@DragonKing Sorry it's beyond me to rewind time... But sometimes talking about it helps. My best advice is to look for professional help.
Also notice that alcohol increases the effect of depression... That and alcohol's interaction with medication are the main reasons people being treated from depression are prohibited from drinking
@Zaghoul He didn't react to the glucagon. So if we can't keep it above 70, its straight to the ER. FUnnily enough, he acts like the pricks tickle.
@ThacoBell I was afraid of that when you first mentioned his problem, knowing the pathway from the alpha cells to the liver. I guess the endo's are doing what they can to see what is interfering with that. Low BS is like a little panic attack that makes us feel way out of sorts. My lows are harder to deal with lately, making thinking harder at the time, so I know he is confused inside as to why he feels different at the time. Some are not even aware of it happening like my niece was when very young.
Heh. He sounds like a right tough lil guy to take the finger pricks. Back when I got T1 diabetesin the early eighties the pen devices to stick with looked more like a guillotine TBH.
I hope those fool fire endo's get a brainstorm soon, I hate to hear he has to deal with so many dang low readings.They are one of the worst feelings that is hard to even describe. I've been there before (and always will have them) so know it is rough, even more so on a young mind. I know ya'll are probably finding it hard to even relax much worrying over that. I'd stay vigilant and stay strong, but know ya'll you already are.
Good news so far. His blood sugar is a whopping 112. So I don't need to wake him up to give him juice. Fever is still broken too. Here's hoping he will through this tomorrow.
For dragon: Alcohol does different things for different people. Typically for me it just emphasizes whatever I'm already feeling, so if I'm feeling down, drinking is like the worst possible thing to do because I'll be wallowing in self pity in no time. But if I'm feeling *really* happy it's equally dangerous because I'm likely to be obnoxious to everybody around me.
I'm not diabetic, but it does run all down the male line of my family (I'm the only one in my extended family that isn't diabetic for reasons not adequately explained). It's always kind of terrified me, but glad to hear things are going relatively well all things considered.
My only tribulation is that a roughly 40x40 sq ft portion of my yard is terribly overgrown. The previous owner used to have a dog kennel out there and it has since been completely overtaken by brush, weeds, poison ivy, and mulberry trees of substantial size. It was left alone for years and years. It decreased the property value though which is how I was able to afford this place lol. So, working in a museum and liking old things, I bought myself a scythe (for the weeds) and a fancy hand-forged in Germany axe for the trees. After roughly 5-6 months of very occasional work I've nearly got it all cleared. But I also have over 25 big mulberry tree stumps, and those things are basically aggressive cancer in how they grow and I have no idea what I'll do about them without spending a fortune
Lucas' blood sugar stayed stable all night, and he slept really well. So far so good. If I can get him to keep solid foods down today, we are in business.
Where to begin... Where to begin... Well, I guess I should start with what should be the HIGH point of my life. After 9 years I'm finally getting my bachelors, yep you read right, my bachelors of Fine Art: Drawing and Painting. Too bad it's coming from a school where the majority of my teachers care more for postmodernist bs so the things I card for beyond the basics are ultimately self-taught. Things such ass illustrations, storyboarding, concept art, and so on. That doesn't detract from the fact I'm no good, to begin with. I've tried my hand with patreon and it's so dead that you can see it hanging with the grim creeper in tales from the crypt.
To salt, this very wound I contacted a known illustrator who does do commercial work about my chances and some tip but he basically told me what I already knew to be true just further crushing my soul even further telling me my stuff is too amateurish. Glad to see all the years of drawing pouring in my blood, sweat and giving up time, putting myself thousands into debt, and giving up having a social life to the point seeing my mother, father, or little sister at least once a year or two became my normal.
All of it adding up to shattered dream for a future I have no other skills or money, and I'm almost 30. All this is my own doing all because I believed the lies fed to me as a kid that working hard enough and I could achieve my dream.
What's next,
Oh, I'm about to celebrate my one year anniversary with my girlfriend. A girlfriend who's mother, sisters, auntie, friends, and coworkers all hate me and constantly pester her to dumb me to go out with mr rich banker guy or to just look around for someone better. Why do they hate me you ask? Well simply, I'm poor and her mother had literally told her that I'm beneath them. Oh and I'm black... No, I'm not exaggerating and I'm not just playing the race card, my girlfriend is Korean and her parents are of the boat south Koreans. Her mother and aunt own a restaurant and she literally told my girlfriend that I was banned from entering the restaurant. Hell, my girlfriend and her mother had one fight where the mother was basically going to kick her out I told her to just come to me, she can stay with me and can you guess who instantly changed their minds once they found out? That's right, the mother! None of this is easy on my gf either because I know it affects her because I'm the one listening to her cry about how she wants everyone to just get along and like each other while I try to hold her together. Oh did I mention none of them have ever actually met me? Yep, they haven't even met me nor do they want to but don't worry the feeling is mutual.
What's next...
Oh, I got a new job about a month or two back... I officially work in what is basically a sweatshop. Refurbishing books by hand, cutting, binding, and repaging books after books in a dead end minimal pay job. Plus side, we work our own ours on our own days, I work every day until I'm just tired of being there and take a day off. But you won't make any real pay unless you go in every day and basically stay there the whole day. Oh did I mention to get there every morning before the factory opens I have to leave my house an hour and thirty before the place opens and not literally takes two hours for me to get home?
Now, where do we go from here? Straight down!
My mother went to the hospital... Again, she told me she's alright but even if she wasn't she would still tell me that so I'm still worried about her.
The stress is causing my trapezius muscle is acting up again. Last year the left side swole so bad that it started to overlap and put pressure on my spine. My entire left side from my shoulder to the back of my neck was swollen that just breathing was causing me pain and turning my neck was almost impossible.
I still have a 3000 hospital bill from when I went to the ER a few months ago. I had a cold, pink eye, laryngitis and sleep insomnia working overtime. Just to have them keep me there in the damn bed for two hours trying to get my blood pressure down from like 200 or some crap. Yea, I know that is dangerously high, I hear it every freaking time I go get a checkup. High blood pressure is something on both sides of my family and constantly tell me that I'm at dangerous risk for a heart attack or stroke doesn't help me it just annoys me.
But hey life, why stop now? Why not kill off another one of my cousins? Uncles or aunts? You've already put 2 in the hospital again. Heck, you've already shattered one of my dreams in my face, why stop there? I always feared that I'D grow to become an angry old man who hated the world around him, no point in half *beep* it now. How about just kill me off already, because I'm already tired of this world... I have been since I was thirteen and just hearing my mom say "its going to get better," just isn't cutting it anymore.
When it comes to the arts. What in school did your teachers say was your strong point? You graduated, so they must have thought you have what it takes. You might need to start working in a medium you don't enjoy as much to get started. After building your skills longer/nailing down a style, you might have more opportunity to work in a medium you enjoy more after building up a professional portfolio and getting some work connections. You could try to seek out a mentor as well. The girlfreind situation definitely sounds difficult, but look at it this way. She is standing by you in all this. That's not a little thing. Do you have insurance? Depending on your situation, most hospitals have a financial aid department. You can flat out get rid of some bills.
@DragonKing: I'm sorry to hear your girlfriend's family members care so much about money. I'm not sure there's anything to be done about that--if that's what really matters to them, that's all that's going to matter to them.
On the off chance you do ever meet them, though, you might try to make a strong impression--experience is the best cure for prejudice, whether it's about color or money or anything else. If it doesn't work, nothing lost. If it does work, maybe they'll realize your girlfriend knows something they don't.
The important thing is your relationship with your girlfriend. And as @ThacoBell said, if she's standing by you, she sounds like she's worth it. It sounds to me like she's the one person who knows just how dedicated and hard-working you really are.
Have you spoken with her about your worries? She might be the best source of support you can get.
It might be hard to find a new skill on which to build a stronger career, but bear in mind that it's never too late to learn one--and there's a good chance that there are some useful skills that you've already developed in the process of getting your degree. There are student loan forgiveness programs, but I'm not sure what the requirements are.
You're definitely in a rough situation. I hope you can finagle your way out of some of these problems, even if progress is slow and unsteady. You have many more years to get where you want to be.
@ThacoBell The amount I draw, all my professors so far will tell you based on sheer quantity I draw more than moat, my peers, heck most of them. That is it and it doesn't take anything to graduate from a postmodernist art school. You can *beep* on a canvas and graduate. They don't grade based on skill, or technique, or presentation. People graduate from art schools without the very basic drawing skills. So just graduating doesn't mean ish.
@DragonKing: I'm sorry to hear your girlfriend's family members care so much about money. I'm not sure there's anything to be done about that--if that's what really matters to them, that's all that's going to matter to them.
On the off chance you do ever meet them, though, you might try to make a strong impression--experience is the best cure for prejudice, whether it's about color or money or anything else. If it doesn't work, nothing lost. If it does work, maybe they'll realize your girlfriend knows something they don't.
The important thing is your relationship with your girlfriend. And as @ThacoBell said, if she's standing by you, she sounds like she's worth it. It sounds to me like she's the one person who knows just how dedicated and hard-working you really are.
Have you spoken with her about your worries? She might be the best source of support you can get.
It might be hard to find a new skill on which to build a stronger career, but bear in mind that it's never too late to learn one--and there's a good chance that there are some useful skills that you've already developed in the process of getting your degree. There are student loan forgiveness programs, but I'm not sure what the requirements are.
You're definitely in a rough situation. I hope you can finagle your way out of some of these problems, even if progress is slow and unsteady. You have many more years to get where you want to be.
I think it's admirable that you keep fighting.
My girlfriends ex was also black, he met her parents and based on what my girlfriend tells me. The mom wouldn't even let him stand on the porch. Last thing my gf aunt told her is,"look at your sister, she is so happy. Her husband takes care of her and she doesn't have to work at all. Don't you want to be happy like that." And her sister mainly argued from the texts I read, "why a black guy." The sad part is I went into the relationship expecting some of this but its still exhausting. Heck, another Korean artist I met even told me, "it wouldn't matter if you were broke or had a six-figure income. They'd still act the same because you're neither Asian or white."
As far as student loans go, I don't qualify, I've already checked.
@DragonKing Speaking from experience, I learnt that when people, or even yourself, tell you it'll all be ok in the end, not only does it not help, but it's the wrong kind of thinking. You need to be better now, not some future way off time. As you've said, only you can do that, but that doesn't mean others can't help. People can show you the door so to speak, as long as you walk through it. You need to focus on some of the positives, for example all your problems do have a silver lining... A lot of people with clinical depression have no idea why, with no obvious things happening in their life, so the fact you know the things that bring you down is a good thing. Next, is acceptance... You can't change these things overnight, many things you can never change... so don't try to change reality. What you can change overnight is your perception of life and think about ways to enjoy the journey, rather than grit your teeth for an end result.
On top of that you can make a few practical changes, like there must be some less soul wrenching low paid jobs, with more people interaction. There's also an amazing drug... better than alcohol... exercise...works miracles when you feel particularly bad. Keep talking, keep listening, never give up.
I just logged on twitch for the first time since december last year, and apparently I won a Neverwinter t-shirt from beamdog but I completely missed the message. I am beyond pissed right now, lol.
I think I just had one of the most screwed up nightmares of my life. The plot apparently came from the movie Hereditary, in that there was this hideous evil dead grandma who was trying to kill her granddaughter (my little sister).
Okay, we're in this dilapidated house, and every once in a while, the evil grandma with this horrifying face will come out of a closet and attack me, and it freaks me out. The only way I can keep her from showing up is to keep all the lights in the house on.
But they keep turning off, and I can't get them to stay on. She's turning them off while my back is turned.
It was one of those dreams where I knew I was in the dream, and therefore had some control over it. So, if the house is being creepy, I can conjure an earthquake, completely trash the place, and replace it with something else.
But no matter what I did, I kept reappearing in the creepy house with the lights off and the evil grandma waiting to show up. I couldn't get out.
Worst of all, I kept thinking I'd finally escaped the nightmare and woken up. There was this one time where a character told me I was going to see my little sister again and the dream would be over, but instead of seeing my sweet baby sister, the evil grandma showed up with that horrible grin.
And this time she had a knife. She stabbed me.
This ominous music kept playing, apparently a simpler, less echoey, more irritating variant of Gaster's theme. Even when I woke up, I was still afraid that the evil grandma would come out from someplace while my back was turned, but after listening to the original Gaster theme, the fear went away.
I don't think I ever had a nightmare or dream with a soundtrack... I have no idea why we have nightmares... or dreams but eventually we get those sticky ones that seem to stay in our heads, sometimes for days... I hope you'll purge this nightmare from your mind soon.
So fun story time because I want to *beep* for a minute. So yesterday my girlfriend went out to get some task down; groceries, art supply store, car axel realignment. After which we came and stayed home until she had to go to work. That's when we found out her car tire was flat. But she still had to get to work so she took an uber. I had never changed a tire before, despite the fact, my dad owns his own auto shop, cars never interested me much. Yet while she was away I was reading up on how to do it. Seemed simple enough.
Around 11 pm she gets back and I we start pulling everything out of the car. An emergency bag filled with different tools, the jack, but the spare was bolted down, but surprise surprise. There was no wrench. I also live in a heavily Hispanic and Spanish speaking neighborhood and the only language I know is English is 2 years of broken high school French. Plus I'm antisocial so I don't even know what my neighbors name. So we are out of luck and just call it a night. The next morning she ends up calling AAA which she basically had for who knows how long which gets her free roadside assistance. I head to class and about 45 being at school I receive a call from my gf. Basically, her mother was throwing a hissy fit and calling me useless because I didn't, no couldn't change the tire. The funny part is the mother didn't do ish to help. Originally she was going to pick my gf up from work and her husband was going to change the tire but then she realized the car is still at my place and didn't want to be ANYWHERE NEAR ME. So she decided not to. She didn't pay for the tire replacement or anything, she just complained I'm useless. while preceding to care so little about me that it was more important than helping her own child. And remember, this woman has NEVER FREAKING MET ME!
So are you going to acquire the tools and skills now that you've found them lacking
I don't have a car so I don't need and didn't need those tools or skills. Even my gf said, " I always got a guy to do it". I was and still am willing to change the car's tire but she is the one who should have those tools on hand, not me. I'm not going to always be there to do it. She said she's going to start looking for a wrench now but I'm not freaking molecule man, I can change matter on a molecular level to create a tool I don't possess.
@FinneousPJ: Since they already have access to free roadside assistance, there is no need to spend money buying tools.
Bear in mind that needling people who are already in a stressed situation with hostile questions is against the Site Rules. This thread is not here for anyone to lecture people about what they should and should not do--this is not a life advice thread.
Insinuating that someone is lazy or irresponsible does not constitute respectful behavior.
So are you going to acquire the tools and skills now that you've found them lacking
I don't have a car so I don't need and didn't need those tools or skills. Even my gf said, " I always got a guy to do it". I was and still am willing to change the car's tire but she is the one who should have those tools on hand, not me. I'm not going to always be there to do it. She said she's going to start looking for a wrench now but I'm not freaking molecule man, I can change matter on a molecular level to create a tool I don't possess.
That's fair. Still it would a nice opportunity to make a good impression on your gf and her mom.
Comments
Also notice that alcohol increases the effect of depression... That and alcohol's interaction with medication are the main reasons people being treated from depression are prohibited from drinking
Heh. He sounds like a right tough lil guy to take the finger pricks.
I hope those fool fire endo's get a brainstorm soon, I hate to hear he has to deal with so many dang low readings.They are one of the worst feelings that is hard to even describe. I've been there before (and always will have them) so know it is rough, even more so on a young mind. I know ya'll are probably finding it hard to even relax much worrying over that.
I'd stay vigilant and stay strong, but know ya'll you already are.
I'm not diabetic, but it does run all down the male line of my family (I'm the only one in my extended family that isn't diabetic for reasons not adequately explained). It's always kind of terrified me, but glad to hear things are going relatively well all things considered.
My only tribulation is that a roughly 40x40 sq ft portion of my yard is terribly overgrown. The previous owner used to have a dog kennel out there and it has since been completely overtaken by brush, weeds, poison ivy, and mulberry trees of substantial size. It was left alone for years and years. It decreased the property value though which is how I was able to afford this place lol. So, working in a museum and liking old things, I bought myself a scythe (for the weeds) and a fancy hand-forged in Germany axe for the trees. After roughly 5-6 months of very occasional work I've nearly got it all cleared. But I also have over 25 big mulberry tree stumps, and those things are basically aggressive cancer in how they grow and I have no idea what I'll do about them without spending a fortune
To salt, this very wound I contacted a known illustrator who does do commercial work about my chances and some tip but he basically told me what I already knew to be true just further crushing my soul even further telling me my stuff is too amateurish. Glad to see all the years of drawing pouring in my blood, sweat and giving up time, putting myself thousands into debt, and giving up having a social life to the point seeing my mother, father, or little sister at least once a year or two became my normal.
All of it adding up to shattered dream for a future I have no other skills or money, and I'm almost 30. All this is my own doing all because I believed the lies fed to me as a kid that working hard enough and I could achieve my dream.
What's next,
Oh, I'm about to celebrate my one year anniversary with my girlfriend. A girlfriend who's mother, sisters, auntie, friends, and coworkers all hate me and constantly pester her to dumb me to go out with mr rich banker guy or to just look around for someone better. Why do they hate me you ask? Well simply, I'm poor and her mother had literally told her that I'm beneath them. Oh and I'm black... No, I'm not exaggerating and I'm not just playing the race card, my girlfriend is Korean and her parents are of the boat south Koreans. Her mother and aunt own a restaurant and she literally told my girlfriend that I was banned from entering the restaurant. Hell, my girlfriend and her mother had one fight where the mother was basically going to kick her out I told her to just come to me, she can stay with me and can you guess who instantly changed their minds once they found out? That's right, the mother! None of this is easy on my gf either because I know it affects her because I'm the one listening to her cry about how she wants everyone to just get along and like each other while I try to hold her together. Oh did I mention none of them have ever actually met me? Yep, they haven't even met me nor do they want to but don't worry the feeling is mutual.
What's next...
Oh, I got a new job about a month or two back... I officially work in what is basically a sweatshop. Refurbishing books by hand, cutting, binding, and repaging books after books in a dead end minimal pay job. Plus side, we work our own ours on our own days, I work every day until I'm just tired of being there and take a day off. But you won't make any real pay unless you go in every day and basically stay there the whole day. Oh did I mention to get there every morning before the factory opens I have to leave my house an hour and thirty before the place opens and not literally takes two hours for me to get home?
Now, where do we go from here? Straight down!
My mother went to the hospital... Again, she told me she's alright but even if she wasn't she would still tell me that so I'm still worried about her.
The stress is causing my trapezius muscle is acting up again. Last year the left side swole so bad that it started to overlap and put pressure on my spine. My entire left side from my shoulder to the back of my neck was swollen that just breathing was causing me pain and turning my neck was almost impossible.
I still have a 3000 hospital bill from when I went to the ER a few months ago. I had a cold, pink eye, laryngitis and sleep insomnia working overtime. Just to have them keep me there in the damn bed for two hours trying to get my blood pressure down from like 200 or some crap. Yea, I know that is dangerously high, I hear it every freaking time I go get a checkup. High blood pressure is something on both sides of my family and constantly tell me that I'm at dangerous risk for a heart attack or stroke doesn't help me it just annoys me.
But hey life, why stop now? Why not kill off another one of my cousins? Uncles or aunts? You've already put 2 in the hospital again. Heck, you've already shattered one of my dreams in my face, why stop there? I always feared that I'D grow to become an angry old man who hated the world around him, no point in half *beep* it now. How about just kill me off already, because I'm already tired of this world... I have been since I was thirteen and just hearing my mom say "its going to get better," just isn't cutting it anymore.
The girlfreind situation definitely sounds difficult, but look at it this way. She is standing by you in all this. That's not a little thing.
Do you have insurance? Depending on your situation, most hospitals have a financial aid department. You can flat out get rid of some bills.
On the off chance you do ever meet them, though, you might try to make a strong impression--experience is the best cure for prejudice, whether it's about color or money or anything else. If it doesn't work, nothing lost. If it does work, maybe they'll realize your girlfriend knows something they don't.
The important thing is your relationship with your girlfriend. And as @ThacoBell said, if she's standing by you, she sounds like she's worth it. It sounds to me like she's the one person who knows just how dedicated and hard-working you really are.
Have you spoken with her about your worries? She might be the best source of support you can get.
It might be hard to find a new skill on which to build a stronger career, but bear in mind that it's never too late to learn one--and there's a good chance that there are some useful skills that you've already developed in the process of getting your degree. There are student loan forgiveness programs, but I'm not sure what the requirements are.
You're definitely in a rough situation. I hope you can finagle your way out of some of these problems, even if progress is slow and unsteady. You have many more years to get where you want to be.
I think it's admirable that you keep fighting.
The amount I draw, all my professors so far will tell you based on sheer quantity I draw more than moat, my peers, heck most of them. That is it and it doesn't take anything to graduate from a postmodernist art school. You can *beep* on a canvas and graduate. They don't grade based on skill, or technique, or presentation. People graduate from art schools without the very basic drawing skills. So just graduating doesn't mean ish.
Yeah, we'll see how long that last.
No I dont, and no I can't I've already tried.
As far as student loans go, I don't qualify, I've already checked.
@semiticgod
On top of that you can make a few practical changes, like there must be some less soul wrenching low paid jobs, with more people interaction. There's also an amazing drug... better than alcohol... exercise...works miracles when you feel particularly bad. Keep talking, keep listening, never give up.
I am beyond pissed right now, lol.
Okay, we're in this dilapidated house, and every once in a while, the evil grandma with this horrifying face will come out of a closet and attack me, and it freaks me out. The only way I can keep her from showing up is to keep all the lights in the house on.
But they keep turning off, and I can't get them to stay on. She's turning them off while my back is turned.
It was one of those dreams where I knew I was in the dream, and therefore had some control over it. So, if the house is being creepy, I can conjure an earthquake, completely trash the place, and replace it with something else.
But no matter what I did, I kept reappearing in the creepy house with the lights off and the evil grandma waiting to show up. I couldn't get out.
Worst of all, I kept thinking I'd finally escaped the nightmare and woken up. There was this one time where a character told me I was going to see my little sister again and the dream would be over, but instead of seeing my sweet baby sister, the evil grandma showed up with that horrible grin.
And this time she had a knife. She stabbed me.
This ominous music kept playing, apparently a simpler, less echoey, more irritating variant of Gaster's theme. Even when I woke up, I was still afraid that the evil grandma would come out from someplace while my back was turned, but after listening to the original Gaster theme, the fear went away.
Around 11 pm she gets back and I we start pulling everything out of the car. An emergency bag filled with different tools, the jack, but the spare was bolted down, but surprise surprise. There was no wrench. I also live in a heavily Hispanic and Spanish speaking neighborhood and the only language I know is English is 2 years of broken high school French. Plus I'm antisocial so I don't even know what my neighbors name. So we are out of luck and just call it a night. The next morning she ends up calling AAA which she basically had for who knows how long which gets her free roadside assistance. I head to class and about 45 being at school I receive a call from my gf. Basically, her mother was throwing a hissy fit and calling me useless because I didn't, no couldn't change the tire. The funny part is the mother didn't do ish to help. Originally she was going to pick my gf up from work and her husband was going to change the tire but then she realized the car is still at my place and didn't want to be ANYWHERE NEAR ME. So she decided not to. She didn't pay for the tire replacement or anything, she just complained I'm useless. while preceding to care so little about me that it was more important than helping her own child. And remember, this woman has NEVER FREAKING MET ME!
Bear in mind that needling people who are already in a stressed situation with hostile questions is against the Site Rules. This thread is not here for anyone to lecture people about what they should and should not do--this is not a life advice thread.
Insinuating that someone is lazy or irresponsible does not constitute respectful behavior.