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The thread for coming out/share your identity

semiticgodsemiticgod Member, Moderator Posts: 14,094
This forum has long been one of the most welcoming places on the Internet, and I've always been proud to be a part of it. We have a lot of genuinely kind people on this forum who have helped shape a positive community culture. That culture has allowed people to discuss sensitive subjects, share their troubles, and ask for advice and support in a safe space.

In the spirit of that culture, this thread is here for members of the LGBTQ+ community and other folks to come out, share our support, and to discuss gender and orientation issues.

ZaghoulBallpointManGenderNihilismGirdledeltagoThacoBellStummvonBordwehrJuliusBorisovDrHappyAngryArviaPermidion_StarkdunbarOrlonKronsteenBlackravenmlnevesegorgonzolaAedanCalmarGrammarsaladButtercheese
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Comments

  • semiticgodsemiticgod Member, Moderator Posts: 14,094
    @ThacoBell: I never even considered that... I like it.

    ThacoBellmlneveseQuartzGrammarsalad
  • jjstraka34jjstraka34 Member Posts: 8,057
    semiticgod wrote: »
    @ThacoBell: I never even considered that... I like it.

    CAN we change our usernames?? I didn't even know it was an option........

  • ArdanisArdanis Member Posts: 1,712
    Well, congrats, I guess :)
    semiticgod wrote: »
    2. It's always possible to just disobey gender roles regardless of your identity. I encourage everyone to break any gender role they're not comfortable with! But I found it incredibly difficult to do so, because I could never shake the feeling that other people would judge me for it, even if I never got any actual signals to that effect.
    Interesting. I'm hardly an example of overblown masculinity either, not fond of drinking, cars, football, boxing etc. and preferring to have a tea and watch fluffy animes instead, but it doesn't affect my self-esteem in the slightest - in fact, I sometimes enjoy trolling people irl with it, hoping someone would start going about how I should be a real man (and damn, nobody seems to care :( So lame...)
    jjstraka34 wrote: »
    It requires no effort to just address someone how they want to be addressed
    I hate to be a wet blanket, but you are *extremely* wrong here. It requires a great deal of effort to start calling something different than what's been cemented in your brain for years. I may be willing to do it for a friend or acquaintance, but otherwise I wouldn't feel obligated in the slightest, since I see pronouns as descriptive of biological sex (inseparable from gender), and switching them just to not follow traditional roles seems a bit overkill to me.

    Raduziel
  • ThacoBellThacoBell Member Posts: 10,266
    @Ardanis Hard? You would lose literally nothing, by using a new pronoun.

  • ArdanisArdanis Member Posts: 1,712
    edited October 2019
    ThacoBell wrote: »
    @Ardanis Hard? You would lose literally nothing, by using a new pronoun.
    And I could say trans people would lose literally nothing if they stop giving a damn about others' expectations of their habits. Except, as this thread makes apparent, it doesn't work so always, and it's actually hard for some to do so. I don't understand how this is a problem, but I can sympathize and make an effort to accommodate nonetheless. On the other hand, we've got people in this very thread who "have no tolerance" for things they do not understand, like if someone does need an effort to do so and unwilling to expend it. See the problem?

  • ArviaArvia Member Posts: 1,071
    I don't think anyone judges people for making a mistake with pronouns, especially on the internet or when something is new. It's a totally different issue if people outright refuse to use the right pronouns if someone explicitly expressed their desire to use different ones than before.

    I don't like it when trans people get super touchy about it, either, but usually they don't, the handful that I know. Sometimes it's extremely leftist people who exaggerate and say that we discriminate trans people if we only ask the androgynous person in the group which pronouns they use. Honestly, why would I ask the bearded guy with the shorts and hairy legs about pronouns, or the blonde who is dressed like a barbie doll? But if we're not sure, it's normal to ask. We are biologically programmed to want to know "man or woman" as in "potential mate, threat, competition". If someone says "both, or none" that's okay, too.

    If someone says they want to be referred to as "she", wears a wig with long hair, a dress and makeup, and someone continues to say "he" on purpose, that's hurting the person's feeling, and it's not intolerant if that person cares about being referred to as "she".

    ArdanisIsewein
  • semiticgodsemiticgod Member, Moderator Posts: 14,094
    edited October 2019
    It would be nice to just shrug off the little things, but that's not actually safe. Trans folks don't really have the luxury of not caring about what people think. We're outnumbered, outgunned, and unless a miracle happens in the Supreme Court, it will be perfectly legal for folks to fire us or discriminate against us in the United States (and elsewhere, the situation is even uglier). Other people's opinions of us, and transgender people as a group, have a direct impact on our daily lives, our career, our friendships, and even our physical safety. You do have to pay attention to what other people think of you.

    The reason I carry pepper spray is because a confident, devil-may-care attitude won't stop anyone from throwing a punch. It's not safe to close your eyes.

    StummvonBordwehrThacoBellOrlonKronsteenArvia
  • StummvonBordwehrStummvonBordwehr Member, Mobile Tester Posts: 852
    Thanks for the enlightening @semiticgod.

    I hadn’t given the whole pronoun thing much thought until now. Not that I didn’t care, I just didn’t know enough about it. So thank you for sharing

    If you want the pronoun her/she then it is so in my book, because:
    1) You are passing because you want to,
    2) I am taking you seriously,
    3) I am accepting you, and
    4) I do care enough to lift a little finger

    Arviagorgonzola
  • BlackravenBlackraven Member Posts: 3,283
    Hey @semiticgod(dess), I'm shocked (first reaction, because you're someone I've "known" for years) but ultimately pleased for you as you appear to be in a much better place now than you used to. I wish you love, strength, peace of mind, and of course happiness.

    semiticgodOrlonKronsteengorgonzola
  • ThacoBellThacoBell Member Posts: 10,266
    Ardanis wrote: »
    ThacoBell wrote: »
    @Ardanis Hard? You would lose literally nothing, by using a new pronoun.
    And I could say trans people would lose literally nothing if they stop giving a damn about others' expectations of their habits. Except, as this thread makes apparent, it doesn't work so always, and it's actually hard for some to do so. I don't understand how this is a problem, but I can sympathize and make an effort to accommodate nonetheless. On the other hand, we've got people in this very thread who "have no tolerance" for things they do not understand, like if someone does need an effort to do so and unwilling to expend it. See the problem?

    Somone is simply asking you to make the ATTMPT to use a three letter word instead of a two letter one. If that is difficult for you, you might have a problem.

    OrlonKronsteen
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