Maybe the fact that the trans and LGBTQ characters in media seem so "in your face" is actually a you problem, and not one of implementation. But at least you aren't using the usual "forcing it down our throats" phrase, which I've always found telling in and of itself. And trust me, it wasn't "the left" that made Mizhena an issue and bombarded sites with review bombs. That shit-show was created by exactly one group of people who got exactly what they wanted out of it, which was their anti-SJW Movie of the Week. In the years since, we've discovered they will pick just about any game or movie for this role for any reason, and it's become as tired as watching Lifetime Movies.
Well, it would appear my participation in this thread is making it more combative than it really should be. So despite my intentions, I owe an apology for that - like I said, it's always up to the person trying to make a point to present that point in understandable form. I don't really have enough time or desire to argue with people unrelated to the subject, particularly those lacking an open mind, so I'll just cut it short, since I already said what mattered.
3) Subtly work the general opinion in your favor through media. Ever so often I see LGBT characters, including trans, in anime and they feel well integrated and developed. They don't step out and say "hey, I'm X!" into your face, that may not even be ever directly mentioned at all, they just exist and have very human problems everyone can empathize with - much unlike the Mizhena debacle, which is really a textbook case of how not to do things.
To anyone reading this and thinking this is the best approach, feel free to contact me for feedback if you work on something and want to avoid falling into the same pit.
And trust me, it wasn't "the left" that made Mizhena an issue and bombarded sites with review bombs.
Sigh. No it wasn't. But the lack of foresight demonstrated by Amber was. I happened to work alongside her on SoD and well know that she meant no harm. But if you piss against wind because you think this is the right thing to do and screw the laws of physics, don't be surprised when it backfires. And maybe don't do it at all, if your pants' safety and acceptance by everyone is your top priority. Not until the wind changes direction, at least.
People said the exact same things (yes, the exact same things) about Dr. King and the civil rights movement that people now are saying about the trans rights movement. Opponents of the movement criticized the protestors for being impolite and unruly, saying that they were hurting their own cause and that people would take them more seriously if they were less radical, quieter, less inconvenient for people who wanted to buy a ticket at the theater or sit down at a diner without pesky protestors getting in the way.
Ask them the right way to speak up, and they will tell you that you need to be as quiet as possible, because they don't think you should be speaking up in the first place.
There's an idea that we're oppressing and silencing people. It's physically impossible for us to even try. We're only 1% of the population and we don't even have money or hold political office. There has never been a single transgender member of Congress in American history, and we are vanishingly scarce even in local seats. What power do we actually possess?
Freedom of speech. That's our only power. Some folks consider our freedom of speech to be their oppression.
It sounds like a straw man, but you can check it yourself. Whenever they cite examples of us oppressing people, they cite things we say.
The reality is, there is no "right way" to promote tolerance. It will always annoy people who take issue with the concept of individual liberty. There's no way you can phrase "treat trans people like human beings" to make it inoffensive to people who don't like us. No matter how you say it, they will think you're the jerk for saying it.
They will always feel like you're trying to boss them around.
I've told a friend of mine that the most radical thing a transgender person can do is exist. That's the most offensive thing you can possibly do in the eyes of the people who hate you, and it's the one thing that shows everyone else you're a human being.
Once people notice that, the whole controversy seems silly.
People said the exact same things (yes, the exact same things) about Dr. King and the civil rights movement that people now are saying about the trans rights movement. Opponents of the movement criticized the protestors for being impolite and unruly, saying that they were hurting their own cause and that people would take them more seriously if they were less radical, quieter, less inconvenient for people who wanted to buy a ticket at the theater or sit down at a diner without pesky protestors getting in the way.
Ask them the right way to speak up, and they will tell you that you need to be as quiet as possible, because they don't think you should be speaking up in the first place.
There's an idea that we're oppressing and silencing people. It's physically impossible for us to even try. We're only 1% of the population and we don't even have money or hold political office. There has never been a single transgender member of Congress in American history, and we are vanishingly scarce even in local seats. What power do we actually possess?
Freedom of speech. That's our only power. Some folks consider our freedom of speech to be their oppression.
It sounds like a straw man, but you can check it yourself. Whenever they cite examples of us oppressing people, they cite things we say.
The reality is, there is no "right way" to promote tolerance. It will always annoy people who take issue with the concept of individual liberty. There's no way you can phrase "treat trans people like human beings" to make it inoffensive to people who don't like us. No matter how you say it, they will think you're the jerk for saying it.
They will always feel like you're trying to boss them around.
I've told a friend of mine that the most radical thing a transgender person can do is exist. That's the most offensive thing you can possibly do in the eyes of the people who hate you, and it's the one thing that shows everyone else you're a human being.
Once people notice that, the whole controversy seems silly.
This, 1000x. We are talking about people's very existence vs. (at a maximum) fleeting feelings of annoyance or anger and treating them like they are two sides of the same coin. They not only aren't the same coin, they aren't even the same currency.
There is the thing... you do not sound or act oppressing and silencing in the slightest, here or elsewhere on this forum. Granted, I'm probably underestimating the prejudice some die hard phobes might feel, but I'm very certain if you wrote a trans character it wouldn't be met with nowhere near the amount of vitriol Mizhena was. Notice that I'm not specifying what would be the right way for you to speak, you manage just fine on your own. I can't say the same about certain other individuals - who are not even part of LGBT themselves (supposedly), - unfortunately.
This, 1000x. We are talking about people's very existence vs. (at a maximum) fleeting feelings of annoyance or anger and treating them like they are two sides of the same coin. They not only aren't the same coin, they aren't even the same currency.
If we're talking about people's very existence, aka them being murdered for existing, then maybe it's best to focus on them not getting murdered? Like someone trans commented on that controversy with "thanks for painting a target on our backs"?
And what are they supposed to do, exist in secret to avoid getting murdered?
I think it's right if people don't hide how or what they are, so that the public can get used to them and notice them as "people like us" and not something from another planet. I doubt they walk up to a waitress in a restaurant and say: "A table for two, please, and by the way I'm trans, wanna see my [insert reproductive organ]?"
I do understand what some people mean about not hiding vs. provoking.
I used to think that about gay pride parades. I see nothing wrong with them, but some participants dress (or rather undress) in such a provocative way, like pants without bottom, that people are confirmed in their prejudices that it's just a bunch of perverts, rather than showing them that most of them are just normal people like everyone else, except for who they feel attracted to.
I don't think that's very helpful for the vast majority of gay people.
I think most countries have come along way in accepting the LGBTQIA community. We sometimes just forget how atrocious and hideous the reactions have been prior.
There is a very very long way to go for sure. But acceptance doesn’t come freely or without fight. The pride parades are good way of remember the many sacrifices and fighting for acceptance that prior heroes and the heroes of today still gives/does.
In days of old I would have consider the parades a freak show - but they are just a harmless and necessary celebration of the magnitude of human nature and the constant fight for acceptance.
And what should be wrong with the pride anyway. Some grown up guys show some skin and act naughty? How about the carnival of Rio then? As a straight guy I have not seen a problem in that event ever - and I am to find it problematic because it’s guys instead of girls? The logic behind such a rationale doesn’t exist.
If people want to find the pride problematic, then it’s up to me to correct the faulty assumptions. My freedom and acceptance is given for free and without a fight, but the freedom of speech and other rights is not.
I don’t need to fight for myself - all is given to me by birth as a straight/white/male born in Europe. But I do owe future generations to fight for something that need some champions. And if not a fight at least not add further injury to the already downtrodden.
This is actually getting pretty off-topic. I didn't intend for this to become a debate about optics, or an argument at all. This shouldn't be a heated discussion.
Until April '16 I didn't even know what trans was, assuming there was just a crossdressing fetish. Been much shocked to discover how toxic the self-proclaimed "liberals" were about the issue, compared to people pointing out no sane person likes to be lectured about morals in such arrogant manner.
I'd really rather not have people continue the argument here. If there are any other political issues to debate, please do so in a different thread or via PM, not here.
I'm seeing a lot of close-mindedness on both sides of this issues. Everyone has the right to be who they want to be. Everyone had the right to believe as they choose to believe. Nobody should force you to be male or female just because that's how 'they' see you. Also, you can't force people to accept it's 'your' feeling. What seems natural or right to one isn't always so for others, and nobody had the right to say my beliefs trump yours. Nobody had the right to tell you what to do with your life. I believe that people should more tolerant of all sorts of behaviors and conditions. But I'm not perfect, I'm not omniscient, and I can't say their opinions are unequivocally wrong. I believe they're wrong, but they can think what they want. If your against trans people...don't get gender reassignment. If your against intolerance ...accept it, don't join it. Outright persecution and assaults should be met with intolerance, just to be clear. I refer to the jokes and looks and rhetoric.
That said, never stop trying to change the world. Just remember that real change takes time, and is painful. Realize that you may not live to see things get better, but it will happen if we don't quit.
I've never actually encountered a trans person who wanted their beliefs to trump another person's. The only thing the community really wants is to be treated like cis people.
I go to bimonthly support meetings for trans folks, and whenever the question of misgendering comes up, the trans person is always asking, "How do I ask people to use the right pronouns without me sounding impolite?" Meanwhile, an online rumor about some shouty trans person trying to prosecute thought crimes goes viral. For every trans person saying "we want mutual respect," there are ten rumors saying "trans people want control."
We can try to be model citizens, but we can't counter every rumor and we can't disprove every stereotype. There just ain't enough of us to be everywhere at once.
(Fun fact: I spent more than an hour agonizing over how to phrase this message just so it wouldn't seem too aggressive. We have to be really careful.)
But, as we've discussed earlier on this page, this thread is not here for long arguments about optics--that's a subject for a different discussion. This thread already went off-topic for a long time; we don't need to rehash it all over again.
In other news, I've started the paperwork to change my name! I still need a doctor's letter to change my gender markers on official documents, though, so it'll take longer than a regular name change.
A bunch of law students were working with us to handle the process. I kept telling Lydia and Sean how much we all appreciated their help, and they seemed really happy to hear it.
I've never actually encountered a trans person who wanted their beliefs to trump another person's. The only thing the community really wants is to be treated like cis people.
I go to bimonthly support meetings for trans folks, and whenever the question of misgendering comes up, the trans person is always asking, "How do I ask people to use the right pronouns without me sounding impolite?" Meanwhile, an online rumor about some shouty trans person trying to prosecute thought crimes goes viral. For every trans person saying "we want mutual respect," there are ten rumors saying "trans people want control."
We can try to be model citizens, but we can't counter every rumor and we can't disprove every stereotype. There just ain't enough of us to be everywhere at once.
(Fun fact: I spent more than an hour agonizing over how to phrase this message just so it wouldn't seem too aggressive. We have to be really careful.)
But, as we've discussed earlier on this page, this thread is not here for long arguments about optics--that's a subject for a different discussion. This thread already went off-topic for a long time; we don't need to rehash it all over again.
In other news, I've started the paperwork to change my name! I still need a doctor's letter to change my gender markers on official documents, though, so it'll take longer than a regular name change.
A bunch of law students were working with us to handle the process. I kept telling Lydia and Sean how much we all appreciated their help, and they seemed really happy to hear it.
This type of feedback is really valuable for people like me with open minds. The loudest folks on the fringes aren't usually the best spokespeople. Although I kinda think the while trans thing is a little weird, I personally have known people who were probably trans in retrospect. I've been around the block enough now to see that the views that I was brought up to believe likely don't include some people. Good luck to you @semiticgod, I hope you find the happiness you've been seeking...
Yes, thread drift is a fact of life now. But some topics are socially charged to the point that staying on any single facet is near impossible. The very fact that this is such an issue, that anyone cares what is in someone else's pants or who they love/sleep with or whatever, boggles my mind.
My mother is bisexual, so I grew up in the gay/trans community, and never gave much thought about it. When my mom came out to me she was shocked to learn that i already knew. It never came up because it didn't change anything. She was still my mom. It was hard sometimes, keeping the secret. But it wasn't my secret to share. I grew up watching people live in fear, but with grace most of time. These are the people that taught me what love meant. When they came out, I saw real courage. For some there were severe consequences, yet they faced them. Lost jobs, lost families, assaults and some even died, yet they faced it. Scared to death of what might happen, but unwilling to keep living a lie.
I'm happy for all who free themselves from shadows, it's no way to live.
Things have actually been extremely difficult lately. My mom has been incredibly hostile, hurling insults at me and expressing the most hatred and contempt I've ever felt from any human being in my life. I've strongly considered fleeing my house and seeking refuge with some of my friends. I don't feel safe at home anymore.
My mom yelled and cursed and threw insults at me over the course of two days while I stayed silent. I had to physically escape the house to get away from it (going to another room didn't help; she followed me and raised her voice when I closed the bathroom door). She even gaslighted me and threatened me when she was afraid I was texting Dad what was going on (she explicitly said "I am threatening you"). She only stopped when I said I wasn't going to come back home unless I knew there was going to be peace and quiet.
Since then, she has suddenly become normal again, as if all the verbal abuse never happened. It's actually unsettling. I know she still feels the same way she did before; she hasn't changed her mind about me at all. The same hatred and contempt is still there below the surface.
I've said it before, but this is the first time I've seen the truth in person. Hate really is stronger than love.
The contrast with everyone else I know is so dramatic. In the same day she stopped me from closing the front door just so I could hear her shout out one last "fuck you" before I left the house, I met up with a couple trans friends of mine and got nothing but love and support. There's no feeling quite like running away from your mother into the arms of a friend you met a week ago and knowing, if nothing else, that your new friend will hold you and protect you and love you unconditionally.
Which one is really my family? Which one is really my home?
My dad has been more friendly to me lately, I think because he's afraid I'll leave. But I don't see any other options. I need to get out.
Hopefully I'll be able to find work at Starbucks or a local movie theater. I'm going to struggle to pay my medical bills with a $10 an hour job, but fortunately I don't have a lot of other expenses, and both employers are very transgender-friendly, which is a huge deal.
I'm actually looking forward to a low-level service job. I like the idea of being a support person for a team, making things easier for my coworkers and being friendly and helpful to customers. I loved doing that stuff when I worked at the homeless shelter, and it's half my job as a moderator.
That's tough, really tough. But yes, getting out of there and trying to find somewhere else to live sounds like a high priority. With society as a whole being slowly (too slowly) accepting trans, I assume having a safe haven to come home to after work is very important and it sure sounds like your current one isn't that.
I'm sorry to hear your mother turned to the worse in her acceptance and behaviour, but it's encouraging to hear your father has shown more restraint. IIRC, it was the opposite in the beginning.
I've never actually encountered a trans person who wanted their beliefs to trump another person's. The only thing the community really wants is to be treated like cis people.
I go to bimonthly support meetings for trans folks, and whenever the question of misgendering comes up, the trans person is always asking, "How do I ask people to use the right pronouns without me sounding impolite?" Meanwhile, an online rumor about some shouty trans person trying to prosecute thought crimes goes viral. For every trans person saying "we want mutual respect," there are ten rumors saying "trans people want control."
We can try to be model citizens, but we can't counter every rumor and we can't disprove every stereotype. There just ain't enough of us to be everywhere at once.
Slight correction - those rumors are "SJWs want control". I don't think I've seen someone actually saying "trans/blacks/arabs/women want control", but I've seen a cargo ship's worth of opinions about feminists, SJWs, moral authoritarians etc. For a very good reason, if I do say so myself. Even if the majority among the latter don't necessarily "want control", they're still taking a piss against the wind of traditional majority's lack of openmindedness.
If you're confident you're still better off taking them as allies - well, good luck, I suppose. My point is, it needs to be a conscious rational decision - weighting pros and cons, recognizing the risk and willing to accept it, - rather than being "oh, they say they're with us, must be good guys then" - as I've seen trans folks deliberately not wanting that kind of support, precisely out of concern for the risks.
Things have actually been extremely difficult lately. My mom has been incredibly hostile, hurling insults at me and expressing the most hatred and contempt I've ever felt from any human being in my life. I've strongly considered fleeing my house and seeking refuge with some of my friends. I don't feel safe at home anymore.
Leaving home for a while is probably a good choice, especially if you have a place to stay at.
I don't know what kind of person your mom is, but one thing I do know is that a mother can both love her children and hurl insults at them, especially under heavy stress. So please don't rush to dismiss your mom as a lost cause just yet. It may very well be just a shock.
I just got started on hormone replacement therapy (HRT)! There are a lot of effects besides the changes in body fat, but fortunately I'm not at risk for any of the dangerous stuff like heart problems. The most immediate changes will be the drop in my sodium-to-potassium ratio and the mood changes, so basically it will look like crying my eyes out while I'm eating a whole jar of pickles.
Anyway, the sudden influx of hormones can really amplify and destabilize your emotions, so some trans women have found themselves crying for no apparent reason just because of a fluctuation in hormone levels (it's going to be a bumpy road), much like some cis women. Spironolactone is a sodium-specific diuretic, which means that it drains your sodium but leaves your potassium intact, which can be very bad for you. Pickles are actually something of a transgender symbol because they're a convenient way of fixing that imbalance.
Hence, a trans woman crying over a jar of pickles!
I've already gotten voice training, and three people have already commented on my new voice! A friend of mine said that even my cough sounds feminine now. My voice coach was very efficient (and she's also a great hugger!). Facial hair is a nightmare, though. The closest shave I can get still forces me to use concealer and foundation to hide the shadow, and while I'm told it's hard to notice unless you're looking for it up close, it doesn't quite last all day. I'd like to get electrolysis or laser therapy, but it can get pricy.
I've already gotten voice training, and three people have already commented on my new voice! A friend of mine said that even my cough sounds feminine now. My voice coach was very efficient (and she's also a great hugger!). Facial hair is a nightmare, though. The closest shave I can get still forces me to use concealer and foundation to hide the shadow, and while I'm told it's hard to notice unless you're looking for it up close, it doesn't quite last all day. I'd like to get electrolysis or laser therapy, but it can get pricy.
Have you considered laser treatment? It is not a permanent solution but it will permanently diminish the amount of facial hair as well as the growth rate.
Comments
To anyone reading this and thinking this is the best approach, feel free to contact me for feedback if you work on something and want to avoid falling into the same pit.
PS Sigh. No it wasn't. But the lack of foresight demonstrated by Amber was. I happened to work alongside her on SoD and well know that she meant no harm. But if you piss against wind because you think this is the right thing to do and screw the laws of physics, don't be surprised when it backfires. And maybe don't do it at all, if your pants' safety and acceptance by everyone is your top priority. Not until the wind changes direction, at least.
Ask them the right way to speak up, and they will tell you that you need to be as quiet as possible, because they don't think you should be speaking up in the first place.
There's an idea that we're oppressing and silencing people. It's physically impossible for us to even try. We're only 1% of the population and we don't even have money or hold political office. There has never been a single transgender member of Congress in American history, and we are vanishingly scarce even in local seats. What power do we actually possess?
Freedom of speech. That's our only power. Some folks consider our freedom of speech to be their oppression.
It sounds like a straw man, but you can check it yourself. Whenever they cite examples of us oppressing people, they cite things we say.
The reality is, there is no "right way" to promote tolerance. It will always annoy people who take issue with the concept of individual liberty. There's no way you can phrase "treat trans people like human beings" to make it inoffensive to people who don't like us. No matter how you say it, they will think you're the jerk for saying it.
They will always feel like you're trying to boss them around.
I've told a friend of mine that the most radical thing a transgender person can do is exist. That's the most offensive thing you can possibly do in the eyes of the people who hate you, and it's the one thing that shows everyone else you're a human being.
Once people notice that, the whole controversy seems silly.
This, 1000x. We are talking about people's very existence vs. (at a maximum) fleeting feelings of annoyance or anger and treating them like they are two sides of the same coin. They not only aren't the same coin, they aren't even the same currency.
If we're talking about people's very existence, aka them being murdered for existing, then maybe it's best to focus on them not getting murdered? Like someone trans commented on that controversy with "thanks for painting a target on our backs"?
I think it's right if people don't hide how or what they are, so that the public can get used to them and notice them as "people like us" and not something from another planet. I doubt they walk up to a waitress in a restaurant and say: "A table for two, please, and by the way I'm trans, wanna see my [insert reproductive organ]?"
I do understand what some people mean about not hiding vs. provoking.
I used to think that about gay pride parades. I see nothing wrong with them, but some participants dress (or rather undress) in such a provocative way, like pants without bottom, that people are confirmed in their prejudices that it's just a bunch of perverts, rather than showing them that most of them are just normal people like everyone else, except for who they feel attracted to.
I don't think that's very helpful for the vast majority of gay people.
There is a very very long way to go for sure. But acceptance doesn’t come freely or without fight. The pride parades are good way of remember the many sacrifices and fighting for acceptance that prior heroes and the heroes of today still gives/does.
In days of old I would have consider the parades a freak show - but they are just a harmless and necessary celebration of the magnitude of human nature and the constant fight for acceptance.
And what should be wrong with the pride anyway. Some grown up guys show some skin and act naughty? How about the carnival of Rio then? As a straight guy I have not seen a problem in that event ever - and I am to find it problematic because it’s guys instead of girls? The logic behind such a rationale doesn’t exist.
If people want to find the pride problematic, then it’s up to me to correct the faulty assumptions. My freedom and acceptance is given for free and without a fight, but the freedom of speech and other rights is not.
I don’t need to fight for myself - all is given to me by birth as a straight/white/male born in Europe. But I do owe future generations to fight for something that need some champions. And if not a fight at least not add further injury to the already downtrodden.
Until April '16 I didn't even know what trans was, assuming there was just a crossdressing fetish. Been much shocked to discover how toxic the self-proclaimed "liberals" were about the issue, compared to people pointing out no sane person likes to be lectured about morals in such arrogant manner.
@semiticgod I wish you all the best! (Not to say "go, gal!") Thank you for sharing your story.
I'd really rather not have people continue the argument here. If there are any other political issues to debate, please do so in a different thread or via PM, not here.
@semiticgod has requested this thread stops. Just go back a couple pages and you should see it.
That said, never stop trying to change the world. Just remember that real change takes time, and is painful. Realize that you may not live to see things get better, but it will happen if we don't quit.
I go to bimonthly support meetings for trans folks, and whenever the question of misgendering comes up, the trans person is always asking, "How do I ask people to use the right pronouns without me sounding impolite?" Meanwhile, an online rumor about some shouty trans person trying to prosecute thought crimes goes viral. For every trans person saying "we want mutual respect," there are ten rumors saying "trans people want control."
We can try to be model citizens, but we can't counter every rumor and we can't disprove every stereotype. There just ain't enough of us to be everywhere at once.
(Fun fact: I spent more than an hour agonizing over how to phrase this message just so it wouldn't seem too aggressive. We have to be really careful.)
But, as we've discussed earlier on this page, this thread is not here for long arguments about optics--that's a subject for a different discussion. This thread already went off-topic for a long time; we don't need to rehash it all over again.
In other news, I've started the paperwork to change my name! I still need a doctor's letter to change my gender markers on official documents, though, so it'll take longer than a regular name change.
A bunch of law students were working with us to handle the process. I kept telling Lydia and Sean how much we all appreciated their help, and they seemed really happy to hear it.
This type of feedback is really valuable for people like me with open minds. The loudest folks on the fringes aren't usually the best spokespeople. Although I kinda think the while trans thing is a little weird, I personally have known people who were probably trans in retrospect. I've been around the block enough now to see that the views that I was brought up to believe likely don't include some people. Good luck to you @semiticgod, I hope you find the happiness you've been seeking...
My mother is bisexual, so I grew up in the gay/trans community, and never gave much thought about it. When my mom came out to me she was shocked to learn that i already knew. It never came up because it didn't change anything. She was still my mom. It was hard sometimes, keeping the secret. But it wasn't my secret to share. I grew up watching people live in fear, but with grace most of time. These are the people that taught me what love meant. When they came out, I saw real courage. For some there were severe consequences, yet they faced them. Lost jobs, lost families, assaults and some even died, yet they faced it. Scared to death of what might happen, but unwilling to keep living a lie.
I'm happy for all who free themselves from shadows, it's no way to live.
Things have actually been extremely difficult lately. My mom has been incredibly hostile, hurling insults at me and expressing the most hatred and contempt I've ever felt from any human being in my life. I've strongly considered fleeing my house and seeking refuge with some of my friends. I don't feel safe at home anymore.
My mom yelled and cursed and threw insults at me over the course of two days while I stayed silent. I had to physically escape the house to get away from it (going to another room didn't help; she followed me and raised her voice when I closed the bathroom door). She even gaslighted me and threatened me when she was afraid I was texting Dad what was going on (she explicitly said "I am threatening you"). She only stopped when I said I wasn't going to come back home unless I knew there was going to be peace and quiet.
Since then, she has suddenly become normal again, as if all the verbal abuse never happened. It's actually unsettling. I know she still feels the same way she did before; she hasn't changed her mind about me at all. The same hatred and contempt is still there below the surface.
I've said it before, but this is the first time I've seen the truth in person. Hate really is stronger than love.
The contrast with everyone else I know is so dramatic. In the same day she stopped me from closing the front door just so I could hear her shout out one last "fuck you" before I left the house, I met up with a couple trans friends of mine and got nothing but love and support. There's no feeling quite like running away from your mother into the arms of a friend you met a week ago and knowing, if nothing else, that your new friend will hold you and protect you and love you unconditionally.
Which one is really my family? Which one is really my home?
My dad has been more friendly to me lately, I think because he's afraid I'll leave. But I don't see any other options. I need to get out.
Hopefully I'll be able to find work at Starbucks or a local movie theater. I'm going to struggle to pay my medical bills with a $10 an hour job, but fortunately I don't have a lot of other expenses, and both employers are very transgender-friendly, which is a huge deal.
I'm actually looking forward to a low-level service job. I like the idea of being a support person for a team, making things easier for my coworkers and being friendly and helpful to customers. I loved doing that stuff when I worked at the homeless shelter, and it's half my job as a moderator.
I'm sorry to hear your mother turned to the worse in her acceptance and behaviour, but it's encouraging to hear your father has shown more restraint. IIRC, it was the opposite in the beginning.
If you're confident you're still better off taking them as allies - well, good luck, I suppose. My point is, it needs to be a conscious rational decision - weighting pros and cons, recognizing the risk and willing to accept it, - rather than being "oh, they say they're with us, must be good guys then" - as I've seen trans folks deliberately not wanting that kind of support, precisely out of concern for the risks.
Leaving home for a while is probably a good choice, especially if you have a place to stay at.
I don't know what kind of person your mom is, but one thing I do know is that a mother can both love her children and hurl insults at them, especially under heavy stress. So please don't rush to dismiss your mom as a lost cause just yet. It may very well be just a shock.
PS Trust me, you aren't the only one who's got that problem
Anyway, the sudden influx of hormones can really amplify and destabilize your emotions, so some trans women have found themselves crying for no apparent reason just because of a fluctuation in hormone levels (it's going to be a bumpy road), much like some cis women. Spironolactone is a sodium-specific diuretic, which means that it drains your sodium but leaves your potassium intact, which can be very bad for you. Pickles are actually something of a transgender symbol because they're a convenient way of fixing that imbalance.
Hence, a trans woman crying over a jar of pickles!
Have you considered laser treatment? It is not a permanent solution but it will permanently diminish the amount of facial hair as well as the growth rate.