Hi @semiticgod I understand you. A couple of months ago I was caught by a camera not stopping at a pedestrian crossing and I got a letter from the police on it. This made me really angry, because I usually always stop at crosswalks and I particularly pay attention to it. I live in a country where people drive like crazy and I am very sensitive to this issue (particularly when my children were small, I feared to let them cross alone the streets because people sometimes don't stop at crosswalks ...). And here we go, I got caught myself ... So from now on I try to be even more careful when I drive ...
Why weren't you happy to dress like a guy ?
To complete the story I need to add that I learned to drive at a pretty old age, when I was 36 (I am 47 now).
When I was 16 I was run over by a car and I stayed almost two weeks at hospital. I think that because of this I was not so keen learning to drive. My younger brother learned to drive very young, and I had to wait for almost 20 years to be able to overcome my fears. Now it is OK, but I cannot say that I enjoy driving. I prefer cycling, or walking.
I have been more and more estranged from my older son recently. He is 19 years old, and for the last few months has been living in a different country from where we live. We used to be really really close when he was a child, then beginning 4 years ago everything went amok.
He has finished High school, doesn't plan to study at the moment. In our country there is a compulsory military service but he received an exemption for psychological reasons. He has been going through a lot of mental suffering, and for the moment has decided to live in my wife's family who lives in a different country. It is really difficult, I feel that I did a lot of mistakes in his education, and I am feeling helpless. I do not manage to help him, and I think and feel that he needs to be away from the family for his own sake. That's life.
Apart of my job, I usually write a lot (I translate books) and play music. But for the last months, coming back playing to BG has been for me some kind of escape to all those problems. It may look a bit ridiculous and childish, but that really helps me. A shrink would laugh at me for this, but I do not really care. People escape sorrows with wine or drugs, I do while playing BG.
Kinda just been binging some gaming this week with very minimal drawing. Trying to take my mind off my mother. She has been sick for the past week, she says she has a cold and the flu and has been to the doctor. But with everything else going on I'm more worried, she says she will be ok and I have to just trust in her. I'm not there and currently have no way to get to her. Plus if it's something worse, I'm worried about my little sister as well
@semiticgod Now I understand. And I am happy to learn that now you feel good and yourself in your new self. We live only once and to be able to know who we are, what is our true "ego" is so important, but the way is sometimes painful and difficult.
Our foodstamps did not renew this month. We submitted all our renewal papers for the year and have gotten no response. I really hope this is just a short delay and our card will refill in a day. Because otherwise, we have no means to get food for our son for the week.
Oh my effing god... I love my dad with all my blackened heart but I swear he is a unsound, invalid, fallacy machine some times!
"Their saying black people can't catch the Coronavirus"
Who are you told you that, that on a literal biological make sense. No medical professional ove heard speak about it or journal I've seen speak on it said ish about us some how being magically immune to this virus.
...making other statements ona general level which effects a large quantity of people and try to use me, an individual to prove his point.
"They eat that crazy mess and raw meat over there"
Pops... We eat raw meat HERE.
"We don't, what freaking raw meat have you eaten, i don't ear no raw meat."
OMG pops, you can't just...urghh!
"That's your problem, you think you know everything and you're always in that mess. I've been all around the world when you haven't even left our state yet."
I don't need to leave the freaking state to know black people eat sushi, I've freaking seen it! Ive been to parties, gallery openings, Soirees; I've seen it!
....
"Boy they been talking about this here on the new channels"
The same news that lies and twist narratives to fit their whims every single day? Heck they literally lied about this disease when it first appared
I can't even go on... Of you ever want to see what a generation gap looks like just put me and my papadoc beside each other.
I made this man a email address twice and I'm quite sure he still doesn't have a email. Heck the most technological thing this man has I'd his car and his smart phone and all he knows how to do with the smart phone is check scores for sports. Heck, back in his house... All he has is a very old tv with a dvd player where when he finally lays down to relax he plays the same dvd movie over and over again.
The more i think about my upbringing the more it makes sense why i was so far behind everyone else in the technological. Other 13 year olds making flash animations and playing with photoshop and what was I doing? Throwing dirt to rocks at imaginary friends.
Got a letter confirming it yesterday. Our food benefits have been cancelled. The cited reason was that, apparently, there needed to be an interview needed to happen that didn't. Except we were never contacted about an interview, the review papers stated nothing about an interview being needed, rights and responsibilities didn't say anything about a renewal interview, the renewal papers stated nothing about an interview, and none of the documentation available to us stated anything about us being responsible for initiating any element of the renewal process. I am baffled, my wife is baffled, and the professional who handles our cases is baffled.
The whole thing has me pissed off an depressed. We were halfway through our plan to be able to live on our own, and now we have lost every single benefit we worked for 6 years to earn. We are back at square one, and I have no idea how to fix it, or how to prevent this from happening in the future. Because apparently they can change all the rules and not tell us until we've lost everything.
Got a letter confirming it yesterday. Our food benefits have been cancelled. The cited reason was that, apparently, there needed to be an interview needed to happen that didn't. Except we were never contacted about an interview, the review papers stated nothing about an interview being needed, rights and responsibilities didn't say anything about a renewal interview, the renewal papers stated nothing about an interview, and none of the documentation available to us stated anything about us being responsible for initiating any element of the renewal process. I am baffled, my wife is baffled, and the professional who handles our cases is baffled.
The whole thing has me pissed off an depressed. We were halfway through our plan to be able to live on our own, and now we have lost every single benefit we worked for 6 years to earn. We are back at square one, and I have no idea how to fix it, or how to prevent this from happening in the future. Because apparently they can change all the rules and not tell us until we've lost everything.
My grandma always used to tell me, "The government can change anything they want with a stroke of the pen."
Sounds like in your case it's probably some kind of clerical error, though. I'm sure it'll work out for you eventually (small consolation, I know...).
@Balrog99 Losing my son's benefits a few months back was definitely a clerical error on their part. But they still decided that it was on US to fix THEIR mistake. So they really don't deserve any benefit of the doubt.
So I absolutely hate that the Digital Millennium Copyright Act is so heavily in favor of the group filing the the claim. I'm an engineer for a news company and we got a DMCA take down letter from the company we host a ton of virtual servers with saying our account will be shutdown if we don't look at this. This idiot has created a whole fake news site scraped from another news site and reposted a copy of an article from 2005 on it so they can file fraudulent DMCA requests about a specific article. The worst part is it's an article about the individual in question being busted in a sting where they thought they were soliciting a 14 year old minor in a chatroom. As soon as one of our reps in the news room saw it, he mentioned they'd had trouble from this guy before doing crap like this. I'm just glad everyone is 100% behind fighting this, since it sets a bad precedent if we cave in to it. Could you get any scummier than this?
Well, looks like I got to go to the hospital again. The numbness and tingling in my right arm and leg have gotten worse. It actually pulled me out of my sleep and I realized I couldn't move my fingers.
It seems to be at it's worse between 12am and 2am, or maybe it's always there and I don't really notice it until around these times in the morning.
I'm still taking my blood pressure medicine, but I don't have the funds to keep up with the whole, "only eat vegetables". I tried to, outside the face they don't last that friggin long I don't have the funds for it.
Anyways, people keep telling me that these are signs of a stroke, so not the countdown has begun. Will I make it to the big 3-0 or will life give up on me like I always said it would before I reached 30.
@DragonKing I'm very sorry that you're forced to deal with such difficult health issues at such a young age. I've had my fair share myself and I know it's not easy. Keep your doctors up to date and hang in there!
Well, looks like I got to go to the hospital again. The numbness and tingling in my right arm and leg have gotten worse. It actually pulled me out of my sleep and I realized I couldn't move my fingers.
It seems to be at it's worse between 12am and 2am, or maybe it's always there and I don't really notice it until around these times in the morning.
I'm still taking my blood pressure medicine, but I don't have the funds to keep up with the whole, "only eat vegetables". I tried to, outside the face they don't last that friggin long I don't have the funds for it.
Anyways, people keep telling me that these are signs of a stroke, so not the countdown has begun. Will I make it to the big 3-0 or will life give up on me like I always said it would before I reached 30.
Only 5 days left
Unless you're prone to blood clots it's probably not a stroke. Sounds more like something's wrong with a nerve. I had a similar problem years ago with tingling and loss of feeling from my left elbow all the way down to half of my left ring finger. It turned out that it was from a bad habit of mine. I used to lay on the floor and play video games on my laptop while watching TV. The way I positioned myself put most of my body weight on my left elbow and it pinched the nerve. It took almost 3 months and lots of ibuprofen to take care of it...
@Balrog99
I wish I was that lucky, but I have already been informed on several doctor checks before now that my blood pressure is already dangerously high. The constant stress, and poor eating doesn't help it much at all. I'm wirstiong of these blood thinner pills even actually help.
Have you talked to a psychiatrist? If it's just stress there should be better options than blood-thinners for your blood pressure. My dad was on Warfarin for a few years for a heart murmur and it was pretty awful for him...
@Balrog99
It's not just stress, I have a naturally high blood pressure, got it from Mom and pops, who both have natural high blood pressure and mom who has diabetes which is in my bloodline. Last time I went to the ER they confirmed I didn't have diabetes but I did have a dangerously high blood pressure.
On a more depressing note... I'm literally in the one place I don't want to be right now due to current events happening.
-_-
Someone walked in behind me with heavy breathing, sweating, and looking like they were about to pass out. Yay me...
Edit;
Left my apartment around 4:30... It is now 10:22 and it seems like im finally being discharged.
Verdict, they have no clue what's going on... They say it's doesn't appear to be a stroke and it doesn't appear to be diabetes so they want me to to do whatever yo get a neurological exam. Can't say that put much faith in me.
Update on the food stamps situation. Just got a call saying that the application has been processed (despite being cancelled?) and that our food card should update tomorrow morning. Now, our county is notorious for not wanting to give out any benefits, so I'm going to be CAUTIOUSLY optimistic.
I'm transgender. It feels wrong to dress like my old self. It's a reminder of a much sadder and lonelier part of my life that I've been moving past.
i dream of a future when we all will be able to dress like a man, woman, clown or whatever, and cakewalk in the street without other people judging us.
as well as cakewalk completely naked, without any fear of problem, we are the only animal species that has to hide its body like something shameful.
that day we maybe also will be free to feel ourselves "ourselves", if you get what i mean, in every situation independently to the dresses we have on.
and it is true also for the less evident and visible dresses we use to put on every day: socially acceptable behaviors, the obligation to be cool or be nothing and so on, the faking in expressing who we are, how we feel cause of how other people could judge us.
that day maybe also some people that now make the choice of becoming transgender will have less urge to do it, as it is a choice that has so many cons, related to what we do to our bodies, i am not talking of the social related cons, and whose social related pros, to be accepted by the other people as you feel inside, would be in that hypothetical future less relevant.
still some people that really feels his body as it is as something wrong would make the choice to become transgender, but only because how they feel themselves, not because how the other people think and judge. in every case, both in a changed body or in a body that is as it was originally everyone would be much free to be himself.
My son is making experience with bullies at school and in after school care.
For example, one boy choked him in the locker room because he had blocked the door..............
I have an appointment today with the woman who's in charge at after school care................ Teachers don't seem to understand that the one who hits can also be the victim.
They tell him to make an effort, to stick to the rules and control his anger.
......................................................
And other moms already give me The Look when they see me, because he kicked their child. Never mind what happened before the kicking, and that my supposedly aggressive son is the one who's crying every evening.
one of the first things my mother taught me is that if i punch or kick an other person that did not kick or punch me before, even if i am right, i was offended in some way, i automatically become wrong.
self defense in case of physical aggression is different, is not escalating the conflict at a physical level, is reacting at the same level of the aggression. even if she aught me also that if can avoid to respond with physical violence to physical violence is better that i try to do it.
(by the way if someone decide to do it imo instead of kicking there are better ways. if your son when the other guy asked to everybody to lift the hand if they did not like him would have go next to him and would have given to him a slap in the face, like the slaps the old school parents used to give to a naughty son, in front of all the classmates, with the same self given authority that a parent has in scolding his son, maybe the teachers would have made the same problems they do for the kicks, but the opinion of the class mates about who is really the cool one would have drastically changed...)
and don't make me wrong, i don't suggest it, even if a couple of times in my life i had to use it, and worked great.
i am almost 60 and i perfectly know that in the present younger generation the bullying problem is much worse then at the time i was young, but i still think that what my mother taught me is true.
i also believe that if the behavior of the bullies does not have any justification if someone becomes victim of them it is somehow also his fault.
why among all the classmates only someone becomes a victim?
if you feel to move your son to an other school well, you are in charge, you have to do what you think is better.
but even in an other place if someone is a magnet for the bullies i am afraid that problems will rise again.
so i suggest you to help your son at working on those aspects, to learn to don't vent his frustration with kicks and physical aggression, and mainly to find the reasons why he has become a magnet for bullies, to change his way to interact with the other people, as so often if the other people don't respect you is because you don't respect and value yourself in first place. also the more you are able to "read" the situations the smarter you can react to them, to compete with a bully for who reaches the door first is a good example of not being able to read the situation.
i hope it can help you. to see our sons and daughters facing bullying and social in acceptance is one of the worst things a parent can face.
So, the hospital say they don't know if I have covid-19, but I could have since o do have a viral infection right now and spots on my lungs on the x Ray that weren't there before.
...
Seems Everytime I go to a ER, I never seem to get a conclusive answer.
Things seem to go from bad to worse with my cousin, now they have to do Dialysis on him, first we lost his father now him so soon. I feel sorry for his brother.
So, around Thanksgiving of 2019, I lost one of my uncle's, one of my father's youger siblings. The 4 have now become three...
Shortly after, my deceased uncle's oldest son lost his unborn child.
April fourth, I lost one of my little cousins...
May firstaround 11pm I get the call, I just lost another cousin, the elder son of my deceased uncle...
I want to be sad, even depressed but I can't help but hear the voice telling me that I don't have the right to be, not while my cousin has to cope with losing his brother, father, and neice/nephew.
@DragonKing Someone else's worse suffering, real or perceived, should not stop anyone from feeling sad about their own bad circumstances. One neither informs, devalues, or affects the other in any way.
Though the rational me fully understands why, travel restrictions still suck when me and my partner lives in separate continents. At least one more month until we are finally together again, but might be more too.
Comments
Why weren't you happy to dress like a guy ?
When I was 16 I was run over by a car and I stayed almost two weeks at hospital. I think that because of this I was not so keen learning to drive. My younger brother learned to drive very young, and I had to wait for almost 20 years to be able to overcome my fears. Now it is OK, but I cannot say that I enjoy driving. I prefer cycling, or walking.
He has finished High school, doesn't plan to study at the moment. In our country there is a compulsory military service but he received an exemption for psychological reasons. He has been going through a lot of mental suffering, and for the moment has decided to live in my wife's family who lives in a different country. It is really difficult, I feel that I did a lot of mistakes in his education, and I am feeling helpless. I do not manage to help him, and I think and feel that he needs to be away from the family for his own sake. That's life.
Apart of my job, I usually write a lot (I translate books) and play music. But for the last months, coming back playing to BG has been for me some kind of escape to all those problems. It may look a bit ridiculous and childish, but that really helps me. A shrink would laugh at me for this, but I do not really care. People escape sorrows with wine or drugs, I do while playing BG.
Hope it works out for you and the family. I understand your distress.
"Their saying black people can't catch the Coronavirus"
Who are you told you that, that on a literal biological make sense. No medical professional ove heard speak about it or journal I've seen speak on it said ish about us some how being magically immune to this virus.
...making other statements ona general level which effects a large quantity of people and try to use me, an individual to prove his point.
"They eat that crazy mess and raw meat over there"
Pops... We eat raw meat HERE.
"We don't, what freaking raw meat have you eaten, i don't ear no raw meat."
OMG pops, you can't just...urghh!
"That's your problem, you think you know everything and you're always in that mess. I've been all around the world when you haven't even left our state yet."
I don't need to leave the freaking state to know black people eat sushi, I've freaking seen it! Ive been to parties, gallery openings, Soirees; I've seen it!
....
"Boy they been talking about this here on the new channels"
The same news that lies and twist narratives to fit their whims every single day? Heck they literally lied about this disease when it first appared
I can't even go on... Of you ever want to see what a generation gap looks like just put me and my papadoc beside each other.
I made this man a email address twice and I'm quite sure he still doesn't have a email. Heck the most technological thing this man has I'd his car and his smart phone and all he knows how to do with the smart phone is check scores for sports. Heck, back in his house... All he has is a very old tv with a dvd player where when he finally lays down to relax he plays the same dvd movie over and over again.
The more i think about my upbringing the more it makes sense why i was so far behind everyone else in the technological. Other 13 year olds making flash animations and playing with photoshop and what was I doing? Throwing dirt to rocks at imaginary friends.
The whole thing has me pissed off an depressed. We were halfway through our plan to be able to live on our own, and now we have lost every single benefit we worked for 6 years to earn. We are back at square one, and I have no idea how to fix it, or how to prevent this from happening in the future. Because apparently they can change all the rules and not tell us until we've lost everything.
My grandma always used to tell me, "The government can change anything they want with a stroke of the pen."
Sounds like in your case it's probably some kind of clerical error, though. I'm sure it'll work out for you eventually (small consolation, I know...).
It seems to be at it's worse between 12am and 2am, or maybe it's always there and I don't really notice it until around these times in the morning.
I'm still taking my blood pressure medicine, but I don't have the funds to keep up with the whole, "only eat vegetables". I tried to, outside the face they don't last that friggin long I don't have the funds for it.
Anyways, people keep telling me that these are signs of a stroke, so not the countdown has begun. Will I make it to the big 3-0 or will life give up on me like I always said it would before I reached 30.
Only 5 days left
Unless you're prone to blood clots it's probably not a stroke. Sounds more like something's wrong with a nerve. I had a similar problem years ago with tingling and loss of feeling from my left elbow all the way down to half of my left ring finger. It turned out that it was from a bad habit of mine. I used to lay on the floor and play video games on my laptop while watching TV. The way I positioned myself put most of my body weight on my left elbow and it pinched the nerve. It took almost 3 months and lots of ibuprofen to take care of it...
I wish I was that lucky, but I have already been informed on several doctor checks before now that my blood pressure is already dangerously high. The constant stress, and poor eating doesn't help it much at all. I'm wirstiong of these blood thinner pills even actually help.
It's not just stress, I have a naturally high blood pressure, got it from Mom and pops, who both have natural high blood pressure and mom who has diabetes which is in my bloodline. Last time I went to the ER they confirmed I didn't have diabetes but I did have a dangerously high blood pressure.
On a more depressing note... I'm literally in the one place I don't want to be right now due to current events happening.
-_-
Someone walked in behind me with heavy breathing, sweating, and looking like they were about to pass out. Yay me...
Edit;
Left my apartment around 4:30... It is now 10:22 and it seems like im finally being discharged.
Verdict, they have no clue what's going on... They say it's doesn't appear to be a stroke and it doesn't appear to be diabetes so they want me to to do whatever yo get a neurological exam. Can't say that put much faith in me.
i dream of a future when we all will be able to dress like a man, woman, clown or whatever, and cakewalk in the street without other people judging us.
as well as cakewalk completely naked, without any fear of problem, we are the only animal species that has to hide its body like something shameful.
that day we maybe also will be free to feel ourselves "ourselves", if you get what i mean, in every situation independently to the dresses we have on.
and it is true also for the less evident and visible dresses we use to put on every day: socially acceptable behaviors, the obligation to be cool or be nothing and so on, the faking in expressing who we are, how we feel cause of how other people could judge us.
that day maybe also some people that now make the choice of becoming transgender will have less urge to do it, as it is a choice that has so many cons, related to what we do to our bodies, i am not talking of the social related cons, and whose social related pros, to be accepted by the other people as you feel inside, would be in that hypothetical future less relevant.
still some people that really feels his body as it is as something wrong would make the choice to become transgender, but only because how they feel themselves, not because how the other people think and judge. in every case, both in a changed body or in a body that is as it was originally everyone would be much free to be himself.
self defense in case of physical aggression is different, is not escalating the conflict at a physical level, is reacting at the same level of the aggression. even if she aught me also that if can avoid to respond with physical violence to physical violence is better that i try to do it.
(by the way if someone decide to do it imo instead of kicking there are better ways. if your son when the other guy asked to everybody to lift the hand if they did not like him would have go next to him and would have given to him a slap in the face, like the slaps the old school parents used to give to a naughty son, in front of all the classmates, with the same self given authority that a parent has in scolding his son, maybe the teachers would have made the same problems they do for the kicks, but the opinion of the class mates about who is really the cool one would have drastically changed...)
and don't make me wrong, i don't suggest it, even if a couple of times in my life i had to use it, and worked great.
i am almost 60 and i perfectly know that in the present younger generation the bullying problem is much worse then at the time i was young, but i still think that what my mother taught me is true.
i also believe that if the behavior of the bullies does not have any justification if someone becomes victim of them it is somehow also his fault.
why among all the classmates only someone becomes a victim?
if you feel to move your son to an other school well, you are in charge, you have to do what you think is better.
but even in an other place if someone is a magnet for the bullies i am afraid that problems will rise again.
so i suggest you to help your son at working on those aspects, to learn to don't vent his frustration with kicks and physical aggression, and mainly to find the reasons why he has become a magnet for bullies, to change his way to interact with the other people, as so often if the other people don't respect you is because you don't respect and value yourself in first place. also the more you are able to "read" the situations the smarter you can react to them, to compete with a bully for who reaches the door first is a good example of not being able to read the situation.
i hope it can help you. to see our sons and daughters facing bullying and social in acceptance is one of the worst things a parent can face.
...
Seems Everytime I go to a ER, I never seem to get a conclusive answer.
Hope they get well soon.
Shortly after, my deceased uncle's oldest son lost his unborn child.
April fourth, I lost one of my little cousins...
May firstaround 11pm I get the call, I just lost another cousin, the elder son of my deceased uncle...
I want to be sad, even depressed but I can't help but hear the voice telling me that I don't have the right to be, not while my cousin has to cope with losing his brother, father, and neice/nephew.