@semiticgod I'm sorry for your loss. I know how you feel, tough. Last year we had to put my in-laws' dog to sleep and I was there to bury her in the woods. When my first dog died in '05 I wasn't at home (I was at dorm at the time, actually), but when I got back just looking at my mother's face was enough to tell me something went horribly wrong. Now, my parents' second dog is 11 years old and although he seems in good health, I'm slowly starting to prepare the time may come that he will be missed too...
When I was in my teens, the dog we'd had since I was a kid went out one day and never came back. She was pushing 15 and we were already talking about having to put her down, but she took it out of our hands. We lived on 25 acres with swamps and woodlots all around, so we never did find her body. I still have one of her tags on my keychain.
I'm really fighting tears when Reading all this... The dog may not be there for whole your lives, but remember, you were there with them their whole life. I've lost 1 dog in 09, a huge loss to me. This dog was so clever it really puzzled My mind. He used to sneak up on us quietly, and when right behind you he gave his loudest bark making us hit the roof. I remember some nights you could hear a loud bark in the basement, shortly followed by My mom yelling "hundjävel!" Meaning something like "f-ing dog" or something. I sure miss that little rebel.
I got 2 dogs right now, and one of them will be goners in a couple of years. I am not really dwelling too Much on it, but I am mentaly prepared for it however.
Knowing that YOU gave your dog a wonderful life really easen the burden and sorrow for me.
EDIT: autocorrect messed up My post, most of it should be corrected now.
Writing about emotions and stuff when English isn't your mother tongue will be tricky but hey, why not ? I don't really know any of you guys, i've been mostly lurking around here, but I had to share so...
So my boyfriend is a cheater. From the beginning, multiple times, and just counting the things I know about
That's a really simple situation really, I should break up and move on. But i just can't, and it pisses me off. I love him, but that's not what's stopping me i think (it never stopped me in the past anyway) I just, i don't know, i just feel like shit all the time. I feel like i'm not worth of anything you know, no self confidence, that kind of thing I really believed in our story and i feel stupid, how wrong i was
And, what I hate the most, I'm angry all the time, at myself, at him, at the world, and i hate anger, i can't deal with that emotion, all i can do is try to shut it down, and it's keeping me awake at night, and i just want to break things and yell at people all the time. I cry when i'm alone and something triggers me by surprise, like a song or a stupid tv show.
Sometimes I feel like I should just pack and leave, without telling anyone anything
I could have been more specific actually, he and I talked already, months ago, I don't really wanna go all over it again, but we've been together three years, and I believe now he hasn't been faithful more than a year. T_T
At the very beginning we were in a long distance relationship, I found out he was cheating on me, got mad, we talked, we made things clear and sorted it out (or i thought we did), i forgave him (because of the long distance, because it was the beginning, etc.), i eventually came to trust him again, slowly, when we finally moved in together, when things between us became cool again (intimacy, sex, happiness, etc.)
But then this summer I found out by accident (and it really was an accident, cause at that point i was over the shenanigans of "checking his phone and facebook account when he wasn't looking" ypu know^^) that he had been cheating again. I confronted him immediately, we talked but that wasn't... I got no satisfaction out of it, because he had no real explanation you know. I told him how mad I was, how rejected i was feeling, he told me he was sorry, blablabla, that he would end the "affair" but... But I could sense something was off. The very next week i found out that his way of ending it was -not sure how to say that in english, but you know, "goodbye sex". I stopped talking to him completely, for days. Things got better eventually, but dialogue is so frustrating. He can't tell me why he does this, the reason. Maybe it's stupid but if it's just that he has no desire for me, i can hear it. It's what I believe anyway. But he won't tell me that, he won't give me any reason, he will just apologize, cry, do nice things and make me fall in love again. Gosh i'm so dumb.
I just can't trust him anymore. And I recently found out that the "affair" started like almost a year ago. All that time he was lying. And now I think of all the things I could not know about. Cause, every time I confront him, it's an opportunity for him to get better at "covering tracks" and it just drives me crazy
But not knowing why is the worst. And maybe I stay with him for this very reason, I wanna know why.
@Shandyr Yeah, open relationship. That's not for me. It's not a moral thing, actually, I don't really care, I really believe a lot of people are truly happy that way. But I don't have that level of self-confidence. I would just feel rejected all the time. Because I don't really want to have sex with other people, I'm with him, I enjoy that, I don't feel the need because what my partner gives me is what I want. So to me, it just really means that I'm not what he wants. I'm not enough. That sucks.
So well, yeah, maybe i'm just "gathering my strength" (i'm pretty sure that doesn't exist in english, sorry ^^) for the breakup. I don't feel like I'm wasting years anyway, when the time is right, it's right.
I'm sorry to hear that but normally when a relationship reaches a point where you can't trust your partner anymore, it's over. It's painful I know but it's less painful than trying to prolong or fix it. In my experience there's no "fixing" a broken relationship. It will never be the same again.
Feel free to talk to us here but seek your real life friends as well. It's better not to be alone in situations like this.
Yes, I agree with Shandyr and mlnevese. And remember, life doesn't stop. It will offer you new options, eventually.
You may not believe it now, but after the most unpleasant and uneasy part is over (that is, the break up), you will start a new life. Maybe change (if possible) your activity, life style, move to a new place. You know, become a new yourself. With new choices and new opportunities.
I have been in a sit when I was younger, of course this is not the same thing at all. I also talked to girls I met on internet, absolutely not intentionally. We just randomly hooked up. It was first this one girl, then I (kind of) was a part of their gang, even though I never saw them.
A lot of fighting happened. They made me sad, angry, happy, frustrated, feel worthless. I didn't love them in they way you love your boyfriend, but you know, we had ties, I did care for them. Even after all those times we fought and we made each other angry and broken, we still tried to remain friends. I was so bound to them that stop talking to them was not an option. I knew it was an unhealthy relationship because they occupied my mind, I always looked up to them more than my real friends. I knew this but I still kept talking to them.
Today, I still have some contact with them BUT I kind of "let them slide" you know, I stopped caring about them to start caring about myself. Today I feel a lot better, not being stressed out by maintaining a strong friendship with them,
I don't want to make this about me, so I am gonna go ahead and wrap this up in a spoiler.
My point, you should break up with him, even if it feels wrong. Even if you still love him. Leave him, start off fresh and just do your daily routine. You will meet the right person, and this person will stay faithful to you. No point in getting stuck up with someone who treats you like this. Do you want to feel this way forever? I don't think so. You will feel better in months, you will thank yourself. Trust me on this.
It's like an addiction to drugs, the first months of re habitation will feel like hell on earth, but afterwards you feel better than ever.
I've been there as well. Felt like hell. Lost all hope of ever meeting someone. Met my wife. Knew she was The One. 20 years later she is still The One.
In other words, do not lose hope. The right person may be just around the corner.
Gosh, did I sound that whiny ? I wasn't trying to complain, sorry.
Of course I talked to my real life friends already, but as Shandyr said, at that point there's nothing they can do for me, it really is a decision I have to make and live with. I'm okay with that, most of the time, I was just really depressed yesterday and saw that topic and gave it a go.
And it's not my first relationship or even first breakup, and I didn't lose hope or something like that, the future isn't what is scaring me.
I'm the kind of guy that(who?) has to think and process (sometimes a long long time, sometimes it's really obvious), to figure out what my deep feelings are and take a decision based on them. That's how it works for me.
So what is really frustrating to me, is to find out that I am weak whn I thought I wasn't, that I am some sort of cliché of a victim and I have to understand why before I can be at peace with it and do something about it. Like I said, not my first relationship, so I really don't understand what is different this time.
I have 3 more semesters until I graduate with my bachelor's of fine arts drawing and painting degree, a large debt around my neck, nothing financially rewarding lined you, no clue where to go with my life from here, and oh, I might not be able to afford my next freaking semester of class!
I am sorta over it, but I just cannot shake the ill sentiment upon my soul of Imatra shooting back home in Finland the last weekend.
Stranger violence is such an abnormality already. (While drunken violence is almost banal, but generally it happens between pals of some level)
Shooting three women at that is quite extraordinary.
Naïve or not, it is at such moments that having harsh value president and prime minister feels so wrong. I've made no secret of my admiration of Joachim Gauck, but he is at least a proper father of nation.
My fellow Finns meanwhile uplift me. The question rather is how this insane lack of empathy could pass, not random vengefulness.
I have been talking with my grandma on the phone this noon, about how she doesn't want me to visit her because she is scared something could happen to me when I switch trains in Hamburg like the terrorist attack in Berlin last month. And just now I saw a long, viral post on tumblr where someone is being made fun off because they are white and went through a lot of physical harm in the past. The same post included a comment about how "white people" now should be able to understand how muslims feel, like one can't be white and muslim (spoilers: I know several people who indeed are both).
I hate this so called "Social Justice" so much. People are motherf***ing assholes and humanity can die out for all I care. There is no justice in being a racist, xenophobic, bigoted, ignorant c*nt. I am so sick and tired of this Nazi bulls***.
@Buttercheese I can understand you quite well on those matters. For all of it, I wish Europe... no, I wish civilized people to get a grip, because I fear to think what is going to happen if things will continue to go as they currently are.
I can definitely sympathise with you, @Buttercheese. So far as Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, and the multitude of other social media sites and the... uh... unique personalities that inhabit them... I think Stephen Fry sums it up quite eloquently.
2015/16's New Year there was a very large group of middle eastern looking men systemetically sexually harassing women who where attending the festivities at the main train station in Cologne. A train station I had to get to every day at that time because of school. Luckily, that year I was visiting way north in the country, so I dodged that bullet.
So far, so bad. The aftermath that followed was even more terrifying.
What happened in the days after, where random, seemingly unorganzied groups of Neo-Nazis attacking any person who looked vaguely muslim and/or middle eastern to them in retaliation. I only heard about this when school started again the week after and some of my classmates showed up covered in bruises and bandages. Two of the girls didn't show up at all, because their parents where too scared to let them visit the town.
And then I see the internet chock-full of self-entitled assholes who call themselves "Social Justice Warriors" and think they know shit about about racism, islamophobia and general xenophobia even though they don't know s***. No, it's all the fault of THE WHITE PEOPLE™. Doesn't help either that I am German, so I am automatically a f***ing Nazi to them.
Both sides have their bad people. There are caucausian people who are assholes. There are middle eastern people who are assholes. There are atheists who are assholes. There are muslims who are assholes. There are christians who are assholes. People are assholes.
But no, these people celebrate each other as the heroes of the modern world and paint their fucking backwards, third-reich-style bulls*** as the answer to all forms of bigotry, while they themselves are being just as big f***ing bigots as every Neo-Nazi I ever met.
So called "Social Justice" is a very bad joke and just as terrible as any right wing movement.
@Ayiekie: I have the same problem. For as long as I can remember in the politics thread, I've found myself defending Trump more often than criticizing him.
Comments
I got 2 dogs right now, and one of them will be goners in a couple of years. I am not really dwelling too Much on it, but I am mentaly prepared for it however.
Knowing that YOU gave your dog a wonderful life really easen the burden and sorrow for me.
EDIT: autocorrect messed up My post, most of it should be corrected now.
I don't really know any of you guys, i've been mostly lurking around here, but I had to share so...
So my boyfriend is a cheater.
From the beginning, multiple times, and just counting the things I know about
That's a really simple situation really, I should break up and move on.
But i just can't, and it pisses me off.
I love him, but that's not what's stopping me i think (it never stopped me in the past anyway)
I just, i don't know, i just feel like shit all the time.
I feel like i'm not worth of anything you know, no self confidence, that kind of thing
I really believed in our story and i feel stupid, how wrong i was
And, what I hate the most, I'm angry all the time, at myself, at him, at the world, and i hate anger, i can't deal with that emotion, all i can do is try to shut it down, and it's keeping me awake at night, and i just want to break things and yell at people all the time.
I cry when i'm alone and something triggers me by surprise, like a song or a stupid tv show.
Sometimes I feel like I should just pack and leave, without telling anyone anything
Talk, talk, talk.
I could have been more specific actually, he and I talked already, months ago, I don't really wanna go all over it again, but we've been together three years, and I believe now he hasn't been faithful more than a year. T_T
At the very beginning we were in a long distance relationship, I found out he was cheating on me, got mad, we talked, we made things clear and sorted it out (or i thought we did), i forgave him (because of the long distance, because it was the beginning, etc.), i eventually came to trust him again, slowly, when we finally moved in together, when things between us became cool again (intimacy, sex, happiness, etc.)
But then this summer I found out by accident (and it really was an accident, cause at that point i was over the shenanigans of "checking his phone and facebook account when he wasn't looking" ypu know^^) that he had been cheating again.
I confronted him immediately, we talked but that wasn't... I got no satisfaction out of it, because he had no real explanation you know. I told him how mad I was, how rejected i was feeling, he told me he was sorry, blablabla, that he would end the "affair" but... But I could sense something was off. The very next week i found out that his way of ending it was -not sure how to say that in english, but you know, "goodbye sex".
I stopped talking to him completely, for days.
Things got better eventually, but dialogue is so frustrating. He can't tell me why he does this, the reason.
Maybe it's stupid but if it's just that he has no desire for me, i can hear it. It's what I believe anyway. But he won't tell me that, he won't give me any reason, he will just apologize, cry, do nice things and make me fall in love again.
Gosh i'm so dumb.
I just can't trust him anymore. And I recently found out that the "affair" started like almost a year ago. All that time he was lying.
And now I think of all the things I could not know about. Cause, every time I confront him, it's an opportunity for him to get better at "covering tracks" and it just drives me crazy
But not knowing why is the worst.
And maybe I stay with him for this very reason, I wanna know why.
@Shandyr
Yeah, open relationship. That's not for me.
It's not a moral thing, actually, I don't really care, I really believe a lot of people are truly happy that way.
But I don't have that level of self-confidence.
I would just feel rejected all the time. Because I don't really want to have sex with other people, I'm with him, I enjoy that, I don't feel the need because what my partner gives me is what I want.
So to me, it just really means that I'm not what he wants.
I'm not enough.
That sucks.
So well, yeah, maybe i'm just "gathering my strength" (i'm pretty sure that doesn't exist in english, sorry ^^) for the breakup.
I don't feel like I'm wasting years anyway, when the time is right, it's right.
But lately I've been feeling really sad
Feel free to talk to us here but seek your real life friends as well. It's better not to be alone in situations like this.
You may not believe it now, but after the most unpleasant and uneasy part is over (that is, the break up), you will start a new life. Maybe change (if possible) your activity, life style, move to a new place. You know, become a new yourself. With new choices and new opportunities.
A lot of fighting happened. They made me sad, angry, happy, frustrated, feel worthless. I didn't love them in they way you love your boyfriend, but you know, we had ties, I did care for them. Even after all those times we fought and we made each other angry and broken, we still tried to remain friends. I was so bound to them that stop talking to them was not an option. I knew it was an unhealthy relationship because they occupied my mind, I always looked up to them more than my real friends. I knew this but I still kept talking to them.
Today, I still have some contact with them BUT I kind of "let them slide" you know, I stopped caring about them to start caring about myself. Today I feel a lot better, not being stressed out by maintaining a strong friendship with them,
I don't want to make this about me, so I am gonna go ahead and wrap this up in a spoiler.
My point, you should break up with him, even if it feels wrong. Even if you still love him. Leave him, start off fresh and just do your daily routine. You will meet the right person, and this person will stay faithful to you. No point in getting stuck up with someone who treats you like this. Do you want to feel this way forever? I don't think so. You will feel better in months, you will thank yourself. Trust me on this.
It's like an addiction to drugs, the first months of re habitation will feel like hell on earth, but afterwards you feel better than ever.
In other words, do not lose hope. The right person may be just around the corner.
I wasn't trying to complain, sorry.
Of course I talked to my real life friends already, but as Shandyr said, at that point there's nothing they can do for me, it really is a decision I have to make and live with.
I'm okay with that, most of the time, I was just really depressed yesterday and saw that topic and gave it a go.
And it's not my first relationship or even first breakup, and I didn't lose hope or something like that, the future isn't what is scaring me.
I'm the kind of guy that(who?) has to think and process (sometimes a long long time, sometimes it's really obvious), to figure out what my deep feelings are and take a decision based on them. That's how it works for me.
So what is really frustrating to me, is to find out that I am weak whn I thought I wasn't, that I am some sort of cliché of a victim and I have to understand why before I can be at peace with it and do something about it.
Like I said, not my first relationship, so I really don't understand what is different this time.
But hey, I hear you, and thank you for sharing your piece of story and advice @Shandyr @mlnevese @JuliusBorisov and @RelSundan
I hate this world so much.
Stranger violence is such an abnormality already. (While drunken violence is almost banal, but generally it happens between pals of some level)
Shooting three women at that is quite extraordinary.
Naïve or not, it is at such moments that having harsh value president and prime minister feels so wrong. I've made no secret of my admiration of Joachim Gauck, but he is at least a proper father of nation.
My fellow Finns meanwhile uplift me. The question rather is how this insane lack of empathy could pass, not random vengefulness.
And just now I saw a long, viral post on tumblr where someone is being made fun off because they are white and went through a lot of physical harm in the past. The same post included a comment about how "white people" now should be able to understand how muslims feel, like one can't be white and muslim (spoilers: I know several people who indeed are both).
I hate this so called "Social Justice" so much.
People are motherf***ing assholes and humanity can die out for all I care.
There is no justice in being a racist, xenophobic, bigoted, ignorant c*nt.
I am so sick and tired of this Nazi bulls***.
I can understand you quite well on those matters. For all of it, I wish Europe... no, I wish civilized people to get a grip, because I fear to think what is going to happen if things will continue to go as they currently are.
So far, so bad. The aftermath that followed was even more terrifying.
What happened in the days after, where random, seemingly unorganzied groups of Neo-Nazis attacking any person who looked vaguely muslim and/or middle eastern to them in retaliation. I only heard about this when school started again the week after and some of my classmates showed up covered in bruises and bandages. Two of the girls didn't show up at all, because their parents where too scared to let them visit the town.
And then I see the internet chock-full of self-entitled assholes who call themselves "Social Justice Warriors" and think they know shit about about racism, islamophobia and general xenophobia even though they don't know s***. No, it's all the fault of THE WHITE PEOPLE™. Doesn't help either that I am German, so I am automatically a f***ing Nazi to them.
Both sides have their bad people.
There are caucausian people who are assholes.
There are middle eastern people who are assholes.
There are atheists who are assholes.
There are muslims who are assholes.
There are christians who are assholes.
People are assholes.
But no, these people celebrate each other as the heroes of the modern world and paint their fucking backwards, third-reich-style bulls*** as the answer to all forms of bigotry, while they themselves are being just as big f***ing bigots as every Neo-Nazi I ever met.
So called "Social Justice" is a very bad joke and just as terrible as any right wing movement.
I won't compare that to the problems other people are having in the thread, but I wanted to say it somewhere.