I got an email from a girl I haven't heard from in forever. I know, an email, but I don't do social media (for privacy reasons) and purposely make it hard to find me. It's really hard to ignore, and I know I absolutely need to stay away from her. She's crazy, by her own admission (as in has been institutionalized more than once), and I know she'll just use me, and being around her makes me crazy. The sad fact is I did love her at some point and still have feelings for her. I'm pretty sure she's just looking for somebody to play the part of warm body until the next person comes along. Sorry, I'm totally venting now. I know I just I need to ignore her, but I've been drinking bourbon, and that makes it hard.
@DrHappyAngry I would caution against reading too much into someone being institutionalized, it is these days mostly to deal with suicidal depression, especially in people with other issues. However, people that consistently refer to themselves as crazy are (I suspect) not well adjusted. I wouldn't worry about institutionalization so much as 'is she consistent', like either a healthy individual or someone good about their meds.
I would just ignore the message, but I'm not a very sexual being. My philosophy is that sex without love leads to drama/unhappiness, and should be avoided.
@DragonKing honestly you should talk with a professional. Life isn't like games and movies, and unless you are intensely privileged, you can expect consequences for straying. American prisons are pretty awful for example, and many countries have worse systems.
In life, people get ahead mostly on a mix of luck, privilege, talent and hardwork. You seem to be having a run of bad luck, but that can change over time, if you are patient. You might need to take a break from your specific field though, and come back to it maybe when the spark returns. I think you have talent, no sense in giving up completely on it!
I moved into this apartment complex going on 7 years ago... Even now to this day it feels...depressing...
Anyways moving on...
When I first moved here I was literally the only non Hispanic person living here... I guess that makes me the meatball in the... quesadilla? I'll stop now... It was pretty sweet honestly, with the exception of the occasional knock on my door of someone looking for Spanish speaking families I mostly kept to myself.
Time goes on and I slowly started seeing a change, an Asian couple moved in, than a Caucasian, than more blacks other than myself. As this started to happen the apartment complex started sending out notices to be careful, there were robberies at gunpoint, the police started appearing more and more in the area, right across from my apartment I literally witness one guy run out of the apartment, get tackled down to the ground by a second guy while hearing the second guy also say, "I told you to suck it and you're going to suck i!" Then there was the one time someone stripped the lock literally right out of my door while I was still in the apartment... I wish I had literally gone to the door at that time but I didn't. I paid it no mind since I was so use to hearing random noises so I brushed it off.
Oh and literally just now, around 10 pm at night, I'm walking to my apartment since I live all the way in the back and it's a 10 minute walk from the front to the back, the police drive by flaring there lights which started to cause my eyes to hurt. So as the first police car pass, I squint my eyes while getting ready to step forward just to almost be hit by the second police car behind it.
Then I start walking once again just to have one of the two drive up to me and ask me if I've seen anything, they were card out there because people were fighting out in front of the leasing office.
Ugh, the other day at work we got a notification from github that one of the project manager's account had been compromised all the way back in January. Fortunately we didn't have any of the big stuff they were looking for like aws and ssh keys in any of our github repos. We had one repo that still had some api keys and other values that should have been secret, and I had recently done all the work to move everything over to pulling those out of a chef vault, but the compromise happened, back in January, so even if I had that out it wouldn't have helped. At least I have to laugh they must've found my chef-repo disappointing. It's got spots for aws and ssh keys all over the place, but they get pulled in as variables from the encrypted vaults which aren't even in github. It's been a mad scramble to get those api keys and other values that were that one repo reset. At least everything since I've been at the company is a no secret stuff in git, so there's not much that they could've gotten. Ugh, I hate that I have to be the one person that cares about security. When I first started 4 years ago, people would email and send passwords over chat.
So I've just ignored that email I got from that girl last week. She's someone that actively brags about being crazy, and uses at as an excuse for any behavior she wants to do on whim. Absolutely not someone I should hang around.
Minor unhappiness: I have to get up half an hour earlier before work, now that my daughter has to take the bus to another school. I didn't think that 6am instead of 6:30 would make much of a difference, but it does. I hate it.
@Arvia: You're one of the sweetest people I know, and no amount of self-doubt is ever going to change that. I think your son is lucky to have you. You're not being irritable or overreacting; you're dealing with a lot of real stress, and it's perfectly reasonable and rational to be upset and feel overwhelmed.
Don't mistake external obstacles for personal failures.
I just found out I might not be able to get a paying teaching job for another entire year. I might be able to wiggle around that somehow, but the realization was crushing, and I broke down.
I punched the floor so hard I broke my hand. The bone is fractured right behind my right pinky finger's knuckle, a typical boxer's fracture.
I have my arm wrapped up, but because I went to a shoddy clinic without realizing it, I might not be able to have my broken metacarpal actually straightened out and put in a proper cast for another two or three days. They basically did nothing but distract me from getting good health care.
The pain is just awful and the only painkillers I have are extremely ineffective. I can't use my right hand for almost anything. I can't button my pants or open a bag of figs without hurting my hand even more. If I bump my pinky finger just the littlest bit, the pain is excruciating and it lasts for a long time.
It's not a great time to suffer an injury. I'm not sure how I'm going to walk into a job interview and convince them that I'd be able to do the job better than all the other candidates who can still tie their shoes.
@semiticgod , first of all, thank you for your encouraging words. I already feel much better today, as I said, it's better not to think too much when I feel that way.
I'm so sorry to hear that your frustration overwhelmed you so much that you hurt yourself. I know how you feel. I broke my right index finger last summer when I smashed something on a table in frustration.
Why didn't they fix you right away? Why in two or three days? And can't you get real painkillers?
I guess I don't need to tell you to hold up your hand as much as possible to keep it from swelling up too much, and to put ice on it? It sometimes helps a lot.
Also, think of a lie how you broke your finger. Not to a doctor who sees the x-ray of course. They all know where 5th metacarpal fractures usually come from... but to other people who might ask.
If you have a bike, you might say you fell with it. If you don't have a bike, Basketball is always a good excuse for finger injuries. If you hate sports and everyone knows it, then I'm out of ideas...
Can't someone take you to a clinic where they take care of your hand the way they're supposed to?
If you have Dimension Door: Extra Long Reach memorized, I can anesthetize your arm and let someone take care of your broken bone...
Don't give up hope, please. Let someone take care of your hand first, and then take the future in small steps. You will find your way and walk it.
I feel like a complete failure, especially at being a mother.
I also know that I MUST not overanalyze my life when I feel like this, because this will pass, but why do I suck at everything that seems to come naturally to others? I want to be kind and compassionate, instead I'm irritable and impatient and nagging. I hate myself when I'm like that.
I also have the feeling that my medication is messing with my emotions.Or maybe that's just my excuse. I'm thinking about stopping treatment. Maybe I need to learn to face myself the way I am and learn strategies, not take pills hoping to fix my struggles easily.
Mental health meds can certainly have side effects, and maybe that specific pill is no longer (or never was) a good fit, but the solution imho is to speak to a specialist about it. I have family that require meds that never received treatment, ones that received treatment but refuse to consistently take their meds, and ones that religiously take meds, and they are definitely what you would want to be.
@Arvia: I appreciate the kind words. This is why I'm so glad you joined this forum. You're a sweet soul, and sweetness is very contagious!
The clinic I went to is a certain type of clinic with an exploitative business model: they treat basic injuries with poorly-trained staff, then shove all of the bigger, harder, more complex, and more expensive cases to larger hospitals. Basically, they skim off cheap work from real hospitals and leave the real hospitals to do the heavy lifting. Picture a surgeon who only does the easiest operations and lets his or her coworkers do the challenging stuff--but still makes plenty of money, all while slowing down patients who need those challenging operations.
The doctor there apparently can't prescribe anything other than the codeine I'm already taking for my herniated disk, and since I never had hiccups getting refills for the codeine I do take, I didn't bother asking another doctor to give me a second prescription for the same meds. The reason I can't get the cast done properly without burning hundreds of dollars on an ER visit is because this clinic referred me, at 4PM on Friday, to a real hand surgeon whose office closes at (you guessed it) 4PM on Friday and doesn't reopen until Monday. Even then I'm not sure how long it will take to get an appointment. I doubt I'll be able to get it on the same day.
The cast is uncomfortable and I'm in enough pain that I actually have to take the codeine multiple times a day, instead of less than once per day (like before I broke my hand), but I don't think it's quite bad enough to warrant an expensive ER visit. It was a narrow decision, though.
Currently my fake story is that I was at a party when someone spotted a cockroach and everyone freaked out. I decided that it was time to overcome my fear of roaches and heroically rushed in to smite the roach with a fist from the heavens. Unfortunately, there were a lot of people running around, and in all the chaos, certain objects got in between my fist and the roach.
Anyway, I ended up having to run for my life from a half-dozen burly frat boys because they refused to accept that it was purely by accident that I punched the host's 14-year-old daughter in the face.
She actually thought the whole thing was hilarious once she regained consciousness, and I later learned that she got to use her giant black eye as a badge of honor when she told her friends a cleverly made-up story about bravely holding her own in a brutal fist fight. Of course, that's not what people saw at the time--they just saw this poor girl holding her hand over her eye and saying somebody punched her, and in the chaos of the party, it was very easy to misinterpret her bewildered giggling with terrified sobbing, and think that she wanted vengeance instead of a selfie with me.
Long story short, the frat boys followed me on a long car chase that ended with them cornering me outside a gas station. I got out of the car and slipped past them before they could get their hands on me, only to see another car coming right at me.
I went through the windshield and found myself lying in the passenger seat of a car driven by the same 14-year-old I punched at the party, who had heard of my plight and stolen a car to hurry to my rescue only to accidentally run me over right before I escaped.
When she visited me in the hospital, she brought me the still-living cockroach from the party, safely captured in a jar.
The necessary dosage varies from person to person, and if you aren't noticing any improvements after months, that really does sound like something to get help with. Typically if you already are getting side effects they don't love raising your dose, so you might need to try a different mode of action medication.
Certainly the external world has a great impact on one's mental state, but I think the Buddha had a good view that we can, over time, get very good at controlling our reactions, and that this is a personal responsibility. This to me is a large part of what truly growing up is about, learning to better manage our self to ensure greater happiness.
Edit: tbh, among people I have observed that would benefit from medication, the giveaway is that they typically seem to manufacture obstacles, be it things to be angry about, addictions, or poorly considered decisions about big and small issues. I don't mean to accuse you, I'm saying many people are very surprised after their medication starts to work, how much straight up easier life is, side effects aside naturally.
I'd actually say medication would be least effective for people who cause their own problems or make poor decisions. Unless we're talking about prescription drug addictions in the latter group, neither of those folks are generally the people who would even want medications. When bad decision makers look for quick solutions, they don't go to licensed professionals--and poor judgment or its consequences can't be treated with any drug. Generally, the folks who want meds are seriously ill people who want help, and the folks who are most resistant to taking meds are seriously ill people who don't want help (bipolar folks are notoriously bad about taking their medicine).
@DreadKhan Gave you a like for the first paragraph. When it comes to mental illness, its not a choice. When your brain either pumps too much of a certain chemical, or not enough of another, it can't be controlled by "willpower" any more than a broken bone or pneumonia.
Edit: if it wasn't clear, I'm not 'accusing' the mentally ill of consciously and deliberately creating barriers, more that it is their own mind, ie them, that is the source of them, rather than being externally imposed.
If you think counter-productive behaviour is odd in any way for people with serious issues, I will definitely disagree strongly. For an easy example, people with issues that haven't learned to 'manage' their thinking can make themselves have an acute episode purely by feeding their mental cycles, ie working themselves up. I see this as manufacturing barriers to normal life, and it is painfully common in the 'big name' illnesses, like schizophrenia and forms of bi-polar. If you think a psychotic person can't unintentionally work themselves up to an episode, I think this is pointless to discuss. Medication has diverse effects, but granting better judgement is often one of them, just like bad judgement/behaviors/choices are why people are diagnosed in the first place.
I agree entirely that self-control is neither a solution for everyone, and doesn't replace medication, and some people find self control easier, but it is a skill, and the mentally ill have often a greater need for said control, despite it likely being harder to achieve.
Medication changes their behavior @semiticgod , that is the point after all. Adjust the brain chemistry correctly, and many undesirable behaviors become less prominent. People putting up the example barriers might not agree to be medicated I agree, but the need is obvious to those around them. The trick to getting people to reliably take their meds is to convince them they will be happier/better off on them, something very hard to do I admit.
@ThacoBell wtf? When did I say mental health is a choice?? Your attitude, while well meaning and kind-hearted, does a disservice to people living with illness. Many, not all by any means, people with illnesses are capable of improvement over time, and training yourself is part of that. By your logic all mentally ill people should do whatever they feel like and just say 'it's okay, I'm ill!', which is very, very counterproductive. Ffs, their are reasons professionals tell people to try to avoid things that bring out the worst in them, ie drinking, watching things that rile them up, and avoiding bad influences. They aren't accusing their patients of 'choosing' to be ill, they are trying to show them ways to help have control over their condition.
Edit: tbh, among people I have observed that would benefit from medication, the giveaway is that they typically seem to manufacture obstacles, be it things to be angry about, addictions, or poorly considered decisions about big and small issues.
We disagree with the notion that any form of mental illness is "typically" manufactured--I don't know whom you've observed, but I doubt it's a representative sample.
I can't speak for @Arvia and @ThacoBell, but I think we'd also dispute the notion that addiction is an example of a manufactured obstacle.
I'm also fairly certain we'd agree there is no medicine for "poorly considered decisions." The only examples of illnesses that contribute to poor decisionmaking and which can be treated with some form of medication are things like bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, and I think it's unrealistic to describe their symptoms as manufactured obstacles because that implies that there is a choice involved.
After all, if there isn't a choice involved, then the problem can't be manufactured. That's what the word manufactured means--you might have meant a different word.
I am bipolar myself and I also have an unrelated, less-severe anxiety problem from my other parent. The thus-far successful treatment for my two conditions, given by my psychiatrist, is the opposite of what your initial post suggested:
1. The bipolar disorder is primarily an issue of medication, and changing my thought patterns would do nothing. Avoiding drugs and caffeine and getting 8 hours of sleep helps avoid triggering cycles, but medication is the only thing that's capable of truly arresting a cycle, or correcting it. A bipolar episode isn't something I can stop with self-control or any form of training, nor is it something I can start simply through thoughts. The symptoms can't be manufactured or reversed--medication is the only option.
2. The anxiety problem does not involve medication, and it is primarily an issue of thoughts. The anxiety I experience is simply a factor of the things I think about, and while it's hideously difficult, it's possible to end a negative loop by consciously changing my thought patterns. Likewise, it's entirely possible (and much easier) to manufacture a loop, positive or negative, through conscious thought.
In my case at least, medication does all the real work, and mental training does very little. I've had zero bipolar episodes in the past 12 years because I have medication, but my anxiety problem, for which I don't have medicine, still plagues me despite all my efforts to avoid triggering negative loops.
I'm reasonably certain you're trying to talk about a completely different subject from the rest of us, and that's what prompted the disagreement. I just don't fully understand what that subject is, or what exactly you've observed in other people.
But @ThacoBell and @Arvia and I all have family members with mental illnesses, and aside from my anxiety problem (which is itself a very minor case), those illnesses are neither improved nor worsened by conscious thought, or by better or worse decisions. There is no form of training that can alleviate bipolar disorder, severe autism, or Down's Syndrome.
The people I've known who just make bad decisions don't actually have mental illnesses that could be solved with medication.
I clarified what I meant specifically by manufactured. If you want to be obtuse and accuse me of claiming the mentally ill make up their symptoms, feel free. The body creates every mental illness, builds them from either genetic or environmental factors, they don't spontaneously pop up.
Also, if you are going to be absurd enough to pretend that their isn't a judgement issue that leads to medication, then you are not thinking things through. Most mental health meds have massive, nasty side effects, and they are not prescribed lightly, only when behavior consistently reveals an issue, not because Dr's use magical psychic powers. You don't get medicated for being neurotypical, you get it due to your actions (mental and physical), which reveal that you often enough are acting inappropriately. This takes an endless myriad of forms, but consistently, a rude observer could note 'they should have known better', which is unhelpful exactly because they already do know better, their condition compromises their thought processes.
Obvious point is obvious, but I never claimed that 'training' would cure anyone of anything. Ever. I said it can help ameliorate the condition, which is very different than what you are claiming. Why you jumped to the conclusion you did is beyond me. For a Bi-polar, basic training would include figuring out how your state affects your decisions, and for example avoiding any big decisions when you are compromised, something that Bi-polar sufferers in my family badly needed to figure out.
I hate it when people infantilize the mentally ill, which is 100% what you are all doing. We are all participants in our life, as long as we aren't in a vegetable state, and we can all get 'better' at living with whatever hand we have been dealt with. We have a local with Down syndrome in my village, and he not only is still alive well over 50, he was able to work and enjoyed a great deal contributing to the community. He had to work harder than others to get good at his job, but their are plenty of people in the area that choose not to work at all, so I find him quite inspiring.
I suspect this is not going to be productive to continue, but felt insulted enough that I needed to reply.
I clarified what I meant specifically by manufactured. If you want to be obtuse and accuse me of claiming the mentally ill make up their symptoms, feel free. The body creates every mental illness, builds them from either genetic or environmental factors, they don't spontaneously pop up.
This is what I meant when I suggested we were talking about different things, and that I wasn't sure what you thought I was saying. I did not say you claimed the mentally ill make up their symptoms. I didn't say mental illnesses arose spontaneously. I do not believe either of those things, and they are not found anywhere in my post.
Obvious point is obvious, but I never claimed that 'training' would cure anyone of anything. Ever. I said it can help ameliorate the condition, which is very different than what you are claiming.
I have not claimed this. I explicitly said the opposite about one of my own disorders:
The anxiety problem does not involve medication, and it is primarily an issue of thoughts. The anxiety I experience is simply a factor of the things I think about, and while it's hideously difficult, it's possible to end a negative loop by consciously changing my thought patterns. Likewise, it's entirely possible (and much easier) to manufacture a loop, positive or negative, through conscious thought.
I do not infantilize the mentally ill. I can use your own words to describe my position: "their condition compromises their thought processes." You are telling me things I already agree with.
I'm not trying to insult you, and I am not trying to jump to conclusions. If I'm misreading any of your comments, I apologize, but I can't know what you mean until I ask. I am trying my best to understand your position. It's fair for me to hope that you do the same. I don't think it's fair to say I'm being obtuse or absurd, or that I'm not thinking things through.
@DreadKhan, I'm not entirely sure what you think the rest of us are
2. The anxiety problem does not involve medication, and it is primarily an issue of thoughts. The anxiety I experience is simply a factor of the things I think about, and while it's hideously difficult, it's possible to end a negative loop by consciously changing my thought patterns. Likewise, it's entirely possible (and much easier) to manufacture a loop, positive or negative, through conscious thought.
Have you tried or considered trying hypnotherapy or Shad Helmstetter self talk methods? I too suffer from slight anxiety but mostly related to IBS-D and a result of certain events that happened 5-6 years ago. I am looking into those methods to see what they can do.
I don't even know where I stand anymore. I don't even know if I should be happy, sad, or indifferent anymore.
On one hand, I seem to impress my professors with my work.
On the other, one tells me the issue with me isn't my work, but my presentation I guess. I'm a Sarcastic Eeyore in my mentality and presentation and I need to try to be a Tigger mentality... I just can't...
On one hand I eligible for a long forgiveness program to help me out.
On the other in still going to be indebted for the next 20 years of my life and how much I pay will change with my income. So if I ever better it, I will pay more. But hey, I guess it beats trying to pay around 800-1200 USD a month just to pay off the forced increasing interest which will continue to grow faster than I can pay.
I'm trying to communicate more with my aunties and uncles to see how they are doing back home...
Just learned mom is still over working herself as she doesn't get much sleep due to her current work schedule which isn't healthy, and that's coming from me someone who normally sleeps 4-5 hours.
Constantly hear the words, "everything is going to be alright, you're going to make it"
While thinking about the past 10 years of my life... Game design, failure. Attempted animated series... Failure... Tried to be a gallery artist... Failure... Currently attempting a comic... Failure... Currently trying to get into graphic design... I'm seeing a pattern forming.
Sometimes I wonder why I haven't starting drinking then I remember that requires money.
I'm also told be positive, focus on the positive, on the what you can do. Yet I don't seem to have a "can do". Oh wait, I guess I can complain when I don't deserve it...
Hey starving kids in China, Africa, and India...
I would say Bojack horsemen is my spirit animal at this point, but at least he's successful at what he wants.
If you're impressing your professors, then your on the right track. They are probably on to something with the presentation. It might be prudent to work on a business face and appear more cheerful with prospective clients. You don't actually HAVE to be, just fake it enough to give the impression. Or maybe find a friend who would be willing to be something of a PR person for you.
@ThacoBell
I'm already taking it, I've been taking it since middle school where the school called my parents because they learned I wanted to kill myself.
But sometimes I'm just too tired to.
Oh and now I just confirmed that we missed the last and final payment for this semester of school... Sigh, toss that in the stress pile.
Meh, Been fighting an eye infection for 6 days now. On day 5 of medication that was supposed to help after day 1. Looks like my infection has somehow spread to my other eye. I'm really hoping that the final day is the one that fixes this. My eyesight is almost shot with all the
gross leakage
and it makes it really hard to sleep. If I don't improve after tomorrow I'm calling the doctor.
I lack the energy to participate fully in the discussion, but I want to say on the subject of controlling your thoughts, that it's not or/or but and/and: medication (in my case anti-depressant + anti-psychotics) gives me more control of my thoughts. I know that because of depression, I have a tendency to think of negative things and because of that, I try to actively steer away from those thoughts, but it's only the effect of the anti-depressant and anti-psychotics that give me the ability to actively stop my thoughts from spiralling down and think about small things in life that do go well instead of all the wrongs in the world.
Comments
I would just ignore the message, but I'm not a very sexual being. My philosophy is that sex without love leads to drama/unhappiness, and should be avoided.
@DragonKing honestly you should talk with a professional. Life isn't like games and movies, and unless you are intensely privileged, you can expect consequences for straying. American prisons are pretty awful for example, and many countries have worse systems.
In life, people get ahead mostly on a mix of luck, privilege, talent and hardwork. You seem to be having a run of bad luck, but that can change over time, if you are patient. You might need to take a break from your specific field though, and come back to it maybe when the spark returns. I think you have talent, no sense in giving up completely on it!
I moved into this apartment complex going on 7 years ago... Even now to this day it feels...depressing...
Anyways moving on...
When I first moved here I was literally the only non Hispanic person living here... I guess that makes me the meatball in the... quesadilla? I'll stop now... It was pretty sweet honestly, with the exception of the occasional knock on my door of someone looking for Spanish speaking families I mostly kept to myself.
Time goes on and I slowly started seeing a change, an Asian couple moved in, than a Caucasian, than more blacks other than myself. As this started to happen the apartment complex started sending out notices to be careful, there were robberies at gunpoint, the police started appearing more and more in the area, right across from my apartment I literally witness one guy run out of the apartment, get tackled down to the ground by a second guy while hearing the second guy also say, "I told you to suck it and you're going to suck i!" Then there was the one time someone stripped the lock literally right out of my door while I was still in the apartment... I wish I had literally gone to the door at that time but I didn't. I paid it no mind since I was so use to hearing random noises so I brushed it off.
Oh and literally just now, around 10 pm at night, I'm walking to my apartment since I live all the way in the back and it's a 10 minute walk from the front to the back, the police drive by flaring there lights which started to cause my eyes to hurt. So as the first police car pass, I squint my eyes while getting ready to step forward just to almost be hit by the second police car behind it.
Then I start walking once again just to have one of the two drive up to me and ask me if I've seen anything, they were card out there because people were fighting out in front of the leasing office.
This places has gone down hill since I been here.
Oh and rent keeps going up.
So I've just ignored that email I got from that girl last week. She's someone that actively brags about being crazy, and uses at as an excuse for any behavior she wants to do on whim. Absolutely not someone I should hang around.
Don't mistake external obstacles for personal failures.
I punched the floor so hard I broke my hand. The bone is fractured right behind my right pinky finger's knuckle, a typical boxer's fracture.
I have my arm wrapped up, but because I went to a shoddy clinic without realizing it, I might not be able to have my broken metacarpal actually straightened out and put in a proper cast for another two or three days. They basically did nothing but distract me from getting good health care.
The pain is just awful and the only painkillers I have are extremely ineffective. I can't use my right hand for almost anything. I can't button my pants or open a bag of figs without hurting my hand even more. If I bump my pinky finger just the littlest bit, the pain is excruciating and it lasts for a long time.
It's not a great time to suffer an injury. I'm not sure how I'm going to walk into a job interview and convince them that I'd be able to do the job better than all the other candidates who can still tie their shoes.
I'm so sorry to hear that your frustration overwhelmed you so much that you hurt yourself. I know how you feel. I broke my right index finger last summer when I smashed something on a table in frustration.
Why didn't they fix you right away? Why in two or three days? And can't you get real painkillers?
I guess I don't need to tell you to hold up your hand as much as possible to keep it from swelling up too much, and to put ice on it? It sometimes helps a lot.
Also, think of a lie how you broke your finger. Not to a doctor who sees the x-ray of course. They all know where 5th metacarpal fractures usually come from... but to other people who might ask.
If you have a bike, you might say you fell with it. If you don't have a bike, Basketball is always a good excuse for finger injuries. If you hate sports and everyone knows it, then I'm out of ideas...
Can't someone take you to a clinic where they take care of your hand the way they're supposed to?
If you have Dimension Door: Extra Long Reach memorized, I can anesthetize your arm and let someone take care of your broken bone...
Don't give up hope, please. Let someone take care of your hand first, and then take the future in small steps. You will find your way and walk it.
Mental health meds can certainly have side effects, and maybe that specific pill is no longer (or never was) a good fit, but the solution imho is to speak to a specialist about it. I have family that require meds that never received treatment, ones that received treatment but refuse to consistently take their meds, and ones that religiously take meds, and they are definitely what you would want to be.
The clinic I went to is a certain type of clinic with an exploitative business model: they treat basic injuries with poorly-trained staff, then shove all of the bigger, harder, more complex, and more expensive cases to larger hospitals. Basically, they skim off cheap work from real hospitals and leave the real hospitals to do the heavy lifting. Picture a surgeon who only does the easiest operations and lets his or her coworkers do the challenging stuff--but still makes plenty of money, all while slowing down patients who need those challenging operations.
The doctor there apparently can't prescribe anything other than the codeine I'm already taking for my herniated disk, and since I never had hiccups getting refills for the codeine I do take, I didn't bother asking another doctor to give me a second prescription for the same meds. The reason I can't get the cast done properly without burning hundreds of dollars on an ER visit is because this clinic referred me, at 4PM on Friday, to a real hand surgeon whose office closes at (you guessed it) 4PM on Friday and doesn't reopen until Monday. Even then I'm not sure how long it will take to get an appointment. I doubt I'll be able to get it on the same day.
The cast is uncomfortable and I'm in enough pain that I actually have to take the codeine multiple times a day, instead of less than once per day (like before I broke my hand), but I don't think it's quite bad enough to warrant an expensive ER visit. It was a narrow decision, though.
Currently my fake story is that I was at a party when someone spotted a cockroach and everyone freaked out. I decided that it was time to overcome my fear of roaches and heroically rushed in to smite the roach with a fist from the heavens. Unfortunately, there were a lot of people running around, and in all the chaos, certain objects got in between my fist and the roach.
Anyway, I ended up having to run for my life from a half-dozen burly frat boys because they refused to accept that it was purely by accident that I punched the host's 14-year-old daughter in the face.
She actually thought the whole thing was hilarious once she regained consciousness, and I later learned that she got to use her giant black eye as a badge of honor when she told her friends a cleverly made-up story about bravely holding her own in a brutal fist fight. Of course, that's not what people saw at the time--they just saw this poor girl holding her hand over her eye and saying somebody punched her, and in the chaos of the party, it was very easy to misinterpret her bewildered giggling with terrified sobbing, and think that she wanted vengeance instead of a selfie with me.
Long story short, the frat boys followed me on a long car chase that ended with them cornering me outside a gas station. I got out of the car and slipped past them before they could get their hands on me, only to see another car coming right at me.
I went through the windshield and found myself lying in the passenger seat of a car driven by the same 14-year-old I punched at the party, who had heard of my plight and stolen a car to hurry to my rescue only to accidentally run me over right before I escaped.
When she visited me in the hospital, she brought me the still-living cockroach from the party, safely captured in a jar.
She charged me $50 to finally kill it.
Certainly the external world has a great impact on one's mental state, but I think the Buddha had a good view that we can, over time, get very good at controlling our reactions, and that this is a personal responsibility. This to me is a large part of what truly growing up is about, learning to better manage our self to ensure greater happiness.
Edit: tbh, among people I have observed that would benefit from medication, the giveaway is that they typically seem to manufacture obstacles, be it things to be angry about, addictions, or poorly considered decisions about big and small issues. I don't mean to accuse you, I'm saying many people are very surprised after their medication starts to work, how much straight up easier life is, side effects aside naturally.
Buddha and learning to manage themselves may help some people in some situations, but what helps one person is not necessarily what helps everyone.
Not talking about me personally here. I just found your point of view a bit too generalizing for a personal opinion.
Especially since "mental health" is a very broad umbrella term.
If you think counter-productive behaviour is odd in any way for people with serious issues, I will definitely disagree strongly. For an easy example, people with issues that haven't learned to 'manage' their thinking can make themselves have an acute episode purely by feeding their mental cycles, ie working themselves up. I see this as manufacturing barriers to normal life, and it is painfully common in the 'big name' illnesses, like schizophrenia and forms of bi-polar. If you think a psychotic person can't unintentionally work themselves up to an episode, I think this is pointless to discuss. Medication has diverse effects, but granting better judgement is often one of them, just like bad judgement/behaviors/choices are why people are diagnosed in the first place.
I agree entirely that self-control is neither a solution for everyone, and doesn't replace medication, and some people find self control easier, but it is a skill, and the mentally ill have often a greater need for said control, despite it likely being harder to achieve.
Medication changes their behavior @semiticgod , that is the point after all. Adjust the brain chemistry correctly, and many undesirable behaviors become less prominent. People putting up the example barriers might not agree to be medicated I agree, but the need is obvious to those around them. The trick to getting people to reliably take their meds is to convince them they will be happier/better off on them, something very hard to do I admit.
@ThacoBell wtf? When did I say mental health is a choice?? Your attitude, while well meaning and kind-hearted, does a disservice to people living with illness. Many, not all by any means, people with illnesses are capable of improvement over time, and training yourself is part of that. By your logic all mentally ill people should do whatever they feel like and just say 'it's okay, I'm ill!', which is very, very counterproductive. Ffs, their are reasons professionals tell people to try to avoid things that bring out the worst in them, ie drinking, watching things that rile them up, and avoiding bad influences. They aren't accusing their patients of 'choosing' to be ill, they are trying to show them ways to help have control over their condition.
I can't speak for @Arvia and @ThacoBell, but I think we'd also dispute the notion that addiction is an example of a manufactured obstacle.
I'm also fairly certain we'd agree there is no medicine for "poorly considered decisions." The only examples of illnesses that contribute to poor decisionmaking and which can be treated with some form of medication are things like bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, and I think it's unrealistic to describe their symptoms as manufactured obstacles because that implies that there is a choice involved.
After all, if there isn't a choice involved, then the problem can't be manufactured. That's what the word manufactured means--you might have meant a different word.
I am bipolar myself and I also have an unrelated, less-severe anxiety problem from my other parent. The thus-far successful treatment for my two conditions, given by my psychiatrist, is the opposite of what your initial post suggested:
1. The bipolar disorder is primarily an issue of medication, and changing my thought patterns would do nothing. Avoiding drugs and caffeine and getting 8 hours of sleep helps avoid triggering cycles, but medication is the only thing that's capable of truly arresting a cycle, or correcting it. A bipolar episode isn't something I can stop with self-control or any form of training, nor is it something I can start simply through thoughts. The symptoms can't be manufactured or reversed--medication is the only option.
2. The anxiety problem does not involve medication, and it is primarily an issue of thoughts. The anxiety I experience is simply a factor of the things I think about, and while it's hideously difficult, it's possible to end a negative loop by consciously changing my thought patterns. Likewise, it's entirely possible (and much easier) to manufacture a loop, positive or negative, through conscious thought.
In my case at least, medication does all the real work, and mental training does very little. I've had zero bipolar episodes in the past 12 years because I have medication, but my anxiety problem, for which I don't have medicine, still plagues me despite all my efforts to avoid triggering negative loops.
I'm reasonably certain you're trying to talk about a completely different subject from the rest of us, and that's what prompted the disagreement. I just don't fully understand what that subject is, or what exactly you've observed in other people.
But @ThacoBell and @Arvia and I all have family members with mental illnesses, and aside from my anxiety problem (which is itself a very minor case), those illnesses are neither improved nor worsened by conscious thought, or by better or worse decisions. There is no form of training that can alleviate bipolar disorder, severe autism, or Down's Syndrome.
The people I've known who just make bad decisions don't actually have mental illnesses that could be solved with medication.
Also, if you are going to be absurd enough to pretend that their isn't a judgement issue that leads to medication, then you are not thinking things through. Most mental health meds have massive, nasty side effects, and they are not prescribed lightly, only when behavior consistently reveals an issue, not because Dr's use magical psychic powers. You don't get medicated for being neurotypical, you get it due to your actions (mental and physical), which reveal that you often enough are acting inappropriately. This takes an endless myriad of forms, but consistently, a rude observer could note 'they should have known better', which is unhelpful exactly because they already do know better, their condition compromises their thought processes.
Obvious point is obvious, but I never claimed that 'training' would cure anyone of anything. Ever. I said it can help ameliorate the condition, which is very different than what you are claiming. Why you jumped to the conclusion you did is beyond me. For a Bi-polar, basic training would include figuring out how your state affects your decisions, and for example avoiding any big decisions when you are compromised, something that Bi-polar sufferers in my family badly needed to figure out.
I hate it when people infantilize the mentally ill, which is 100% what you are all doing. We are all participants in our life, as long as we aren't in a vegetable state, and we can all get 'better' at living with whatever hand we have been dealt with. We have a local with Down syndrome in my village, and he not only is still alive well over 50, he was able to work and enjoyed a great deal contributing to the community. He had to work harder than others to get good at his job, but their are plenty of people in the area that choose not to work at all, so I find him quite inspiring.
I suspect this is not going to be productive to continue, but felt insulted enough that I needed to reply.
I'm not trying to insult you, and I am not trying to jump to conclusions. If I'm misreading any of your comments, I apologize, but I can't know what you mean until I ask. I am trying my best to understand your position. It's fair for me to hope that you do the same. I don't think it's fair to say I'm being obtuse or absurd, or that I'm not thinking things through.
Have you tried or considered trying hypnotherapy or Shad Helmstetter self talk methods? I too suffer from slight anxiety but mostly related to IBS-D and a result of certain events that happened 5-6 years ago. I am looking into those methods to see what they can do.
On one hand, I seem to impress my professors with my work.
On the other, one tells me the issue with me isn't my work, but my presentation I guess. I'm a Sarcastic Eeyore in my mentality and presentation and I need to try to be a Tigger mentality... I just can't...
On one hand I eligible for a long forgiveness program to help me out.
On the other in still going to be indebted for the next 20 years of my life and how much I pay will change with my income. So if I ever better it, I will pay more. But hey, I guess it beats trying to pay around 800-1200 USD a month just to pay off the forced increasing interest which will continue to grow faster than I can pay.
I'm trying to communicate more with my aunties and uncles to see how they are doing back home...
Just learned mom is still over working herself as she doesn't get much sleep due to her current work schedule which isn't healthy, and that's coming from me someone who normally sleeps 4-5 hours.
Constantly hear the words, "everything is going to be alright, you're going to make it"
While thinking about the past 10 years of my life... Game design, failure. Attempted animated series... Failure... Tried to be a gallery artist... Failure... Currently attempting a comic... Failure... Currently trying to get into graphic design... I'm seeing a pattern forming.
Sometimes I wonder why I haven't starting drinking then I remember that requires money.
I'm also told be positive, focus on the positive, on the what you can do. Yet I don't seem to have a "can do". Oh wait, I guess I can complain when I don't deserve it...
Hey starving kids in China, Africa, and India...
I would say Bojack horsemen is my spirit animal at this point, but at least he's successful at what he wants.
I'm already taking it, I've been taking it since middle school where the school called my parents because they learned I wanted to kill myself.
But sometimes I'm just too tired to.
Oh and now I just confirmed that we missed the last and final payment for this semester of school... Sigh, toss that in the stress pile.