My closest friend had to leave the country recently to take care of her mother. It might be years before I see her again, and contact online is spotty.
We told each other things we never told anybody else. We shared our secrets. A profound sense of acceptance and affection every time we met. One of the absolute sweetest people I've ever known. I always made sure she knew how much I appreciated her, and she did the same. She saw me the way I always wanted to be seen, and I saw her the way she always wanted to be seen. She was kind, sensitive, and incredibly smart and creative. She said the same about me, and it meant the world to me.
My closest friend had to leave the country recently to take care of her mother. It might be years before I see her again, and contact online is spotty.
We told each other things we never told anybody else. We shared our secrets. A profound sense of acceptance and affection every time we met. One of the absolute sweetest people I've ever known. I always made sure she knew how much I appreciated her, and she did the same. She saw me the way I always wanted to be seen, and I saw her the way she always wanted to be seen. She was kind, sensitive, and incredibly smart and creative. She said the same about me, and it meant the world to me.
Yeah, I miss her.
D'aaawwwww
QQ
I know you stated online contact was spotty but you should totes skype her super often and stuffs.
My closest friend had to leave the country recently to take care of her mother. It might be years before I see her again, and contact online is spotty.
We told each other things we never told anybody else. We shared our secrets. A profound sense of acceptance and affection every time we met. One of the absolute sweetest people I've ever known. I always made sure she knew how much I appreciated her, and she did the same. She saw me the way I always wanted to be seen, and I saw her the way she always wanted to be seen. She was kind, sensitive, and incredibly smart and creative. She said the same about me, and it meant the world to me.
Yeah, I miss her.
I can only hope life will eventually draw you two back together...
And if online contact is bad, there are always letters.
Also, again I know you said the internet can be spotty but if possible I recommend you two play an online game of some sort whether it be an MMO or maybe even Sword Coast Legends. Not sure if the other person plays games but gaming online together can create great bonding in my experience.
Other options is read the same book or watch the same show or some other such thing so you guys can have stuff to talk about. Like, even if you fall back to just letters you should recommend each other books to read so you can share those experiences.
On the plus side, more time free for reading, watching videos and playing offline games.
Indeed, take a break! You can also for for a walk (if the weather is fine).
Today: walking along a beautiful little river with a friend and while walking a phonecall from the telephone company that's in charge of the lines: a technician can come by tonight - and I have internet again!
My closest friend had to leave the country recently to take care of her mother. It might be years before I see her again, and contact online is spotty.
We told each other things we never told anybody else. We shared our secrets. A profound sense of acceptance and affection every time we met. One of the absolute sweetest people I've ever known. I always made sure she knew how much I appreciated her, and she did the same. She saw me the way I always wanted to be seen, and I saw her the way she always wanted to be seen. She was kind, sensitive, and incredibly smart and creative. She said the same about me, and it meant the world to me.
Yeah, I miss her.
I've got a friend in Norway (he emigrated there some 10 years ago) whom I only see once every few years or so. From that experience I can say: friendship doesn't die from distance. Not even if you only phone or send emails just a few times each year - the closeness remains.
Well... Hugs to all... I have just checked into cookies anonymous. I think I can get rid of this soul destroying habit... So smile people!
Bad news... Cookies anonymous was not the place to go to get rid of my habitual soul destroying. Its about not eating cookies and aiming for a healthy diet... So depressed.
*Anduin goes out to destroy lost souls whilst snacking on cookies*
Well, my stuff isn't as nearly as bad as some of the things on here o_o. Anyway, HERE IS MY LIFE STORY FOR THE PAST 7 YEARS! My adventure through the depths of depression and how Necromancy and cute things pulled me out of it!
Your story was TL>DR for a long time for me while the link was idling it's time in my inbox (lately my diagnosis got updated, seems I've got an autistic spectrum disorder, but anyway, whatever it is, I have a hard time concentrating due to feeling tired and depressed too often). But this day I turned to cleaning up my inbox and started to read your story and absolutely loved it (I kept the link in my inbox the whole time because from glancing over I knew I'd love it). Together with your post here it makes a beautiful background story to your online personality and in-game personalities.
Well, my stuff isn't as nearly as bad as some of the things on here o_o. Anyway, HERE IS MY LIFE STORY FOR THE PAST 7 YEARS! My adventure through the depths of depression and how Necromancy and cute things pulled me out of it!
Your story was TL>DR for a long time for me while the link was idling it's time in my inbox (lately my diagnosis got updated, seems I've got an autistic spectrum disorder, but anyway, whatever it is, I have a hard time concentrating due to feeling tired and depressed too often). But this day I turned to cleaning up my inbox and started to read your story and absolutely loved it (I kept the link in my inbox the whole time because from glancing over I knew I'd love it). Together with your post here it makes a beautiful background story to your online personality and in-game personalities.
Oh, uh, thank you! XD I do tend to write a lot of TL>DR stuff when describing long chains of events and such @_@. It's weird but I feel like I can express myself better on these forums more than I can in a school or work environment. And my love of playing cute characters actually got me the nickname of "Necromantic Cuteness" from one of my D&D friends. Of course I love the nickname to death!
Oh, uh, thank you! XD I do tend to write a lot of TL>DR stuff when describing long chains of events and such @_@. It's weird but I feel like I can express myself better on these forums more than I can in a school or work environment. And my love of playing cute characters actually got me the nickname of "Necromantic Cuteness" from one of my D&D friends. Of course I love the nickname to death!
Okay, I'm upset. It is nothing major, but I'll state it anyway. Fallout 4 was regarded as game of the year by DICE Awards. Not only that, but also in categories of the best direction and the best RPG/MMO of the year.
Are you [f word] kidding me? I might get game of the year award, since it's number of sales are direct result of the marketing, but the best direction? Best RPG? It's a joke! As far as RPGs are concerned, we have Undertale, Pillars of Eternity, The Witcher 3! It's pure bullcrap when such a garbage RPG like Fallout 4 is earning the title of the best RPG of 2015! And the best direction! What for? For forcefully violating Fallout franchise lore and mood in the arse? For rehashing the plot from Fallout 3? Get the f out!
EDIT: the last few posts were moved here from different topic. I didn't want it, since I think THIS topic is for serious issuess, not something as trivial as this. Therefore, you can ignore it.
I'm upset, because with all the rewards F4 is getting, I think it is impossible to experience decent RPG in Fallout franchise anymore. Nowadays, most of game developers are immune to critique - only the number of sales matters. F4 sold well, and also won awards it doesn't deserve. F5 is going to be made in the same direction, which means we can kiss any RPG elements the franchise used to have goodbye.
I'm sick of life and sick of Baba's love solutions. But mostly it makes me sick we can't find a solution to the Syrian civil ear and other situations of extreme violence, like in Nigeria. What happened in the second world war still makes me sick as well at times like today. It's hard to take a shower in the nude and not think about Zyklon B falling down on naked people locked up in a deathtrap.
*edit: missed two typos in my anxiety when I posted this
@Son_of_Imoen , you have to distract yourself from these kinds of dark thoughts taking over your mind, or they will trigger an episode. Play a game, listen to music, watch a good comedy (I find that laughter truly is often the best medicine), take a walk, practice deep breathing and meditation, whatever works for you to get your mind on something else.
I learned the healing power of intentional distraction of my thoughts over a lifetime of suffering severe episodes of mental illness, including several psychotic breaks requiring hospitalization, so I kind of know what I'm talking about here.
@Son_of_Imoen , I just had another thought about you now, a few hours later from that last post.
You do not have the power to change the world, nor to help in any but a minimal way with any of those suffering peoples you mention, and you would have to choose only one of those.
Only @God and a critical mass of free-willed human beings making good choices can or will reduce suffering in this world. You can't. You just can't. No one can. And @God won't, for inscrutable reasons.
Every individual human being has only the smallest, most infinitesimal power to influence in any way the outcome of history and existence, with a probability approaching zero.
Accepting the individual ego's almost absolute powerlessness to change existence is the cornerstone and foundation of all wisdom, peace, mental health, and contentment. You have, in practice, only the power to change and influence your *own* existence, and no one else's.
There is the entire written history of the thought of humanity itself to lend weight to this "argument", if one cares to take the time to study it. I'd suggest starting with studying Buddhism, although many good Western philosophers come to the same conclusion. "There are many paths to enlightenment." Ancient Hindu thinkers and writers, centuries before most of recorded Western history, already knew these Truths.
BTW, if you care to study the thought of real historical people who suffered persecution and horrible pain, you might benefit from reading and studying works like "The Diary of Anne Frank", Kirkegaard, or almost any Jewish thinker, or Jewish history and thought. One thing I find markedly in common among the works of the intellectual giants of historical suffering, whose works are remembered and recorded in our history for all to see: They are almost never bitter or angry. (Unlike angry thinkers, who, by "remarkable" coincidence, almost always come from a cultural and historical place of privilege.)
The intellectual "wise" giants of history have a sense of acceptance of their suffering. And most of them seem to feel unwavering love and compassion for humanity, and refuse to change their belief in the basic goodness of humanity, even under lifetimes of torture, pain, anguish, and their horrible suffering. And miraculously, they all come across as having a sense of joy and affirmation, despite everything. So wonderfully, marvelously, miraculously, despite *everything*. @God, "the path to enlightenment", can be found this way. Although, I'm rather grateful that circumstance didn't make *me* find this way.
@BelgarathMTH@Son_of_Imoen: The Syrian Civil War has been on my mind for a while as well. It's a miserable situation and I don't see an end in sight. I think the conflict will end when one side no longer has blood left to shed... Neither the administration nor the rebels seem to believe it's in their best interests to stop fighting.
That said, there is reason to feel hope for this world. Although it doesn't seem like it given the headlines, the reality is that humankind's lot has been getting steadily better year after year, decade after decade, century after century. Deaths from violent conflict have gone down, not up, in recent decades, a trend that dates back hundreds of years. Poverty has shrank, not grown. Same goes for hunger. Standard of living continues to rise, despite a growing population. Economies produce less pollution, not more, as they grow more advanced and productive. People have more leisure time than they used to, and there are more ways to spend it.
We're curing illnesses. Getting healthier. Solving problems. Growing more. Syria is the exception to the rule. Most of our world is rather kind when you compare it to our past.
We don't live in a perfect world. But we're getting there, bit by bit.
@BelgarathMTH: Thanks for both of your very considerate and kind thoughts. I'm glad to know you, even if it's only from typed words on the Internet. I'm a bit recovered now from that day of depression two days ago, but now I'm behind the keyboard to type a reply, I find it hard to type as thoughts keep on pushing to want to come out much faster than I can type (with writing it's even worse, it's why I stopped keeping a written diary).
First of all, I want to say thank you for the thumbs up to the idea of finding distraction. I know in mental health care there's often talk of 'fleeing behaviour' though luckily I never had that rebuke made to me by a clinician. But it's good to hear something positive said about finding distraction, as it's one of my coping strategies. Mostly games and porn, the trouble with walking is, my mind is free to wander plus my senses get easily overstimulated by sounds and sights outdoors of cars, people, electric tools etc. so I take a walk when I'm feeling good enough to deal with that mostly.
Venting also helps, that's why I post in this thread and call my parents often. They - and other family - often retort with things that do go well - my dad reads newspaper articles of things that take a step in the right direction, my mother tells of good things that happened that week and my uncle told me to do a research of how the situation of the world is now compared to 10 years ago, 20 years ago, 50 years ago, 150 years ago, 500 years ago. And indeed, if looking back, it's true what @semiticgod says: the world is getting better, tiny step by tiny step, two steps forward, one step back and two steps forward again.
It's why I can't integrate such thoughts as @BelgarathMTH's second reply. Even though there's much truth in it, on of the primal founding blocks of choosing to stay alive instead of stepping out of it, one of the things that keeps me going, is living a life consisting about steps towards that just and sustainable world, even if we never reach the end-goal, even if my steps are ever so tiny, I'd rather be part of the solution than living a life of resignation from the world.
If I speak out in a symposium - summing up an overall conclusion but telling what I also find missing - like a often do - I often get a spontaneous applause for what I said. With that applause, I know I have struck a cord in people with what I find important - I get feedback from people with mental illness like me that I say the things that they feel, but when an applause comes from policy makers (like three weeks ago) and clinicians (like last week), I not only feel proud from getting that message across to them as well, but also satisfied as they will maybe remember what I've said and it might have a tiny impact on their policy and on how the clinicians take care of their clients (I dislike the word patient, as it's too passive).
People with mental illness need to take control of their own treatment and the clinicians are their to facilitate them in that. That was my message and I'm typing it here because a. you both have been helpful with your replies and it will become part of my own toolkit for mental wellbeing, but b. it's being part of the solution and taking those baby steps towards creating this world a better place that keeps me going in life, even if anger is sometimes the fuel that keeps me on.
And it doesn't stop at that - by donating to organisations that do what I can't do in providing emergency care or creating new social trade monetary systems and by taking care of my own ecological footprint by investing in wind power, buying fair trade and ecological foodstuffs, putting on and extra sweater before turning the heating a degree higher, I'm part of the solution in other areas but mental health care and poverty as well. The world will never be like I'd like it to, but I'd rather have what I do be steps toward it - even though they're tiny - they do make an impact and are not infinitesimal, there's a number far behind the comma.
Recovery comes with baby steps as well. The thing that I need the acceptance @BelgarathMTH talks about mostly for, is accepting I have this mental illness that won't go away, under the label of Schizo-affective Disorder like it was, or Autistic Spectrum Disorder like it is now, the label may be ill-fitting but a fact of life is, I have this tendency to get over-stimulated, thoughts running wild on depressive thoughts, lack of energy etc. and I have to life with that. Thanks @BelgarathMTH and @semiticgod for your kind words in helping to cope with that.
@Shandyr: I don't think you should feel bad. Under what circumstances would a bachelor's student be as knowledgeable as a PhD student?
We always compare ourselves to bigger people. The only ones we look to are the ones we envy. But if we think about the people who would envy us, then things don't seem so bad.
That PhD student probably thinks you're just fine. And being a super smart and knowledgeable PhD student, they're probably right!
Been working too long yesterday. Normally, I work from 13:00-16:00 on Mondays, knowing that if I work longer my mind has trouble to set into rest again and I'm often awake till three at night after such a long afternoon if I work till 17:00. Yesterday I worked even longer, writing the report of a meeting I had yesterday right after it was over, getting finished at 17:30. I took extra medication to get my mind to ease down and managed to go to bed at 0:00. Hooray I'd say, weren't it not for waking at 5:30 in the morning with a restless mind. Have been trying to go to sleep again, but to no avail. Bird song and car noises from outside my window made me even more restless. People use to think birdsong is soothing, but if you're hypersensitive to stimuli, bird song can be too much as well. Something my friend never seems to understand.
I went from stressed from all the stuff to are you -beep- serious right now?
I went from, being in gallery auction, having a upcoming show, and just finding out that I was nominated for a award; I learn that my last payment process didn't go through, got withdrawn from all my classes, WITHOUT WARNING! While trying to get back reinstated in class, I have to not only pay the balance but 80 usd more forum manual registration and some other crap. To add insult to injury, the nomination, if I was to win, would get me my own private show, but its possible that being withdrawn from classes will get me taken out of the nomination.
Comments
But Indeed, take a break! You can also for for a walk (if the weather is fine).
We told each other things we never told anybody else. We shared our secrets. A profound sense of acceptance and affection every time we met. One of the absolute sweetest people I've ever known. I always made sure she knew how much I appreciated her, and she did the same. She saw me the way I always wanted to be seen, and I saw her the way she always wanted to be seen. She was kind, sensitive, and incredibly smart and creative. She said the same about me, and it meant the world to me.
Yeah, I miss her.
QQ
I know you stated online contact was spotty but you should totes skype her super often and stuffs.
And if online contact is bad, there are always letters.
Other options is read the same book or watch the same show or some other such thing so you guys can have stuff to talk about. Like, even if you fall back to just letters you should recommend each other books to read so you can share those experiences.
Nice seeing you all back again
*Anduin goes out to destroy lost souls whilst snacking on cookies*
Let me tune into it
I can sense
I can sense
.....
Yes, I sense it!
It is undead bunnies!
Good people are good for your health.
Are you [f word] kidding me? I might get game of the year award, since it's number of sales are direct result of the marketing, but the best direction? Best RPG? It's a joke! As far as RPGs are concerned, we have Undertale, Pillars of Eternity, The Witcher 3! It's pure bullcrap when such a garbage RPG like Fallout 4 is earning the title of the best RPG of 2015! And the best direction! What for? For forcefully violating Fallout franchise lore and mood in the arse? For rehashing the plot from Fallout 3? Get the f out!
EDIT: the last few posts were moved here from different topic. I didn't want it, since I think THIS topic is for serious issuess, not something as trivial as this. Therefore, you can ignore it.
No but I agree it doesn't deserve the title. I don't agree with the rage though haha
*edit: missed two typos in my anxiety when I posted this
I learned the healing power of intentional distraction of my thoughts over a lifetime of suffering severe episodes of mental illness, including several psychotic breaks requiring hospitalization, so I kind of know what I'm talking about here.
You do not have the power to change the world, nor to help in any but a minimal way with any of those suffering peoples you mention, and you would have to choose only one of those.
Only @God and a critical mass of free-willed human beings making good choices can or will reduce suffering in this world. You can't. You just can't. No one can. And @God won't, for inscrutable reasons.
Every individual human being has only the smallest, most infinitesimal power to influence in any way the outcome of history and existence, with a probability approaching zero.
Accepting the individual ego's almost absolute powerlessness to change existence is the cornerstone and foundation of all wisdom, peace, mental health, and contentment. You have, in practice, only the power to change and influence your *own* existence, and no one else's.
There is the entire written history of the thought of humanity itself to lend weight to this "argument", if one cares to take the time to study it. I'd suggest starting with studying Buddhism, although many good Western philosophers come to the same conclusion. "There are many paths to enlightenment." Ancient Hindu thinkers and writers, centuries before most of recorded Western history, already knew these Truths.
BTW, if you care to study the thought of real historical people who suffered persecution and horrible pain, you might benefit from reading and studying works like "The Diary of Anne Frank", Kirkegaard, or almost any Jewish thinker, or Jewish history and thought. One thing I find markedly in common among the works of the intellectual giants of historical suffering, whose works are remembered and recorded in our history for all to see: They are almost never bitter or angry. (Unlike angry thinkers, who, by "remarkable" coincidence, almost always come from a cultural and historical place of privilege.)
The intellectual "wise" giants of history have a sense of acceptance of their suffering. And most of them seem to feel unwavering love and compassion for humanity, and refuse to change their belief in the basic goodness of humanity, even under lifetimes of torture, pain, anguish, and their horrible suffering. And miraculously, they all come across as having a sense of joy and affirmation, despite everything. So wonderfully, marvelously, miraculously, despite *everything*. @God, "the path to enlightenment", can be found this way. Although, I'm rather grateful that circumstance didn't make *me* find this way.
That said, there is reason to feel hope for this world. Although it doesn't seem like it given the headlines, the reality is that humankind's lot has been getting steadily better year after year, decade after decade, century after century. Deaths from violent conflict have gone down, not up, in recent decades, a trend that dates back hundreds of years. Poverty has shrank, not grown. Same goes for hunger. Standard of living continues to rise, despite a growing population. Economies produce less pollution, not more, as they grow more advanced and productive. People have more leisure time than they used to, and there are more ways to spend it.
We're curing illnesses. Getting healthier. Solving problems. Growing more. Syria is the exception to the rule. Most of our world is rather kind when you compare it to our past.
We don't live in a perfect world. But we're getting there, bit by bit.
First of all, I want to say thank you for the thumbs up to the idea of finding distraction. I know in mental health care there's often talk of 'fleeing behaviour' though luckily I never had that rebuke made to me by a clinician. But it's good to hear something positive said about finding distraction, as it's one of my coping strategies. Mostly games and porn, the trouble with walking is, my mind is free to wander plus my senses get easily overstimulated by sounds and sights outdoors of cars, people, electric tools etc. so I take a walk when I'm feeling good enough to deal with that mostly.
Venting also helps, that's why I post in this thread and call my parents often. They - and other family - often retort with things that do go well - my dad reads newspaper articles of things that take a step in the right direction, my mother tells of good things that happened that week and my uncle told me to do a research of how the situation of the world is now compared to 10 years ago, 20 years ago, 50 years ago, 150 years ago, 500 years ago. And indeed, if looking back, it's true what @semiticgod says: the world is getting better, tiny step by tiny step, two steps forward, one step back and two steps forward again.
It's why I can't integrate such thoughts as @BelgarathMTH's second reply. Even though there's much truth in it, on of the primal founding blocks of choosing to stay alive instead of stepping out of it, one of the things that keeps me going, is living a life consisting about steps towards that just and sustainable world, even if we never reach the end-goal, even if my steps are ever so tiny, I'd rather be part of the solution than living a life of resignation from the world.
If I speak out in a symposium - summing up an overall conclusion but telling what I also find missing - like a often do - I often get a spontaneous applause for what I said. With that applause, I know I have struck a cord in people with what I find important - I get feedback from people with mental illness like me that I say the things that they feel, but when an applause comes from policy makers (like three weeks ago) and clinicians (like last week), I not only feel proud from getting that message across to them as well, but also satisfied as they will maybe remember what I've said and it might have a tiny impact on their policy and on how the clinicians take care of their clients (I dislike the word patient, as it's too passive).
People with mental illness need to take control of their own treatment and the clinicians are their to facilitate them in that. That was my message and I'm typing it here because a. you both have been helpful with your replies and it will become part of my own toolkit for mental wellbeing, but b. it's being part of the solution and taking those baby steps towards creating this world a better place that keeps me going in life, even if anger is sometimes the fuel that keeps me on.
And it doesn't stop at that - by donating to organisations that do what I can't do in providing emergency care or creating new social trade monetary systems and by taking care of my own ecological footprint by investing in wind power, buying fair trade and ecological foodstuffs, putting on and extra sweater before turning the heating a degree higher, I'm part of the solution in other areas but mental health care and poverty as well. The world will never be like I'd like it to, but I'd rather have what I do be steps toward it - even though they're tiny - they do make an impact and are not infinitesimal, there's a number far behind the comma.
Recovery comes with baby steps as well. The thing that I need the acceptance @BelgarathMTH talks about mostly for, is accepting I have this mental illness that won't go away, under the label of Schizo-affective Disorder like it was, or Autistic Spectrum Disorder like it is now, the label may be ill-fitting but a fact of life is, I have this tendency to get over-stimulated, thoughts running wild on depressive thoughts, lack of energy etc. and I have to life with that. Thanks @BelgarathMTH and @semiticgod for your kind words in helping to cope with that.
We always compare ourselves to bigger people. The only ones we look to are the ones we envy. But if we think about the people who would envy us, then things don't seem so bad.
That PhD student probably thinks you're just fine. And being a super smart and knowledgeable PhD student, they're probably right!
I went from, being in gallery auction, having a upcoming show, and just finding out that I was nominated for a award; I learn that my last payment process didn't go through, got withdrawn from all my classes, WITHOUT WARNING! While trying to get back reinstated in class, I have to not only pay the balance but 80 usd more forum manual registration and some other crap. To add insult to injury, the nomination, if I was to win, would get me my own private show, but its possible that being withdrawn from classes will get me taken out of the nomination.
I hate this world, I really do -.-