I think the effort to use the correct pronouns is comparable to using the correct family name after someone got married (assuming you're in a country where a person takes their spouse's family name). You'll slip a few times, out of habit, you'll apologize when you get it wrong, and you'll eventually get used to it.
Imagine someone still calling you Mrs Miller for three years after marrying Mr Smith, although everyone else calls you Mrs Smith and you have repeatedly mentioned that you're now Mrs Smith.
How could that be anything else than either malicious intent or such lack of care about other people's feelings that it's not better than malicious intent?
I think the effort to use the correct pronouns is comparable to using the correct family name after someone got married (assuming you're in a country where a person takes their spouse's family name). You'll slip a few times, out of habit, you'll apologize when you get it wrong, and you'll eventually get used to it.
Imagine someone still calling you Mrs Miller for three years after marrying Mr Smith, although everyone else calls you Mrs Smith and you have repeatedly mentioned that you're now Mrs Smith.
How could that be anything else than either malicious intent or such lack of care about other people's feelings that it's not better than malicious intent?
Well, to he honest it could also be an age thing or a speech thing. These days I'm lucky if I can remember a name at all. I consider it a small victory if I can even remember an acquaintance's first name!
My daughter has a friend named Madleen. My dad has a friend named Madelyn. The pronunciation is not really even close, but Madleen is Madelyn to my dad no matter how many times he's corrected about it. Worse yet, Madleen's basketball coach has called her Mad'a'leen from day one (even though he's only in his early 30's), and also seems to be unable to change his pronunciation.
Long story short, it's easy to be offended, but be sure you're not rushing to judgment.
Lots of people do just make the mistake out of habit, and get it right other times, but there are some weirdos who will intentionally get it wrong just to mock people or show contempt (which, yeah, petty and passive aggressive). Plenty of folks fall somewhere in the middle.
That's where things get sticky. Transphobes like to pose as tolerant people (and neutral bystanders tend to think of themselves as allies), so it's hard to tell what people really think of you. Meanwhile, it only gets more important to figure out whom you can trust. It can make you really paranoid!
I've heard black folks talk about not being able to tell if people think differently of them because of the color of their skin, and wondering about subtle little signs that some random white person was prejudiced. It seemed paranoid to me sometimes... but I think I understand where that comes from now. The stakes for everyday stuff suddenly get a lot higher.
I think the effort to use the correct pronouns is comparable to using the correct family name after someone got married (assuming you're in a country where a person takes their spouse's family name). You'll slip a few times, out of habit, you'll apologize when you get it wrong, and you'll eventually get used to it.
Imagine someone still calling you Mrs Miller for three years after marrying Mr Smith, although everyone else calls you Mrs Smith and you have repeatedly mentioned that you're now Mrs Smith.
How could that be anything else than either malicious intent or such lack of care about other people's feelings that it's not better than malicious intent?
Well, to he honest it could also be an age thing or a speech thing. These days I'm lucky if I can remember a name at all. I consider it a small victory if I can even remember an acquaintance's first name!
My daughter has a friend named Madleen. My dad has a friend named Madelyn. The pronunciation is not really even close, but Madleen is Madelyn to my dad no matter how many times he's corrected about it. Worse yet, Madleen's basketball coach has called her Mad'a'leen from day one (even though he's only in his early 30's), and also seems to be unable to change his pronunciation.
Long story short, it's easy to be offended, but be sure you're not rushing to judgment.
Well, of course. I wasn't talking about that kind of thing. I think it's usually possible to tell the difference. There's a nurse at work who always gets a letter wrong in my name when she pronounces it. I've told her several times, and she still says it wrong. That's the same thing as you mentioned above, and although I don't like her (for completely different reasons) I don't think it's on purpose.
But we were talking about the effort required of people to refer to someone as "she" after coming out as a trans woman, for example, because if I remember correctly, someone declared that too much effort. And I disagree and gave the example above.
I absolutely agree with what you said, by the way. People shouldn't become paranoid and see potential insults everywhere. But sometimes only those of us who aren't affected think they are paranoid.
I have a Kenyan friend living in Spain, and I used to think he's paranoid, thinking they weren't giving him a job because he's black. Then I heard some of the things people said to him, and suddenly I understood where those thoughts come from.
Sometimes we just can't imagine how stupid and mean some people can be, just because we would never say such things ourselves.
I'm sorry, but what that clerk did at the coffee-shop is the exact kind of evil bullshit I'm talking about. I guess in one way it revealed the true colors of the person you were with, but to purposefully try to outright humiliate someone like that for no reason other than personal satisfaction is downright repulsive, unless I am misunderstanding and he did it because he was your friend and was trying to see what the reaction of your date would be. If so, I apologize for misreading it.
And yet many smokers think nothing of the harm they cause to others. I'm old enough to remember when the public smoking bans were introduced and the backlash to it. As someone who hates cigarette smoke, I can say I've met way too many people happy to flaunt their habits in my face, even with the bans in place.
If people assume malicious intent behind the habit, it's because they are often given good reasons.
I think the effort to use the correct pronouns is comparable to using the correct family name after someone got married (assuming you're in a country where a person takes their spouse's family name). You'll slip a few times, out of habit, you'll apologize when you get it wrong, and you'll eventually get used to it.
Imo it's more like adding "sir" or "doctor" to you family name.
Lots of people do just make the mistake out of habit, and get it right other times, but there are some weirdos who will intentionally get it wrong just to mock people or show contempt (which, yeah, petty and passive aggressive). Plenty of folks fall somewhere in the middle.
Being open minded is not the default human quality, I'm afraid... While I'm in the same "if I can do it, then others can and will too" camp when it comes to many things, I do occasionally have to remind myself I need to be mindful of not having exceeding expectations of others.
So, when you see attack helicopter memes, bear in mind a lot of it comes from the perception of being deliberately mocked when an anatomically perfect man asks to be referred to as female, or vice versa. There is something to be said about responding to mockery, perceived or not, in kind, but it doesn't necessarily come from ideological belief that non-standard individuals are a waste of planet's resources. Those certainly exist too, but I would caution to not dump everyone together under "phobe" umbrella - that's just a good way to make people go into echo chambers to band together against feminazi conspiracy, which is hardly a good idea for universal understanding and acceptance.
"Those certainly exist too, but I would caution to not dump everyone together under "phobe" umbrella - that's just a good way to make people go into echo chambers to band together against feminazi conspiracy, which is hardly a good idea for universal understanding and acceptance."
Blaming victims for the actions of the bigoted. There's some insane troll logic for you. All because someone thinks its "too difficult" to even TRY to say a 3 letter word.
I really don't see any defense of the helicopter meme. The entire purpose of the meme is to mock the entire concept of trans identity as stupid and crazy.
"I identify as female."
"Well, I identify as an attack helicopter!"
(How much do you have to twist the first phrase to interpret it as a personal attack? It's not even about anyone else.)
It's a long-running and widespread meme which only exists to denigrate trans people and mock their desire for acceptance. People go out of their way just to disrespect us as human beings over and over again, and yet we get treated as oversensitive just for pointing it out.
Yes, there's a difference between a violent transphobe and a non-violent transphobe, and given the choice, I'd pick the latter. But neither ideology is moral or healthy for anyone. We don't spend a lot of time trying to distinguish between violent and non-violent racists, after all, and the reasons are exactly the same:
How polite are we required to be when we demand to be treated like human beings? Because a weirdly large number of people don't.
Worse yet, it's not like it's just the non-violent folks who absorb transphobia. When you throw out a transphobic meme, everyone sees it, and everyone, including violent people, thinks a little worse of us when they hear those insults and stereotypes repeated over and over again. A lot of people accept transphobia as completely normal. It's no surprise that some of them act on it.
A thousand neutral bystanders don't stop them.
Our allies do defend us, and they mean the world to us. "Ally" is a really important word for us. My friend Katherine is an ally, and she is priceless. Being an ally doesn't even mean throwing hands with violent people; it can be as simple as walking someone to their car at night or going shopping with them, like Katherine did just last week.
But it's not like violent transphobia is the only problem. If anything, the nonviolent discrimination is a bigger problem because it's so pervasive. There are only a few safe places in the world where we're treated the same as cis folks. This place is one of them, and it's great! But everywhere else, we get treated like shit.
And the more we encourage the idea that trans people are evil or crazy or stupid, the more we encourage people to treat us like shit.
Reading other people's mind is hands down the worst esper power ever. Just imagine how much garbage one has to put up with in their respectively heads? And this is true for folks of all walks of life. *urgh*
Makes me think any telepath would envy powerless to no end. Or end up being a misanthrope. Or both. Most likely both.
Anyone making any variation of the "I identify as an attack helicopter" joke at this point should be embarrassed with themselves, mostly because it's been done 50 million times and at this point is as stale as "why did the chicken cross the road??" Actually, it's probably more stale. And any PROFESSIONAL comedian doing so should be even more mortified with themselves. Not because of PC culture, but because it's so wholly unoriginal at this point that it borders on joke-stealing. This is the reason some people went after Dave Chappelle's recent Netflix special. Because he's way better than resorting to such a tired-ass joke. Let's not even get into the fact that all the comedians complaining about how PC culture is ruining their profession all seem to magically have Netflix specials plastered on the front page of the service specifically complaining about it, ostensibly which they all got paid at least six figures for. Figure that one out.
Moreover, aside from when comedians use (where the issue is that the joke has been killed dozens of times over by repetition) is that when people use it in comment sections or forums, they aren't really "joking" at all, they are using it as an actual rhetorical device to imply trans people aren't right in the head by saying "oh, you're just gonna be a woman now, well I'm gonna say I'm a head of lettuce, what do you think about that??" To which I would say #1.) I couldn't give a single shit if you do and 2.) no one is actually identifying as a head of lettuce or any other object or thing you want to substitute in that slot, but millions of people DO have gender dysphoria, so what exactly is your point??
And want to blow the door off the hinges of the idea that this thought about comedy is some "SJW gone mad" recent fad?? Here is what unquestionably one of the best comedians of all-time, who no one could possibly say is "PC", had to say about Andrew Dice Clay's one-trick pony act back in the frickin' 1980s. George Carlin had these people pegged more than 30 years ago:
People spend way too much time observing, commenting and judging how other people are supposed to live their lives.
What do I care how someone dresses and what they want to be called, as long as it doesn't harm anyone else? How does it affect my life if a neighbor with a beard suddenly wants to be called Dora and wears lipstick?
We had a patient two years ago needing vascular surgery who happened to be a man transitioning to woman at age 50-something. That was difficult for the wife, I can't imagine how difficult, but why should it be anybody else's business? Except for the inevitable question "men's ward or women's ward, in three-bed rooms?"
By the way, @semiticgod , I don't think I'm "a teensy bit trans", although I'm not offended by the assumption, of course.
I just happen to dislike various stereotypical gender roles, not my gender itself.
It's easier for women, anyway. We can wear pants, become a mechanic and drink beer more easily than a man can wear dresses, become a midwife and drink cocktails with little pink umbrellas.
Maybe some people who identify as trans women wouldn't feel the need to transition if "feminine" behavior and looks were more accepted in men. I'm not saying all of them, because obviously there are several who really feel like living in the wrong body or looking wrong, but maybe there are some who don't necessarily want to be a woman but rather like to do girl stuff and don't get away with it as a man.
That's just a theory of course, but it would explain why there are more male to female than female to male transitions.
And again, that's just my musings, and just about "maybe a part of them". I'm absolutely not trying to say that being transgender isn't real, or that your or other people's desire to be, or feeling that you are, the opposite gender, isn't true.
@Arvia: I couldn't agree more. Feminism has done a lot to crush traditional gender roles for women, but we're only starting to break down male gender roles, and there's an ongoing backlash against it. I think the primary reason why transgender women are more common than trans men is precisely because women like me couldn't express themselves without transitioning.
That feeling of liberation is honestly the best part of the transition.
@jjstraka34 You made me not hate a Carlin clip. Well done. I never thought he was remotely funny, but holy crap, he does have that dead on.
Well, he had an incredible amount of contempt for organized religion, and since he's American, he aimed his sights at Christianity, at least from the 90s onward, so I can imagine he wouldn't appeal to someone who is a believer.
@jjstraka34 You made me not hate a Carlin clip. Well done. I never thought he was remotely funny, but holy crap, he does have that dead on.
Well, he had an incredible amount of contempt for organized religion, and since he's American, he aimed his sights at Christianity, at least from the 90s onward, so I can imagine he wouldn't appeal to someone who is a believer.
Yes, he was a bit sacreligious, but he had a pretty good grasp of human nature. I found him and Robin Williams pretty damned funny.
Edit: If God has a sense of humor, both of those guys will be greeting me at the Pearly Gates...
@jjstraka34 You made me not hate a Carlin clip. Well done. I never thought he was remotely funny, but holy crap, he does have that dead on.
Well, he had an incredible amount of contempt for organized religion, and since he's American, he aimed his sights at Christianity, at least from the 90s onward, so I can imagine he wouldn't appeal to someone who is a believer.
I don't find the right word to this new life you are happily and courageously embracing: congratulations ? welcome ? a bit of both ? They don't seem strong enough though.
All I can say is that I have only happy wishes for you, it cannot have been easy those last 20 years, and I understand how you would describe this decision as liberating and making you fly. It just proves that you have done what is right.
And I am quite surprised by the general reaction on this forum, after the mizhena bullshit scandal, which really pissed me off (not mizhena, the so-called scandal, or, if we afford using real names, plain homophobia/transphobia), I thought you would be opening pandora's box.
Very sad to hear the news about your life @semiticgod, but only cause now your romance options are limted to anomen and an ugly half orc .
I wish you all the best, it is so strange how what should be the easest thing, being ourselves, sometimes is so hard and difficult.
The opinion and prejudices, the mental image the other people has of us are chains that tie us to what we are supposed to be, instead of what we really are.
About pronouns use to accept ourselves as we are instead of what are supposed to be can be a really long painful, and difficult process. But also to accept that the world is changing can be somehow so.
So when some people need time to accept we should give them that time.
Even if sometimes is painful, even if sometimes they offend you on purpose.
They are victims, victims of their own prejudices, we should help them, not blame them.
Tha best way to do it is to be pride of what we are, true with ourselves, bejond the silly RP game that are human interactions.
Hard as it can be...
Blaming victims for the actions of the bigoted. There's some insane troll logic for you. All because someone thinks its "too difficult" to even TRY to say a 3 letter word.
Facepalm. Allow me to be very blunt here - if someone thinks it's difficult to do, that's all the excuse they need to not do so, period. Your subjective opinion of what's wrong and right is irrelevant there, because this is how it works with pretty much everything.
If you think otherwise then I encourage you to step out of your fantasy world and get acquainted with reality a little - because by default if you have a problem, then it's your problem and yours only, so if you want others to care about it, it's on you how to make them start caring. Instead of promoting that zero tolerance nonsense and making everyone hate your guts.
Yes, there's a difference between a violent transphobe and a non-violent transphobe, and given the choice, I'd pick the latter. But neither ideology is moral or healthy for anyone. We don't spend a lot of time trying to distinguish between violent and non-violent racists, after all, and the reasons are exactly the same:
How polite are we required to be when we demand to be treated like human beings? Because a weirdly large number of people don't.
Worse yet, it's not like it's just the non-violent folks who absorb transphobia. When you throw out a transphobic meme, everyone sees it, and everyone, including violent people, thinks a little worse of us when they hear those insults and stereotypes repeated over and over again. A lot of people accept transphobia as completely normal. It's no surprise that some of them act on it.
The bottom line is that the world isn't ready to accept gender transition as something normal. So there are three options on how to proceed:
1) Recycle the rest of the world to methane. I think we can all agree that's worse than genocidal and is highly improbable due to vast difference in numbers.
2) Go against the current and deal with the backlash. I believe this is how blacks' and women's rights have been fought for, but they also enjoyed less overwhelming numerical disadvantage.
3) Subtly work the general opinion in your favor through media. Ever so often I see LGBT characters, including trans, in anime and they feel well integrated and developed. They don't step out and say "hey, I'm X!" into your face, that may not even be ever directly mentioned at all, they just exist and have very human problems everyone can empathize with - much unlike the Mizhena debacle, which is really a textbook case of how not to do things.
And the more we encourage the idea that trans people are evil or crazy or stupid, the more we encourage people to treat us like shit.
I don't think it's trans folks specifically who encourage that idea, but the well-intended yet ill-informed or incompetent leftists like some of our friends here in this thread Mizhena was just a perfect example of how such efforts may work out.
Blaming victims for the actions of the bigoted. There's some insane troll logic for you. All because someone thinks its "too difficult" to even TRY to say a 3 letter word.
Facepalm. Allow me to be very blunt here - if someone thinks it's difficult to do, that's all the excuse they need to not do so, period. Your subjective opinion of what's wrong and right is irrelevant there, because this is how it works with pretty much everything.
If you think otherwise then I encourage you to step out of your fantasy world and get acquainted with reality a little - because by default if you have a problem, then it's your problem and yours only, so if you want others to care about it, it's on you how to make them start caring. Instead of promoting that zero tolerance nonsense and making everyone hate your guts.
Well, allow me to be rather blunt as well. There are a couple of things that are just true, undoubtedly true, where it's not up to anti-XXX to make the people with opposing opinions start caring. Obvious examples; racism, misogony, pedofilia, child-abusers etc. It's up to the person with archaic views to read, listen and learn and, when applicable, change their behaviour. It's not the persons who are promoting the benevolent views/opinions responsiblity to make the slower readers catch up to contemporary views.
This is true here as well. And stop saying things like "everyone hate your guts", since as you can see quite clearly here there are plenty of people who are very open for LGBTQ issues and have zero problem with it, so obviously it's not "everyone". True, this forum is not representative of the world, but neither is the sites or forums you might find your compatriots in, though I have no idea where people of such views gather.
Yes, there's a difference between a violent transphobe and a non-violent transphobe, and given the choice, I'd pick the latter. But neither ideology is moral or healthy for anyone. We don't spend a lot of time trying to distinguish between violent and non-violent racists, after all, and the reasons are exactly the same:
How polite are we required to be when we demand to be treated like human beings? Because a weirdly large number of people don't.
Worse yet, it's not like it's just the non-violent folks who absorb transphobia. When you throw out a transphobic meme, everyone sees it, and everyone, including violent people, thinks a little worse of us when they hear those insults and stereotypes repeated over and over again. A lot of people accept transphobia as completely normal. It's no surprise that some of them act on it.
The bottom line is that the world isn't ready to accept gender transition as something normal. So there are three options on how to proceed:
1) Recycle the rest of the world to methane. I think we can all agree that's worse than genocidal and is highly improbable due to vast difference in numbers.
2) Go against the current and deal with the backlash. I believe this is how blacks' and women's rights have been fought for, but they also enjoyed less overwhelming numerical disadvantage.
3) Subtly work the general opinion in your favor through media. Ever so often I see LGBT characters, including trans, in anime and they feel well integrated and developed. They don't step out and say "hey, I'm X!" into your face, that may not even be ever directly mentioned at all, they just exist and have very human problems everyone can empathize with - much unlike the Mizhena debacle, which is really a textbook case of how not to do things.
And the more we encourage the idea that trans people are evil or crazy or stupid, the more we encourage people to treat us like shit.
I don't think it's trans folks specifically who encourage that idea, but the well-intended yet ill-informed or incompetent leftists like some of our friends here in this thread Mizhena was just a perfect example of how such efforts may work out.
perhaps you can explain how someone who basically says; "hey, let's treat trans people decently, mmkay?" are "ill-informed or incompetent leftists" and manage to encourage the idea that trans are evil/crazy/stupid? I'm quite sure you guys manage to do that just fine yourself.
It's up to the person with archaic views to read, listen and learn and, when applicable, change their behaviour. It's not the persons who are promoting the benevolent views/opinions responsiblity to make the slower readers catch up to contemporary views.
Perhaps you should step out of your fantasy world and read some history books too.
This is true here as well. And stop saying things like "everyone hate your guts", since as you can see quite clearly here there are plenty of people who are very open for LGBTQ issues and have zero problem with it, so obviously it's not "everyone". True, this forum is not representative of the world, but neither is the sites or forums you might find your compatriots in, though I have no idea where people of such views gather.
And who those compatriots of mine would be? If there is one thing I absolutely know for a fact, it's that you have no idea what my views are.
perhaps you can explain how someone who basically says; "hey, let's treat trans people decently, mmkay?" are "ill-informed or incompetent leftists" and manage to encourage the idea that trans are evil/crazy/stupid? I'm quite sure you guys manage to do that just fine yourself.
As a very obvious example of what I just said, I doubt you possess the ability to look past your personal beliefs and comprehend my point. In any case, I was responding to Semitic and not addressing you or your friends.
Comments
Imagine someone still calling you Mrs Miller for three years after marrying Mr Smith, although everyone else calls you Mrs Smith and you have repeatedly mentioned that you're now Mrs Smith.
How could that be anything else than either malicious intent or such lack of care about other people's feelings that it's not better than malicious intent?
Well, to he honest it could also be an age thing or a speech thing. These days I'm lucky if I can remember a name at all. I consider it a small victory if I can even remember an acquaintance's first name!
My daughter has a friend named Madleen. My dad has a friend named Madelyn. The pronunciation is not really even close, but Madleen is Madelyn to my dad no matter how many times he's corrected about it. Worse yet, Madleen's basketball coach has called her Mad'a'leen from day one (even though he's only in his early 30's), and also seems to be unable to change his pronunciation.
Long story short, it's easy to be offended, but be sure you're not rushing to judgment.
That's where things get sticky. Transphobes like to pose as tolerant people (and neutral bystanders tend to think of themselves as allies), so it's hard to tell what people really think of you. Meanwhile, it only gets more important to figure out whom you can trust. It can make you really paranoid!
I've heard black folks talk about not being able to tell if people think differently of them because of the color of their skin, and wondering about subtle little signs that some random white person was prejudiced. It seemed paranoid to me sometimes... but I think I understand where that comes from now. The stakes for everyday stuff suddenly get a lot higher.
Well, of course. I wasn't talking about that kind of thing. I think it's usually possible to tell the difference. There's a nurse at work who always gets a letter wrong in my name when she pronounces it. I've told her several times, and she still says it wrong. That's the same thing as you mentioned above, and although I don't like her (for completely different reasons) I don't think it's on purpose.
But we were talking about the effort required of people to refer to someone as "she" after coming out as a trans woman, for example, because if I remember correctly, someone declared that too much effort. And I disagree and gave the example above.
I absolutely agree with what you said, by the way. People shouldn't become paranoid and see potential insults everywhere. But sometimes only those of us who aren't affected think they are paranoid.
I have a Kenyan friend living in Spain, and I used to think he's paranoid, thinking they weren't giving him a job because he's black. Then I heard some of the things people said to him, and suddenly I understood where those thoughts come from.
Sometimes we just can't imagine how stupid and mean some people can be, just because we would never say such things ourselves.
You confuse malicious intent with indifference.
Imo it's more like adding "sir" or "doctor" to you family name.
Being open minded is not the default human quality, I'm afraid... While I'm in the same "if I can do it, then others can and will too" camp when it comes to many things, I do occasionally have to remind myself I need to be mindful of not having exceeding expectations of others.
So, when you see attack helicopter memes, bear in mind a lot of it comes from the perception of being deliberately mocked when an anatomically perfect man asks to be referred to as female, or vice versa. There is something to be said about responding to mockery, perceived or not, in kind, but it doesn't necessarily come from ideological belief that non-standard individuals are a waste of planet's resources. Those certainly exist too, but I would caution to not dump everyone together under "phobe" umbrella - that's just a good way to make people go into echo chambers to band together against feminazi conspiracy, which is hardly a good idea for universal understanding and acceptance.
Blaming victims for the actions of the bigoted. There's some insane troll logic for you. All because someone thinks its "too difficult" to even TRY to say a 3 letter word.
"I identify as female."
"Well, I identify as an attack helicopter!"
(How much do you have to twist the first phrase to interpret it as a personal attack? It's not even about anyone else.)
It's a long-running and widespread meme which only exists to denigrate trans people and mock their desire for acceptance. People go out of their way just to disrespect us as human beings over and over again, and yet we get treated as oversensitive just for pointing it out.
Yes, there's a difference between a violent transphobe and a non-violent transphobe, and given the choice, I'd pick the latter. But neither ideology is moral or healthy for anyone. We don't spend a lot of time trying to distinguish between violent and non-violent racists, after all, and the reasons are exactly the same:
How polite are we required to be when we demand to be treated like human beings? Because a weirdly large number of people don't.
Worse yet, it's not like it's just the non-violent folks who absorb transphobia. When you throw out a transphobic meme, everyone sees it, and everyone, including violent people, thinks a little worse of us when they hear those insults and stereotypes repeated over and over again. A lot of people accept transphobia as completely normal. It's no surprise that some of them act on it.
A thousand neutral bystanders don't stop them.
Our allies do defend us, and they mean the world to us. "Ally" is a really important word for us. My friend Katherine is an ally, and she is priceless. Being an ally doesn't even mean throwing hands with violent people; it can be as simple as walking someone to their car at night or going shopping with them, like Katherine did just last week.
But it's not like violent transphobia is the only problem. If anything, the nonviolent discrimination is a bigger problem because it's so pervasive. There are only a few safe places in the world where we're treated the same as cis folks. This place is one of them, and it's great! But everywhere else, we get treated like shit.
And the more we encourage the idea that trans people are evil or crazy or stupid, the more we encourage people to treat us like shit.
But how often does the first guy suspect what the other guy is thinking?
Makes me think any telepath would envy powerless to no end. Or end up being a misanthrope. Or both. Most likely both.
Moreover, aside from when comedians use (where the issue is that the joke has been killed dozens of times over by repetition) is that when people use it in comment sections or forums, they aren't really "joking" at all, they are using it as an actual rhetorical device to imply trans people aren't right in the head by saying "oh, you're just gonna be a woman now, well I'm gonna say I'm a head of lettuce, what do you think about that??" To which I would say #1.) I couldn't give a single shit if you do and 2.) no one is actually identifying as a head of lettuce or any other object or thing you want to substitute in that slot, but millions of people DO have gender dysphoria, so what exactly is your point??
And want to blow the door off the hinges of the idea that this thought about comedy is some "SJW gone mad" recent fad?? Here is what unquestionably one of the best comedians of all-time, who no one could possibly say is "PC", had to say about Andrew Dice Clay's one-trick pony act back in the frickin' 1980s. George Carlin had these people pegged more than 30 years ago:
What do I care how someone dresses and what they want to be called, as long as it doesn't harm anyone else? How does it affect my life if a neighbor with a beard suddenly wants to be called Dora and wears lipstick?
We had a patient two years ago needing vascular surgery who happened to be a man transitioning to woman at age 50-something. That was difficult for the wife, I can't imagine how difficult, but why should it be anybody else's business? Except for the inevitable question "men's ward or women's ward, in three-bed rooms?"
By the way, @semiticgod , I don't think I'm "a teensy bit trans", although I'm not offended by the assumption, of course.
I just happen to dislike various stereotypical gender roles, not my gender itself.
It's easier for women, anyway. We can wear pants, become a mechanic and drink beer more easily than a man can wear dresses, become a midwife and drink cocktails with little pink umbrellas.
Maybe some people who identify as trans women wouldn't feel the need to transition if "feminine" behavior and looks were more accepted in men. I'm not saying all of them, because obviously there are several who really feel like living in the wrong body or looking wrong, but maybe there are some who don't necessarily want to be a woman but rather like to do girl stuff and don't get away with it as a man.
That's just a theory of course, but it would explain why there are more male to female than female to male transitions.
And again, that's just my musings, and just about "maybe a part of them". I'm absolutely not trying to say that being transgender isn't real, or that your or other people's desire to be, or feeling that you are, the opposite gender, isn't true.
That feeling of liberation is honestly the best part of the transition.
Well, he had an incredible amount of contempt for organized religion, and since he's American, he aimed his sights at Christianity, at least from the 90s onward, so I can imagine he wouldn't appeal to someone who is a believer.
Yes, he was a bit sacreligious, but he had a pretty good grasp of human nature. I found him and Robin Williams pretty damned funny.
Edit: If God has a sense of humor, both of those guys will be greeting me at the Pearly Gates...
Actually, I just found his standup boring.
All I can say is that I have only happy wishes for you, it cannot have been easy those last 20 years, and I understand how you would describe this decision as liberating and making you fly. It just proves that you have done what is right.
And I am quite surprised by the general reaction on this forum, after the mizhena bullshit scandal, which really pissed me off (not mizhena, the so-called scandal, or, if we afford using real names, plain homophobia/transphobia), I thought you would be opening pandora's box.
I am glad to see that my fears were unfounded.
I wish you all the best, it is so strange how what should be the easest thing, being ourselves, sometimes is so hard and difficult.
The opinion and prejudices, the mental image the other people has of us are chains that tie us to what we are supposed to be, instead of what we really are.
About pronouns use to accept ourselves as we are instead of what are supposed to be can be a really long painful, and difficult process. But also to accept that the world is changing can be somehow so.
So when some people need time to accept we should give them that time.
Even if sometimes is painful, even if sometimes they offend you on purpose.
They are victims, victims of their own prejudices, we should help them, not blame them.
Tha best way to do it is to be pride of what we are, true with ourselves, bejond the silly RP game that are human interactions.
Hard as it can be...
If you think otherwise then I encourage you to step out of your fantasy world and get acquainted with reality a little - because by default if you have a problem, then it's your problem and yours only, so if you want others to care about it, it's on you how to make them start caring. Instead of promoting that zero tolerance nonsense and making everyone hate your guts.
The bottom line is that the world isn't ready to accept gender transition as something normal. So there are three options on how to proceed:
1) Recycle the rest of the world to methane. I think we can all agree that's worse than genocidal and is highly improbable due to vast difference in numbers.
2) Go against the current and deal with the backlash. I believe this is how blacks' and women's rights have been fought for, but they also enjoyed less overwhelming numerical disadvantage.
3) Subtly work the general opinion in your favor through media. Ever so often I see LGBT characters, including trans, in anime and they feel well integrated and developed. They don't step out and say "hey, I'm X!" into your face, that may not even be ever directly mentioned at all, they just exist and have very human problems everyone can empathize with - much unlike the Mizhena debacle, which is really a textbook case of how not to do things.
I don't think it's trans folks specifically who encourage that idea, but the well-intended yet ill-informed or incompetent leftists like some of our friends here in this thread
Well, allow me to be rather blunt as well. There are a couple of things that are just true, undoubtedly true, where it's not up to anti-XXX to make the people with opposing opinions start caring. Obvious examples; racism, misogony, pedofilia, child-abusers etc. It's up to the person with archaic views to read, listen and learn and, when applicable, change their behaviour. It's not the persons who are promoting the benevolent views/opinions responsiblity to make the slower readers catch up to contemporary views.
This is true here as well. And stop saying things like "everyone hate your guts", since as you can see quite clearly here there are plenty of people who are very open for LGBTQ issues and have zero problem with it, so obviously it's not "everyone". True, this forum is not representative of the world, but neither is the sites or forums you might find your compatriots in, though I have no idea where people of such views gather.
perhaps you can explain how someone who basically says; "hey, let's treat trans people decently, mmkay?" are "ill-informed or incompetent leftists" and manage to encourage the idea that trans are evil/crazy/stupid? I'm quite sure you guys manage to do that just fine yourself.
And who those compatriots of mine would be?
As a very obvious example of what I just said, I doubt you possess the ability to look past your personal beliefs and comprehend my point. In any case, I was responding to Semitic and not addressing you or your friends.