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The topic for unhappiness/vent your sorrow

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  • MichelleMichelle Member Posts: 549
    So two things have changed this week in my viewing profile, i baught Game of Thrones, all seasons, and Criminal Minds was offered on netflix.

    Is it weird of me that I love the story, yet still feel they are so dark that I cannot watch them?

    I read tbe books, when the Mountain crushed that guys head I closed the book and never picked them up again, never watched the series. I stopped watching Criminal Minds and Law and Order SVU long ago. I started to struggle with depression for days after.

    It is not okay, you understand that? These two programs are dark beyond all belief. You understand that right?

    Why has everyone made doing the right rhing wrong? Do the right thing, not so hard. I hate those shows. Hate them.

    How does someone make a story that only Hitler or Genghis Khan could find fascinating? Not judging, as I said the stories are next level, amazing and compelling. Everyone that watches Criminal Minds, Law and Order SVU, The Game of Thrones, I don't know. Is it okay?

    That is a serious question. Is it okay? At what time do we disassociate from reality? Are our children more susceptible?

    The sadness comes from my nephew who used both to assult my logic. Do you ever fear the generations we are creating?
    semiticgoddessStummvonBordwehr
  • jjstraka34jjstraka34 Member Posts: 9,850
    edited May 2021
    Michelle wrote: »
    So two things have changed this week in my viewing profile, i baught Game of Thrones, all seasons, and Criminal Minds was offered on netflix.

    Is it weird of me that I love the story, yet still feel they are so dark that I cannot watch them?

    I read tbe books, when the Mountain crushed that guys head I closed the book and never picked them up again, never watched the series. I stopped watching Criminal Minds and Law and Order SVU long ago. I started to struggle with depression for days after.

    It is not okay, you understand that? These two programs are dark beyond all belief. You understand that right?

    Why has everyone made doing the right rhing wrong? Do the right thing, not so hard. I hate those shows. Hate them.

    How does someone make a story that only Hitler or Genghis Khan could find fascinating? Not judging, as I said the stories are next level, amazing and compelling. Everyone that watches Criminal Minds, Law and Order SVU, The Game of Thrones, I don't know. Is it okay?

    That is a serious question. Is it okay? At what time do we disassociate from reality? Are our children more susceptible?

    The sadness comes from my nephew who used both to assult my logic. Do you ever fear the generations we are creating?

    SVU is pretty dark all things considered for a prime-time network show. There isn't anything particularly impressive about the writing, acting, or direction. Assuming you can handle the subject matter, they are just very easy to digest in bite-size viewing sessions. Who is the real culprit?? Will justice be served, or will they get off on a technicality?? But yeah, I have no idea how you keep recycling the same sex crimes for 20+ episodes over 20+ seasons. And I don't imagine it would be a particularly easy show for survivors of sexual assault or abuse to watch.

    As for Game of Thrones, most of the great TV since the late '90s has been awfully dark and populated by anti-heroes. The Sopranos, Deadwood The Wire, Breaking Bad. Game of Thrones is particularly brutal to it's characters, and gives not a single fuck about whether the audience likes one of them or not. Almost everyone is potentially on the chopping block any given week. I am usually not one to complain about these sort of things, but the writing and drop in quality from a purely narrative and dialogue standpoint in the last two seasons of this show is just jaw-droppingly bad, worse in hindsight than it even was at the time.

    There is a scene in what I think is probably the second season of Deadwood with the late Powers Boothe that is just incredibly disturbing the first time you watch it, and doesn't get a hell of alot easier on repeat viewings. But it takes real craft and skill to elicit that kind of reaction.

    I think back to the rape scene in "The Accused" with Jodie Foster, and I've never watched it a second time, because it feels like it's totally real. This is one thing I don't tolerate gratuitously in movies. If you're gonna include a rape scene, it better have a real purpose, and not just be thrown in for shock value. The horror movies in recent years that basically use the rape of a young girl as a jumping off point for her to then go on a revenge killing spree are repulsive beyond all belief.
    semiticgoddessMichelleStummvonBordwehr
  • JuliusBorisovJuliusBorisov Member, Administrator, Moderator, Developer Posts: 22,714
    I would recommend watching Bridgerton if you want to get good feelings.
    MichelleStummvonBordwehr
  • MichelleMichelle Member Posts: 549
    I would recommend watching Bridgerton if you want to get good feelings.

    I love Bridgerton! Can't believe the duke is not coming back next season. :/
    JuliusBorisovStummvonBordwehr
  • MichelleMichelle Member Posts: 549
    jjstraka34 wrote: »
    Michelle wrote: »
    So two things have changed this week in my viewing profile, i baught Game of Thrones, all seasons, and Criminal Minds was offered on netflix.

    Is it weird of me that I love the story, yet still feel they are so dark that I cannot watch them?

    I read tbe books, when the Mountain crushed that guys head I closed the book and never picked them up again, never watched the series. I stopped watching Criminal Minds and Law and Order SVU long ago. I started to struggle with depression for days after.

    It is not okay, you understand that? These two programs are dark beyond all belief. You understand that right?

    Why has everyone made doing the right rhing wrong? Do the right thing, not so hard. I hate those shows. Hate them.

    How does someone make a story that only Hitler or Genghis Khan could find fascinating? Not judging, as I said the stories are next level, amazing and compelling. Everyone that watches Criminal Minds, Law and Order SVU, The Game of Thrones, I don't know. Is it okay?

    That is a serious question. Is it okay? At what time do we disassociate from reality? Are our children more susceptible?

    The sadness comes from my nephew who used both to assult my logic. Do you ever fear the generations we are creating?

    I think back to the rape scene in "The Accused" with Jodie Foster, and I've never watched it a second time, because it feels like it's totally real. This is one thing I don't tolerate gratuitously in movies. If you're gonna include a rape scene, it better have a real purpose, and not just be thrown in for shock value. The horror movies in recent years that basically use the rape of a young girl as a jumping off point for her to then go on a revenge killing spree are repulsive beyond all belief.

    I understand that. I don't watch anything with rape in it period. I was so interested in Outlander then... I just stopped watching it. Jodie Foster in The Accused was so eerily accurate I watched the whole thing and didn't speak to anyone for almost two months.
    semiticgoddessStummvonBordwehr
  • semiticgoddesssemiticgoddess Member Posts: 14,903
    edited May 2021
    I regret watching The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo because of the rape scene. Even though I closed my eyes and covered my ears I could still hear it and it was so stressful. A Clockwork Orange messed with my head, too.8

    It just feels too real.

    EDIT: Earlier today I was remembering the movie Otis and thinking about how stressful it was to watch. This stuff has always been painful for me, even before the transition.
    StummvonBordwehrMichelle
  • MichelleMichelle Member Posts: 549
    I literally hate everyone and everything. Made a huge post and somehow it all disappeared.,
    Spend 20 minutes bearing your soul then have it erased.

    I won't do it again.

    This is so terrible for me to admit.

    I can't stop from peeing.myself. Can't. I am so careful but yeah, still happens. No one cares. Everyone treats me like an anomaly.. I have done the VA I have done civilian health care doesn't matter, they all seem so uncomfortable with my anatomy..

    I hate you. I have never hurt anyone, ever. Yes I am older, yes I am different, why can't anyone treat me like a human being though?

    Not lying, I hate you all. Over and over again I have been treated as less than. I can't even get competent health care.

    You have broken me, is that not enough? Meh, wnatever.
    StummvonBordwehrsemiticgoddessAerakar
  • MichelleMichelle Member Posts: 549
    Know what is the worst? I have not had sex. Only a few times ever.. Only a few times with girls in the eighties and early 90s. Uck, not for me. They all go straight for a std. But I haven't... Just making sure. I tell them I have not had sex in 35 to 40 years and they still insist I take all of the tests for std.

    They think I am a deviant. Pervert. They assume I am a pervert. Like, seriously? Everyone sees a trans person as one thing. I don't know what I am but promiscuous I am not. Kay, nothing wrong with what an an adult does with a consenting adult. Don't mean to say they are in any way are perverted. Just.... well, I have never done anything with anyone. The fact that doctors always assume I am out doing any guy that will have me is offensive in the extreme.
    StummvonBordwehrsemiticgoddess
  • Son_of_ImoenSon_of_Imoen Member Posts: 1,806
    edited May 2021
    Michelle wrote: »
    Know what is the worst? I have not had sex. Only a few times ever.. Only a few times with girls in the eighties and early 90s. Uck, not for me. They all go straight for a std. But I haven't... Just making sure. I tell them I have not had sex in 35 to 40 years and they still insist I take all of the tests for std.

    They think I am a deviant. Pervert. They assume I am a pervert. Like, seriously? Everyone sees a trans person as one thing. I don't know what I am but promiscuous I am not. Kay, nothing wrong with what an an adult does with a consenting adult. Don't mean to say they are in any way are perverted. Just.... well, I have never done anything with anyone. The fact that doctors always assume I am out doing any guy that will have me is offensive in the extreme.

    How absurd, to think bladder problems could be the result of an std when you haven't had sex in 35-40 years. That sounds even more absurd then the doctor who told me when I get older I still might want children when I asked for a sterilization and never ever have wanted to put children in this fucked-up world. Now it's not needed anymore, as I never have sex anymore anyway, but that a doctor thinks that your problems stem from an std after clearly stating you never had sex for decennia is indeed an outrageous insult. They're basically calling you out to being a liar.
    MichelleStummvonBordwehrsemiticgoddess
  • lroumenlroumen Member Posts: 2,508
    Hyper-realism is a thing the last decades. I cannot watch it either, due to my empathy level.
    I have no idea why people would want to see gruesome acts. When my wife watched game of thrones that was also the episode in which I said this series was already pornography in the first seasons, and now it is even more fucked up. I stopped watching it ever since but I cannot get the image of of my head.
    Same as the hannibal movie, pure garbage that my friend was watching when I entered and I'm scarred for life.
    MichelleStummvonBordwehrsemiticgoddess
  • lroumenlroumen Member Posts: 2,508
    Peeing yourself as in incontinence? That could have a large range of causes. Probably the doctors went by a simple checklist because that is what they normally do.
    It could be mental-physical that you do not notice the muscles anymore and training can help (as in always go to the toilet 15-30 minutes after every drink,before going out, and before bed). It could be psychological from fear, fidgeting, too much on your mind, stress, etc. Then those triggers need to be identified and addressed. It could also just be physical as an impairment.
    But anyhow, that can take a trajectory to go through to identify the cause, let alone the cure. If the only thing they do is the std test even if you say it cannot be that, then that is negligence.
    MichelleStummvonBordwehrsemiticgoddess
  • MichelleMichelle Member Posts: 549
    Sorry about all of that. It is just so humiliating even though it doesn't happen often. Then the frustration when no one will help you. The doctor I went to outside of the VA didn't do anything for me but test for stds and a uti. Didn't recommend me to a specialist. Wait no, her did put me on antibiotics for a few days. The last time I saw him he asked if I was on birth control, when I said no he suggested that I considered starting. How absurd, I didn't even know how to respond to that. Obviously I never went back to him. I know that I don't look my age but even so, birth control? Treat me like the worst kind of sinner because I am trans, the man was so awful to me, then suggest I be on birth control. While his hand was resting on my inner thigh. Grr! I am just glad that Pete was not in the room, that would not have ended well.

    I like my doctors at the VA but anything to do with certain things they pretty much just do bloodwork and a urine test then say, I don't know. I have given up on getting help. I mange it okay now. Then I am laying in bed crying, feel I have to go, only twelve steps but I didn't make it. I get so upset then bother all the nice people here, not everyone here's problem that I am pathetic.

    I am so, so sorry. Going to hide away in shame for a while. Take care.
    StummvonBordwehrAerakar
  • lroumenlroumen Member Posts: 2,508
    Fully understandable. You go to a doctor to get help. If in the end you are not feeling that you are getting the help you ask for or you feel as if you are not taken seriously then that is a real issue.
    Doctors should explain to you their reasoning for the intervention or follow up, and you should feel comfortable enough to inquire and question them openly if you do not understand or if you disagree.
    They are people persons, they should be able to explain. For all I know birth control medication will balance out the hormones and do something useful for your ailment even as a trans person, but that should become fully clear when you ask them.
    In this case though, I doubt it...
    StummvonBordwehrsemiticgoddessMichelleAerakar
  • semiticgoddesssemiticgoddess Member Posts: 14,903
    It's astounding that one's doctor would just shrug off a symptom as unpleasant as bladder control. That's not something you should just let run its course as a physician; that's a huge quality of life issue for the patient.

    Is there no hope to see a doctor outside the VA? To find a specialist without having to go through them?
    MichelleAerakar
  • jjstraka34jjstraka34 Member Posts: 9,850
    It's astounding that one's doctor would just shrug off a symptom as unpleasant as bladder control. That's not something you should just let run its course as a physician; that's a huge quality of life issue for the patient.

    Is there no hope to see a doctor outside the VA? To find a specialist without having to go through them?

    Minority demographics in this country quite frequently have their legitimate concerns dismissed out of hand by doctors. This is especially true if the ones complaining of pain or symptoms is a woman. For trans women, I assume it's even MORE of an uphill climb.
    semiticgoddessStummvonBordwehrMichelleAerakar
  • DragonKingDragonKing Member Posts: 1,977
    m7600 wrote: »
    My parents are turning into elderly people. For some reason, they both seem sad. Maybe not to the point of clinical depression, but they just seem sad to me. I'm not really sure how I can help them. I've got a job, but they tell me that they don't need help with money, even though their pension funds aren't good. I've asked them if they want to see a shrink, but they say that it's no big deal. I've tried talking to them myself, but it seems that they're dealing with something that's beyond a conversation. After they retired, it's like they lost all sense of purpose in this world, and now they're just waiting to pass away. I hope they're not regretting how they lived their lives or the decisions that they made. Looking back at your life as an old person and regretting how you lived must be an awful experience. I most certainly don't want that for myself.

    I'm usually good at solving problems, given enough time to study the issue. But I haven't figured out how to solve the sadness that my parents have. And, realistically, I don't think I'll be able to.
    The older the generation, the closer their purpose and who they are is tied to their work. Their is true with humanity in general but even more so with older gen.

    For example, look at the young millionaires who retire by 30-35, they tend to change after they tire and no longer have a need to work usually that change is a loss of self and purpose. The best help I can figure is to help them try to find a new purpose something that they "need" to do or it won't get done.
    Balrog99ThacoBellm7600
  • AerakarAerakar Member Posts: 1,014
    DragonKing wrote: »
    m7600 wrote: »
    My parents are turning into elderly people. For some reason, they both seem sad. Maybe not to the point of clinical depression, but they just seem sad to me. I'm not really sure how I can help them. I've got a job, but they tell me that they don't need help with money, even though their pension funds aren't good. I've asked them if they want to see a shrink, but they say that it's no big deal. I've tried talking to them myself, but it seems that they're dealing with something that's beyond a conversation. After they retired, it's like they lost all sense of purpose in this world, and now they're just waiting to pass away. I hope they're not regretting how they lived their lives or the decisions that they made. Looking back at your life as an old person and regretting how you lived must be an awful experience. I most certainly don't want that for myself.

    I'm usually good at solving problems, given enough time to study the issue. But I haven't figured out how to solve the sadness that my parents have. And, realistically, I don't think I'll be able to.
    The older the generation, the closer their purpose and who they are is tied to their work. Their is true with humanity in general but even more so with older gen.

    For example, look at the young millionaires who retire by 30-35, they tend to change after they tire and no longer have a need to work usually that change is a loss of self and purpose. The best help I can figure is to help them try to find a new purpose something that they "need" to do or it won't get done.

    I'm sorry for your troubles @m7600 . Happiness is an interesting subject to research and I think many of us are chasing more happiness most of our lives and are frustrated as this chase never seems to cease.

    Regarding your parents, from research there is a baseline of happiness that is biological for everyone and to become happier than your biological baseline, one needs to focus on creating habits that invest in 4 areas/quadrants in their lives (below, in no particular order):

    1. Life philosophy or spirituality or faith or life belief system, etc. For many people this is their religion, but in fact it is bigger than that. Religion is part of this for most people, but also other philosophies can take this place, e.g. humanism, etc.
    2. Family
    3. Friendships
    4. Work (but only if work is creating value and one feels they are earning their success, or they are serving others, later in life volunteer work can take the place of paid work)

    When someone invests in these 4 areas of their life regularly, i.e. they feed quadrants 1-4 habitually, they will feel happier than their baseline happiest and can potentially reach their maximum level of consistent happiness.

    This construct explains why getting another big toy, or a raise, or even winning the lottery does not lead to a long-term gain in someone's happiness. All of these areas need to be nurtured regularly.

    There is a course free online from Yale that explores the concept of happiness if of interest to delve further into this topic.

    https://news.yale.edu/2018/02/20/yales-most-popular-class-ever-be-available-coursera

    I wish you and your parents well!
    StummvonBordwehrm7600
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