" You can judge me for it, but you don't know me, haven't lived my life, and I hope in all sincerity that you are in never in a position to demonstrate how you'd do better in similar circumstances."
Too late. My grandmother was this person for me. She passed away when I was 17, now at 30, it still feels like it happened just last year. I know what you feel like, because what you described has happened to me. There's nothing wrong with grieving, even for long periods of time (I had your attitude for about 3 years). But at some point you will need live your life again.
This trend of romanticizing grief is so toxic, and I've seen it so much in the last 10 years. "But I still won't get past it. I know this, because I do not want to get past it. Getting past it, ever being normal again, ever being happy again... that would cheapen the relationship I had with him. " This, this right here is the kind of crap I'm talking about. Its the kind of toxic pity and self harm that gets held up as some kind of romantic long suffering that shouldn't be tolerated. You will ruin your life with this, and there is 0 reason that you should.
I have to agree with @ThacoBell, to an extent, but you came to vent your sorrow, not to be judged because of it.
It's only been a few months. It's not true that time heals all wounds (and it shouldn't), but the pain should become more bearable after some time.
If you have a wife and a child, imagine how they would feel if they knew you considered your life unworthy of living without your friend in it.
Also, if you think that even your identity doesn't exist without him, that's something I find hard to believe. But who you are without him is something you'll have to find out for yourself, given some time.
You probably don't want to hear all that. I also don't want to belittle your feelings.
I wish you strength and resilience. But after screaming into the abyss for a while, it's time to get up and spit fate in the face again.
Too late. My grandmother was this person for me. She passed away when I was 17, now at 30, it still feels like it happened just last year. I know what you feel like, because what you described has happened to me. There's nothing wrong with grieving, even for long periods of time (I had your attitude for about 3 years). But at some point you will need live your life again.
So, it may be that you weren't as bad off as me, or it could be that being much younger than me you had more of a future to resiliently bounce back to, or you could simply be emotionally more resilient than I am. All are valid possibilities.
I do question your use of "need", though. I don't, in fact, need to live my life again. There is not much in the way of consequence to threaten me with, you know?
This trend of romanticizing grief is so toxic, and I've seen it so much in the last 10 years. "But I still won't get past it. I know this, because I do not want to get past it. Getting past it, ever being normal again, ever being happy again... that would cheapen the relationship I had with him. " This, this right here is the kind of crap I'm talking about. Its the kind of toxic pity and self harm that gets held up as some kind of romantic long suffering that shouldn't be tolerated. You will ruin your life with this, and there is 0 reason that you should.
See, you see "romanticizing", I see it as "an attempt to honestly describe what I'm feeling". I don't particularly see this as romantic - I'm not a broken person waiting to die because I loved him so much (although I did), I'm like that because that's what his death left me as.
I have to agree with @ThacoBell, to an extent, but you came to vent your sorrow, not to be judged because of it.
It's only been a few months. It's not true that time heals all wounds (and it shouldn't), but the pain should become more bearable after some time.
It's perfectly all right, I actually had assumed that if I got replies, there'd be somebody like @ThacoBell among them. I'm not offended by it. These are the sort of things that are said to grieving and suicidal people, because none of us want to think that "give up and wait for death" is an acceptable option.
If it wasn't in a way helpful to talk about it, it'd be silly of me to post about it.
If you have a wife and a child, imagine how they would feel if they knew you consider your life unworthy of living without your friend in it.
My wife is entirely aware. I don't dwell on it with her every day, because that would just make her depressed to no good result, but our relationship is such that we can be honest about this sort of thing. I in fact told her about the original post, though I advised her not to read it.
My child doesn't, but I'd worry about her emotional ability to deal with it - she has her own mental issues.
Also, if you think that even your identity doesn't exist without him, that's something I find hard to believe. But who you are without him is something you'll have to find out for yourself, given some time.
Can I just say I could probably clarify why that's so, but it would require another long post and I don't really want to put my life's story in the thread (mostly because it seems excessive)? There are reasons.
But I will say that for decades, we were a pair of people most places we went and were probably better known as a pair than as individuals. And writing, the one thing I truly wanted to do in this life, is something we had done together for all that time. There's more to it than that, of course.
You probably don't want to hear all that. I also don't want to belittle your feelings.
I wish you strength and resilience. But after screaming into the abyss for a while, it's time to get up and spit fate in the face again.
It's all right, I can appreciate the feeling behind the response. I've said similar things to people many times in my life - it's what you do, right?
I hate having no friends. But you can't make new friends if you carry a burden with you all the time, because it bleeds through in conversation and scares people away. But if you just engage in small talk and never talk about personal things, it's just acquaintances, not friends.
I'm wearing a mask of strength and carefree smiles, and deep in my core there is strength and fierce optimism, too, but between all that is a thick layer that I don't want anyone to see, but that's also making me feel incredibly sad and lonely sometimes.
The best moments are those when I'm happy because I realize that the mask is only a mask because of external circumstances. It's actually who I am, or who I would be, if life weren't the way it is.
That's a good thing.
Still, sometimes it would be nice to be able to share the bad stuff with someone, if only I didn't know that talking about it always makes things worse.
Oh well, I guess even superheroes have days where they feel a bit down
My guess is the best way is still be open, in the hope that you'll meet people who like you for what you are wholly. From what I know from you from this forum, you're a person I would like to have as a friend if I met you in real life. Warm, caring, driven, caring about your family. And the mental vulnerabilities only make you more amiable. I find it hard to get along with people who are only doing well. "That which not glimmers can also be beautiful" is the motto of my favourite (Dutch) band De Kift. And Joy Division (my favourite international band) wouldn't be as powerful and comforting, where it not for the Schmerz Ian Curtis was suffering from (and became fatal alas).
Thank you, @Son_of_Imoen. You're a kind person.
I'm not trying to fish for sympathy or anything, it's just tough sometimes to have nobody to really talk to about the important things.
And until now, whenever I've decided to trust a person and opened up, I've been hurt (not necessarily the other person's fault. I'm extremely sensitive to criticism) and have withdrawn into my shell, swearing to never open up to people again.
Also, the fact that my ADHD makes me talk too fast and interrupt people isn't helpful. It makes me so self-conscious that I'd sometimes rather not talk at all. To notice a bad behavior, even have people point it out to me, but not being able to stop it, makes me feel very bad.
Oh for the good old days when I wasn't constantly aware of every bad political move being made on either side of the Atlantic Ocean/Irish Sea, when my country's equivalent of the Prime Minister being found out for severe corruption was the worst political outcome I could conceive of. When I wasn't so broken and emotionally battered by repeated artistic false starts, perfectionism and the inertia of being unable to do the things I want to that I keep falling into bouts of anxiety and/or all-consuming misery that take forever to dislodge.
That may have been somewhere in the ballpark of 15 years ago. Feels like a lifetime.
Also, the fact that my ADHD makes me talk too fast and interrupt people isn't helpful.
Recognizable, my autism makes me do the same, especially when I'm either very enthusiastic or both anxious (*) about something and tired at the same time, I tend to sprout a waterfall of words. I quickly cover my mouth with my hand to stop the flood when someone points it out. But working in an environment where everyone by default is mentally ill (we work FOR the interests of people with mental illnesses BY people with mental illnesses), no one really takes it up heavily, we're all strange in some ways where I work.
(*) anxious in the sense about being agitated, angry about something, usually some societal injustice.
Some times I fear I've become the exact thing I hated. A entitled person who just want things given to him. I keep telling myself I work hard, my work may not have been the same as my father who spent 25 years in the military, runs his own business while still working heavy equipment for a factory or the same as my mother who got 11 degrees from college and has worked everywhere from the medical field to security and even after having cardiac arrest still refuses not to work 2 jobs.
But I still work right? I study graphic design, character design, figure drawing, 3D modeling, level design, some animation, sequential art, multiple different mediums from both wet and dry to digital. I spend more time doing it than I have even sleeping or eating and even been in both galleries and art shows... Have I become financially stable, maybe not but but I am still walking forward, right?
So why do I feel like I've been shoehorned into one of the things I feared becoming when I was much much younger.
Talking fast isn't "bad". Its flavor. The spice of your conversations.
Try convincing yourself of that when someone starts covering his ears while you're talking
You just need to find people with better taste then. I can understand, I tend to talk really fast and stumble over other people's words all the time.
@DragonKing You work hard and you deserve to be rewarded for your work. The problem is that this country doesn't really reward hard work anymore. Wanting a baseline quality of life for the effort one puts in is not entitlement.
My son is making experience with bullies at school and in after school care.
For example, one boy choked him in the locker room because he had blocked the door (obsessed with wanting to be first at the lunch table), and then went "Why don't you go and tell a teacher about it?" while obviously he wouldn't dare, because the other kid is bigger and stronger.
Then, at the lunch table, the other kid asked around "Hands up who doesn't like G." and then all but one boy lifted their hands. Even two kids that he wanted to invite to his birthday next week. Then the bully even asked the only other kid why he didn't lift his hand, "so that nobody likes him." Fortunately, the other boy said that he's his friend.
I have an appointment today with the woman who's in charge at after school care, but I'm worried it will be as always. He says that nobody ever believes him, because he's the one who lashes out and kicks or hits when they won't stop teasing him. Teachers don't seem to understand that the one who hits can also be the victim.
They tell him to make an effort, to stick to the rules and control his anger.
He says he's making all the effort he can, but they don't believe him.
That's probably the most annoying thing. Teachers are assuming they *know* a child's motive (as in, he's seeking attention, he wants to avoid demands, he's deliberately oppositional). If I assumed such things of another adult instead of asking what's the matter, I'd be sent to communication classes.
I need to stand up for him a lot, because to outsiders it isn't always obvious that he's not a neurotypical child, and I'm worried I might make matters worse for him by confronting his teachers, but they need to know (and so does he) that I'm on his side.
And other moms already give me The Look when they see me, because he kicked their child. Never mind what happened before the kicking, and that my supposedly aggressive son is the one who's crying every evening.
@Arvia That's really rough. I'm dreading the same thing in a few years. Maybe focus on the known behavoral science side of things? Confront the faculty with the actual facts of what his disability means and emphasize that what they are doing is not healthy and can be dangerous for him. You might need to get his doctor/therapist involved. Either set up a meeting or get a signed explanation of his behaviour and recommened actions.
Oh, and whenever people try to say they "know" what my wife or son are capable of, or what they are or aren't doing. I insist they tell me everything about their disability and what specific troubles they have. It usually shuts them up, and it gives you the talking point that demonstrated complete lack of knowledge or care.
Thank you, @ThacoBell , that's very useful. I'll keep the last part in mind when the next teacher goes "Oh, but he knows exactly what he's doing!" or "Why can't he just do that".
His school teachers got along well with him until now so I never saw the necessity to give them written resources or set up something like an IEP, but now they have two new teachers who seem to know it all and think they have the solutions. I wonder how they never ask themselves how and why their colleagues get along with him, or if teachers don't talk to each other.
He's going to change schools in August anyway (where we live, elementary school is until 4th grade only), so I'll definitely have to prepare that other school very well, with everything written down and approved by his doctor (we're still on a waiting list for specific therapy ).
They have other kids with issues or disabilities at his school, but he looks like the typical kids and talks like them, so sometimes it's hard to remember even for the adults that he's different.
So, if he gets treated roughly by others, they expect *him* to adapt and be *less weird* so that he won't get teased.
Anyway. The after school people promised to keep a special eye on that boy who initiated the bullying and make sure they sit at different tables.
In 34 days I'll be 30, and I'm still feeling as lost, confused, and alone as the first day I was suppose to leave home and become a member of "society".
Was this really what life is? Just nothing but perpetual confusion and solitude? If so can I give it back? Atleast nonexistence makes it easier to not care.
Also 7 more days until V-day, I guess I should start on a V day piece.
In 34 days I'll be 30, and I'm still feeling as lost, confused, and alone as the first day I was suppose to leave home and become a member of "society".
Was this really what life is? Just nothing but perpetual confusion and solitude? If so can I give it back? Atleast nonexistence makes it easier to not care.
Also 7 more days until V-day, I guess I should start on a V day piece.
I'm 53 and I still feel lost, confused and alone sometimes (and that's AFTER becoming a member of "society")...
@DragonKing "Was this really what life is? Just nothing but perpetual confusion "
Pretty much. Nobody really knows what they are doing.
I for one became mentally ill just when I started frantically questioning life and turning every stone trying to find out what life really is about. I became very depressed and borderline psychotic by doing so. Trying to live life with a mental illness has for a large part been to trying to accept that life can't be comprehended and refraining myself from questioning everything and turning every stone, just focus on what I CAN do to make life more just for some people.
And sometimes all those people around us who look like they're living perfect lives are just better at keeping up a brightly painted front.
Someone once told me that around us we see other people like beautiful swans gliding effortlessly over the water, but we don't see how frantically they, too, are paddling to stay on the surface instead of drowning.
And sometimes all those people around us who look like they're living perfect lives are just better at keeping up a brightly painted front.
Someone once told me that around us we see other people like beautiful swans gliding effortlessly over the water, but we don't see how frantically they, too, are paddling to stay on the surface instead of drowning.
You can see it if you dip below the surface of the water. It's really murky down there though so I don't recommend it if you value your sanity...
I was once taught a Buddhist quote that really helped me to understand life and why it was kicking my behind.
"Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water."
That's kind of a "koan" that can mean a lot of different things.
To me, it means that the meaning of life is to find food, water, and shelter, and then to either have and raise children to adulthood, or at least to teach what skills you know and have to children. "Enlightenment" to the meaning of life is a side bonus to doing what you're going to have to do anyway while you're alive. Living is working to survive. "Man must toil and labor, and sustenance comes by the sweat of his brow."
I once made up my own little koan that I find very helpful during dark times, that still makes me smile because I created it with an ironic, humorous, and fatalistic flair, and please pardon the profanity if it doesn't get filtered out, but it's part of the humor.
Here is the meaning of life:
"Life eats. Life shits. Life cleans up all the shit."
That's everything you need to know about the meaning of life.
I was once taught a Buddhist quote that really helped me to understand life and why it was kicking my behind.
"Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water."
That's kind of a "koan" that can mean a lot of different things.
To me, it means that the meaning of life is to find food, water, and shelter, and then to either have and raise children to adulthood, or at least to teach what skills you know and have to children. "Enlightenment" to the meaning of life is a side bonus to doing what you're going to have to do anyway while you're alive. Living is working to survive. "Man must toil and labor, and sustenance comes by the sweat of his brow."
I once made up my own little koan that I find very helpful during dark times, that still makes me smile because I created it with an ironic, humorous, and fatalistic flair, and please pardon the profanity if it doesn't get filtered out, but it's part of the humor.
Here is the meaning of life:
"Life eats. Life shits. Life cleans up all the shit."
That's everything you need to know about the meaning of life.
Unfortunately we now have machines to clean the shit for us, leaving us way too much time contemplating what to do with the time we're no longer utilizing to clean shit...
I was once taught a Buddhist quote that really helped me to understand life and why it was kicking my behind.
"Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water."
That's kind of a "koan" that can mean a lot of different things.
To me, it means that the meaning of life is to find food, water, and shelter, and then to either have and raise children to adulthood, or at least to teach what skills you know and have to children. "Enlightenment" to the meaning of life is a side bonus to doing what you're going to have to do anyway while you're alive. Living is working to survive. "Man must toil and labor, and sustenance comes by the sweat of his brow."
I once made up my own little koan that I find very helpful during dark times, that still makes me smile because I created it with an ironic, humorous, and fatalistic flair, and please pardon the profanity if it doesn't get filtered out, but it's part of the humor.
Here is the meaning of life:
"Life eats. Life shits. Life cleans up all the shit."
That's everything you need to know about the meaning of life.
Unfortunately we now have machines to clean the shit for us, leaving us way too much time contemplating what to do with the time we're no longer utilizing to clean shit...
Do you honestly believe that we have too much time and that's the issue? Okay, we no longer work in the fields from sunrise to sunset, but do you really think modern life leaves us too much time to contemplate?
I think it's more because average people in the past just weren't educated enough to question anything, still thinking that God had given them their place in life, and the aristocracy was meant to rule over them, and hardship was a trial or punishment for their sins and all that...
I doubt that people who are, let's say, collecting toxic garbage all day long or working in a Cambodian clothes factory are happier than us just because they work very hard and barely have time to eat and sleep, let alone think about the meaning of life.
But maybe that's more for the religion and philosophy thread.
I got a speeding ticket earlier today and I feel really bad about it. The fine isn't the problem; it won't break the bank and I know the money will go back into the city. I don't want a mark on my record, especially because I want to be able to volunteer and I'm kinda paranoid that the background check issue won't let me volunteer at non-profits.
I just feel impure. Road safety is kind of a big deal to me and I don't like being someone who went so far over the speed limit (it wasn't intentional). My court date isn't for three weeks but hopefully I'll be able to deal with it early. I don't want this hovering over my head anymore.
I got a speeding ticket earlier today and I feel really bad about it. The fine isn't the problem; it won't break the bank and I know the money will go back into the city. I don't want a mark on my record, especially because I want to be able to volunteer and I'm kinda paranoid that the background check issue won't let me volunteer at non-profits.
I just feel impure. Road safety is kind of a big deal to me and I don't like being someone who went so far over the speed limit (it wasn't intentional). My court date isn't for three weeks but hopefully I'll be able to deal with it early. I don't want this hovering over my head anymore.
It's not a big deal here in Michigan unless it's so far over the limit that it qualifies as reckless driving. I doubt it's as bad as you think...
@semiticgod Speeding tickets wouldn't lock you out of volunteering in Kansas either. Which is probably good, considering the drivers we have out here. Is Texas a lot more strict than the average when it comes to speeding tickets?
A couple friends of mine said that I can keep it off my record by taking a driving course since it wasn't 25 or more over the speed limit. I can expunge one speeding ticket per year. I still feel bad, but at least it won't have to stay on my record necessarily. I plan on going to the courthouse today to ask if I can see the judge early and get it taken care of soon.
Probably have to dress like a guy, though, for appearance's sake. Not very happy about that.
I went to the courthouse, thankfully not dressed as a guy, and it went well! The judge said it wouldn't stay on my record as long as I didn't get a ticket for the next 150 days, and he also took a hundred dollars off the fine. I don't need to take a driving class. I was lucky that the ticket was already in the system; I understand that it usually takes a week before a ticket will be in their database thingy. It probably made a good impression that I got there three weeks before my court date, the day after the ticket.
Comments
Too late. My grandmother was this person for me. She passed away when I was 17, now at 30, it still feels like it happened just last year. I know what you feel like, because what you described has happened to me. There's nothing wrong with grieving, even for long periods of time (I had your attitude for about 3 years). But at some point you will need live your life again.
This trend of romanticizing grief is so toxic, and I've seen it so much in the last 10 years. "But I still won't get past it. I know this, because I do not want to get past it. Getting past it, ever being normal again, ever being happy again... that would cheapen the relationship I had with him. " This, this right here is the kind of crap I'm talking about. Its the kind of toxic pity and self harm that gets held up as some kind of romantic long suffering that shouldn't be tolerated. You will ruin your life with this, and there is 0 reason that you should.
It's only been a few months. It's not true that time heals all wounds (and it shouldn't), but the pain should become more bearable after some time.
If you have a wife and a child, imagine how they would feel if they knew you considered your life unworthy of living without your friend in it.
Also, if you think that even your identity doesn't exist without him, that's something I find hard to believe. But who you are without him is something you'll have to find out for yourself, given some time.
You probably don't want to hear all that. I also don't want to belittle your feelings.
I wish you strength and resilience. But after screaming into the abyss for a while, it's time to get up and spit fate in the face again.
(edited grammar)
So, it may be that you weren't as bad off as me, or it could be that being much younger than me you had more of a future to resiliently bounce back to, or you could simply be emotionally more resilient than I am. All are valid possibilities.
I do question your use of "need", though. I don't, in fact, need to live my life again. There is not much in the way of consequence to threaten me with, you know?
See, you see "romanticizing", I see it as "an attempt to honestly describe what I'm feeling". I don't particularly see this as romantic - I'm not a broken person waiting to die because I loved him so much (although I did), I'm like that because that's what his death left me as.
It's perfectly all right, I actually had assumed that if I got replies, there'd be somebody like @ThacoBell among them. I'm not offended by it. These are the sort of things that are said to grieving and suicidal people, because none of us want to think that "give up and wait for death" is an acceptable option.
If it wasn't in a way helpful to talk about it, it'd be silly of me to post about it.
My wife is entirely aware. I don't dwell on it with her every day, because that would just make her depressed to no good result, but our relationship is such that we can be honest about this sort of thing. I in fact told her about the original post, though I advised her not to read it.
My child doesn't, but I'd worry about her emotional ability to deal with it - she has her own mental issues.
Can I just say I could probably clarify why that's so, but it would require another long post and I don't really want to put my life's story in the thread (mostly because it seems excessive)? There are reasons.
But I will say that for decades, we were a pair of people most places we went and were probably better known as a pair than as individuals. And writing, the one thing I truly wanted to do in this life, is something we had done together for all that time. There's more to it than that, of course.
It's all right, I can appreciate the feeling behind the response. I've said similar things to people many times in my life - it's what you do, right?
My guess is the best way is still be open, in the hope that you'll meet people who like you for what you are wholly. From what I know from you from this forum, you're a person I would like to have as a friend if I met you in real life. Warm, caring, driven, caring about your family. And the mental vulnerabilities only make you more amiable. I find it hard to get along with people who are only doing well. "That which not glimmers can also be beautiful" is the motto of my favourite (Dutch) band De Kift. And Joy Division (my favourite international band) wouldn't be as powerful and comforting, where it not for the Schmerz Ian Curtis was suffering from (and became fatal alas).
I'm not trying to fish for sympathy or anything, it's just tough sometimes to have nobody to really talk to about the important things.
And until now, whenever I've decided to trust a person and opened up, I've been hurt (not necessarily the other person's fault. I'm extremely sensitive to criticism) and have withdrawn into my shell, swearing to never open up to people again.
Also, the fact that my ADHD makes me talk too fast and interrupt people isn't helpful. It makes me so self-conscious that I'd sometimes rather not talk at all. To notice a bad behavior, even have people point it out to me, but not being able to stop it, makes me feel very bad.
Try convincing yourself of that when someone starts covering his ears while you're talking
That may have been somewhere in the ballpark of 15 years ago. Feels like a lifetime.
Recognizable, my autism makes me do the same, especially when I'm either very enthusiastic or both anxious (*) about something and tired at the same time, I tend to sprout a waterfall of words. I quickly cover my mouth with my hand to stop the flood when someone points it out. But working in an environment where everyone by default is mentally ill (we work FOR the interests of people with mental illnesses BY people with mental illnesses), no one really takes it up heavily, we're all strange in some ways where I work.
(*) anxious in the sense about being agitated, angry about something, usually some societal injustice.
But I still work right? I study graphic design, character design, figure drawing, 3D modeling, level design, some animation, sequential art, multiple different mediums from both wet and dry to digital. I spend more time doing it than I have even sleeping or eating and even been in both galleries and art shows... Have I become financially stable, maybe not but but I am still walking forward, right?
So why do I feel like I've been shoehorned into one of the things I feared becoming when I was much much younger.
You just need to find people with better taste then. I can understand, I tend to talk really fast and stumble over other people's words all the time.
@DragonKing You work hard and you deserve to be rewarded for your work. The problem is that this country doesn't really reward hard work anymore. Wanting a baseline quality of life for the effort one puts in is not entitlement.
For example, one boy choked him in the locker room because he had blocked the door (obsessed with wanting to be first at the lunch table), and then went "Why don't you go and tell a teacher about it?" while obviously he wouldn't dare, because the other kid is bigger and stronger.
Then, at the lunch table, the other kid asked around "Hands up who doesn't like G." and then all but one boy lifted their hands. Even two kids that he wanted to invite to his birthday next week. Then the bully even asked the only other kid why he didn't lift his hand, "so that nobody likes him." Fortunately, the other boy said that he's his friend.
I have an appointment today with the woman who's in charge at after school care, but I'm worried it will be as always. He says that nobody ever believes him, because he's the one who lashes out and kicks or hits when they won't stop teasing him. Teachers don't seem to understand that the one who hits can also be the victim.
They tell him to make an effort, to stick to the rules and control his anger.
He says he's making all the effort he can, but they don't believe him.
That's probably the most annoying thing. Teachers are assuming they *know* a child's motive (as in, he's seeking attention, he wants to avoid demands, he's deliberately oppositional). If I assumed such things of another adult instead of asking what's the matter, I'd be sent to communication classes.
I need to stand up for him a lot, because to outsiders it isn't always obvious that he's not a neurotypical child, and I'm worried I might make matters worse for him by confronting his teachers, but they need to know (and so does he) that I'm on his side.
And other moms already give me The Look when they see me, because he kicked their child. Never mind what happened before the kicking, and that my supposedly aggressive son is the one who's crying every evening.
Oh, and whenever people try to say they "know" what my wife or son are capable of, or what they are or aren't doing. I insist they tell me everything about their disability and what specific troubles they have. It usually shuts them up, and it gives you the talking point that demonstrated complete lack of knowledge or care.
His school teachers got along well with him until now so I never saw the necessity to give them written resources or set up something like an IEP, but now they have two new teachers who seem to know it all and think they have the solutions. I wonder how they never ask themselves how and why their colleagues get along with him, or if teachers don't talk to each other.
He's going to change schools in August anyway (where we live, elementary school is until 4th grade only), so I'll definitely have to prepare that other school very well, with everything written down and approved by his doctor (we're still on a waiting list for specific therapy
They have other kids with issues or disabilities at his school, but he looks like the typical kids and talks like them, so sometimes it's hard to remember even for the adults that he's different.
So, if he gets treated roughly by others, they expect *him* to adapt and be *less weird* so that he won't get teased.
Anyway. The after school people promised to keep a special eye on that boy who initiated the bullying and make sure they sit at different tables.
Was this really what life is? Just nothing but perpetual confusion and solitude? If so can I give it back? Atleast nonexistence makes it easier to not care.
Also 7 more days until V-day, I guess I should start on a V day piece.
I'm 53 and I still feel lost, confused and alone sometimes (and that's AFTER becoming a member of "society")...
Pretty much. Nobody really knows what they are doing.
I don't even know if we're supposed to be doing something...
I for one became mentally ill just when I started frantically questioning life and turning every stone trying to find out what life really is about. I became very depressed and borderline psychotic by doing so. Trying to live life with a mental illness has for a large part been to trying to accept that life can't be comprehended and refraining myself from questioning everything and turning every stone, just focus on what I CAN do to make life more just for some people.
Someone once told me that around us we see other people like beautiful swans gliding effortlessly over the water, but we don't see how frantically they, too, are paddling to stay on the surface instead of drowning.
You can see it if you dip below the surface of the water. It's really murky down there though so I don't recommend it if you value your sanity...
"Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water."
That's kind of a "koan" that can mean a lot of different things.
To me, it means that the meaning of life is to find food, water, and shelter, and then to either have and raise children to adulthood, or at least to teach what skills you know and have to children. "Enlightenment" to the meaning of life is a side bonus to doing what you're going to have to do anyway while you're alive. Living is working to survive. "Man must toil and labor, and sustenance comes by the sweat of his brow."
I once made up my own little koan that I find very helpful during dark times, that still makes me smile because I created it with an ironic, humorous, and fatalistic flair, and please pardon the profanity if it doesn't get filtered out, but it's part of the humor.
Here is the meaning of life:
"Life eats. Life shits. Life cleans up all the shit."
That's everything you need to know about the meaning of life.
Unfortunately we now have machines to clean the shit for us, leaving us way too much time contemplating what to do with the time we're no longer utilizing to clean shit...
Do you honestly believe that we have too much time and that's the issue? Okay, we no longer work in the fields from sunrise to sunset, but do you really think modern life leaves us too much time to contemplate?
I think it's more because average people in the past just weren't educated enough to question anything, still thinking that God had given them their place in life, and the aristocracy was meant to rule over them, and hardship was a trial or punishment for their sins and all that...
I doubt that people who are, let's say, collecting toxic garbage all day long or working in a Cambodian clothes factory are happier than us just because they work very hard and barely have time to eat and sleep, let alone think about the meaning of life.
But maybe that's more for the religion and philosophy thread.
I just feel impure. Road safety is kind of a big deal to me and I don't like being someone who went so far over the speed limit (it wasn't intentional). My court date isn't for three weeks but hopefully I'll be able to deal with it early. I don't want this hovering over my head anymore.
It's not a big deal here in Michigan unless it's so far over the limit that it qualifies as reckless driving. I doubt it's as bad as you think...
Probably have to dress like a guy, though, for appearance's sake. Not very happy about that.