help offered. I don't wish to go into details but it would get bad, very bad. My wife would get violent towards me and social services decided it would be best if I left the family home and take the children, to give us both some respite. The children still get to see their Mom after she has had a rest and I can take them back if she cannot cope. In effect I have been separated from my wife and my family has been split in two. Christmas was especially bleak for me. My children have been wonderful and angelic throughout, although they would get scared when my wife would start screaming into tears over any small trivial thing that would set her off (and that reaction is the difference between getting annoyed/saddened at something and depression). They are happier now.
I have got a bit sad as well, only natural at the situation, not depression. I have ended up with spare time when I haven't got the kids. For some reason I have just not felt like playing computer games or going on social media. Instead, I've grown a beard, bought a motorbike and literally go for a blast around the city giving homeless people socks... (A story for another day. Homeless people really appreciate spare socks though...)
Thank you for letting me share.
I've had a similar experience and my marriage didn't survive. My wife lost her job and started hammering weed which eroded our finances (among other things). Best of luck to you @Anduin . Hopefully your ending is better than mine. We had a daughter together and I made it a mission of mine to keep things civil for her. it could have ended much worse if I'd been unable to swallow my pride.
@Anduin My wife went through a quite irrational period after the birth of our daughter, including explosions of violent behavior. All I can say is I had to endure the situation and protect both herself and the little ones until she returned to a more normal behavior. Nothing we can do but be there for them.
There is a term used. Hormonal. I used it. It is a patriarchal term for a woman who has lost control. I now hate the term. If anyone loses control to hormonal surges then something has gone wrong and it needs sorting. Hormone levels can stabilise on there own. But why take the risk? Is this normal behaviour (do this a good 3 hours after the event). No? Seek help. I used the term hormonal and stuck my head into the sand for far, far to long. I'm glad you made it through to the other side @mlnevese relatively intact. @Balrog99 I'm sorry to hear that. My wife has left the band she used to love and her friends. She and I have some good friends who will wait for her. I'm glad you kept it civil for your little one.
@Anduin It must feel sad when someone who's most dear to you is facing emotional hardships. I pray that your wife gets well soon and your family gets rejoined into one happy unit once again. My best wishes for you and your family.
@Anduin It came close quite a few times, If she had hurt one of the kids I'm not sure how I would have reacted...
Our daughter is now 1 year and 1 month old and things are back to normal, so it was worth it to endure the short period of hell. We've been married for 16 years and we've been together for 21 years... Throwing all this time in the trash for a short period of madness just wouldn't be right...
I just heard back from a company saying that they had decided not to hire me. I hate getting these messages at the best of times, but this was especially hard because I thought I had a good chance with this one. The recruiter had a history of philanthropy and I think she noticed my volunteer work. We were about to schedule a Skype interview after some back-and-forth emails when I found out they'd chosen someone else in the meantime.
I don't like seeing the rejection emails. I'd rather be faced with silence. My brother said he preferred receiving those messages back when he was applying for jobs, since it let him know that his applications were getting noticed, but for me, the emails are just a reminder that most of my applications go into a black hole--a fact that I already know, and which does not provide any actionable information.
I'm going to give Indeed.com a rest for a while and focus on Idealist.org. There are a bunch of jobs there that deal with homelessness, and I'd love to be able to get back to that work. Working at the homeless shelter was a great experience.
@joluv: I've been applying to places everywhere. I like San Antonio, but I'm not tied down here, and I'm willing to move pretty much anywhere in the country.
So at work, I manage the backend systems for a web site that gets millions of hits a day. Due to the massive amounts of traffic we get, we use a lot of caching layers to keep things snappy. I've been trying to replace one of our existing caching layers, Varnish, with Nginx, since we haven't been that happy with Varnish's limitations (no SSL support, can't use a hostname for a backend address). I already had Varnish wrapped inside 2 layers of Nginx to get around Varnish's limitations, so I thought this'd be easy. I spent all last week banging my head against a wall, trying to figure out why different browsers were generating different entries in the cache for the same URIs. I eventually finally tracked it down to the Vary header. Thing is, I had tried telling Nginx to ignore that header awhile back. It didn't work the first time because I had overridden the value in another section of the config file. That is one of most annoying sorrows when you're the one that shot yourself in the foot.
So at work, I manage the backend systems for a web site that gets millions of hits a day. Due to the massive amounts of traffic we get, we use a lot of caching layers to keep things snappy. I've been trying to replace one of our existing caching layers, Varnish, with Nginx, since we haven't been that happy with Varnish's limitations (no SSL support, can't use a hostname for a backend address). I already had Varnish wrapped inside 2 layers of Nginx to get around Varnish's limitations, so I thought this'd be easy. I spent all last week banging my head against a wall, trying to figure out why different browsers were generating different entries in the cache for the same URIs. I eventually finally tracked it down to the Vary header. Thing is, I had tried telling Nginx to ignore that header awhile back. It didn't work the first time because I had overridden the value in another section of the config file. That is one of most annoying sorrows when you're the one that shot yourself in the foot.
A coworker once said, after facing a similar issue, “I’m amazed the computing industry ever gotnout of some guy’s garage”.
My chest is getting a lot better. A month ago I weaned off the arm sling, and started range-of-motion exercise. It's about 90%+ now, and we are starting to rebuild strength. I'm using 0.5 kg weights and resistance bands for now lol, but in a year 97% of strength is usually recovered.
@FinneousPJ Outa the sling? Sounds like everything is coming along as it should. Heh, I got the rubber bands as well and the lil weights. I'm glad you found that doc back then, after the other would not operate. Slow n easy is the way, no matter what.
On-topic #unhappiness: two weeks ago I fell during a walk through a hilly forest and bruised the muscles and sinews of my right shoulder. I skipped djembé lessons the last two weeks, but according to the doctor I can take the lessons as long as I pay heed to the signals of my body and stop if the pain gets too much. I'm recovering and want to try playing the djembé again tomorrow.
The most recent ban has me kinda bummed. When I first found out, I couldn't believe it. It wasn't until some weeks later that I learned why. Someone was using a large number of alternate accounts to manipulate discussions. So it turns out that one user, who I was fond of seeing on the forums, was one of those alts. This person was extremely helpful with modding, and even solved a few game breaking bugs for me, I had fun talking about mod stuff with them. And now I've learned that it was basically all fake. Don't get me wrong, I didn't pour a whole bunch of meaning into what is basically an anonymous aquantence on an internet forum, but it still stings a little, knowing that someone I enjoyed interacting with lied to such an extent like this.
Today a pygmy sperm whale washed up on the shore of the city I live in. It was still alive but it ended up dying from its wounds. I realize this is nothing compared to the personal problems that usually get posted in this thread, but it made me feel so sad and powerless that this beautiful innocent animal would suffer such a shitty and lonely death.
@Dev6 You might consider it not significant, but the fact is it made you feel sad. To me it means you have emphaty for other living things besides humans and that's I really respect.
@Dev6 I won't consider it insignificant, a sperm whale is a mammal just like us, and like dolphins, whales are one of the most sensitive animals around.
@Dev6 You might consider it not significant, but the fact is it made you feel sad. To me it means you have emphaty for other living things besides humans and that's I really respect.
I honestly feel that a lack of empathy for other living things is one of the reasons humans are fucking up the world.
@BillyYank Dolphins kill for fun. Especially Pygmy Whales and baby seals. If I recal correctly, only domestic cats and chimpanzees are known to kill for fun as well.
Comments
Our daughter is now 1 year and 1 month old and things are back to normal, so it was worth it to endure the short period of hell. We've been married for 16 years and we've been together for 21 years... Throwing all this time in the trash for a short period of madness just wouldn't be right...
I don't like seeing the rejection emails. I'd rather be faced with silence. My brother said he preferred receiving those messages back when he was applying for jobs, since it let him know that his applications were getting noticed, but for me, the emails are just a reminder that most of my applications go into a black hole--a fact that I already know, and which does not provide any actionable information.
I'm going to give Indeed.com a rest for a while and focus on Idealist.org. There are a bunch of jobs there that deal with homelessness, and I'd love to be able to get back to that work. Working at the homeless shelter was a great experience.
On-topic #unhappiness: two weeks ago I fell during a walk through a hilly forest and bruised the muscles and sinews of my right shoulder. I skipped djembé lessons the last two weeks, but according to the doctor I can take the lessons as long as I pay heed to the signals of my body and stop if the pain gets too much. I'm recovering and want to try playing the djembé again tomorrow.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't pour a whole bunch of meaning into what is basically an anonymous aquantence on an internet forum, but it still stings a little, knowing that someone I enjoyed interacting with lied to such an extent like this.
I realize this is nothing compared to the personal problems that usually get posted in this thread, but it made me feel so sad and powerless that this beautiful innocent animal would suffer such a shitty and lonely death.
You might consider it not significant, but the fact is it made you feel sad. To me it means you have emphaty for other living things besides humans and that's I really respect.
I won't consider it insignificant, a sperm whale is a mammal just like us, and like dolphins, whales are one of the most sensitive animals around.