If you truly want to be happy, then change something in your life. Do something. If my memory serves me right, months ago in this topic, some people, including myslef, were encouraging you to go to therapist. What have you done about it? You cannot expect thing to change (and thus, live happily) without doing anything.
No, I won't say anything about attitute anymore. That never worked on me in the past, so I don't think it will work on you. It still painful to see all that.
I went to a therapist for a while. It didn't really work. Didn't change my feelings. I just had the feeling I was wasting my time. It also cost 83 euro's for just one hour. Too expensive in the long run.
As for my attitude, well, I don't have many options now. You're suggesting I should think more positively? How, if I may ask? Literally everything sucks in my life right now. Hard to come up with something positive, as long as you're not on the happy pills.
If therapist is failing, go to other one. In fact, good therapist, realizing that he/she can't help you, should direct you to other one, who just might. There are many therapy schools, and many therapists at that, which makes many possibilities. I can understand if it's about the money, but it's wrong to state that you won't get anywhere with this just now.
I'm not you, I can't direct you how you learn to think positive. Search for a way. You have access to internet, that one I'm sure. You can find some advices, mental exercises, informations, inspirational videos. Try different things and see what works for you and what don't.
And that's funny, I used to have exact same kind of attitude. "How, if I may ask?" "Everything sucks in my life" and also "I'm hopeless", "I'm talentless" "I see only dark future ahead of me" "How these idiots can be so optimistic" "They just don't understand" And other bullshit like that.
What worked for me were exercises (the type of exercises to raise one's self-esteem, feeling of worth, redirecting the attitude and so on), hanging out with more positive people than me and most important of all - finding goal in life. But for you, it might be something else. I don't know you, and I don't expect to get to know you anytime soon. I can't really tell. My journey to improve my life started simply with typing in Google: "low self-esteem". Maybe the first step is doing research on the subject.
Case and point: do something. You can vent here, if you find that helpful to get things out of your chest, and it is understandable you'll want to do that. But if you don't want to repeat coming here over and over again, thus growing dependable on this topic, you have to change something in your life.
@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud: I don't want to sound unsympathetic or minimize your problems, but it's inaccurate to assume that you *have to* be this miserable. The external problems you're facing -- your parents are jerks, you're in a long-distance relationship, your job prospects look worse than you'd hoped, you have a lot of schoolwork -- are real problems that many people have, and it's normal to feel unhappy about them. You're feeling persistently completely hopeless, though, and having mental breakdowns, and thinking about suicide. That kind of disproportionate emotional response is a problem in itself. It is a problem worth addressing, and there are real, concrete ways to address it.
@O_Bruce is right that there are a lot of resources out there, and that it sometimes takes multiple tries to find a good therapist, and that different things work for different people. Frankly, figuring out where to start can seem overwhelming, but it's still worth starting. I'll reiterate what I said before: your university's counseling office is likely a very good resource, and they should be able to help you explore more affordable options. Finally, I know that people (especially Scientologists) have very strong feelings about this, but there's a lot to be said for "the happy pills" and psychiatric medications in general. I'll save that essay for another time.
A bit of the problem is that happy and secure people think differently from depressed ones, which doesn't help proper communication between them. E.g. telling someone to "put a smile on your face and get a life" maybe be true in absolute terms, but not so much in relative. Sometimes to the point it may feel offensive.
I occasionally have those mood swings from high to low, and even though I know from past experience it is going to change back to normal in few days, that knowledge still isn't much helping - because the psyche has already changed to bad and refuses to listen to me and fix itself back just because I want it to.
As far as painkillers go, there's something to be said about the animating effect of musical concerts. I just open a YouTube video with a concert of my favorite artists, carefully selected where they perform only invigorating and cheerful songs and smile a lot.
I really hope my comment didn't come across as "put a smile on your face and get a life," because that carries the implication that emotional problems are imagined or can always be fixed without help, which is essentially the opposite of what I was trying to say.
@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud oh my. I don't know you, but I daresay I know your situation. There was a time when I felt lonely, powerless, useless even, and thus I am no stranger to depression. I was sent away from home to a foreign, small town which I hated, and I had to work very hard hours and I had no friends, no connection, nobody for a long time. (2 years approx.!) I felt like losing my will to live, and saw no point, and was sure that this was what I deserved, I just knew my even my parents hated and did not want me around, that I was destined for this, eternal loneliness and bleak, sad days to come. I was lucky I did not try suicide, but I contemplated it, then brushed it off as I was convinced it mattered little whether I lived or died.
Please, know that the feelings you have, the bad thoughts, and excessive unhapiness, they are a real problem and you need to have help from a professional. A specialist doctor will help you, rest asurred. Depression is a real and a very sneaky disease that saps your will to live and prevents you from living your life to the fullest. From what you write, I think you may be suffering from it, as I did. And no, it is not your fault. Neither does it mean you are weak or useless.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxious/dependent personality disorder, and with the treatment and control I was able to breathe anew. It was not easy. There is no magic treatment that makes you happy and confident and hopeful for the future again instantly. It takes time. But I did it. One step a time.
Do not think that doctor approved drugs are 'happy pills' and that they give you an empty/fake hapiness. No. They just balance the chemicals in the brain that have been scientificaly proven to be out of balance in people with depression. It is no different than a treatment for hypertension or diabetes, really. They help your psyche to function properly when it is ravaged by the troubles and excess stress in your life.
I know you have real troubles. Most of us do. The pills your doctor will give you won't make them dissappear. Ofcourse not. They will just give you balance and strength to deal with the troubles as they come. It does not happen quickly, but after some months, if you listen to your doctor you will see a change. I know I did.
I have been hesitating to post this here, but venting so far has been the only solace. On Friday afternoon about 10 minutes before the end of the day I was called into the office by my boss. This man is without a doubt the least qualified and worst manager I have ever had the misfortune to be around in my life. Roughly six months ago, his assistant manager (who had originally recruited me to the position) quit because he simply couldn't take it anymore and was offered a better paying position.
Since he is the one who actually ran the place, everything has been falling apart ever since. A new assistant manager who would have meltdowns over the smallest mistakes. Long time employees leaving because they simply couldn't put up with it anymore. Some months back I was blamed for a mistake my boss 100% must have known was his fault but let it fall on me anyway so he could save face. Despite all this, I liked the stability and certainty the job provided, and while I wasn't without a multitude of frustrations, I kept my head down and forged ahead.
About 3 weeks ago the assistant manager starting railing on me one morning. The job is at a warehouse and our floor manager leaves at 5 everyday. Since I had the next most time at the company out on the floor, it was apparently just assumed that I was going to be responsible for everything that happened after 5pm. I was never asked to take this responsibility, nor was I told about it in any way. I stated to him that I would be willing to do it, but I needed to be granted a little respect and compensation in return in way of a extremely modest raise, keeping in mind this was going to significantly increase my work hours during the week. I didn't want this, but decided to take the initiative and make some sort of impression. He said he'd discuss it with our boss.
As I was called into the office I assumed I was going in to talk about a raise. Instead I was told I was being fired. I was floored, and asked for any reason why this was happening. I was simply told "it wasn't because of your age, race, or sexual orientation" (which is a stock answer when there IS no reason). I was told I didn't fit in at the company anymore. I pleaded for him to have some sense. I became angry and let it be known that while I'm far from perfect, I stepped up when others had left the company and had never so much as complained officially about one thing in two years. Eventually I was just incredulous. What made me even more furious is that it was done at tail end of a Friday. I was good enough to do the work he needed done that day. I begged and railed at him for 20 minutes to no avail.
This is rambling, but even as I type this I can feel my body shaking. I have never had such hatred and anger toward a person in my life. The man who fired me is by all accounts just a terrible person, a living, breathing example of nepotism that is clearly willing to scapegoat anyone to save face. I didn't even so much as have a write-up. This was a very physical job, and I sweated and slaved for 2 years every single day, and I was let go like a piece of trash with no explanation. The very idea that someone like this could affect my life in such a profound way has just shattered all notions I had about employment or people in general. While it may sound ridiculous and trivial, I feel traumatized by what happened. If I thought it was the least bit fair I could handle it, but the way I was thrown away just has me seething even 3 days later.
Thankfully, I'm on file at a temp agency and at least have the ability to get work nearly every day until something comes along. I don't think I'll starve. But I was going to go in their for the first time this morning and couldn't yet bring myself to do it. What I hate most of all is that I can't get this person (my boss) out of my head. One of the things I've contemplated doing is filing a report with OSHA for violations I know are taking place on a daily basis, but not because I care about safety. The only reason I want to do it is because if their is an even 1% chance that it affects his life negatively in some way, I want to do it. I can't get over the anger of having the stability of my day to day life ripped away by THIS particular person, without some much as a reason why. I've gone on too long, but it's an exhausting feeling, and one I hope goes away sooner than later.
@jjstraka34 Contact your union and ask for a lawyer/other help.
Unfortunately, in almost every state in the US, most jobs are what is called "at will employment" which means your employer can fire you at any time for any reason that isn't related to discrimination. This was one of them, LEGALLY he did nothing wrong.
That sucks. Any chance the place your old assistant manager moved to has openings?
Too far away for me to even consider it, as I'm in no position to move. I don't think I'll be in any real long term trouble as of yet. I have some savings and am going to be working starting tomorrow. It's more coming to grips that someone like this could have this impact on my life, when I did nothing but bust my ass for him for 2 years. But this is probably why he has never had a personal conversation with anyone. He views his workers as resources to be expended, and I'm sure it's alot easier to fire a resource than a person. It seems trivial to call a firing "traumatic", but it's hard to describe it any other way. I don't feel like the same person I did on Friday morning.
@jjstraka34 Please don't spend any energy on your former boss,sounds to me if he keeps that attitude he has,he probably lose he's own firm sooner or later.Find a new job with a proper boss,sometimes change is good.Dont let them brake you.
@jjstraka34 Wow workers' rights really suck in the US. You could still contact your union and ask for their opinion on what you should do. That's why you pay their union fees :P
@jjstraka34 Wow workers' rights really suck in the US. You could still contact your union and ask for their opinion on what you should do. That's why you pay their union fees :P
This is assuming, of course, that his workplace even has a union...
Today's the last day of my vacation, but I feel so very tired. After reading just after waking up about boat refugees and an Australian who got convicted for physically and sexually abusing a Dutch tourist having her locked up for 6 weeks, the whole day I have been groggy, tired, confused. Yesterday I went to bed early, at a quarter past eleven, but I wonder how long I have been watching porn before actually sleeping. I feel so tired as if I didn't go to bed before 3 o'clock.
Tomorrow and the day after tomorrow 2 very intensive days with fellow mental health clients from around the province and I should take hare to be rested well beforehand, but I failed miserably and I want to crawl up and die, or at the least lay my head under a rock and not wake up for another 100 years.
*edit: my head is also still spinning from what I've read about child abuse in Latin America, notably Paraguay. A girl aged 10 was made pregnant by her stepdad but her government refused help and refused her an abortion. And she's not the only one in Paraguay, each day 1 or 2 girls aged 10-14 give birth in that country. Sickening.
Son, you should probably stop reading about terrible things if terrible things depress you.
Yeah, I know. It takes fast clicking reflexes though to click away the msn.com page with it's headlines if I log out of the hotmail adres I use for fora and games.
And I'm signed up to AVAAZ because it makes me able to actually do something about the things I worry about by signing petitions or donating, but they tend to pile cause upon cause in hefty wordings.
I find it strange not everyone gets depressed by the world we live in like I do.
Yeah, I wish I could find my way to deal with shit.
I remember a few months ago I managed to not follow what's going on in the world for some weeks, to see if that would help. I got very upset when later on I found out, the world was still a mess when I looked again. WTF, I thought? If I look at it, the world is a mess and I kind of expected things would sort itself out by me NOT looking instead, but I was very disappointed to find out it wasn't so.
There's an 'esoteric' saying I sometimes hear, but don't really believe in, "whatever you give attention, grows", implying that if you focus on the negative, it grows as well. Well, it didn't work out that way. Me NOT looking at what's wrong with the world didn't solve it, it just stopped me from watching it. I kind of expected world peace to have broken out when I wasn't looking, but I suspect that's kind of a psychotic thought not based in reality.
Just as the thought that just gave me energy right now, after waking up very tired at 5:45. "I gotta rescue the world". The thought gives me a temporary boost of energy, but a meta-view says it's not a very healthy view and borders on getting psychotic after all.
Well, the feeling of being the one who should rescue the world subsided and I unsubscribed from the AVAAZ newsletters, leaving them a message I find their tone too alarming and disturbing.
Am hungry now, I'm going to have breakfast before those two meeting days start.
@Shandyr: You did exactly the right thing, which was to help him as much as you knew how (by stopping his fall) and then call an ambulance immediately. That sounds like a scary experience for you, but good job for coming to this man's aid.
@Shandyr : The next steps are elevate the feet and loosen the clothing.
I had the same thing happen to me a couple of years ago. We were checking out at a store, when I started to feel light-headed. I turned to my wife and said, "I'm not feeling...", then whump, I'm on the floor. It was a lot more traumatic for my wife and daughter, since I was pretty out of it. ("Oh, hey, I'm on the floor, how interesting.") I was already coming around by the time the ambulance got there. My wife had a pillow in her hands and stuffed it under my feet. It turned out to be the same thing as your colleague, low blood pressure brought on by slight dehydration and some gall bladder issues I was having at the time.
Shandyr, you say you didn't know what to do. You're in Germany, right? I remember when I was over there in the '80s that first aid wasn't taught in the schools. Is that still true?
Welp, I had a situation last night. I'm glad this anonymous sorrow-group-thing exists.
My best friend from since I was in Grade 3 (We're all 21-ish now) is in the military and has been on leave for the past month so all my IRL friends and I have been hanging out with him. I'm not a particular fan of bars and I don't drink alcohol at all (despite being legal and such). I go anyway to hang out with my best friend since he wants to go drinking and such. Anyway, so he becomes very irate and obnoxious and starts criticizing my relationship choices every single time he gets drunk which is annoying for me.
Sooooo things went sour last night. We drive an hour away from town to go to this Arcade Bar because we're all nerds and so gaming+drinking should be a good set up. Everyone but me gets super drunk but things are fine except my best friend starts criticizing me again and even brings the problem I have with my parents into the mix (which was supposed to be private information between he and I). Frustrated, I drive us all home and start dropping people off since I'm the designated driver. We get to the first house and everyone takes a bathroom break and my friend passes out on the couch. I should mention we're taking his car since it has the best mileage and such. Anyway, we get him up and a friend offers to drive everyone else since he had very little to drink and it was 6+ hours ago so I'm like ehhhhhh fine. I hand him the keys.
Next thing my best friend asks, "Where the f**k are my keys?"
Now my best friend isn't known to curse. I tell him that -insert name here- has the keys. Best friend demands to have his keys back. We're like no, you're drunk and cannot drive. He proceeds to tackle my friend to the ground and take the keys. My friend is most certainly not the violent type normally though he does take martial art classes and is in the military but he's normally super chill. We get him off my friend and he's like, "I'm going to drive home."
We're like you can't. You're drunk.
He won't listen.
We spend the next 3 hours from 12 am to 3 am arguing about this. Four of us vs him. I eventually get in contact with his sister and get his sister, brother, and mother to come up and try to talk sense into him because we can't let him drink and drive.
A friend calls the police and they get here.
My friend takes a sobriety test and passes, surprisingly. The cops let him go and he drives home and so we all find rides to go home and such. My friend barely remembers any of this from the prior night. We receive a text from him talking about how he's super sorry and that's he's dealing with stuff that he doesn't want to talk about.
Me being his best friend I send a text back saying I'm always open to talk to and that I'll do my best to always help but I haven't gotten a reply yet.
Apparently earlier this morning one of my friends that was there talked to him and he feels we should have trusted him more even though he doesn't remember the events too well.
This sucks hard because he has to go back to his military base 12 hours away tomorrow and things seemed to have ended on a sour note. I feel horrible because I feel responsible somehow even though I know I'm not.
I don't want this to cause a rift between me and my best friend or in our friend group but I'm not sure what to do. I've extended my hand in aid but idk what to do more than that. I also super cry easily ( I cry at evveerryytthinngg) and so most certainly had a depression moment earlier today because of this.
I know my friend apologized through text to everyone and that he's been having some rough issues with his ex-gf as well as the military being stressful so I can't blame him for anything but I still feel a strain and such. It's probably just because I haven't had a chance to speak with him, personally, yet.
Edit: I should mention some other things such as how I often hate my father because he's a violent drunk and is what caused me to decide to never drink. Now I see my best friend perform the same actions. I know drinking in itself isn't bad but I can't bring myself to see any appeal in it when the people that mean a lot to me are ruined by alcohol.
Status update: Finally got to speak with friend and things are on better terms. Still rocky and such but certainly no ill-will so that's good n_n.
@Vallmyr , it sounds like you did everything right, and I hope your friend sees in time what a good friend you are to him. I'm sorry you had to go through an experience like that. I'm terrible at giving advice, so I won't. But I did read your entire post, so hopefully it helps you feel better to talk through your feelings and know that people are listening and caring. I hope you feel better soon.
@Vallmyr , it sounds like you did everything right, and I hope your friend sees in time what a good friend you are to him. I'm sorry you had to go through an experience like that. I'm terrible at giving advice, so I won't. But I did read your entire post, so hopefully it helps you feel better to talk through your feelings and know that people are listening and caring. I hope you feel better soon.
Thanks I like posting stuff here because I can read my own thoughts and see if I can find an answer within my own thoughts.
+feels pretty good to be able to tell someone (even if it's just random people on the interwebs) your frustrations and such as venting is good.
My internet's not working. Next wednesday a technician from the provider will come to see if he can fix it. For now I greet you from a PC at my work, right before my holiday starts. But my holiday will be an 'internet holiday' as well. On the plus side, more time free for reading, watching videos and playing offline games.
Comments
As for my attitude, well, I don't have many options now. You're suggesting I should think more positively? How, if I may ask? Literally everything sucks in my life right now. Hard to come up with something positive, as long as you're not on the happy pills.
I'm not you, I can't direct you how you learn to think positive. Search for a way. You have access to internet, that one I'm sure. You can find some advices, mental exercises, informations, inspirational videos. Try different things and see what works for you and what don't.
And that's funny, I used to have exact same kind of attitude. "How, if I may ask?" "Everything sucks in my life" and also "I'm hopeless", "I'm talentless" "I see only dark future ahead of me" "How these idiots can be so optimistic" "They just don't understand" And other bullshit like that.
What worked for me were exercises (the type of exercises to raise one's self-esteem, feeling of worth, redirecting the attitude and so on), hanging out with more positive people than me and most important of all - finding goal in life. But for you, it might be something else. I don't know you, and I don't expect to get to know you anytime soon. I can't really tell. My journey to improve my life started simply with typing in Google: "low self-esteem". Maybe the first step is doing research on the subject.
Case and point: do something. You can vent here, if you find that helpful to get things out of your chest, and it is understandable you'll want to do that. But if you don't want to repeat coming here over and over again, thus growing dependable on this topic, you have to change something in your life.
@O_Bruce is right that there are a lot of resources out there, and that it sometimes takes multiple tries to find a good therapist, and that different things work for different people. Frankly, figuring out where to start can seem overwhelming, but it's still worth starting. I'll reiterate what I said before: your university's counseling office is likely a very good resource, and they should be able to help you explore more affordable options. Finally, I know that people (especially Scientologists) have very strong feelings about this, but there's a lot to be said for "the happy pills" and psychiatric medications in general. I'll save that essay for another time.
I occasionally have those mood swings from high to low, and even though I know from past experience it is going to change back to normal in few days, that knowledge still isn't much helping - because the psyche has already changed to bad and refuses to listen to me and fix itself back just because I want it to.
As far as painkillers go, there's something to be said about the animating effect of musical concerts. I just open a YouTube video with a concert of my favorite artists, carefully selected where they perform only invigorating and cheerful songs and smile a lot.
Please, know that the feelings you have, the bad thoughts, and excessive unhapiness, they are a real problem and you need to have help from a professional. A specialist doctor will help you, rest asurred. Depression is a real and a very sneaky disease that saps your will to live and prevents you from living your life to the fullest. From what you write, I think you may be suffering from it, as I did. And no, it is not your fault. Neither does it mean you are weak or useless.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxious/dependent personality disorder, and with the treatment and control I was able to breathe anew. It was not easy. There is no magic treatment that makes you happy and confident and hopeful for the future again instantly. It takes time. But I did it. One step a time.
Do not think that doctor approved drugs are 'happy pills' and that they give you an empty/fake hapiness. No. They just balance the chemicals in the brain that have been scientificaly proven to be out of balance in people with depression. It is no different than a treatment for hypertension or diabetes, really. They help your psyche to function properly when it is ravaged by the troubles and excess stress in your life.
I know you have real troubles. Most of us do. The pills your doctor will give you won't make them dissappear. Ofcourse not. They will just give you balance and strength to deal with the troubles as they come. It does not happen quickly, but after some months, if you listen to your doctor you will see a change. I know I did.
Since he is the one who actually ran the place, everything has been falling apart ever since. A new assistant manager who would have meltdowns over the smallest mistakes. Long time employees leaving because they simply couldn't put up with it anymore. Some months back I was blamed for a mistake my boss 100% must have known was his fault but let it fall on me anyway so he could save face. Despite all this, I liked the stability and certainty the job provided, and while I wasn't without a multitude of frustrations, I kept my head down and forged ahead.
About 3 weeks ago the assistant manager starting railing on me one morning. The job is at a warehouse and our floor manager leaves at 5 everyday. Since I had the next most time at the company out on the floor, it was apparently just assumed that I was going to be responsible for everything that happened after 5pm. I was never asked to take this responsibility, nor was I told about it in any way. I stated to him that I would be willing to do it, but I needed to be granted a little respect and compensation in return in way of a extremely modest raise, keeping in mind this was going to significantly increase my work hours during the week. I didn't want this, but decided to take the initiative and make some sort of impression. He said he'd discuss it with our boss.
As I was called into the office I assumed I was going in to talk about a raise. Instead I was told I was being fired. I was floored, and asked for any reason why this was happening. I was simply told "it wasn't because of your age, race, or sexual orientation" (which is a stock answer when there IS no reason). I was told I didn't fit in at the company anymore. I pleaded for him to have some sense. I became angry and let it be known that while I'm far from perfect, I stepped up when others had left the company and had never so much as complained officially about one thing in two years. Eventually I was just incredulous. What made me even more furious is that it was done at tail end of a Friday. I was good enough to do the work he needed done that day. I begged and railed at him for 20 minutes to no avail.
This is rambling, but even as I type this I can feel my body shaking. I have never had such hatred and anger toward a person in my life. The man who fired me is by all accounts just a terrible person, a living, breathing example of nepotism that is clearly willing to scapegoat anyone to save face. I didn't even so much as have a write-up. This was a very physical job, and I sweated and slaved for 2 years every single day, and I was let go like a piece of trash with no explanation. The very idea that someone like this could affect my life in such a profound way has just shattered all notions I had about employment or people in general. While it may sound ridiculous and trivial, I feel traumatized by what happened. If I thought it was the least bit fair I could handle it, but the way I was thrown away just has me seething even 3 days later.
Thankfully, I'm on file at a temp agency and at least have the ability to get work nearly every day until something comes along. I don't think I'll starve. But I was going to go in their for the first time this morning and couldn't yet bring myself to do it. What I hate most of all is that I can't get this person (my boss) out of my head. One of the things I've contemplated doing is filing a report with OSHA for violations I know are taking place on a daily basis, but not because I care about safety. The only reason I want to do it is because if their is an even 1% chance that it affects his life negatively in some way, I want to do it. I can't get over the anger of having the stability of my day to day life ripped away by THIS particular person, without some much as a reason why. I've gone on too long, but it's an exhausting feeling, and one I hope goes away sooner than later.
Too far away for me to even consider it, as I'm in no position to move. I don't think I'll be in any real long term trouble as of yet. I have some savings and am going to be working starting tomorrow. It's more coming to grips that someone like this could have this impact on my life, when I did nothing but bust my ass for him for 2 years. But this is probably why he has never had a personal conversation with anyone. He views his workers as resources to be expended, and I'm sure it's alot easier to fire a resource than a person. It seems trivial to call a firing "traumatic", but it's hard to describe it any other way. I don't feel like the same person I did on Friday morning.
Tomorrow and the day after tomorrow 2 very intensive days with fellow mental health clients from around the province and I should take hare to be rested well beforehand, but I failed miserably and I want to crawl up and die, or at the least lay my head under a rock and not wake up for another 100 years.
*edit: my head is also still spinning from what I've read about child abuse in Latin America, notably Paraguay. A girl aged 10 was made pregnant by her stepdad but her government refused help and refused her an abortion. And she's not the only one in Paraguay, each day 1 or 2 girls aged 10-14 give birth in that country. Sickening.
I hate life.
And I'm signed up to AVAAZ because it makes me able to actually do something about the things I worry about by signing petitions or donating, but they tend to pile cause upon cause in hefty wordings.
I find it strange not everyone gets depressed by the world we live in like I do.
I remember a few months ago I managed to not follow what's going on in the world for some weeks, to see if that would help. I got very upset when later on I found out, the world was still a mess when I looked again. WTF, I thought? If I look at it, the world is a mess and I kind of expected things would sort itself out by me NOT looking instead, but I was very disappointed to find out it wasn't so.
There's an 'esoteric' saying I sometimes hear, but don't really believe in, "whatever you give attention, grows", implying that if you focus on the negative, it grows as well. Well, it didn't work out that way. Me NOT looking at what's wrong with the world didn't solve it, it just stopped me from watching it. I kind of expected world peace to have broken out when I wasn't looking, but I suspect that's kind of a psychotic thought not based in reality.
Just as the thought that just gave me energy right now, after waking up very tired at 5:45. "I gotta rescue the world". The thought gives me a temporary boost of energy, but a meta-view says it's not a very healthy view and borders on getting psychotic after all.
Am hungry now, I'm going to have breakfast before those two meeting days start.
I had the same thing happen to me a couple of years ago. We were checking out at a store, when I started to feel light-headed. I turned to my wife and said, "I'm not feeling...", then whump, I'm on the floor. It was a lot more traumatic for my wife and daughter, since I was pretty out of it. ("Oh, hey, I'm on the floor, how interesting.") I was already coming around by the time the ambulance got there. My wife had a pillow in her hands and stuffed it under my feet. It turned out to be the same thing as your colleague, low blood pressure brought on by slight dehydration and some gall bladder issues I was having at the time.
Shandyr, you say you didn't know what to do. You're in Germany, right? I remember when I was over there in the '80s that first aid wasn't taught in the schools. Is that still true?
My best friend from since I was in Grade 3 (We're all 21-ish now) is in the military and has been on leave for the past month so all my IRL friends and I have been hanging out with him. I'm not a particular fan of bars and I don't drink alcohol at all (despite being legal and such). I go anyway to hang out with my best friend since he wants to go drinking and such. Anyway, so he becomes very irate and obnoxious and starts criticizing my relationship choices every single time he gets drunk which is annoying for me.
Sooooo things went sour last night. We drive an hour away from town to go to this Arcade Bar because we're all nerds and so gaming+drinking should be a good set up. Everyone but me gets super drunk but things are fine except my best friend starts criticizing me again and even brings the problem I have with my parents into the mix (which was supposed to be private information between he and I). Frustrated, I drive us all home and start dropping people off since I'm the designated driver. We get to the first house and everyone takes a bathroom break and my friend passes out on the couch. I should mention we're taking his car since it has the best mileage and such. Anyway, we get him up and a friend offers to drive everyone else since he had very little to drink and it was 6+ hours ago so I'm like ehhhhhh fine. I hand him the keys.
Next thing my best friend asks, "Where the f**k are my keys?"
Now my best friend isn't known to curse. I tell him that -insert name here- has the keys. Best friend demands to have his keys back. We're like no, you're drunk and cannot drive. He proceeds to tackle my friend to the ground and take the keys. My friend is most certainly not the violent type normally though he does take martial art classes and is in the military but he's normally super chill. We get him off my friend and he's like, "I'm going to drive home."
We're like you can't. You're drunk.
He won't listen.
We spend the next 3 hours from 12 am to 3 am arguing about this. Four of us vs him. I eventually get in contact with his sister and get his sister, brother, and mother to come up and try to talk sense into him because we can't let him drink and drive.
A friend calls the police and they get here.
My friend takes a sobriety test and passes, surprisingly. The cops let him go and he drives home and so we all find rides to go home and such. My friend barely remembers any of this from the prior night. We receive a text from him talking about how he's super sorry and that's he's dealing with stuff that he doesn't want to talk about.
Me being his best friend I send a text back saying I'm always open to talk to and that I'll do my best to always help but I haven't gotten a reply yet.
Apparently earlier this morning one of my friends that was there talked to him and he feels we should have trusted him more even though he doesn't remember the events too well.
This sucks hard because he has to go back to his military base 12 hours away tomorrow and things seemed to have ended on a sour note. I feel horrible because I feel responsible somehow even though I know I'm not.
I don't want this to cause a rift between me and my best friend or in our friend group but I'm not sure what to do. I've extended my hand in aid but idk what to do more than that. I also super cry easily ( I cry at evveerryytthinngg) and so most certainly had a depression moment earlier today because of this.
I know my friend apologized through text to everyone and that he's been having some rough issues with his ex-gf as well as the military being stressful so I can't blame him for anything but I still feel a strain and such. It's probably just because I haven't had a chance to speak with him, personally, yet.
Edit: I should mention some other things such as how I often hate my father because he's a violent drunk and is what caused me to decide to never drink. Now I see my best friend perform the same actions. I know drinking in itself isn't bad but I can't bring myself to see any appeal in it when the people that mean a lot to me are ruined by alcohol.
Status update: Finally got to speak with friend and things are on better terms. Still rocky and such but certainly no ill-will so that's good n_n.
I like posting stuff here because I can read my own thoughts and see if I can find an answer within my own thoughts.
+feels pretty good to be able to tell someone (even if it's just random people on the interwebs) your frustrations and such as venting is good.
See you later.