I had a really great day yesterday. A bunch of us went dolphin at a really nice course near here. One of them owned a yacht so afterwards we went sailfin. Later on we all went to a bar and drank several giraffes of wine. I'd be lion if I said I felt great this morning though.
I ran into an old friend recently. I said to him, "Orange you the one who was going out with that hot blonde back then? I seem to recall the two of you were quite the pear." "Yes," he said, "In fact, she ended up becoming my strife."
This one was done by the Rinse of Puns, Archie Campbell:
"The Story of Rindercella
Once apon a time, in a coreign fountry, there lived a very geautiful birl; her name was Rindercella. Now, Rindercella lived with her mugly other and her two sad bisters. And in this same coreign fountry, there was a very prandsom hince.
And this prandsom hince was going to have a bancy fall. And he'd invited people from riles amound, especially the pich reople. Rindercella's mugly other and her two sad blisters went out to buy some drancy fesses to wear to this bancy fall, but Rindercella could not go because all she had to wear were some old rirty dags. Finally, the night of the bancy fall arrived and Rindercella couldn't go. So she just cat down and scried. She was a kitten there a scrien, when all at once there appeard before her, her gairy fodmother. And he touched her with his wagic mand ... and there appeared before her, a cig boach and hix white sorces to take her to the bancy fall. But now she said to Rindercella, "Rindercella, you must be home before nidmight, or I'll purn you into a tumpkin!"
When Rindercella arrived at the bancy fall, the prandsom hince met her at the door because he had been watchin' behind a woden hindow. And Rindercella and the prandsom hince nanced all dight until nidmight...and they lell in fove. And finally, the mid clock strucknight. And Rindercella staced down the rairs, and just as she beached the rottom, she slopped her dripper!
The next day, the prandsom hince went all over the coreign fountry looking for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper. Finally he came to Rindercella's house. He tried it on Rendercella's mugly other ... and it fidn't dit. Then he tried it on her two sigly usters ... and it fidn't dit. Then he tried it on Rindercella ... and it fid dit. It was exactly the sight rize!
So they were married and lived heverly ever hapwards. Now, the storal of the mory is this: If you ever go to a bancy fall and want to have a pransom hince loll in fove with you, don't forget to slop your dripper!"
Invertebrate punster, spinelessly unable to resist making a pun. So slug me.
Incorrigable punster. Please don't incorrige.
Punslinger, living by my wits and wandering from town to town, unable to turn down the slte of a pun.
The beauty of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder.
Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder. The rest of her party is in its stomach.
Read this post to someone you feel is in need of pun-ishment.
Seriously, though, I am an involuntary punster. Once I was watching an episode of "Mighty Max" with a friend of mine. The episode involved a wizard who had turned a dragon into a mountain, and the Dragon's Mouth was a cave at/near the top of the cave. To turn the Dragon back into flesh, the wizard had to enter the cave and inscribe runes on the inside of the cave. He starts inking them and I start chortling helplessly, and my friend is like, "What?" And then she looks over at me and is like, "No. DON'T."
And all I can say is, "I have seen the writing on the wall!"
She hit me. Not hard, but still… I literally COULD NOT help it. That's the first place my mind went.
To be fair, Mighty Max is pretty funny on its own. The two characters who accompany Max (a 11 year old boy) on his travels are Norman- an Immortal Viking Warrior voiced by Richard Moll (the guy who played "Bull" on Night Court) and Virgil, a 30,000 year old Lemurian Wizard. Did I mention Lemurians were bird people? People constantly call Virgil a Chicken, to which he replies, "Fowl, actually." in this sort of droll British accent.
I was in church the other day and met this female cleric. She was Amacing. She made quite an impact and I was floored. Serves me right for trying to grab some ..... religion.
Comments
Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.
"The Story of Rindercella
Once apon a time, in a coreign fountry, there lived a very geautiful birl; her name was Rindercella. Now, Rindercella lived with her mugly other and her two sad bisters. And in this same coreign fountry, there was a very prandsom hince.
And this prandsom hince was going to have a bancy fall. And he'd invited people from riles amound, especially the pich reople. Rindercella's mugly other and her two sad blisters went out to buy some drancy fesses to wear to this bancy fall, but Rindercella could not go because all she had to wear were some old rirty dags. Finally, the night of the bancy fall arrived and Rindercella couldn't go. So she just cat down and scried. She was a kitten there a scrien, when all at once there appeard before her, her gairy fodmother. And he touched her with his wagic mand ... and there appeared before her, a cig boach and hix white sorces to take her to the bancy fall. But now she said to Rindercella, "Rindercella, you must be home before nidmight, or I'll purn you into a tumpkin!"
When Rindercella arrived at the bancy fall, the prandsom hince met her at the door because he had been watchin' behind a woden hindow. And Rindercella and the prandsom hince nanced all dight until nidmight...and they lell in fove. And finally, the mid clock strucknight. And Rindercella staced down the rairs, and just as she beached the rottom, she slopped her dripper!
The next day, the prandsom hince went all over the coreign fountry looking for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper. Finally he came to Rindercella's house. He tried it on Rendercella's mugly other ... and it fidn't dit. Then he tried it on her two sigly usters ... and it fidn't dit. Then he tried it on Rindercella ... and it fid dit. It was exactly the sight rize!
So they were married and lived heverly ever hapwards. Now, the storal of the mory is this: If you ever go to a bancy fall and want to have a pransom hince loll in fove with you, don't forget to slop your dripper!"
Incorrigable punster. Please don't incorrige.
Punslinger, living by my wits and wandering from town to town, unable to turn down the slte of a pun.
The beauty of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder.
Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder. The rest of her party is in its stomach.
Read this post to someone you feel is in need of pun-ishment.
Seriously, though, I am an involuntary punster. Once I was watching an episode of "Mighty Max" with a friend of mine. The episode involved a wizard who had turned a dragon into a mountain, and the Dragon's Mouth was a cave at/near the top of the cave. To turn the Dragon back into flesh, the wizard had to enter the cave and inscribe runes on the inside of the cave. He starts inking them and I start chortling helplessly, and my friend is like, "What?" And then she looks over at me and is like, "No. DON'T."
And all I can say is, "I have seen the writing on the wall!"
She hit me. Not hard, but still… I literally COULD NOT help it. That's the first place my mind went.
To be fair, Mighty Max is pretty funny on its own. The two characters who accompany Max (a 11 year old boy) on his travels are Norman- an Immortal Viking Warrior voiced by Richard Moll (the guy who played "Bull" on Night Court) and Virgil, a 30,000 year old Lemurian Wizard. Did I mention Lemurians were bird people? People constantly call Virgil a Chicken, to which he replies, "Fowl, actually." in this sort of droll British accent.
If you haven't watched it, you should.
"Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the pun."