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Things that never happen in Baldur's Gate

I remember many years ago reading a series of jokes called "Things that never happen on Star Trek":
http://www.inflection-point.com/jokes/3.htm

.. and I wondered what it would be like if applied to Baldur's Gate?

Things that never happen in Baldur's Gate:
1. Someone in a town commits a serious crime which puts everyone in a difficult dilemma, but thanks to prompt action by local authorities, the situation is promptly resolved before the arrival of charname & party.

2. Sarevok, using his Iron Throne money, pays 20,000 gold to hire a high-level assassin stationed at the Friendly Arm Inn, who uses hide in shadows and backstab to chunk the unsuspecting arriving charname beyond all recognition.

3. Charname's party members gets pissed because charname keeps taking all the good loot, they go on a strike and demand equal pay(distribution of loot) as well as the right not to be sent on a naked orc hunt the second a better party member shows up.

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